The Student Room Group

3.5 months of casual dating but not sure whats going on ?

so for reference I met this amazing guy on the 3rd February and we have been literally texting +going out multiple times a week since the 3rd February . he is 24 , I am 18 for reference . when we first met I ashamedly did say I was 19 and about 3 weeks in I did tell him the truth and we got past it . since then he has cared about me and reassured me in my most difficult times but explicitly said to me he wants to build a relationship with me and has genuine affection for me .. however he doesnt want to define the relationship and that is killing me . I dont want to beg him to make me his gf coz I have more self respect than that but its j killing me that we r going on day after day with no definition to what we r doing . For reference ive met his cousins , friends and his best mate last night . he shows true care and affection for me but doesnt want to define what we are doing which just freaks me out because idk what to do ?
Reply 1
If he wants to keep it casual and you want things to be serious you aren't compatible. You know what to do...
thing is he said I dont want to keep this casual im trying to build a relationship w u like idk what that means
Original post by Surnia
If he wants to keep it casual and you want things to be serious you aren't compatible. You know what to do...
You'll have to be honest with your feelings for him and let him know that you are looking for a relationship and that you felt like being strung along this whole time, despite you caring for him. Ask him why he's not wanting to define a relationship and see how he responds, based on that it's your choice to say whether you want to be with him or not. I don't see you as being desperate by saying all this but if he's saying one thing and doing another, it's best not to have your time wasted, right now it just feels like a friendship tbh and if he still doesn't want to define the relationship then it's better for you to move onto someone that will take you seriously.
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
thing is he said I dont want to keep this casual im trying to build a relationship w u like idk what that means

Three months of proper dating is enough to decide whether or not you want a relationship, so he's not building anything. If he can't 'define it' now, when will he?
so today I met his family and like he introduced me by my name - but he told me afterwards how lucky he Is to have me in his life and we j walked around all day effortlessly in the sun . yet its ben 3.5 months and I am not his girlfriend ... like I genuinely dont know how to ask him genuinely if he wants me to be his girlfriend or not?
Original post by Surnia
Three months of proper dating is enough to decide whether or not you want a relationship, so he's not building anything. If he can't 'define it' now, when will he?
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
so today I met his family and like he introduced me by my name - but he told me afterwards how lucky he Is to have me in his life and we j walked around all day effortlessly in the sun . yet its ben 3.5 months and I am not his girlfriend ... like I genuinely dont know how to ask him genuinely if he wants me to be his girlfriend or not?

"We've been dating over 3 months, that's enough time to decide where this relationship will go. Are you serious enough to call us boyfriend and girlfriend?"

Anything other than a "yes" tells you everything you need to know.
Original post by Surnia
"We've been dating over 3 months, that's enough time to decide where this relationship will go. Are you serious enough to call us boyfriend and girlfriend?"

Anything other than a "yes" tells you everything you need to know.


you are right - I am going to just ask him
I asked him and he told me he openly sleeps w other women . I am now done
Original post by Anonymous
you are right - I am going to just ask him
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
I asked him and he told me he openly sleeps w other women . I am now done

It's still going to hurt, but good for you. Hugs!

:hugs:
its weird coz he says but I dont want them I am only interested in you .
Original post by Surnia
It's still going to hurt, but good for you. Hugs!

:hugs:
Reply 11
Original post by Anonymous
I asked him and he told me he openly sleeps w other women . I am now done


Sorry to hear that, but at least now you found out and not in a few months time or years, especially if he did then want to further your connection.

Saying that, ive never been in a relationship and I'm 20 (male), sometimes (like this) I am glad I've never been in a relationship but most the time I always wonder what could have been/what it would be like to be in one
honestly its not worth it . u j end up getting hurt and dont go for ppl in diff stages of their life it wont work ;/
Original post by cos123
Sorry to hear that, but at least now you found out and not in a few months time or years, especially if he did then want to further your connection.

Saying that, ive never been in a relationship and I'm 20 (male), sometimes (like this) I am glad I've never been in a relationship but most the time I always wonder what could have been/what it would be like to be in one
Reply 13
Original post by Anonymous
honestly its not worth it . u j end up getting hurt and dont go for ppl in diff stages of their life it wont work ;/


What is not worth it? Being in a relationship? - as I said before, I wouldn't know, never been in one, I'd like to but never had the opportunity
Original post by cos123
What is not worth it? Being in a relationship? - as I said before, I wouldn't know, never been in one, I'd like to but never had the opportunity

It's not worth the OP being in a relationship with someone who sleeps around can't be trusted, can't communicate and can't commit.

It's not always like that...
ye im not branding relationships a waste of time but w ppl like this guy I was w it is .
he has the audacity to come back going hey darling lets talk but that completely undermines what he said 2 hours prior which was -"ill tell what I want to tell u and you dont deserve to know anything about me "
Original post by Surnia
It's not worth the OP being in a relationship with someone who sleeps around can't be trusted, can't communicate and can't commit.

It's not always like that...
Reply 16
Original post by Surnia
It's not worth the OP being in a relationship with someone who sleeps around can't be trusted, can't communicate and can't commit.

It's not always like that...


I hope it isn't always like that, never been in a relationship, can't seem to even get a match on dating apps 🤣 never had anyone interested in me in terms of relationship..
Reply 17
Original post by Anonymous
ye im not branding relationships a waste of time but w ppl like this guy I was w it is .
he has the audacity to come back going hey darling lets talk but that completely undermines what he said 2 hours prior which was -"ill tell what I want to tell u and you dont deserve to know anything about me "


Honestly if you're with someone in their 20's as 18 y/o waiting for them to cuff you is not worth it ,you're better off single or seeing if you're compatible with people your own age .Cos they will try and waste your time cos you're young
Reply 18
Original post by espanola12
Honestly if you're with someone in their 20's as 18 y/o waiting for them to cuff you is not worth it ,you're better off single or seeing if you're compatible with people your own age .Cos they will try and waste your time cos you're young

Not true, some people generally do want a relationship. For me, I couldn't care for sex or other "benefits", I want to find that one person. I'm 20 and not had sex, waiting a few more years (if that is the case) then so be it. Waiting for the right person.. they can be the same age or a few years apart. Not everyone is like that

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