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Living alone at uni

Hi! I'm currently a 2nd year student at uni but I didn't 2 gap years so I'm a couple years older than most my peers (not much of an issue most the time but sometimes it's noticeable)

A bit of background, I currently live in a house with friends I met last year like most people do but I'm having real problems with 1 of the 5 people I live with. Her room is directly above me and she's very loud and I struggle to focus on studying and sometimes get woken up or find it hard to sleep. When I ask her to be quite it just causes arguments. We also have clashes over other things as well and I just generally don't consider her a friend at all and hate living with her.

I've been considering moving out on my own into a studio for next year as I think I'll prefer it as I'm a bit of a neat freak and I'm quite introverted. But I'm worried about telling my other housemates as they aren't that bad and if it wasn't for the other person I'd definitely stay with them. I'm also worried I'll get excluded from the group and we won't be that good friends anymore. But I feel I'd be able to focus on my degree better and feel less stressed on my own.

If anyone could provide any opinions, thoughts, advice or experiences I'd really love to hear them

Reply 1

Kingston Reps

Official Rep

Original post by cocopops1618

Hi! I'm currently a 2nd year student at uni but I didn't 2 gap years so I'm a couple years older than most my peers (not much of an issue most the time but sometimes it's noticeable)
A bit of background, I currently live in a house with friends I met last year like most people do but I'm having real problems with 1 of the 5 people I live with. Her room is directly above me and she's very loud and I struggle to focus on studying and sometimes get woken up or find it hard to sleep. When I ask her to be quite it just causes arguments. We also have clashes over other things as well and I just generally don't consider her a friend at all and hate living with her.
I've been considering moving out on my own into a studio for next year as I think I'll prefer it as I'm a bit of a neat freak and I'm quite introverted. But I'm worried about telling my other housemates as they aren't that bad and if it wasn't for the other person I'd definitely stay with them. I'm also worried I'll get excluded from the group and we won't be that good friends anymore. But I feel I'd be able to focus on my degree better and feel less stressed on my own.
If anyone could provide any opinions, thoughts, advice or experiences I'd really love to hear them

Hi @cocopops1618

I am really sorry to hear this, but yes as you said unfortunately this is quite common. it is hard to live with other people never mind those you haven't known for that long. I'd say you have to clearly weigh up the pro's and con's. If you want to live with these housemates next year, are they not on a similar page? Have they been distracted by the noise and disruption as well as, maybe it would be good to talk to them about it. If you are moving into a new house you may be in a room where you don't have to come into contact with this person as much or you could see if anyone would change rooms if you are continuing to live in the same house. You could also consider studying in the library, I find I get lots done there.

Although on the other hand I can completely understand this is not ideal, you shouldn't have to go somewhere else to study, especially when you have done all you can to bring up the issues and try and resolve it. I also know your final year is when you need to focus the most and it is good you have recognised this and your need for your own space. I think if your honest with your other flatmates about the issue, then they will understand and surely already know about some of these arguments that have happened. They may even be able to help come up with a solution. And I think just letting them know you still want to spend time with them, but just need to focus finally year you will be able to put the effort in to still meet up and spend time with them.

I think the best thing to do is make a pro's and con's list and see what factors are weighing more heavily than others. Also speak to your flatmates and see what they are thinking for next year, maybe before mentioning your thoughts it would be good to hear theirs.

(Also sidenote I don't know if you have heard of the podcast The Girls Bathroom by Sophia and Cinzia, but I think they have answered a similar dilemma to this before, maybe you could even write in :smile:

)

I hope this helps in someway :smile:

And good luck with your next year of uni!
-Grace (Kingston Rep)

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 2

University of Huddersfield

Official Rep

Original post by cocopops1618

Hi! I'm currently a 2nd year student at uni but I didn't 2 gap years so I'm a couple years older than most my peers (not much of an issue most the time but sometimes it's noticeable)
A bit of background, I currently live in a house with friends I met last year like most people do but I'm having real problems with 1 of the 5 people I live with. Her room is directly above me and she's very loud and I struggle to focus on studying and sometimes get woken up or find it hard to sleep. When I ask her to be quite it just causes arguments. We also have clashes over other things as well and I just generally don't consider her a friend at all and hate living with her.
I've been considering moving out on my own into a studio for next year as I think I'll prefer it as I'm a bit of a neat freak and I'm quite introverted. But I'm worried about telling my other housemates as they aren't that bad and if it wasn't for the other person I'd definitely stay with them. I'm also worried I'll get excluded from the group and we won't be that good friends anymore. But I feel I'd be able to focus on my degree better and feel less stressed on my own.
If anyone could provide any opinions, thoughts, advice or experiences I'd really love to hear them

