Is this abusive? (parents)
I have an issue with my parents right now. I don't know if what they are doing is abusive but I talked with my friends and they assume so. its pretty long so.
1)Wanted me to be insanely smart. They wanted me to set the record high all 9s in my GCSEs which is like yk ok goals but they force it so much it i get 85 or something they are like >
. If I get the highest in the clas but it isnt a hundred theyll be like "I dont care abt the others I just want you to get full marks" And if I get second highest theyll be like "WHO"
1) They want me to follow the life plan they made for me. This one is just strange but I always wanted to be an animator when I get older and everytime I was at family events and I was asked I replied with "An animator!" then my parents would awkwardly laugh and tell my family that i still have years to come. Now I just dont want to be freaking anything, Literally 2 weeks ago they said yk what be a dentist then few hours later an economist.
2) OBSESSION with comparing, yk with the better cousin, the one thats skinnier, the one thats smarter, the one that doesnt use devices, the one that cooks and cleans, the ones that taller. Ive tried to cook before but my mom refused to eat saying "I'll never eat from your hand". I genuinely try to study I rlly do, i refuse to drink or eat anything until im done. And I want to lose weight so I ask my mom if i can do a diet? she says "nah your to young and there garbage anyway" I ask if I can use the gym? She says "Oh your too young and they arent good for you"
3) Not liking me associating with my friends. Recently about 2 weeks ago I went to the cinemas with my friends and now we are planning to go to a mall this week. And the idea of me going to my friends again after 2 weeks makes their blood boil. They gave a lecture abt phones somehow?? (werent even talking abt it))
4) How im not physically abused. My parents use this everytime I used to cry when they yelled. They would say and literally word for word "Why are you crying, I didnt beat you with a stick, do you know your aunt hits your cousins with a coat hanger? Your so sensitive we used to get hit when we were younger, Ugh I knew I should've started beating you" This fcking made me want to slam my head against a wall who says that. Oh and the "I never hit you" I remember clear in my head to this day when I didnt understand how to read a clock and the weird quarter past eight garbage (i still dont get it lol) and my dad pulled my ear yelled and slapped me and I vividly remember at the end when I finally did a few questions my dad went for a high five and i flinched only for him to laugh. I get that this experience isnt bad compared to others and im so srry to anyone that goes through stuff like this and I hope the best for you.
3) Reminding how horrible I am. They will remind me how im such a bad daughter and how my cousins are all better. Do ya rlly think telling me that will make me better
4) That stupid narcissistic smirk.
5 Had arguments with them where I seemingly talk in circles, get to no solution, or argue about random things (like how mood swings in periods dont exist ???)
6) Getting help.I went to a counsellor in school since i rlly hated myself and i used to go in secret. My friends went in secret too and then told their parents who supported them so I decided to tell mine before school... Had a massive fight yelling here and there as my parents berate me telling my its useless and why i didnt come to them first. My dad would refuse to let me go to school until I told him why I was going to another adult for help. When I told them I hated myself they looked at me confused and repeated the question. My dad threatened if I still kept going to her he'll remove me from the school and send me to an insane asylum. I then confronted them about the pressure they give for school and for me to be perfect, they completely dodged the question. And yk whats completely ironic? My mother studied therapy.
Okay yall that was it. I feel like this isnt that big of a deal so feel free to tell me im a brat.
1)Wanted me to be insanely smart. They wanted me to set the record high all 9s in my GCSEs which is like yk ok goals but they force it so much it i get 85 or something they are like >
. If I get the highest in the clas but it isnt a hundred theyll be like "I dont care abt the others I just want you to get full marks" And if I get second highest theyll be like "WHO" 1) They want me to follow the life plan they made for me. This one is just strange but I always wanted to be an animator when I get older and everytime I was at family events and I was asked I replied with "An animator!" then my parents would awkwardly laugh and tell my family that i still have years to come. Now I just dont want to be freaking anything, Literally 2 weeks ago they said yk what be a dentist then few hours later an economist.
