The Student Room Group

Will I ever be loved?

I am a 24 year old woman. I have never been in a relationship, never had someone express interest in me, nor have I taken the time or effort to see another in a romantic way.

Recently I have become conscious of the void in me that a partner could fill. I have become so hypersensitive of something I paid no heed to previously. When I go out with friends or watch TV and I see a couple acting tender towards one another it fills me with sadness and I get tearful. It reminds me of how painfully unlovable I feel. In part its due to low self esteem having plagued me my whole life. I have also never put myself out there, in lieu of sacrificing my social life for my education. In other ways its the offhand comments made towards me; a particular family member made it known that if I get married off "It won't be for my looks". I feel unattractive and its been validated by someone close.

I want to talk about this to someone. I have a good support system of friends. But the majority of them are in the talking stage, have some experience of being in relationships, or are already in one. Two of my friends this year alone have gotten married. I also don't want to share my deepest vulnerabilities in anticipation of being viewed as the oversharer and embarrassing myself, so I tend to steer away from these topics.

I fear wasting my life, not finding someone to share my time with. I have a lot of love to give, but I don't know if there's anyone to give it to. I feel hopeless, I long for the stability of something I have never had. I resent my other single friends for having faith in finding their own soulmate, those who say "it will happen when it happens". I wish I believed like them.

I don't know why I am writing here. I suppose its the comfort of finding someone else who shares a piece of your emotions. I don't want to end up in an echo chamber lamenting on not being able to find love, but I don't want to feel alone and bitter as these feelings continue to swamp me.
If you have put your lovelife on the backburner and are lacking experience/confidence, why not look for local social groups to join? There are lots of adults who want to share their time with others, (events, travel etc), but without the pressure or expectation of anything romantic occuring.

They're a good way of widening your circle of friends and building your confidence.
If you have put your lovelife on the backburner and are lacking experience/confidence, why not look for local social groups to join? There are lots of adults who want to share their time with others, (events, travel etc), but without the pressure or expectation of anything romantic occuring.

They're a good way of widening your circle of friends and building your confidence.
Original post by Anonymous #1
I am a 24 year old woman. I have never been in a relationship, never had someone express interest in me, nor have I taken the time or effort to see another in a romantic way.

Recently I have become conscious of the void in me that a partner could fill. I have become so hypersensitive of something I paid no heed to previously. When I go out with friends or watch TV and I see a couple acting tender towards one another it fills me with sadness and I get tearful. It reminds me of how painfully unlovable I feel. In part its due to low self esteem having plagued me my whole life. I have also never put myself out there, in lieu of sacrificing my social life for my education. In other ways its the offhand comments made towards me; a particular family member made it known that if I get married off
Original post by Anonymous #1
I am a 24 year old woman. I have never been in a relationship, never had someone express interest in me, nor have I taken the time or effort to see another in a romantic way.

Recently I have become conscious of the void in me that a partner could fill. I have become so hypersensitive of something I paid no heed to previously. When I go out with friends or watch TV and I see a couple acting tender towards one another it fills me with sadness and I get tearful. It reminds me of how painfully unlovable I feel. In part its due to low self esteem having plagued me my whole life. I have also never put myself out there, in lieu of sacrificing my social life for my education. In other ways its the offhand comments made towards me; a particular family member made it known that if I get married off "It won't be for my looks". I feel unattractive and its been validated by someone close.

I want to talk about this to someone. I have a good support system of friends. But the majority of them are in the talking stage, have some experience of being in relationships, or are already in one. Two of my friends this year alone have gotten married. I also don't want to share my deepest vulnerabilities in anticipation of being viewed as the oversharer and embarrassing myself, so I tend to steer away from these topics.

I fear wasting my life, not finding someone to share my time with. I have a lot of love to give, but I don't know if there's anyone to give it to. I feel hopeless, I long for the stability of something I have never had. I resent my other single friends for having faith in finding their own soulmate, those who say "it will happen when it happens". I wish I believed like them.

I don't know why I am writing here. I suppose its the comfort of finding someone else who shares a piece of your emotions. I don't want to end up in an echo chamber lamenting on not being able to find love, but I don't want to feel alone and bitter as these feelings continue to swamp me.

But what are you doing to change or take charge of your situation?

So you say you go out with friends, what do you do? where do you go? Assuming it's to a pub / club, do you interact with other people? Have you got profiles on a few decent, credible dating sites? Have you put the word around to some of your friends that you're "on the look-out?" Have you tried joining activity groups or evening classes that spike your interests or something you've always wanted to try but never got round to it?

