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I will die by suicide at some point in my life.

OK, firstly I just want to say this is not a thread that has been made because I've had a bad day, and is it not a simple rant.

I'm not clinically depressed at the moment, and so am not in receipt of any counselling or medication therapy.

However, as many people on TSR will be aware, I have experienced real, and severe, depression 1 year back (which I had for about 18 months - 2 years in total, but feelings of 'being down'/upset for probably 3 years to be realistic).

I just feel that at some point, maybe in the next six months, maybe in the next 10 years (though I must admit I don't think it will be that long at all) that I will die by suicide.

I'm not writing this thread because I expect someone to reply with a well rehersed answer, just because I feel as though I would like to express it.

Thanks.

Reply 1

isaqyi

If you're saying this and you're of sane mind, then I must say that I think you're extremely selfish.

Reply 2

Oranges

Rather than just expressing it here go talk to someone. A doctor or someone similar you know you can trust and who'll help you.

Don't just give in to it, work at getting past it.

Reply 3

sil3nt_cha0s

16

Out of interest, did your university give you any form of counselling or help, and has it worked (if you had any)?

Also you've never told us why you're depressed. Why are you?

(plus most people think you're a troll anyway)

I hope you won't.

Original post by mathperson

I just feel that at some point, maybe in the next six months, maybe in the next 10 years (though I must admit I don't think it will be that long at all) that I will die by suicide.

There are 6 billion or more people in the world. Some die by accident, some die by war, some die by disease, some die by hunger. And this is happening in every minute of every hour of every day.

You want to kill yourself by choice. You simply don't know what tomorrow is going to be like, or the next month, or year - life can get better. Of course, it can get worse but it can also get better. Giving it up will never allow you to find out. Ever. There have been people with depression for decades, for a lifetime - they've pulled through.

Suicide seems like the ideal solution when you are at the low point of your life, when nothing is working out. That does not mean, and never has meant, that it's never going to go uphill from there. Imagine how grateful you could turn out to be when, in future, things do turn out well. Think about that. :smile:

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 6

username366985

2

Heck I'll be different.

You're awesome, the best, I love you, everybody does.

Reply 7

mathperson

OP

20

Original post by sil3nt_cha0s

Out of interest, did your university give you any form of counselling or help, and has it worked (if you had any)?

Also you've never told us why you're depressed. Why are you?

(plus most people think you're a troll anyway)

most people thought I was a troll about 18 months ago when I made alot of depression threads when I was depressed and just before attempting suicide. However now that I've got over that and tried to help others, people have realised differently.

I feel pressured at the moment, and on the edge, but not depressed. I did explain this in my op in this thread, and previously I have explained why I was depressed, many times.

counselling did work when I received it.
Thanks.

Reply 8

Roo Bix

11

Original post by mathperson

counselling did work when I received it.

So isn't this more your lack of motivation/pessimism than anything else?

Reply 9

innerhollow

18

I'm in a similar position myself. I don't think the constant drudgery is something I hope to keep going long-term, so when I work up the courage to commit suicide I'm out of here. Not now obviously, but at some point. I know that it will upset my parents, but to be honest, they chose to have children knowing all the risks. I didn't consent to being brought to life, so I'm not morally obliged to remain here.

It's not that my life is particularly bad (I think I have a rather nice little life actually :smile:

) I just think there's no point continuing with some tedious existence when I'm going to die anyway. Life for me is just a stream of boredom punctuated by the occassional burst of positive emotion. That's the same for everyone, but I've decided, it's not really worth it on the whole. I think I'll get a few things I want to in life done, and then quit while I'm ahead.

I'll remember to donate all my current money to a chosen charity and get an organ donor card before I do though. I promise!

EDIT: Love you too, neggers.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 10

hannah_dru

2

No offence but you must have some kind of underlying issues with depression still if you're still thinking that way. Do yourself a favour and go and talk to someone, get some help. That's not a healthy or normal mindset to be in.

Reply 11

eLECTROLOSIS

1

Pleeeease value your life because you only get one and you've gotta make the best go of it that you can...

Reply 12

mathperson

OP

20

Original post by hannah_dru

No offence but you must have some kind of underlying issues with depression still if you're still thinking that way. Do yourself a favour and go and talk to someone, get some help. That's not a healthy or normal mindset to be in.

no offence taken. it's a fair point.

Reply 13

Paint-a-Picture

Original post by mathperson

OK, firstly I just want to say this is not a thread that has been made because I've had a bad day, and is it not a simple rant.

I'm not clinically depressed at the moment, and so am not in receipt of any counselling or medication therapy.

However, as many people on TSR will be aware, I have experienced real, and severe, depression 1 year back (which I had for about 18 months - 2 years in total, but feelings of 'being down'/upset for probably 3 years to be realistic).

