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Dating a guy in his 40s - found out he's pretending to be a 20 y/o online??!!

no trolls, personal attacks or nasty comments please :centipe:

ok a couple years ago i met the love of my life, i was 21 and he said he was a 28 year old musician. he was my first bf and i was a virgin. but i later found out that he was actually a 38 y/o busker (ex teacher) diveorced, broke and living with his parents.

when i found out his real age, i asked him if i was the biggest age gap he had dated and he said no. he was regularly dating under 21s and lying to them about his age pretending to be a super cool musician in his 20s to get girls into bed since most girls under 21 are so in awe of any guy who owns a car, cooks them dinner other than pot noodles and is a wannabe famus musician

i later found a few online dating profiles and social networking and his youtube profile all in which he pretended to be 28. he is very hot and had professional photos shirtless and looking like a musician, saying he was looking for girls 18+, and the same on his myspace page. he can get away with it as he is hot, but it seemed weird to me.

EDIT: we then dated for one and a half years

I think about him alot and want to get back with him. the other day i randomly gogled him to see if he had finally released the album he had been working on for the past few years.

he is now almost 42 but i found he had recently made a blog with all his music, shirtless musician pics and a biography about how he was an up and coming musician gonna be big about to relase an album (its been 8 years he has been working on it) but he listed his age as 20.

this seems really weird to me, he must be looking to date girls under 20 ie teenagers and doesnt seem normal behaviour for a man in his early 40s.

i want to get back with him and hopefully marry him (im 25) but this stuff makes me think he is a paedo or else mentally unstable. could there be any other explaination? is it a normal mid life crisis? it seems weird to me.

(edited 13 years ago)

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Reply 1

VeniViciVidi

Do you want to marry someone you lived a lie with?

Reply 2

Panda Bear

He spent 8 years working on an album? In his 40s? It's Axl Rose, isn't it?

Reply 3

xayshx

damn...why would you wanna spend the rest of your life with a liar

Reply 4

faber niger

Any guy who goes shirtless in public at 40 obviously doesn't know his true age.

Reply 5

i.student

in all seriousness. report him. the man is freak. he s obviously got issues.

Reply 6

Maxxie

He seems to have a thing for younger girls.

And he'll give you no financial security, because lets face it his album will go nowhere.

Reply 7

SillyRodent

He sounds pretty sleazy.

Reply 8

Drewski

How stupid are you, really?

Reply 9

shinytoy

Original post by VeniViciVidi

Do you want to marry someone you lived a lie with?

well its only online, he doesnt know that i know about any of his online profiles - nowadays i always google anyone i start dating because of bad experiences with married guys. when he came clean about his age, and i freaked out when i found he habitually dated 21 year olds (it isnt normal for a 40 y/o surely) he said he always lies about his age because if he says he is 40 people always respond 'omg!!! you sooo dont look 40, how do you look so young', etc and apparantly dont stop going on about it.

i mean, when i was 21 i beliived he was 28 because at 21 you dont know what a single 40 y/o on the pull looks like, you only know your dad and his beer bellied greying married friends, you dont know any six-packed toned, tanned, non greying hottie Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt lookalike as a 40 y/o.

Reply 10

shinytoy

Original post by i.student

in all seriousness. report him. the man is freak. he s obviously got issues.

i think it is paedo or else delusional, but where would i report it? i dont want a naive 15 y/o being taken in the way i was with some cool musician with hot shirtless pics airbrushing out the wrinklies

jismith1989

Any guy who goes shirtless in public at 40 obviously doesn't know his true age.

he has a six pack and is very tanned and toned. Brad Pitt is in his 40s.

Reply 11

tbm

Certainly doesnt sound normal to me. Not sure why you would want to get back with someone who was such a liar? Not really a great foundation for a relationship, let alone marriage.

Reply 12

Silver fern

So this guy lied to you about his identity, you know he lies to other people, goodness knows what else he lies about, you worry that *he* is mentally unstable but you want to spend the rest of your life with him :confused:

Reply 13

Silver fern

i freaked out when i found he habitually dated 21 year olds (it isnt normal for a 40 y/o surely) he said he always lies about his age because if he says he is 40 people always respond 'omg!!! you sooo dont look 40, how do you look so young', etc and apparantly dont stop going on about it.

I'm no hack, but there's a phrase well known in journalism called, "Well they would say that, wouldn't they?"

When I was 25 I hooked up with a 40 year old. He was a personal trainer, didn't look 40 at all and would get similar responses from other people. He still told the truth.