The point I'm trying to make is that unless you secretly want to end up as "crazy cat lady", you need to start getting proactive and creating opportunities to potentially meet new people. It's all well and good you seeking comfort & everything, but unless you've got a Fairy Godmother, it's not going to solve your issue is it?!? All of my suggestions above are simple steps you can do. Even if you don't meet someone in an evening class, at the very least, the activity itself should give you something to focus on, so you're not feeling too lonely all the time. Even just being in a pub (or other social environment) you've increased your chances than if you were stuck in your room feeling sorry for yourself.

Take no notice of whoever said "...it won't be because of your looks". Most physical features can be worked on in some ways... so I guess you could use that as an incentive to really improve your looks (if it is something you're self conscious about)... whether that's exercising / going to the gym; getting a makeover and a new wardrobe; or even just learning to smile more (you'll be surprised how much that can help).

I know you resent your single friends... but they're right (and I think deep-down, you know it). Having a positive attitude helps a lot in these kind of things. Maybe have a vision of how you'd like to be in 10 years time, and have that as a firm goal. It sounds daft, but it's the same technique Olympic athletes use to focus on winning that gold medal for their country. Instead of feeling hopeless, replace that thought with "My soulmate is out there somewhere... I've just got to find them"

Right now is a good time to make a fresh start... remember new year, new you (and we've just got Blue Monday out the way, so no excuses lol)

Remember this:-

Whether you think you can or you can't... you're probably right (Henry Ford (circa 1920))
(edited 4 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous #1
I am a 24 year old woman. I have never been in a relationship, never had someone express interest in me, nor have I taken the time or effort to see another in a romantic way.

Recently I have become conscious of the void in me that a partner could fill. I have become so hypersensitive of something I paid no heed to previously. When I go out with friends or watch TV and I see a couple acting tender towards one another it fills me with sadness and I get tearful. It reminds me of how painfully unlovable I feel. In part its due to low self esteem having plagued me my whole life. I have also never put myself out there, in lieu of sacrificing my social life for my education. In other ways its the offhand comments made towards me; a particular family member made it known that if I get married off "It won't be for my looks". I feel unattractive and its been validated by someone close.

I want to talk about this to someone. I have a good support system of friends. But the majority of them are in the talking stage, have some experience of being in relationships, or are already in one. Two of my friends this year alone have gotten married. I also don't want to share my deepest vulnerabilities in anticipation of being viewed as the oversharer and embarrassing myself, so I tend to steer away from these topics.

I fear wasting my life, not finding someone to share my time with. I have a lot of love to give, but I don't know if there's anyone to give it to. I feel hopeless, I long for the stability of something I have never had. I resent my other single friends for having faith in finding their own soulmate, those who say "it will happen when it happens". I wish I believed like them.

I don't know why I am writing here. I suppose its the comfort of finding someone else who shares a piece of your emotions. I don't want to end up in an echo chamber lamenting on not being able to find love, but I don't want to feel alone and bitter as these feelings continue to swamp me.

23 year old male here. I go through phases of feeling like I am missing out on my youth because I have been single for so long - but it really just is what it is.

Relationships are hard. You can meet the perfect person at the wrong time or you can meet the worst person at the worst time.

I wouldn't stress about it really. But the only thing you can really do to solve the issue is to seek out social situations upon which you can meet members of the sex you are attracted to and where you can see the same people regularly so you can form bonds with them.
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous #1
I am a 24 year old woman. I have never been in a relationship, never had someone express interest in me, nor have I taken the time or effort to see another in a romantic way.

Recently I have become conscious of the void in me that a partner could fill. I have become so hypersensitive of something I paid no heed to previously. When I go out with friends or watch TV and I see a couple acting tender towards one another it fills me with sadness and I get tearful. It reminds me of how painfully unlovable I feel. In part its due to low self esteem having plagued me my whole life. I have also never put myself out there, in lieu of sacrificing my social life for my education. In other ways its the offhand comments made towards me; a particular family member made it known that if I get married off "It won't be for my looks". I feel unattractive and its been validated by someone close.

I want to talk about this to someone. I have a good support system of friends. But the majority of them are in the talking stage, have some experience of being in relationships, or are already in one. Two of my friends this year alone have gotten married. I also don't want to share my deepest vulnerabilities in anticipation of being viewed as the oversharer and embarrassing myself, so I tend to steer away from these topics.

I fear wasting my life, not finding someone to share my time with. I have a lot of love to give, but I don't know if there's anyone to give it to. I feel hopeless, I long for the stability of something I have never had. I resent my other single friends for having faith in finding their own soulmate, those who say "it will happen when it happens". I wish I believed like them.

I don't know why I am writing here. I suppose its the comfort of finding someone else who shares a piece of your emotions. I don't want to end up in an echo chamber lamenting on not being able to find love, but I don't want to feel alone and bitter as these feelings continue to swamp me.