2) OBSESSION with comparing, yk with the better cousin, the one thats skinnier, the one thats smarter, the one that doesnt use devices, the one that cooks and cleans, the ones that taller. Ive tried to cook before but my mom refused to eat saying "I'll never eat from your hand". I genuinely try to study I rlly do, i refuse to drink or eat anything until im done. And I want to lose weight so I ask my mom if i can do a diet? she says "nah your to young and there garbage anyway" I ask if I can use the gym? She says "Oh your too young and they arent good for you"
3) Not liking me associating with my friends. Recently about 2 weeks ago I went to the cinemas with my friends and now we are planning to go to a mall this week. And the idea of me going to my friends again after 2 weeks makes their blood boil. They gave a lecture abt phones somehow?? (werent even talking abt it))
4) How im not physically abused. My parents use this everytime I used to cry when they yelled. They would say and literally word for word "Why are you crying, I didnt beat you with a stick, do you know your aunt hits your cousins with a coat hanger? Your so sensitive we used to get hit when we were younger, Ugh I knew I should've started beating you" This fcking made me want to slam my head against a wall who says that. Oh and the "I never hit you" I remember clear in my head to this day when I didnt understand how to read a clock and the weird quarter past eight garbage (i still dont get it lol) and my dad pulled my ear yelled and slapped me and I vividly remember at the end when I finally did a few questions my dad went for a high five and i flinched only for him to laugh. I get that this experience isnt bad compared to others and im so srry to anyone that goes through stuff like this and I hope the best for you.
3) Reminding how horrible I am. They will remind me how im such a bad daughter and how my cousins are all better. Do ya rlly think telling me that will make me better
4) That stupid narcissistic smirk.
5 Had arguments with them where I seemingly talk in circles, get to no solution, or argue about random things (like how mood swings in periods dont exist ???)
6) Getting help.I went to a counsellor in school since i rlly hated myself and i used to go in secret. My friends went in secret too and then told their parents who supported them so I decided to tell mine before school... Had a massive fight yelling here and there as my parents berate me telling my its useless and why i didnt come to them first. My dad would refuse to let me go to school until I told him why I was going to another adult for help. When I told them I hated myself they looked at me confused and repeated the question. My dad threatened if I still kept going to her he'll remove me from the school and send me to an insane asylum. I then confronted them about the pressure they give for school and for me to be perfect, they completely dodged the question. And yk whats completely ironic? My mother studied therapy.
Okay yall that was it. I feel like this isnt that big of a deal so feel free to tell me im a brat.
Reply 1
thats actually abusive because you were getting help and they hate that and they are emotionally abusing you
Reply 2
It's totally their fault, not yours. I'm sorry you have to go through this my friend. You're worth it, you're not whining or acting like a brat at all. This is just red flags all over, it'll be good to talk it over with a trusted adult in school, then wait a few more years, get financially independent and move out.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous #3
It's totally their fault, not yours. I'm sorry you have to go through this my friend. You're worth it, you're not whining or acting like a brat at all. This is just red flags all over, it'll be good to talk it over with a trusted adult in school, then wait a few more years, get financially independent and move out.
like your school consellor
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous #3
It's totally their fault, not yours. I'm sorry you have to go through this my friend. You're worth it, you're not whining or acting like a brat at all. This is just red flags all over, it'll be good to talk it over with a trusted adult in school, then wait a few more years, get financially independent and move out.
thank you so much ive always doubted if I was in the wrong
Reply 5
Ohhhhhh boy
I go through the exact same thing. Every day. They never hit us. Or starve us. Or scream insults for hours. Or lock us outside. Or molest us. Or physically force us to do things. They don't have to. They keep us locked in our own heads, break down our self-esteem and independence until we don't know who we are without them, and then they make their 'love' conditional so we're constantly working towards something that should always be there but is only an illusion.
I'm so sorry you deal with this, honey.