@cocopops1618

Are there plans to change rooms in the house next year e.g. the person who had the smallest room this year, doesn't have the smallest room next year? Are there people who want to change from living upstairs to downstairs? There might be someone who gets on better with the housemate who lives above you who might be willing to change with you or might you be able to explain that you are happy to live with them next year but don't want to live with the housemate above or have a room underneath them. They might be a bit taken aback by it all, but it's important you are open and honest with them. They will either try and see if they can resolve some of the problems you have been having with this housemate or feel unable to do anything. If the latter, then you will be free to look at living on your own.

Living on your own can be nice in terms of being free to not worry about washing left in the sink or space in the kitchen to cook, cleaning rotas, splitting bills, but it can feel more lonely. Coming back to an empty place, not having anyone to talk to about your day or someone to eat dinner with, or to help you when you are feeling stressed can be tough! It can be good in terms of being more focused on studies, but it can be easier to spend too much time indoors and to not spend enough time getting out and about, getting fresh air, hanging out with others and having a break away from work, so I think it's important to be proactive in spending time with others, especially if you know you're an introvert.

Talk to your housemates about next year to get an idea of what they too are thinking. The person above you might even want to move out next year. It may be that three of you live together or they want to live with other friends they have met this year, so see what everybody is thinking and from there you will be able to think about what you would like to do.

All the best,

Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield

Reply 3

cocopops1618

Original post by University of Huddersfield

@cocopops1618
Are there plans to change rooms in the house next year e.g. the person who had the smallest room this year, doesn't have the smallest room next year? Are there people who want to change from living upstairs to downstairs? There might be someone who gets on better with the housemate who lives above you who might be willing to change with you or might you be able to explain that you are happy to live with them next year but don't want to live with the housemate above or have a room underneath them. They might be a bit taken aback by it all, but it's important you are open and honest with them. They will either try and see if they can resolve some of the problems you have been having with this housemate or feel unable to do anything. If the latter, then you will be free to look at living on your own.
Living on your own can be nice in terms of being free to not worry about washing left in the sink or space in the kitchen to cook, cleaning rotas, splitting bills, but it can feel more lonely. Coming back to an empty place, not having anyone to talk to about your day or someone to eat dinner with, or to help you when you are feeling stressed can be tough! It can be good in terms of being more focused on studies, but it can be easier to spend too much time indoors and to not spend enough time getting out and about, getting fresh air, hanging out with others and having a break away from work, so I think it's important to be proactive in spending time with others, especially if you know you're an introvert.
Talk to your housemates about next year to get an idea of what they too are thinking. The person above you might even want to move out next year. It may be that three of you live together or they want to live with other friends they have met this year, so see what everybody is thinking and from there you will be able to think about what you would like to do.
All the best,
Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield

Thank you so much for your reply. That's very helpful advice.
I have asked one of my housemates if he'd swap and he said he'd be happy to but sees not much point as he can also hear her even tho he's not directly under her (hes like diagonal to her) Everyone else in the house are a bit gossipy so I tend not to tell them anything like this as a lot of talk happens behind people's backs, and I know none of them would be willing to swap anyway.

But thank you for your insight and advice. It is very much appreciated!

