Is she interested or friendly?
It seems like it's hard to tell if a girl likes you or is just friendly. This is about a specific girl, but I've tried to make it objective / third person.
If a girl exhibits the following behaviours, what would you assume, given her personality is more extroverted?
BUT..
If a girl exhibits the following behaviours, what would you assume, given her personality is more extroverted?
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Coming into physical space while sat beside each other, e. g. shoulders touching, legs touching when there's available space to avoid this;
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She makes and holds eye contact during conversations;
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She tells you about things that happen in her life, and asks about things in yours (e. g. how was your weekend, what did you do yesterday, etc)
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She doesn't tease, but she'll respond to teasing playfully - e. g. sticking middle finger up and smiling;
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She's playful with you, ie. playing games trying to make you guess something;
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When she talks to you, she'll face you usually with her whole body directed towards you;
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She often initiates and carries the conversation by asking questions and engaging;
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In short 5 minute breaks between lessons, she'll stay seated and talk with you even though her friends went out of the room (ie. she doesn't go with them);
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She'll often lean in to you to see what you're doing, e. g. classwork;
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When something funny happens, she looks at you (and you look at her, almost like it's an inside joke/thing) with a sort of look of disbelief (hard to explain, but I guess if you know you know);
BUT..
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She forgets things about you, like your birthday (but somehow remembers other things) until prompted and then she has a realisation of remembrance;
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She's not entirely focused on you constantly, she'll sometimes be talking to her other friends and this involves turning her back from you periodically;
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Despite the 1st point in this post, she'll make other physical contacts but pull back and apologise (e. g. accidentally kicking/brushing you when moving her foot)
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Your personal assessment on how you believe the woman you speak of portrays herself in your presence is dangerous. Have you taken a step back and considered that your own internalised bias in regards to how females behave may be leading you down a a dark path? If she is indeed introverted, as you allude to, attempting to analyse her assumed conduct comes across as controlling. A path which may very quickly lead to the woman in question being trapped in a toxic and abusive relationship because she is to scared to leave. I would be really careful going forward.
Original post by EmilyJade24
Your personal assessment on how you believe the woman you speak of portrays herself in your presence is dangerous. Have you taken a step back and considered that your own internalised bias in regards to how females behave may be leading you down a a dark path? If she is indeed introverted, as you allude to, attempting to analyse her assumed conduct comes across as controlling. A path which may very quickly lead to the woman in question being trapped in a toxic and abusive relationship because she is to scared to leave. I would be really careful going forward.
What? How is what I said even remotely like this? Observations and attempting to gauge someone's interest isn't exactly controlling or coercive?
Sorry to say this, but if you have to ask, she's probably not.
Depends on her and depends on you 👉👉
Original post by Anonymous #1
What? How is what I said even remotely like this? Observations and attempting to gauge someone's interest isn't exactly controlling or coercive?
If a male seeks to make observations concerning what a woman's intentions may or may not be, there's usually a level of bias involved in the decision making process which thus would result in a conclusion of a toxic dynamic from the outset with the potential feeling that the woman will believe that the man controls her every move and is examining her behaviours and conduct in order to best achieve an outcome which results in maximum levels of submissiveness. While I accept that you may not, from the outset, intend for this to be case, subconscious domestic abuse often leaks through the consequences of our unintended actions. While you may think you have good intentions, it is often the start of a pattern of behaviour which can often be very traumatic for women.
Just get to know her first, then all those things you listed will have a clearer answer.
You can't decide whether a person can like or not like from a list of items like this because everyone's different. Some of these things will be signs for some people whereas the rest will be signs for other people.
I, for one, think she's either interested, interested but will call herself friendly, or interested but is friendly like that with everyone else.
You can't decide whether a person can like or not like from a list of items like this because everyone's different. Some of these things will be signs for some people whereas the rest will be signs for other people.
I, for one, think she's either interested, interested but will call herself friendly, or interested but is friendly like that with everyone else.
Original post by Anonymous #3
Depends on her and depends on you 👉👉
What does this mean exactly? Just varies by person?
Original post by Anonymous #3
Just get to know her first, then all those things you listed will have a clearer answer.
You can't decide whether a person can like or not like from a list of items like this because everyone's different. Some of these things will be signs for some people whereas the rest will be signs for other people.
I, for one, think she's either interested, interested but will call herself friendly, or interested but is friendly like that with everyone else.
You can't decide whether a person can like or not like from a list of items like this because everyone's different. Some of these things will be signs for some people whereas the rest will be signs for other people.
I, for one, think she's either interested, interested but will call herself friendly, or interested but is friendly like that with everyone else.
Okay thank you. Will try and just keep it naturally progressing as we do already talk (although not outside of lesson yet)
Original post by Anonymous #3
Just get to know her first, then all those things you listed will have a clearer answer.
You can't decide whether a person can like or not like from a list of items like this because everyone's different. Some of these things will be signs for some people whereas the rest will be signs for other people.
I, for one, think she's either interested, interested but will call herself friendly, or interested but is friendly like that with everyone else.
You can't decide whether a person can like or not like from a list of items like this because everyone's different. Some of these things will be signs for some people whereas the rest will be signs for other people.