I go through the exact same thing. Every day. They never hit us. Or starve us. Or scream insults for hours. Or lock us outside. Or molest us. Or physically force us to do things. They don't have to. They keep us locked in our own heads, break down our self-esteem and independence until we don't know who we are without them, and then they make their 'love' conditional so we're constantly working towards something that should always be there but is only an illusion.
I'm so sorry you deal with this, honey.
Reply 6
This is so hard to read. You brave girl. You are being controlled and mentally manipulated and abused. Know that and understand that. You don’t have to do anything about it but knowing you are not in the wrong, bad, not worthy, stupid, fat blah blah blah is you step to winning your self worth back. You will be able to move away and cut or rather weaken ties with your family one day if you keep your strength now. I can’t imagine why anyone thinks that this is love it’s not it’s abuse and it probably is because they feel the need to compete with others. Get your head down and study well, get yourself a good education - education is freedom and independence for women especially. Keep talking to your friends you trust, maybe your GP - you don’t need to worry about your GP telling your family anything you tell them as it’s confidential and maybe they can give you some advice or just listen to your worries. Life does get better honestly. Late teens early 20s are a hard type mentally for many people as they find themselves and learn to be true to their self. Take care of yourself and make sure you confide in someone if your situation ever becomes dangerous. Your GP can honestly recommend groups who may be able to support you secretly.
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
I have an issue with my parents right now. I don't know if what they are doing is abusive but I talked with my friends and they assume so. its pretty long so.
1)Wanted me to be insanely smart. They wanted me to set the record high all 9s in my GCSEs which is like yk ok goals but they force it so much it i get 85 or something they are like >. If I get the highest in the clas but it isnt a hundred theyll be like "I dont care abt the others I just want you to get full marks" And if I get second highest theyll be like "WHO"
1) They want me to follow the life plan they made for me. This one is just strange but I always wanted to be an animator when I get older and everytime I was at family events and I was asked I replied with "An animator!" then my parents would awkwardly laugh and tell my family that i still have years to come. Now I just dont want to be freaking anything, Literally 2 weeks ago they said yk what be a dentist then few hours later an economist.
2) OBSESSION with comparing, yk with the better cousin, the one thats skinnier, the one thats smarter, the one that doesnt use devices, the one that cooks and cleans, the ones that taller. Ive tried to cook before but my mom refused to eat saying "I'll never eat from your hand". I genuinely try to study I rlly do, i refuse to drink or eat anything until im done. And I want to lose weight so I ask my mom if i can do a diet? she says "nah your to young and there garbage anyway" I ask if I can use the gym? She says "Oh your too young and they arent good for you"
3) Not liking me associating with my friends. Recently about 2 weeks ago I went to the cinemas with my friends and now we are planning to go to a mall this week. And the idea of me going to my friends again after 2 weeks makes their blood boil. They gave a lecture abt phones somehow?? (werent even talking abt it))
4) How im not physically abused. My parents use this everytime I used to cry when they yelled. They would say and literally word for word "Why are you crying, I didnt beat you with a stick, do you know your aunt hits your cousins with a coat hanger? Your so sensitive we used to get hit when we were younger, Ugh I knew I should've started beating you" This fcking made me want to slam my head against a wall who says that. Oh and the "I never hit you" I remember clear in my head to this day when I didnt understand how to read a clock and the weird quarter past eight garbage (i still dont get it lol) and my dad pulled my ear yelled and slapped me and I vividly remember at the end when I finally did a few questions my dad went for a high five and i flinched only for him to laugh. I get that this experience isnt bad compared to others and im so srry to anyone that goes through stuff like this and I hope the best for you.
3) Reminding how horrible I am. They will remind me how im such a bad daughter and how my cousins are all better. Do ya rlly think telling me that will make me better
4) That stupid narcissistic smirk.
5 Had arguments with them where I seemingly talk in circles, get to no solution, or argue about random things (like how mood swings in periods dont exist ???)