Reply 14

air-ninety-one

Original post by shinytoy

no trolls, personal attacks or nasty comments please :centipe:

ok a couple years ago i met the love of my life, i was 21 and he said he was a 28 year old musician. he was my first bf and i was a virgin. but i later found out that he was actually a 38 y/o busker (ex teacher) diveorced, broke and living with his parents.

when i found out his real age, i asked him if i was the biggest age gap he had dated and he said no. he was regularly dating under 21s and lying to them about his age pretending to be a super cool musician in his 20s to get girls into bed since most girls under 21 are so in awe of any guy who owns a car, cooks them dinner other than pot noodles and is a wannabe famus musician

i later found a few online dating profiles and social networking and his youtube profile all in which he pretended to be 28. he is very hot and had professional photos shirtless and looking like a musician, saying he was looking for girls 18+, and the same on his myspace page. he can get away with it as he is hot, but it seemed weird to me.

I think about him alot and want to get back with him. the other day i randomly gogled him to see if he had finally released the album he had been working on for the past few years.

he is now almost 42 but i found he had recently made a blog with all his music, shirtless musician pics and a biography about how he was an up and coming musician gonna be big about to relase an album (its been 8 years he has been working on it) but he listed his age as 20.

this seems really weird to me, he must be looking to date girls under 20 ie teenagers and doesnt seem normal behaviour for a man in his early 40s.

i want to get back with him and hopefully marry him (im 25) but this stuff makes me think he is a paedo or else mentally unstable. could there be any other explaination? is it a normal mid life crisis? it seems weird to me.

your an idiot. he only wants you for your clunge

Reply 15

alibobs

H has issues. I can't understand why you want to be with him. You know he consistently lies, consistently looks for younger girls (I had a big age gapprevious relationship, but to always go for someone so much younger certainly seems a bit weird, particularly while he lies about his age), you know he has lots of online dating profiles scouting for said younger girls......no matter what he looks like, he's hardly a catch is he. Also the fact he says he likes younger girls because they are in awe of him and his lifestyle makes me think that really, he is fairly pathetic and knows this, and recognises the only way he can command any respect in a relationship is to go for girls who are yougner so more likely to be naive and to lie about himself. Seriously, tell us again what you see in him cos I don't think anyone here can work out a single thing attractive about him.

Reply 16

VeniViciVidi

Original post by shinytoy

Well, at the end of the day, if you are happy with him lying about his age to you and to people on the internet, which he seems to use just to get young girls, if you're genuinely happy with that nothing is going to stop you.

Think about his intentions, WHY would he make a musician page saying he is 20. WHY would he try to put on an image and so on. It seems like you fit into the rule of his quite nicely with being the 21 year old, I don't want to say targets, but it sounds like it.

You think about him alot because he was your first love, first time for everything and you're scared you won't find someone who can match him. Listen to your mind for a bit than listen to your heart.

Reply 17

jb9191

Original post by shinytoy

no trolls, personal attacks or nasty comments please :centipe:

You couldn't tell that he was not in the age group he had said just by looking at his features and what not? Damn you're dumb.

when i found out his real age, i asked him if i was the biggest age gap he had dated and he said no. he was regularly dating under 21s and lying to them about his age pretending to be a super cool musician in his 20s to get girls into bed since most girls under 21 are so in awe of any guy who owns a car, cooks them dinner other than pot noodles and is a wannabe famus musician

Paul Gadd by any chance?

i later found a few online dating profiles and social networking and his youtube profile all in which he pretended to be 28. he is very hot and had professional photos shirtless and looking like a musician, saying he was looking for girls 18+, and the same on his myspace page. he can get away with it as he is hot, but it seemed weird to me.

Hes a professional groomer then.

I think about him alot and want to get back with him. the other day i randomly gogled him to see if he had finally released the album he had been working on for the past few years.

You've been perfectly groomed and the you are daft.

he is now almost 42 but i found he had recently made a blog with all his music, shirtless musician pics and a biography about how he was an up and coming musician gonna be big about to relase an album (its been 8 years he has been working on it) but he listed his age as 20.

Hes a compulsive liar and you are falling for it LOL. God must put such gullible people on the Earth for daily entertainment. Gods own version of HBO and you're the main star.

this seems really weird to me, he must be looking to date girls under 20 ie teenagers and doesnt seem normal behaviour for a man in his early 40s.

Why get with the weirdo then?

i want to get back with him and hopefully marry him (im 25) but this stuff makes me think he is a paedo or else mentally unstable. could there be any other explaination? is it a normal mid life crisis? it seems weird to me.

He is not normal. He is basically an adult stuck in a teenage frame of mind - its sad and pathetic and weird. Also, you do not know how far he has taken this obsession with younger girls do you?

You need to mature yourself mentally to be honest.

Reply 18

WelshBluebird

Original post by i.student

in all seriousness. report him. the man is freak. he s obviously got issues.

To who? Lying about your age is not illegal. And he wasn't trying to chat up underage girls, so he has done nothing illegal. Its morally wrong yes, but the OP is also partly at fault for being so naive.