With threads like this, they often descend into the OP or someone else not really wanting to work on the issue at hand, rather complain about it and make sure that it never changes. If you want to avoid this, ask yourself this... What do you want to achieve? Not just out of this thread although that is certainly valid, but out of the situation in its entirety. Based on your first post I assume you have some sort of problem with your looks. Try to think about it critically - are the problems that you see something that you make yourself think are more serious things than they actually are, or are they things that a random passer-by would notice immediately? If it is the latter, you can do something about it. For example, my eyebrows naturally grow together. To avoid having a monobrow, which would be noticeable, I shave the bit in the centre. Even though there are still short hairs there, it's now very hard to notice - problem solved. We're always critical about ourselves, and to a greater extent than other people. Obviously some issues will be easier to fix than others, and some don't really need fixing, but making some sort of effort is always a great first step.

But when it comes to the relationships themselves, do you actively want a relationship? I'm single myself, and I do want a relationship, but there is a difference between wanting a relationship, and just wanting a relationship. I appreciate that's a terrible way of describing it so let me elaborate on it. Some people are attracted to the idea of being in a relationship. Others are looking for certain things in a relationship. Some may want to finally be able to say to themselves and others "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend." Others need a bit more than that. So many times there are people who will settle for anyone and anything just to be able to have a relationship, even if that relationship just isn't really worth having. Please, don't be that sort of person. The worst possible person to date is someone who doesn't care about the person they're with, just the idea of being with someone.
Original post by Anonymous #1
I am a 24 year old woman. I have never been in a relationship, never had someone express interest in me, nor have I taken the time or effort to see another in a romantic way.

Recently I have become conscious of the void in me that a partner could fill. I have become so hypersensitive of something I paid no heed to previously. When I go out with friends or watch TV and I see a couple acting tender towards one another it fills me with sadness and I get tearful. It reminds me of how painfully unlovable I feel. In part its due to low self esteem having plagued me my whole life. I have also never put myself out there, in lieu of sacrificing my social life for my education. In other ways its the offhand comments made towards me; a particular family member made it known that if I get married off "It won't be for my looks". I feel unattractive and its been validated by someone close.

I want to talk about this to someone. I have a good support system of friends. But the majority of them are in the talking stage, have some experience of being in relationships, or are already in one. Two of my friends this year alone have gotten married. I also don't want to share my deepest vulnerabilities in anticipation of being viewed as the oversharer and embarrassing myself, so I tend to steer away from these topics.

I fear wasting my life, not finding someone to share my time with. I have a lot of love to give, but I don't know if there's anyone to give it to. I feel hopeless, I long for the stability of something I have never had. I resent my other single friends for having faith in finding their own soulmate, those who say "it will happen when it happens". I wish I believed like them.

I don't know why I am writing here. I suppose its the comfort of finding someone else who shares a piece of your emotions. I don't want to end up in an echo chamber lamenting on not being able to find love, but I don't want to feel alone and bitter as these feelings continue to swamp me.

You should look for arranged marriages. Ask your parents or family.
Original post by Doomotron
With threads like this, they often descend into the OP or someone else not really wanting to work on the issue at hand, rather complain about it and make sure that it never changes. If you want to avoid this, ask yourself this... What do you want to achieve? Not just out of this thread although that is certainly valid, but out of the situation in its entirety. Based on your first post I assume you have some sort of problem with your looks. Try to think about it critically - are the problems that you see something that you make yourself think are more serious things than they actually are, or are they things that a random passer-by would notice immediately? If it is the latter, you can do something about it. For example, my eyebrows naturally grow together. To avoid having a monobrow, which would be noticeable, I shave the bit in the centre. Even though there are still short hairs there, it's now very hard to notice - problem solved. We're always critical about ourselves, and to a greater extent than other people. Obviously some issues will be easier to fix than others, and some don't really need fixing, but making some sort of effort is always a great first step.

But when it comes to the relationships themselves, do you actively want a relationship? I'm single myself, and I do want a relationship, but there is a difference between wanting a relationship, and just wanting a relationship. I appreciate that's a terrible way of describing it so let me elaborate on it. Some people are attracted to the idea of being in a relationship. Others are looking for certain things in a relationship. Some may want to finally be able to say to themselves and others "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend." Others need a bit more than that. So many times there are people who will settle for anyone and anything just to be able to have a relationship, even if that relationship just isn't really worth having. Please, don't be that sort of person. The worst possible person to date is someone who doesn't care about the person they're with, just the idea of being with someone.

Please try not to worry, you are only young, it will happen ....you will see! :-)

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