6) Getting help.I went to a counsellor in school since i rlly hated myself and i used to go in secret. My friends went in secret too and then told their parents who supported them so I decided to tell mine before school... Had a massive fight yelling here and there as my parents berate me telling my its useless and why i didnt come to them first. My dad would refuse to let me go to school until I told him why I was going to another adult for help. When I told them I hated myself they looked at me confused and repeated the question. My dad threatened if I still kept going to her he'll remove me from the school and send me to an insane asylum. I then confronted them about the pressure they give for school and for me to be perfect, they completely dodged the question. And yk whats completely ironic? My mother studied therapy.
Okay yall that was it. I feel like this isnt that big of a deal so feel free to tell me im a brat.
1)Wanted me to be insanely smart. They wanted me to set the record high all 9s in my GCSEs which is like yk ok goals but they force it so much it i get 85 or something they are like >
. If I get the highest in the clas but it isnt a hundred theyll be like "I dont care abt the others I just want you to get full marks" And if I get second highest theyll be like "WHO" 1) They want me to follow the life plan they made for me. This one is just strange but I always wanted to be an animator when I get older and everytime I was at family events and I was asked I replied with "An animator!" then my parents would awkwardly laugh and tell my family that i still have years to come. Now I just dont want to be freaking anything, Literally 2 weeks ago they said yk what be a dentist then few hours later an economist.
2) OBSESSION with comparing, yk with the better cousin, the one thats skinnier, the one thats smarter, the one that doesnt use devices, the one that cooks and cleans, the ones that taller. Ive tried to cook before but my mom refused to eat saying "I'll never eat from your hand". I genuinely try to study I rlly do, i refuse to drink or eat anything until im done. And I want to lose weight so I ask my mom if i can do a diet? she says "nah your to young and there garbage anyway" I ask if I can use the gym? She says "Oh your too young and they arent good for you"
3) Not liking me associating with my friends. Recently about 2 weeks ago I went to the cinemas with my friends and now we are planning to go to a mall this week. And the idea of me going to my friends again after 2 weeks makes their blood boil. They gave a lecture abt phones somehow?? (werent even talking abt it))
4) How im not physically abused. My parents use this everytime I used to cry when they yelled. They would say and literally word for word "Why are you crying, I didnt beat you with a stick, do you know your aunt hits your cousins with a coat hanger? Your so sensitive we used to get hit when we were younger, Ugh I knew I should've started beating you" This fcking made me want to slam my head against a wall who says that. Oh and the "I never hit you" I remember clear in my head to this day when I didnt understand how to read a clock and the weird quarter past eight garbage (i still dont get it lol) and my dad pulled my ear yelled and slapped me and I vividly remember at the end when I finally did a few questions my dad went for a high five and i flinched only for him to laugh. I get that this experience isnt bad compared to others and im so srry to anyone that goes through stuff like this and I hope the best for you.
3) Reminding how horrible I am. They will remind me how im such a bad daughter and how my cousins are all better. Do ya rlly think telling me that will make me better
4) That stupid narcissistic smirk.
5 Had arguments with them where I seemingly talk in circles, get to no solution, or argue about random things (like how mood swings in periods dont exist ???)
6) Getting help.I went to a counsellor in school since i rlly hated myself and i used to go in secret. My friends went in secret too and then told their parents who supported them so I decided to tell mine before school... Had a massive fight yelling here and there as my parents berate me telling my its useless and why i didnt come to them first. My dad would refuse to let me go to school until I told him why I was going to another adult for help. When I told them I hated myself they looked at me confused and repeated the question. My dad threatened if I still kept going to her he'll remove me from the school and send me to an insane asylum. I then confronted them about the pressure they give for school and for me to be perfect, they completely dodged the question. And yk whats completely ironic? My mother studied therapy.
Okay yall that was it. I feel like this isnt that big of a deal so feel free to tell me im a brat.
It's manipulation and mental abuse, and they certainly show signs of narcissism.
There isn't any excuse for their behaviour whatsoever, and I'm so sorry you have to go through that.
