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Am I overthinking ?

So about 7 and half years ago I was 2 weeks into my relationship with him and he went on a work course. And he messaged a girl from the hotel he was staying at she worked there. I found out as I saw her name on his Snapchat ovbs was abit like wtf is this etc he said she’d gave him her Snapchat and they just spoke about general stuff etc, right I know it’s bizarre to keep worrying over something that happens so long ago but I cannot keep thinking well what if they slept together? What if something happened and I don’t know? I did message the girl too and she said he didn’t say anything to make her think he didn’t have a girlfriend. I’m just worried before we was official he slept with someone else but he was so honest about that and at this time he did tell me he didn’t know if he wanted a relationship no excuse to do what he did I’m not saying that. But I’m just worried. I know it was so long ago do I need to just forget ?

It’s been such a good relationship other than the beginning of it.
Reply 1
Something vague/tenuous/ambiguous happened 7 and a half years ago and you are still obsessing over it. Yes you are definitely overthinking this but the real question is why. Has your bf given you any reason since to suspect his honesty? If not, I seriously advise you to drop this as it will poison things. Easier said that done of course, but you can start by not letting yourself be sucked into the destructive cycle of doubt. Some counselling might help you to get on top of this.
Original post by Anonymous #1
So about 7 and half years ago I was 2 weeks into my relationship with him and he went on a work course. And he messaged a girl from the hotel he was staying at she worked there. I found out as I saw her name on his Snapchat ovbs was abit like wtf is this etc he said she’d gave him her Snapchat and they just spoke about general stuff etc, right I know it’s bizarre to keep worrying over something that happens so long ago but I cannot keep thinking well what if they slept together? What if something happened and I don’t know? I did message the girl too and she said he didn’t say anything to make her think he didn’t have a girlfriend. I’m just worried before we was official he slept with someone else but he was so honest about that and at this time he did tell me he didn’t know if he wanted a relationship no excuse to do what he did I’m not saying that. But I’m just worried. I know it was so long ago do I need to just forget ?

It’s been such a good relationship other than the beginning of it.
So you're jealous he spoke to another girl basically? That's the impression I get here.

Now I will say my best friend is female but I have a gf. Known both several years yet never cheated or anything. We respect our boundaries. Heck I've shared the same bed with my best friend (in a platonic sense) while travelling together and staying in hotels etc. She knows I have a gf and never makes advances.

Would this drive you up the wall if you were my gf? If so you may have a jealousy issue going on. Hope this helps 🙂
Original post by cheadle
Something vague/tenuous/ambiguous happened 7 and a half years ago and you are still obsessing over it. Yes you are definitely overthinking this but the real question is why. Has your bf given you any reason since to suspect his honesty? If not, I seriously advise you to drop this as it will poison things. Easier said that done of course, but you can start by not letting yourself be sucked into the destructive cycle of doubt. Some counselling might help you to get on top of this.

I agree with every word of this. It doesn't sound like he's given you any reason to doubt him, and indeed if anything the opposite is true. If you're still being bugged by self doubt on this, I would positively recommend counselling as a way to address it. Very much sounds like something you need to resolve within yourself rather than an issue with something he's done or a problem in the relationship more generally.
Reply 4
Original post by cheadle
Something vague/tenuous/ambiguous happened 7 and a half years ago and you are still obsessing over it. Yes you are definitely overthinking this but the real question is why. Has your bf given you any reason since to suspect his honesty? If not, I seriously advise you to drop this as it will poison things. Easier said that done of course, but you can start by not letting yourself be sucked into the destructive cycle of doubt. Some counselling might help you to get on top of this.
No he hasn’t gave me any reason to doubt this not since this happened. I guess I worry because of him sleeping with someone else whilst we was talking and before we was official
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous #2
So you're jealous he spoke to another girl basically? That's the impression I get here.

