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Something's wrong with me and I don't know what....Help? Watch

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    *sigh* There's something wrong with me....I don't feel well. I don't have anyone to speak to really, so I don't know where to turn or who to ask for help. I suppose I'm asking TSR help with where to direct me (hoping that maybe someone else has been here and can offer me some direction), or even if anyone has a vague idea what's going on in my head.

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    The holidays have swung round and I'm taking them terribly. I'm alone most of the time and my days are literally filled with FB and the internet. I have a really dislocated impersonal family, and every once in a while in the day, I'm filled with this overwhelming feeling of dread when I realise there's actually only one person in the world who actually knows and cares about me (my best friend), and is there when I need to talk (he gives crap advice though, so, alot of the time it only serves as a vent, but I appreciate it).

    I feel lethargic alot of the time, and also really stressed. I'm taking a gap year this year, applying in September for uni, and I still haven't a clue what I want to do, and the actual plans for the gap year are quite loose. I'm overwhelmed by all the decisions I have to make; I'm taking a gap year, accomodation may be an issue as my mum is prone to kicking me out (and I'm exhasted living at her house....our relationship is just draining), I don't have a support network should things go wrong, I need a job, I'm unaware of all the taxes and stuff I'll have to pay (because I'm turning 18 this week and living at home) and don't know whether I can handle it all (with the job thign), I'm going on a camp in 2 weeks for 10 days and am afraid I'll be alone the whole time....it just goes on and on.

    I've been to two camps since June, each lasting 3/4 days, but I'm really bad at socializing with completely new people when I go to these things on my own. Both of them I didn't really make any friends, and I've left just feeling inaedquate and like a failure :o: I've taken this paticularly hard as I'm aware if I don't make a family of friends, then I really am utterly alone, as liked said, I have a really dislocated, impersonal family.

    Alot (though not all) of this isn't new. For periods of a few years throughout my life I've had lots of friends (college being the higlight of my life even), but aside from those i've been pretty much a loner. I have a really difficult time settling in with new people (I overthink and analyze, and get really anxious and self consious), which is strange to those that no me from college, as there I was very socialable. Futhermore, since I'd say year 9 (5 years ago), on the family front I've been incredibly lonely too.

    I'm just really tired of feeling this way (and it actually disgusts me to admit it, it really really does, but at least once/twice a week I have been having suicidal thoughts though I'd never, ever do this).

    I'm sorry to rant and burden you with this all. I'm ashamed that this is actually my life, and I've gotten so desperate as to post on TSR of all places about this personal stuff. But I've just reached my limit.

    If you've read this far, then I thank you.
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    You need to start getting busy by organising your gap year. Your relationship with your mother doesn't sound the healthiest so you're probably best having some time away from her and time for yourself, too.
    What do you want to do for your gap? Travelling, work experience, just earn money for uni?
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    what you are is stressed, I had this at 16 what you need to do is see a doctor and rant to a professional. The suicidal thoughts might become actions like they did with me. Also you could be mentally exhausted due to stress. Try long walks to collect thoughts and writing is a good realise. Stress is normal but you need help because it can lead to full blown depression.

    Do you feel that you are under a black cloud and your stuck?
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    I know a few people who got jobs that are specifically aimed at people in their gap years so they can go travelling but earn money at the same time. This might be an idea, cos it means you're getting away, getting money and not living at home. Just a suggestion though
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    The holidays have swung round and I'm taking them terribly. I'm alone most of the time and my days are literally filled with FB and the internet. I have a really dislocated impersonal family, and every once in a while in the day, I'm filled with this overwhelming feeling of dread when I realise there's actually only one person in the world who actually knows and cares about me (my best friend), and is there when I need to talk (he gives crap advice though, so, alot of the time it only serves as a vent, but I appreciate it).

    I feel lethargic alot of the time, and also really stressed. ...

    I'm aware if I don't make a family of friends, then I really am utterly alone, as liked said, I have a really dislocated, impersonal family.

    ... i've been pretty much a loner. I have a really difficult time settling in with new people (I overthink and analyze, and get really anxious and self conscious), ... on the family front I've been incredibly lonely too.

    I'm just really tired of feeling this way (and it actually disgusts me to admit it, it really really does, but at least once/twice a week I have been having suicidal thoughts though I'd never, ever do this).
    I quote these bits just because I'm feeling the exact same way though I'm in my holidays after my first year of uni. I wish I knew what advice to give but considering I'm in near enough the same pattern of feelings I'm afraid I'd be a bit useless as I don't even know how to help myself.

    Do you think you'd have enough money to go travelling on your gap year? That could be really fulfilling for you. PM me if you ever need a chat or anything, chin up xx
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    (Original post by katierattray)
    what you are is stressed, I had this at 16 what you need to do is see a doctor and rant to a professional. The suicidal thoughts might become actions like they did with me. Also you could be mentally exhausted due to stress. Try long walks to collect thoughts and writing is a good realise. Stress is normal but you need help because it can lead to full blown depression.

    Do you feel that you are under a black cloud and your stuck?
    Yes, pretty much. Everything is just overwhelming me and I don't know how to help myself.

    (and thank you for your reply)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, pretty much. Everything is just overwhelming me and I don't know how to help myself.

    (and thank you for your reply)
    No problem thats how i felt but after i started councelling it got better now I am fine. Make an appointment with a doctor and they will help you. They are really good about dealing with stress. Good Luck.
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    (Original post by malleablegrace)
    I quote these bits just because I'm feeling the exact same way though I'm in my holidays after my first year of uni. I wish I knew what advice to give but considering I'm in near enough the same pattern of feelings I'm afraid I'd be a bit useless as I don't even know how to help myself.

    Do you think you'd have enough money to go travelling on your gap year? That could be really fulfilling for you. PM me if you ever need a chat or anything, chin up xx
    :hugs: Of course I'm not happy that you're feeling the same way as I o (because, it sucks), but I suppose I'm glad there's someone else that's feeling as I do.

    Yeh, the plan was to go away in Feb but I have to raise 3 grand if that's what I'm going to do. And, that figure just scares me. My dad has been ranting on about it being a recession and how I won't beable to raise it, I'm scared by not being able to get a job, and I fear my mum might kick me out (and even just generally living her for the next few months....it's just awful) in which case it'd been even more difficult to raise the funds (I'd have to pay rent, bills etc and the likelihood is I won't be earning that much). I was excited about it all whilst in college, but now, it just, ugh.

    And thankyou for that offer of a chat (honestly, really thanks). I hope I haven't gotten used to bottling things up that I don't take up up on it :o:
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    i'm in the same boat, except back home for summer during uni and my dad keeps trying to kick me out. got a full time job with an awful boss who controls everything and trying to study for a resit whilst wondering how im gonna pay the bills next year.....best advice, time changes everything, your situation is only temporary for now. chinn up and try and use the time u have to volunteer ior work expeience or something.
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    (Original post by 19music4)
    I know a few people who got jobs that are specifically aimed at people in their gap years so they can go travelling but earn money at the same time. This might be an idea, cos it means you're getting away, getting money and not living at home. Just a suggestion though
    Have you got any details on that by any chance, anything I can google? Anything that can get me away from this house is worth a look.
 
 
 
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