Is there any hope for me? I have failed in life.
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Hey there,
This is very moving and upsetting at the same time. You really have been through a lot and it seems like it's just one thing after another. I think you need to take a year out as advised from the other guys on this thread. Take a year out and have some reflection but never give up on hope or your dreams. I always say that you always have to do something for yourself in order to get what you want from life but it sounds like your mum would be a great motivation for you aswell, imagine how proud she would be of you. (I'm sure she already is as you seem to be a very bright person)
One of the most important things you must realise though is that you are bound to feel down due to the many bad things you have experienced - it's bound to have it's affect on the most strongest of people. Don't feel like you are the problem, this sounds like you, like a lot people are a victim of circumstance.
As I dont know you personally, I feel a little odd giving you advice but I think it might be wise for you to take a year out and use the time to see your doctor to help with your depression. At least you will know when you're feeling yourself again that you will be ready to continue your studies and give it all you have got.
I hope I've given you some light at the end of the tunnel and this makes sense or is useful.
I wish you well and hope you are back to yourself soon. =)
This is very moving and upsetting at the same time. You really have been through a lot and it seems like it's just one thing after another. I think you need to take a year out as advised from the other guys on this thread. Take a year out and have some reflection but never give up on hope or your dreams. I always say that you always have to do something for yourself in order to get what you want from life but it sounds like your mum would be a great motivation for you aswell, imagine how proud she would be of you. (I'm sure she already is as you seem to be a very bright person)
One of the most important things you must realise though is that you are bound to feel down due to the many bad things you have experienced - it's bound to have it's affect on the most strongest of people. Don't feel like you are the problem, this sounds like you, like a lot people are a victim of circumstance.
As I dont know you personally, I feel a little odd giving you advice but I think it might be wise for you to take a year out and use the time to see your doctor to help with your depression. At least you will know when you're feeling yourself again that you will be ready to continue your studies and give it all you have got.
I hope I've given you some light at the end of the tunnel and this makes sense or is useful.
I wish you well and hope you are back to yourself soon. =)
They didn't let you have time off for a bereavement? The tutor's hit pretty low here.
Remember, Imperial College is a very good university. A lot of businesses may be impressed by you being able to get into there.
I think the first step you could take is having a long conversation with someone at the university you can trust, such as a counsellor. Explain your circumstances, and whether they can do anything to help. They may let you resit exams, or give you some sort of bump on your marks so you could get a 2.1 instead of a 2.2, or something.
I'm really not too sure on what else to suggest. Hiring a counsellor or a psychiatrist could help, so that they can help you feel less depressed before you start job-hunting. If no employers will accept your degree, you could try taking a job without a degree for experience and to get you somewhere.
Good luck, if it helps in any way. I can't think how hard this could be, and I hope that everything works out for you in the end.
Remember, Imperial College is a very good university. A lot of businesses may be impressed by you being able to get into there.
I think the first step you could take is having a long conversation with someone at the university you can trust, such as a counsellor. Explain your circumstances, and whether they can do anything to help. They may let you resit exams, or give you some sort of bump on your marks so you could get a 2.1 instead of a 2.2, or something.
I'm really not too sure on what else to suggest. Hiring a counsellor or a psychiatrist could help, so that they can help you feel less depressed before you start job-hunting. If no employers will accept your degree, you could try taking a job without a degree for experience and to get you somewhere.
Good luck, if it helps in any way. I can't think how hard this could be, and I hope that everything works out for you in the end.
This is a sad and upsetting read. I'm really sorry that you're going through such a tough time.
You need to understand that you are not a failure. You may not have done well in your exams, but that doesn't make you a failure. What it actually does is give you feedback that you didn't reach your potential and that you are capable of much better results (especially considering your previous results). "It's not failure, it's feedback" is the motto to go by right now. Feedback in every sense of the word: you're clearly bright and intelligent, but your results don't reflect that. Why? That's a question for you to answer and have a really good think about. Once you figure it out, use the feedback to rectify the problem and not make the same mistake. If you deal with it this way, you not only get better results, but you also equip yourself with the ability to deal with similar situations you could face in the future. All it takes is a change in attitude: Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it - Lou Holtz.
Also, you're still young, only 21 - you have a whole life ahead of you!
As for possible solutions, a lot of users have already stated them. First seek advice from your university, have a look to see if there are PhDs that take your circumstances into consideration.
Personally, I think that a change would be good right now. Would you consider doing a year in an industrial placement related to your field? The change in environment would give you a 'fresh-start' and sometime to clear your head from academics a little, while keeping you busy enough to not feel too idle. If you want and if it's an option at your university, you might be able to retake one or two exams while on your placement, which is a bonus.
Avoiding flatmates and being in socially-isolated only makes your depression worse. I know you hear it a lot, and it get's annoying after a while, but it really, really does make a huge difference on how you feel. I was in a similar situation and ignored this advice thinking it wouldn't help, but when I finally tried it out, I saw that it was a big part of what was making me feel the crappy way I did. So do try to see if there's anyone you can talk to comfortably about things - even if it isn't about how you feel and it's just a general conversation, or just having a laugh. It will be helpful and it will make you feel less isolated. If you feel like there's nobody you can talk to, you can PM me and I'd be more than happy to lend an ear.