Now I will say my best friend is female but I have a gf. Known both several years yet never cheated or anything. We respect our boundaries. Heck I've shared the same bed with my best friend (in a platonic sense) while travelling together and staying in hotels etc. She knows I have a gf and never makes advances.

Would this drive you up the wall if you were my gf? If so you may have a jealousy issue going on. Hope this helps 🙂
Hmmm, maybe. I just think is it bizarre he spoke to a girl on Snapchat from the hotel he has never been to before? Or am I just acting crazy
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous #1
No he hasn’t gave me any reason to doubt this not since this happened. I guess I worry because of him sleeping with someone else whilst we was talking and before we was official
This is clearly upsetting you and it's such a shame that it appears to be taking the shine off what sounds like an otherwise good relationship. Constant rumination can only make things worse.
Original post by Anonymous
Hmmm, maybe. I just think is it bizarre he spoke to a girl on Snapchat from the hotel he has never been to before? Or am I just acting crazy

People have different types of social interactions all the time, and for all sorts of different reasons. Friendships are made and fall apart all the time. In and of itself I don't think you can take anything from that. You're not crazy. You just need to reign in your own concerns and insecurities to stop them from bothering you. Everyone has that from time to time. It's also worth noting that the counselling suggestion isn't to say that there's something wrong with you. Mental health is complicated, and speaking to a professional to iron out concerns and issues isn't something you should feel hesitant or stigmatised about.
Reply 8
Original post by cheadle
This is clearly upsetting you and it's such a shame that it appears to be taking the shine off what sounds like an otherwise good relationship. Constant rumination can only make things worse.
It has been such a great relationship. I just wish I wouldn’t let these what ifs spiral, I mean I can’t just jump to a conclusion just because of what happened before we had a commitment can I
Reply 9
Original post by Crazy Jamie
People have different types of social interactions all the time, and for all sorts of different reasons. Friendships are made and fall apart all the time. In and of itself I don't think you can take anything from that. You're not crazy. You just need to reign in your own concerns and insecurities to stop them from bothering you. Everyone has that from time to time. It's also worth noting that the counselling suggestion isn't to say that there's something wrong with you. Mental health is complicated, and speaking to a professional to iron out concerns and issues isn't something you should feel hesitant or stigmatised about.
You are right, and if he wants to speak to somebody else he is more than welcome too as long as it obviously respects boundaries
I think you know that you are being illogical about this but when the spiral of intrusive thoughts kicks in, logical thinking goes out the window. That's actually completely normal btw, as anyone who has ever suffered from rumination will testify. A counsellor will help you to unpick all of this and give you tools and strategies to help you.
Original post by cheadle
I think you know that you are being illogical about this but when the spiral of intrusive thoughts kicks in, logical thinking goes out the window. That's actually completely normal btw, as anyone who has ever suffered from rumination will testify. A counsellor will help you to unpick all of this and give you tools and strategies to help you.
I really appreciate your help. Others I’ve spoken to are like he definitely cheated dump him and it doesn’t help
Original post by Anonymous #1
I really appreciate your help. Others I’ve spoken to are like he definitely cheated dump him and it doesn’t help
If you take your thoughts to other people and ask them what they think, they will give you an opinion which, in the end, is neither here nor there. In the face of being unable to be 100% sure about something, you have two choices. (1) drive yourself crazy with speculation, undermine yourself and your relationship; (2) recognise that you may never be able to be 100% sure about something but accept that you can live with that and move forward positively about what sounds like a good relationship. Good Luck!
Original post by cheadle
If you take your thoughts to other people and ask them what they think, they will give you an opinion which, in the end, is neither here nor there. In the face of being unable to be 100% sure about something, you have two choices. (1) drive yourself crazy with speculation, undermine yourself and your relationship; (2) recognise that you may never be able to be 100% sure about something but accept that you can live with that and move forward positively about what sounds like a good relationship. Good Luck!
Thank you. I really appreciate it

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