Who reasonably would tell their child they should have beat them a long time ago, deny them therapy while having studied therapy and controlling their social and academic life/future?
It's abusive, controlling and manipulative behaviour.
You are not a brat and this is a big deal - thinking it isn't is proof of their manipulation and degradation of your self esteem and worth.
I hope you're okay and I hope you can reach out to someone who can support you.
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
I have an issue with my parents right now. I don't know if what they are doing is abusive but I talked with my friends and they assume so. its pretty long so.
1)Wanted me to be insanely smart. They wanted me to set the record high all 9s in my GCSEs which is like yk ok goals but they force it so much it i get 85 or something they are like >. If I get the highest in the clas but it isnt a hundred theyll be like "I dont care abt the others I just want you to get full marks" And if I get second highest theyll be like "WHO"
1) They want me to follow the life plan they made for me. This one is just strange but I always wanted to be an animator when I get older and everytime I was at family events and I was asked I replied with "An animator!" then my parents would awkwardly laugh and tell my family that i still have years to come. Now I just dont want to be freaking anything, Literally 2 weeks ago they said yk what be a dentist then few hours later an economist.
2) OBSESSION with comparing, yk with the better cousin, the one thats skinnier, the one thats smarter, the one that doesnt use devices, the one that cooks and cleans, the ones that taller. Ive tried to cook before but my mom refused to eat saying "I'll never eat from your hand". I genuinely try to study I rlly do, i refuse to drink or eat anything until im done. And I want to lose weight so I ask my mom if i can do a diet? she says "nah your to young and there garbage anyway" I ask if I can use the gym? She says "Oh your too young and they arent good for you"
3) Not liking me associating with my friends. Recently about 2 weeks ago I went to the cinemas with my friends and now we are planning to go to a mall this week. And the idea of me going to my friends again after 2 weeks makes their blood boil. They gave a lecture abt phones somehow?? (werent even talking abt it))
4) How im not physically abused. My parents use this everytime I used to cry when they yelled. They would say and literally word for word "Why are you crying, I didnt beat you with a stick, do you know your aunt hits your cousins with a coat hanger? Your so sensitive we used to get hit when we were younger, Ugh I knew I should've started beating you" This fcking made me want to slam my head against a wall who says that. Oh and the "I never hit you" I remember clear in my head to this day when I didnt understand how to read a clock and the weird quarter past eight garbage (i still dont get it lol) and my dad pulled my ear yelled and slapped me and I vividly remember at the end when I finally did a few questions my dad went for a high five and i flinched only for him to laugh. I get that this experience isnt bad compared to others and im so srry to anyone that goes through stuff like this and I hope the best for you.
3) Reminding how horrible I am. They will remind me how im such a bad daughter and how my cousins are all better. Do ya rlly think telling me that will make me better
4) That stupid narcissistic smirk.
5 Had arguments with them where I seemingly talk in circles, get to no solution, or argue about random things (like how mood swings in periods dont exist ???)
6) Getting help.I went to a counsellor in school since i rlly hated myself and i used to go in secret. My friends went in secret too and then told their parents who supported them so I decided to tell mine before school... Had a massive fight yelling here and there as my parents berate me telling my its useless and why i didnt come to them first. My dad would refuse to let me go to school until I told him why I was going to another adult for help. When I told them I hated myself they looked at me confused and repeated the question. My dad threatened if I still kept going to her he'll remove me from the school and send me to an insane asylum. I then confronted them about the pressure they give for school and for me to be perfect, they completely dodged the question. And yk whats completely ironic? My mother studied therapy.
Okay yall that was it. I feel like this isnt that big of a deal so feel free to tell me im a brat.
