Feel like I’m caught in the middle between my mum and girlfriend

Me and my girlfriend have been together two and a half years now. She works in retail so her having a full weekend off is an extreme rarity so when we first started dating we would only see each other one day a week, which would be on a weekend when we were both of work. Now we live together and we still only get one full day a week together as she has a day off during the week but I’m at work then.

Now my mum likes hosting family events and she wants to plan them weeks in advance, in the past I’ve said it’s fine to plan them but I don’t know if my girlfriend will be able to attend as her rota isn’t in work. My mum would just say “can she not just take a day off work?” and I’d tell her it’s not that simple. My mum works for herself three days a week so can just take a day off any time she wants and I don’t think she realises it’s not that simple.

Now my gf has recently moved jobs, she is now a manager which means longer hours and days and more responsibility for her. Last week my mum last minute arranged for all the family to go out. But the time she’d booked the table for was only 30 minutes AFTER my gf finished work so I told her we’d be late. This caused an issue and then my gf was in at work at 6 the next day so we left early and again this caused an issue.

My gf has done a lot of swapping and changing shifts since we’ve been together to meet family commitments but as soon as we can’t make one or leave early my parents make a big deal of it.

I just feel like I am caught in the middle as I don’t want my gf to be stressing about trying to swap ***** etc but I also don’t want my parents accusing me of not wanting to do anything with the family, which they already have done.

I just feel like I’m caught in the middle and can’t please anyone.

Reply 1

StriderHort

Stop feeding your mum wishy washy excuses, stand up to her and say what you want, as in your last thread about this all your excuses sounded a bit like 'oh we'd like to go but..' which as you may have noticed, doesn't end the conversation

If you don't want to stress yourself out with multiple black tie family evets, say so, if your mum is sitting self employed obviously losing touch with the idea that other people are on rotas and salaries, remind her.

Reply 2

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

Sounds like this is all of your Mum’s making and you’ve done a lot to accommodate her.

If you enjoy the family do’s then continue with them when and where you can, but as above you just need to spell it out that your GF has work responsibilities and can’t use all her goodwill to see your half of the family.

If you don’t enjoy them, then I’d suggest trying to distance yourself a bit, (as in just saying no every now and again so Mum knows you can’t just come at the drop of a hat), or physically moving slightly further away.