I just feel that at some point, maybe in the next six months, maybe in the next 10 years (though I must admit I don't think it will be that long at all) that I will die by suicide.

I'm not writing this thread because I expect someone to reply with a well rehersed answer, just because I feel as though I would like to express it.

Thanks.

Dont do it man. You have only got around 50- 60 years to go anyway by then maybe you will be happy, or learn to be happy or remain depressed and unhappy. But at the end of the day death isnt something to rush into. You will have alot of time in that coffin. What is 10 20 years anyway a day passess at the blink of an eye before you know you are in your death bed. See what happens, try to enjoy it, see what the big deal is. What is it that everyone can seem to have fun doing, enjoy that you cant. Is it because you know more, they know more, family, friends, partner. Even so, travel the world, money means nothing right? Spend some time with every type of people there is, learn different languages, they show a different view to life that you may be missing. View this as something that needs to be resolved. Graffiti everywhere, bully people, swear, spit, slap, punch go into prison. Or you could voluneer, help, care, love, sing, write.

I think I have been depressed before. At the time it was horrible. Now that I look back it is the best thing that could happened have to me. Depression means you care. You are depressed because you care. Caring is living, caring is wanting change, caring is wanting more from life.
Whilst depressed you are capable of so much. I am going to ask you to write a book. Or start it. Everything you are feeling, I know so much is going on in your brain. You hate what is going on, you want things to change, write them down at least so people can at least find diagnosis.
You can make a difference.

Not everyone is capable of being depressed.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 14

Mujeriego

10

Original post by innerhollow

I'm in a similar position myself. I don't think the constant drudgery is something I hope to keep going long-term, so when I work up the courage to commit suicide I'm out of here. Not now obviously, but at some point. I know that it will upset my parents, but to be honest, they chose to have children knowing all the risks. I didn't consent to being brought to life, so I'm not morally obliged to remain here.

It's not that my life is particularly bad (I think I have a rather nice little life actually :smile:

) I just think there's no point continuing with some tedious existence when I'm going to die anyway. Life for me is just a stream of boredom punctuated by the occassional burst of positive emotion. That's the same for everyone, but I've decided, it's not really worth it on the whole. I think I'll get a few things I want to in life done, and then quit while I'm ahead. I was going to try and have kids somehow and live for as long as possible, but that seems like a worse and worse idea the more I think about it :/

EDIT: I'll remember to donate all my current money to a chosen charity and get an organ donor card before I do though. I promise!

Ugh...

Reply 15

History-Student

16

Original post by innerhollow

... so when I work up the courage to commit suicide I'm out of here. ...

There's no courage involved in suicide. It's your life to do with as you please, but don't dare kid yourself that this is some noble choice; quitting is quitting, whatever form it takes.

Original post by innerhollow

...

EDIT: I'll remember to donate all my current money to a chosen charity and get an organ donor card before I do though. I promise!

Better than nothing I suppose.

Reply 16

kerily

15

I'm 100% aware that I will die by suicide too, one day. I don't plan for this to be soon - not even within 20-30 years - but I know that that's how I will die.

It's not particularly a product of my depression (although I am depressed); it's something I've just felt that I've known, and since I was about 8 or 9, too. It just seems inevitable, really; like my life is definitely leading up to it. I don't think it's particularly selfish and I don't say it because I want attention or whatever; it just feels logical.

Reply 17

*twinkletoes*

10

Sometimes when you think like this you need to take a step back and evaluate things. Is your life really that bad that its not worth living? I always think to myself that no matter what happens to me (which believe me has been a heck of a lot!!!) there are always people worse off than me that are still trying to be strong and happy... I know its not easy to do that all the time and sometimes you just feel like you want to lock yourself away but its not the answer.

Think of the people that would be hurt if you actually went through with it. Im very sorry but it is quite selfish and im sure the people in your life dont deserve that... Iv known people that have committed suicide and it isnt nice. If things are that bad then take some time out and go and see someone and make sure you stick at it. These things eventually get better.

Reply 18

BakerStreet

1

Put it this way - Last time you felt like ending your life, are you now glad that you didn't? Think about every positive emotion you feel; Think about every time you smile, every time you laugh. Think about a life that is purely those positive emotions. Now, that life, you could strive to achieve. Maybe you never will, but you can beat this depression and live the best life you can, make a difference in this world, make people happy, if you choose to take that chance. The chance to make someone happy is a chance we receive over, and over again, but only if we choose to live. If you choose to end your own life, that's it. There's no re-run, there's no second chance. If you're at all happy that you didn't end your life last time you felt suicidal, then realise, you've got a reason to live, and remember, you're stronger than this depression. You CAN lead a happy life.