1)Wanted me to be insanely smart. They wanted me to set the record high all 9s in my GCSEs which is like yk ok goals but they force it so much it i get 85 or something they are like >
. If I get the highest in the clas but it isnt a hundred theyll be like "I dont care abt the others I just want you to get full marks" And if I get second highest theyll be like "WHO" 1) They want me to follow the life plan they made for me. This one is just strange but I always wanted to be an animator when I get older and everytime I was at family events and I was asked I replied with "An animator!" then my parents would awkwardly laugh and tell my family that i still have years to come. Now I just dont want to be freaking anything, Literally 2 weeks ago they said yk what be a dentist then few hours later an economist.
2) OBSESSION with comparing, yk with the better cousin, the one thats skinnier, the one thats smarter, the one that doesnt use devices, the one that cooks and cleans, the ones that taller. Ive tried to cook before but my mom refused to eat saying "I'll never eat from your hand". I genuinely try to study I rlly do, i refuse to drink or eat anything until im done. And I want to lose weight so I ask my mom if i can do a diet? she says "nah your to young and there garbage anyway" I ask if I can use the gym? She says "Oh your too young and they arent good for you"
3) Not liking me associating with my friends. Recently about 2 weeks ago I went to the cinemas with my friends and now we are planning to go to a mall this week. And the idea of me going to my friends again after 2 weeks makes their blood boil. They gave a lecture abt phones somehow?? (werent even talking abt it))
4) How im not physically abused. My parents use this everytime I used to cry when they yelled. They would say and literally word for word "Why are you crying, I didnt beat you with a stick, do you know your aunt hits your cousins with a coat hanger? Your so sensitive we used to get hit when we were younger, Ugh I knew I should've started beating you" This fcking made me want to slam my head against a wall who says that. Oh and the "I never hit you" I remember clear in my head to this day when I didnt understand how to read a clock and the weird quarter past eight garbage (i still dont get it lol) and my dad pulled my ear yelled and slapped me and I vividly remember at the end when I finally did a few questions my dad went for a high five and i flinched only for him to laugh. I get that this experience isnt bad compared to others and im so srry to anyone that goes through stuff like this and I hope the best for you.
3) Reminding how horrible I am. They will remind me how im such a bad daughter and how my cousins are all better. Do ya rlly think telling me that will make me better
4) That stupid narcissistic smirk.
5 Had arguments with them where I seemingly talk in circles, get to no solution, or argue about random things (like how mood swings in periods dont exist ???)
6) Getting help.I went to a counsellor in school since i rlly hated myself and i used to go in secret. My friends went in secret too and then told their parents who supported them so I decided to tell mine before school... Had a massive fight yelling here and there as my parents berate me telling my its useless and why i didnt come to them first. My dad would refuse to let me go to school until I told him why I was going to another adult for help. When I told them I hated myself they looked at me confused and repeated the question. My dad threatened if I still kept going to her he'll remove me from the school and send me to an insane asylum. I then confronted them about the pressure they give for school and for me to be perfect, they completely dodged the question. And yk whats completely ironic? My mother studied therapy.
Okay yall that was it. I feel like this isnt that big of a deal so feel free to tell me im a brat.
I was reading this.
And only one thought came into my mind.
Asian, no, INDIAN, no, DESI parents.
Reply 9
Original post by TheSpicyOwl1
I was reading this.
And only one thought came into my mind.
Asian, no, INDIAN, no, DESI parents.
And only one thought came into my mind.
Asian, no, INDIAN, no, DESI parents.
Don't know what this means but I probably agree
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous
I have an issue with my parents right now. I don't know if what they are doing is abusive but I talked with my friends and they assume so. its pretty long so.
1)Wanted me to be insanely smart. They wanted me to set the record high all 9s in my GCSEs which is like yk ok goals but they force it so much it i get 85 or something they are like >. If I get the highest in the clas but it isnt a hundred theyll be like "I dont care abt the others I just want you to get full marks" And if I get second highest theyll be like "WHO"
1) They want me to follow the life plan they made for me. This one is just strange but I always wanted to be an animator when I get older and everytime I was at family events and I was asked I replied with "An animator!" then my parents would awkwardly laugh and tell my family that i still have years to come. Now I just dont want to be freaking anything, Literally 2 weeks ago they said yk what be a dentist then few hours later an economist.