Reply 4

University of Huddersfield

Official Rep

Original post by cocopops1618

Hi! I'm currently a 2nd year student at uni but I didn't 2 gap years so I'm a couple years older than most my peers (not much of an issue most the time but sometimes it's noticeable)
A bit of background, I currently live in a house with friends I met last year like most people do but I'm having real problems with 1 of the 5 people I live with. Her room is directly above me and she's very loud and I struggle to focus on studying and sometimes get woken up or find it hard to sleep. When I ask her to be quite it just causes arguments. We also have clashes over other things as well and I just generally don't consider her a friend at all and hate living with her.
I've been considering moving out on my own into a studio for next year as I think I'll prefer it as I'm a bit of a neat freak and I'm quite introverted. But I'm worried about telling my other housemates as they aren't that bad and if it wasn't for the other person I'd definitely stay with them. I'm also worried I'll get excluded from the group and we won't be that good friends anymore. But I feel I'd be able to focus on my degree better and feel less stressed on my own.
If anyone could provide any opinions, thoughts, advice or experiences I'd really love to hear them

Hi! I think the position you’re in is super unfortunate but sadly quite common. I think if you make it clear to your other roommates that you’d love to keep in contact with them and that you wanting to live alone is not due to them, I’m sure they’d understand! Also, if you clarify that you really like having a clean space and you think it’d be easier to manage your own space and be responsible for your own accom, but you did enjoy your time staying with them, I can’t imagine why they’d be upset. Just be honest and I’m sure it’ll be okay :smile:

I hope this helps!

Estelle
Third Year Psychology
University of Huddersfield

Reply 5

hallamstudents

Official Rep

Original post by cocopops1618

Hi! I'm currently a 2nd year student at uni but I didn't 2 gap years so I'm a couple years older than most my peers (not much of an issue most the time but sometimes it's noticeable)
A bit of background, I currently live in a house with friends I met last year like most people do but I'm having real problems with 1 of the 5 people I live with. Her room is directly above me and she's very loud and I struggle to focus on studying and sometimes get woken up or find it hard to sleep. When I ask her to be quite it just causes arguments. We also have clashes over other things as well and I just generally don't consider her a friend at all and hate living with her.
I've been considering moving out on my own into a studio for next year as I think I'll prefer it as I'm a bit of a neat freak and I'm quite introverted. But I'm worried about telling my other housemates as they aren't that bad and if it wasn't for the other person I'd definitely stay with them. I'm also worried I'll get excluded from the group and we won't be that good friends anymore. But I feel I'd be able to focus on my degree better and feel less stressed on my own.
If anyone could provide any opinions, thoughts, advice or experiences I'd really love to hear them

Hi there,

I can see why this isn't an ideal situation for you, it can be hard when you don't get on with people you are living with, especially when you feel like they are being unreasonable. If you have spoken to her and asked her to stop making as much noise when you are studying and she won't, then I think that this is fair enough. Of course it is her space too, but there should be a limit on how often she is playing loud music etc, especially when she knows it is disrupting you.

I would talk to your other housemates about it. You never know what their plans are for next year - they may not be planning on living with her if it has been disrupting them too, or there may be a way of swapping so that she is downstairs and not as disruptive. If you have asked her nicely and tried to have conversations with her about it, I think it is fair enough to talk to your other housemates about the situation without being seen as gossiping. It's worth talking to them before you make any decisions!

Living on your own will allow you to have your own space and not worry about other people, noise and mess etc. It will also help you focus on your degree so if you feel this is best for you then it sounds like a good idea. However, it sometimes can get quite lonely for people not having others there to chat to if you want to spend time with people. This does depend on you as a person though and if you wouldn't mind being on your own. It also doesn't mean you will definitely be lonely, you can invite people round and still go and see your friends!

You could also look into living in a different house with other people. If you have any other friendship groups, on your course or from anywhere else you could always see if they want to live with you? It's worth a try as the worst they can say is they have already sorted something!

If you do decide not to live with the people you are currently living with again next year, I'm sure they won't be angry at you or exclude you from their friendship group. It's completely up to you where you are living and they can't be mad at you for this!

I hope some of this helps!

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

Reply 6

University of Huddersfield

Official Rep

Original post by cocopops1618

Thank you so much for your reply. That's very helpful advice.
I have asked one of my housemates if he'd swap and he said he'd be happy to but sees not much point as he can also hear her even tho he's not directly under her (hes like diagonal to her) Everyone else in the house are a bit gossipy so I tend not to tell them anything like this as a lot of talk happens behind people's backs, and I know none of them would be willing to swap anyway.
But thank you for your insight and advice. It is very much appreciated!

@cocopops1618

No worries! I am sure it's good to know that you are not the only housemate who has found it difficult with the girl upstairs. Hope it all works out for you (whatever you choose to do)!

All the best,

Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield