The Student Room Group

not close with who I'm living with second year

I am currently a fresher living in halls and sorted out housing arrangements for second year in November. I am living with 2 current flatmates and a guy I knew from home and their friend alongside a guy who we spoke too in freshers. However I feel like I barely speak too or go out with anyone who I am living with next year. The 2 flatmates I chose to live with I spoke too a fair amount first semester but we have kind of all found other friends we spend time with and obviously I know the guy from home, but barely know his friend at all, who is also in the house.

But I was just wondering, Is it normal for a lot of people in first year to sort of drift from who their living with second year, cos I feel like everyone else I know is fairly close with the people who they decided to live with and I just don't know if I kinda got really unlucky with it???- Like if we had the tiniest extra amount of time deciding who were living with for second year I would have actually been able to live with the people I go out with lol.

But anyway, I was just wondering if this is normal for a lot of people who have gone into second year?
Original post by ta_2005
I am currently a fresher living in halls and sorted out housing arrangements for second year in November. I am living with 2 current flatmates and a guy I knew from home and their friend alongside a guy who we spoke too in freshers. However I feel like I barely speak too or go out with anyone who I am living with next year. The 2 flatmates I chose to live with I spoke too a fair amount first semester but we have kind of all found other friends we spend time with and obviously I know the guy from home, but barely know his friend at all, who is also in the house.

But I was just wondering, Is it normal for a lot of people in first year to sort of drift from who their living with second year, cos I feel like everyone else I know is fairly close with the people who they decided to live with and I just don't know if I kinda got really unlucky with it???- Like if we had the tiniest extra amount of time deciding who were living with for second year I would have actually been able to live with the people I go out with lol.

But anyway, I was just wondering if this is normal for a lot of people who have gone into second year?
@ta_2005

Once you are living together, it's likely that you will become closer as you will be sharing a bathroom and kitchen together so you will have to communicate. In some ways, it's good if you don't live with the people you are closest with, as there is no escaping any friction if problems arise. It can also make it easier to address problems in the house, as you are not worried about damaging friendships and feeling isolated.

Of course, it is nice if you are all close and share some of the same friends as it's easier when people come round or when people want to invite friends over, but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing if you are not so close. Sometimes if you do live with the people you are closest with, then you can miss opportunities to grow other friendships outside of that group and can feel like you are in a bit of a bubble.

I think the main thing is that you have a place for next year and you know them: you won't be living with complete strangers (bar one) so I think that's all positive : ) You will also still be able to hang out with the friends you go out with, without feeling like you are not socialising enough with your housemates (as you are not that close at the moment).

I think you can never have enough time to decide whether it's good to live with some people or others. It's only normally once you live with people that you find out whether it was a good idea to live with them! People can be very different when you live with them, so in short you have nothing to lose now if they are not close friends at present. You will either become better friends with them or you will drift further, and it won't matter so much because of your other friends.

All the best,

Oluwatosin 3rd year student University of Huddersfield
I completely understand this! I was in a similar situation in second year too. You've still got time before you move in to that house, so I think you can either decide to move in with your closer friends, and find someone to take your room, or you can stick with the current plan.

Here's what I would say to consider:

Are the people you're going to be living with clean to live with? Do they do their share of washing up and aren't too loud? If those things matter to you then you might be better staying with them.

Would you be happy living with them and just seeing your friends as you do now? How often are you thinking of being out of the house, and how often are the other people in your house going to be in? Would they be happy for you to have your friends over a lot?

Do you forsee any clashes/ feel anxious about moving in with them? Wanting to live with another group because you like them is one thing, but feeling worried about the atmosphere of the current group is a sign you might be better off following your heart and living with your friends!


Ultimately- I think being unlucky with it would be moving in with people that cause you stress or worry about the atmosphere of the house. If that is the case- maybe it's time to look into asking some of those friends if they would like to live together. If you think it'll be okay then maybe it'll be a case of living together in third year! I hope that helps :smile:
Original post by ta_2005
I am currently a fresher living in halls and sorted out housing arrangements for second year in November. I am living with 2 current flatmates and a guy I knew from home and their friend alongside a guy who we spoke too in freshers. However I feel like I barely speak too or go out with anyone who I am living with next year. The 2 flatmates I chose to live with I spoke too a fair amount first semester but we have kind of all found other friends we spend time with and obviously I know the guy from home, but barely know his friend at all, who is also in the house.

But I was just wondering, Is it normal for a lot of people in first year to sort of drift from who their living with second year, cos I feel like everyone else I know is fairly close with the people who they decided to live with and I just don't know if I kinda got really unlucky with it???- Like if we had the tiniest extra amount of time deciding who were living with for second year I would have actually been able to live with the people I go out with lol.

But anyway, I was just wondering if this is normal for a lot of people who have gone into second year?

Hi @ta_2005 ,

Don't worry, a lot of people end up in this situation too! It's hard when you have to choose so early who you are going to be living with and lots of people end up finding their friends after they have signed for a house already.

I would try not to worry too much about this, once you are living together, you will all get to know each other better and you might really enjoy living with them! I would suggest to try and meet up with all of them before you move in, maybe see if they want to go for food with you, or invite them on a night out with your current friends as this may break the ice a little bit more. Try and speak to the ones you are currently living with more too and invite them out if you do something with your friends, even if they say no at least you have tried and they will know the you are wanting to do things with them!

I would also say try not to worry about missing out living with your friendship group next year. It's really fun living in a house and you can invite your friends around any time and I'm sure they will invite you round too and you can still do lots of things with you. You might end up being really close with both groups! And, as has been mentioned, sometimes it's best not to live with your closet friends as you can end up falling out and it's nice to have your own space as well sometimes.

You can always live with your friends next year if you still want to so don't worry about this. I would look at it as a good opportunity to have two different friendship groups and at least you know the people that you are moving in with and that you get on with them, otherwise you wouldn't have all wanted to live together!

I hope some of this helps,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

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