2) OBSESSION with comparing, yk with the better cousin, the one thats skinnier, the one thats smarter, the one that doesnt use devices, the one that cooks and cleans, the ones that taller. Ive tried to cook before but my mom refused to eat saying "I'll never eat from your hand". I genuinely try to study I rlly do, i refuse to drink or eat anything until im done. And I want to lose weight so I ask my mom if i can do a diet? she says "nah your to young and there garbage anyway" I ask if I can use the gym? She says "Oh your too young and they arent good for you"
3) Not liking me associating with my friends. Recently about 2 weeks ago I went to the cinemas with my friends and now we are planning to go to a mall this week. And the idea of me going to my friends again after 2 weeks makes their blood boil. They gave a lecture abt phones somehow?? (werent even talking abt it))
4) How im not physically abused. My parents use this everytime I used to cry when they yelled. They would say and literally word for word "Why are you crying, I didnt beat you with a stick, do you know your aunt hits your cousins with a coat hanger? Your so sensitive we used to get hit when we were younger, Ugh I knew I should've started beating you" This fcking made me want to slam my head against a wall who says that. Oh and the "I never hit you" I remember clear in my head to this day when I didnt understand how to read a clock and the weird quarter past eight garbage (i still dont get it lol) and my dad pulled my ear yelled and slapped me and I vividly remember at the end when I finally did a few questions my dad went for a high five and i flinched only for him to laugh. I get that this experience isnt bad compared to others and im so srry to anyone that goes through stuff like this and I hope the best for you.
3) Reminding how horrible I am. They will remind me how im such a bad daughter and how my cousins are all better. Do ya rlly think telling me that will make me better
4) That stupid narcissistic smirk.
5 Had arguments with them where I seemingly talk in circles, get to no solution, or argue about random things (like how mood swings in periods dont exist ???)
6) Getting help.I went to a counsellor in school since i rlly hated myself and i used to go in secret. My friends went in secret too and then told their parents who supported them so I decided to tell mine before school... Had a massive fight yelling here and there as my parents berate me telling my its useless and why i didnt come to them first. My dad would refuse to let me go to school until I told him why I was going to another adult for help. When I told them I hated myself they looked at me confused and repeated the question. My dad threatened if I still kept going to her he'll remove me from the school and send me to an insane asylum. I then confronted them about the pressure they give for school and for me to be perfect, they completely dodged the question. And yk whats completely ironic? My mother studied therapy.
Okay yall that was it. I feel like this isnt that big of a deal so feel free to tell me im a brat.
1)Wanted me to be insanely smart. They wanted me to set the record high all 9s in my GCSEs which is like yk ok goals but they force it so much it i get 85 or something they are like >
. If I get the highest in the clas but it isnt a hundred theyll be like "I dont care abt the others I just want you to get full marks" And if I get second highest theyll be like "WHO" 1) They want me to follow the life plan they made for me. This one is just strange but I always wanted to be an animator when I get older and everytime I was at family events and I was asked I replied with "An animator!" then my parents would awkwardly laugh and tell my family that i still have years to come. Now I just dont want to be freaking anything, Literally 2 weeks ago they said yk what be a dentist then few hours later an economist.
