Hi, I just wanted to vent a little, I guess. I think I'm being bullied at school. I have been bullied at different points in my life before but not by a whole group of people. I prefer not to talk much as I'm introverted. I always wanted to be under the radar but my teachers love to draw attention to my grades in front of the entire class. I don't think I'm 'smart' and I just want to live my life peacefully by drawing, reading, watching stuff and my hobbies are pretty much the only reason I'm still alive.
The teachers at my school revealed my gcse grades to everyone. They did this to a group of students and not everyone. The problem is they didn't ask for my consent and have drawn unnecessary attention to me.
My teachers pick on us randomly to answer questions and I've always hated this because I can't formulate a single coherent sentence. I can never express what I want to say. Also, I get the answer wrong most of the time because I tend to answer quickly and it feels so suffocating knowing the people around me are watching. I don't even look any of them in the eye or acknowledge their existence unless I have to, yet some of them overtly gossip about me in the common room. One of the boys in my chem and maths class mentions my name once everyday as part of a running inside joke. For example, he says stuff like 'ask her, she knows everything' whilst others giggle and join in. I don't respond whenever anyone mentions my name which may give the impression that I can't recognise their attempts at sarcasm. I just can't retort at that moment because I don't have the energy to do anything but seconds later I'll find myself regretting not standing up for myself. I only have one friend and she answers all the questions in class and gets good grades yet I'm the only one who gets picked on.
In conclusion, I think all of this bullying is my fault as there's probably something fundamentally wrong with me. I want to change my accent and the way I speak but I don't think that will be possible at my current school. I'm finding a levels very hard right now and being the subject of ridicule at school is not helping. I can't even enjoy my hobbies right now to distract myself from the pain because mocks are approaching. I just wish my teachers didn't participate in making me feel worse by pointing out my stupid mistakes is front of everyone and mocking my accent by replicating it sometimes. My chemistry teacher/form tutor doesn't care and even joins them as they joke about me(they do it subtly).
Or maybe nothing is going on and I'm just being paranoid.