I, for one, think she's either interested, interested but will call herself friendly, or interested but is friendly like that with everyone else.
"I, for one, think she's either interested" is often a phrase used by men who later are found to be engaging in controlling behaviours. Never assume as assumptions could result in you engaging in conduct which will have a lasting impact on a woman life. It's the 'I thought she wanted it' mindset that so many women have to experience every year and results in far too much VAWG.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Okay thank you. Will try and just keep it naturally progressing as we do already talk (although not outside of lesson yet)
I'm rooting for you ✊
Sounds like you two are getting along well, hoping for the best for you.
Original post by EmilyJade24
"I, for one, think she's either interested" is often a phrase used by men who later are found to be engaging in controlling behaviours. Never assume as assumptions could result in you engaging in conduct which will have a lasting impact on a woman life. It's the 'I thought she wanted it' mindset that so many women have to experience every year and results in far too much VAWG.
yeah but what if I am a woman
Original post by EmilyJade24
"I, for one, think she's either interested" is often a phrase used by men who later are found to be engaging in controlling behaviours. Never assume as assumptions could result in you engaging in conduct which will have a lasting impact on a woman life. It's the 'I thought she wanted it' mindset that so many women have to experience every year and results in far too much VAWG.
actually what if I'm the woman who later found out to be controlling my boyfriend?
Original post by EmilyJade24
"I, for one, think she's either interested" is often a phrase used by men who later are found to be engaging in controlling behaviours. Never assume as assumptions could result in you engaging in conduct which will have a lasting impact on a woman life. It's the 'I thought she wanted it' mindset that so many women have to experience every year and results in far too much VAWG.
but yeah, I should've put more thought into my comment sorry, I'll edit the post to be less so
Original post by Anonymous #3
yeah but what if I am a woman
The same principles apply. Are you basing that solely on direct consent, i.e. the wording of: I want you to do x (for each act engaged in). If not, you are potentially again drawing from your unconscious bias surrounding what a woman may or may not want. How do you know what a woman wants? If language is not used and the woman does not explicitly reply with 'yes' for each act, you have no reason to believe she would be consenting to being either in a relationship or other acts and again, drawing from your own preconceived ideas about what a woman may want based solely on your own experiences.
Original post by Zarek
You can generally trust your instincts on such a question
How many seconds of google searching would it take to find stories of hundreds of males who similarly believed their instincts were right? Such a question relies solely on consent and not the bias process of documenting how you, as a person, directly assumes what specific behaviours mean. If your argument was applied to a woman you saw in the street and again, trusted your instincts, do you believe whatever urges you may or may not have had in that moment are right on 'such a question'. The male instinct to dominate will always produced unconscious bias.
Original post by Zarek
You can generally trust your instincts on such a question
This is what I considered too.. but I can't tell if it's my gut or my brain trying to be bias - but then this changes randomly as I sometimes doubt it like "she might just be friendly", "maybe I'm overanalysing/misinterpreting" etc.. and so yeah that's why this post exists basically
Original post by EmilyJade24
How many seconds of google searching would it take to find stories of hundreds of males who similarly believed their instincts were right? Such a question relies solely on consent and not the bias process of documenting how you, as a person, directly assumes what specific behaviours mean. If your argument was applied to a woman you saw in the street and again, trusted your instincts, do you believe whatever urges you may or may not have had in that moment are right on 'such a question'. The male instinct to dominate will always produced unconscious bias.
I applaud you for advocating for women and their mistreatment by men but could we turn the knob down a bit? Because I am a woman, and I seem to have been misunderstood or maybe I was, in fact, sexist but instead because of internalised mysogyny.
Let's also turn that unconscious bias back onto the other side...
Are you potentially drawing from an unconscious bias about what a woman may or may not be, likewise, what would make a man. How do you know what a woman is and how a man acts.
But yeah, men seem to think very differently to women, so much so, that I would be tempted to speculate how able men are to successfully be understood by a woman (and the inverse). They prefer "gut feelings", as you've seen online, as opposed to verbalised confirmation, which is instead prioritised by women.
There are a lot of tragic stories online telling of horrendous things but I personally am afraid of how that could skew my perception of reality with the utter accumulation of its mass. I know I've read and seen a lot of things online but I've also seen how that changed how I treated those around me offline; they were not seeing the same things I saw because they were living in lil ol' town of real life and I was to them what would have been a very erratic out-of-nowhere person if not for the common consensus of yeah, that internet exists so people pull out strange things sometimes.
But what I've actually found interesting from my conversation with you, and what I'd really like to take away from this, is how... I've made the assumption that consent is common sense with its importance and message so widespread that it doesn't need mentioning. It was my own lack of understanding that not everyone knows this, even more so and more prominent online. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spread the message of purely judging from behaviour and hastily acting on it.
Original post by Anonymous #1
This is what I considered too.. but I can't tell if it's my gut or my brain trying to be bias - but then this changes randomly as I sometimes doubt it like "she might just be friendly", "maybe I'm overanalysing/misinterpreting" etc.. and so yeah that's why this post exists basically
Unfortunately, in my experience if you’re in two minds it generally means it’s not on the cards. However the things you describe seem positive so up the flirting and suggest a date
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