2) OBSESSION with comparing, yk with the better cousin, the one thats skinnier, the one thats smarter, the one that doesnt use devices, the one that cooks and cleans, the ones that taller. Ive tried to cook before but my mom refused to eat saying "I'll never eat from your hand". I genuinely try to study I rlly do, i refuse to drink or eat anything until im done. And I want to lose weight so I ask my mom if i can do a diet? she says "nah your to young and there garbage anyway" I ask if I can use the gym? She says "Oh your too young and they arent good for you"
3) Not liking me associating with my friends. Recently about 2 weeks ago I went to the cinemas with my friends and now we are planning to go to a mall this week. And the idea of me going to my friends again after 2 weeks makes their blood boil. They gave a lecture abt phones somehow?? (werent even talking abt it))
4) How im not physically abused. My parents use this everytime I used to cry when they yelled. They would say and literally word for word "Why are you crying, I didnt beat you with a stick, do you know your aunt hits your cousins with a coat hanger? Your so sensitive we used to get hit when we were younger, Ugh I knew I should've started beating you" This fcking made me want to slam my head against a wall who says that. Oh and the "I never hit you" I remember clear in my head to this day when I didnt understand how to read a clock and the weird quarter past eight garbage (i still dont get it lol) and my dad pulled my ear yelled and slapped me and I vividly remember at the end when I finally did a few questions my dad went for a high five and i flinched only for him to laugh. I get that this experience isnt bad compared to others and im so srry to anyone that goes through stuff like this and I hope the best for you.
3) Reminding how horrible I am. They will remind me how im such a bad daughter and how my cousins are all better. Do ya rlly think telling me that will make me better
4) That stupid narcissistic smirk.
5 Had arguments with them where I seemingly talk in circles, get to no solution, or argue about random things (like how mood swings in periods dont exist ???)
6) Getting help.I went to a counsellor in school since i rlly hated myself and i used to go in secret. My friends went in secret too and then told their parents who supported them so I decided to tell mine before school... Had a massive fight yelling here and there as my parents berate me telling my its useless and why i didnt come to them first. My dad would refuse to let me go to school until I told him why I was going to another adult for help. When I told them I hated myself they looked at me confused and repeated the question. My dad threatened if I still kept going to her he'll remove me from the school and send me to an insane asylum. I then confronted them about the pressure they give for school and for me to be perfect, they completely dodged the question. And yk whats completely ironic? My mother studied therapy.
Okay yall that was it. I feel like this isnt that big of a deal so feel free to tell me im a brat.
I am so sorry for you. I literally cried while reading this - you literally described my life. This is extremely abusive and the physical violence followed with denial is gaslighting - mental abuse. I think you get out of there as soon as possible! Talk to friends about it and keep going to the counsellor at school, she seemed to help. Don't tell your parents about it.
If you want to be an animator, be an animator! Study hard, definitely. But always give yourself breaks - going out with friends and socialising like you have been us a great way to keep calm!
Also, during the holidays or whenever you have free time, think about getting a chill job with flexible hours so you can think about uni, or just getting out of there as soon as possible.
With me, I cut off contact with my parents as soon as possible. They used to use excuses like under my roof, follow my rules or that they had so much more to overcome, I'm dumpy and stupid and I'll die alone and poor...
First, I set my boundaries - I will not be touched at all, they will not compare me to others, they will not shout at me, I will not eat their food if I've made my own (I was also vegetarian and they did not accept that).
Then, I became as self sufficient as possible - I travelled everywhere by myself, made my own money (therefore, food as well), studied by myself, I arranged study sessions with friends...basically I stopped interacting with them at all by the end of year 11.
When you're 16, a lot more options open up for you. If the counsellor recommends it, you can look into seeking additional help from social services or maybe you can stay with a relative or a friends that you trust. If you have a lot of money saved up, maybe you can think about getting a student room at uni and if you have moved out of the house by then, you can get discounts often, for being by yourself. And if you do really well in your exams, you can get a scholarship.
Another thing is that my parents always tried to control my social life as well. Telling me who I can and can't be friends with, controlling every aspect of my phone with no boundaries - I always felt so isolated and alone and I could never talk to anyone about it. The urge to just tell them to fck off out of my life! But that would not go down well. I could also never talk back. THAT'S HOW A CONVERSATION WORKS!!!
But seriously, I wish you all the best and I hope you get through this.
Reply 11
Original post by TheSpicyOwl1
I was reading this.
And only one thought came into my mind.
Asian, no, INDIAN, no, DESI parents.
And only one thought came into my mind.
Asian, no, INDIAN, no, DESI parents.
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