I hope this was helpful and I hope everything goes well for you. Remember, you're not a failure and life is all about attitude!
You need to understand that you are not a failure. You may not have done well in your exams, but that doesn't make you a failure. What it actually does is give you feedback that you didn't reach your potential and that you are capable of much better results (especially considering your previous results). "It's not failure, it's feedback" is the motto to go by right now. Feedback in every sense of the word: you're clearly bright and intelligent, but your results don't reflect that. Why? That's a question for you to answer and have a really good think about. Once you figure it out, use the feedback to rectify the problem and not make the same mistake. If you deal with it this way, you not only get better results, but you also equip yourself with the ability to deal with similar situations you could face in the future. All it takes is a change in attitude: Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it - Lou Holtz.
Also, you're still young, only 21 - you have a whole life ahead of you!
As for possible solutions, a lot of users have already stated them. First seek advice from your university, have a look to see if there are PhDs that take your circumstances into consideration.
Personally, I think that a change would be good right now. Would you consider doing a year in an industrial placement related to your field? The change in environment would give you a 'fresh-start' and sometime to clear your head from academics a little, while keeping you busy enough to not feel too idle. If you want and if it's an option at your university, you might be able to retake one or two exams while on your placement, which is a bonus.
Avoiding flatmates and being in socially-isolated only makes your depression worse. I know you hear it a lot, and it get's annoying after a while, but it really, really does make a huge difference on how you feel. I was in a similar situation and ignored this advice thinking it wouldn't help, but when I finally tried it out, I saw that it was a big part of what was making me feel the crappy way I did. So do try to see if there's anyone you can talk to comfortably about things - even if it isn't about how you feel and it's just a general conversation, or just having a laugh. It will be helpful and it will make you feel less isolated. If you feel like there's nobody you can talk to, you can PM me and I'd be more than happy to lend an ear.
I hope this was helpful and I hope everything goes well for you. Remember, you're not a failure and life is all about attitude!
(edited 11 years ago)
I'm sorry I can't quote everybody individually, but thank you very much for all your advise.
Unfortunately, taking a year out isn't an option for me because I have pretty much been disowned by my family and I would have nowhere else to live. My parents are Asian and want me to get married into a good family and stop worrying about having a career. But I know what I want and this isn't it.
I contacted many Universities explaining my situation, but every single one of them turned me down due to my grades. On Friday I did manage to get a masters place at UCL for 2013
It's not exactly what I wanted to do, but it's close enough and if I do well in this course I'll be able to apply for a PhD for 2014 entry, as most universities accept 2.2s if you have a masters. I'm going to apply for a careers development loan to fund it.
I am quite worried though because my mum has fallen ill again and she's had 3 tests last week to figure out if the tumours have come back. I wish I could be with her, but at the moment I need to try and do as well as I can in the exams. I'm not going to retake the year because I feel like I need a fresh start somewhere else. I don't want to be stuck here for another year.
I'm going to spend this summer doing volunteer work. I'll try getting in touch with my school from friends. I'm sure they'll understand I wasn't ignoring them intentionally. Hopefully I'll be well enough to do well next year
I'd like to thank everyone again for all the advise. It's been very comforting
Unfortunately, taking a year out isn't an option for me because I have pretty much been disowned by my family and I would have nowhere else to live. My parents are Asian and want me to get married into a good family and stop worrying about having a career. But I know what I want and this isn't it.
I contacted many Universities explaining my situation, but every single one of them turned me down due to my grades. On Friday I did manage to get a masters place at UCL for 2013
It's not exactly what I wanted to do, but it's close enough and if I do well in this course I'll be able to apply for a PhD for 2014 entry, as most universities accept 2.2s if you have a masters. I'm going to apply for a careers development loan to fund it.I am quite worried though because my mum has fallen ill again and she's had 3 tests last week to figure out if the tumours have come back. I wish I could be with her, but at the moment I need to try and do as well as I can in the exams. I'm not going to retake the year because I feel like I need a fresh start somewhere else. I don't want to be stuck here for another year.
I'm going to spend this summer doing volunteer work. I'll try getting in touch with my school from friends. I'm sure they'll understand I wasn't ignoring them intentionally. Hopefully I'll be well enough to do well next year
I'd like to thank everyone again for all the advise. It's been very comforting
Original post by Anonymous
I'm sorry I can't quote everybody individually, but thank you very much for all your advise.
Unfortunately, taking a year out isn't an option for me because I have pretty much been disowned by my family and I would have nowhere else to live. My parents are Asian and want me to get married into a good family and stop worrying about having a career. But I know what I want and this isn't it.
I contacted many Universities explaining my situation, but every single one of them turned me down due to my grades. On Friday I did manage to get a masters place at UCL for 2013 It's not exactly what I wanted to do, but it's close enough and if I do well in this course I'll be able to apply for a PhD for 2014 entry, as most universities accept 2.2s if you have a masters. I'm going to apply for a careers development loan to fund it.
I am quite worried though because my mum has fallen ill again and she's had 3 tests last week to figure out if the tumours have come back. I wish I could be with her, but at the moment I need to try and do as well as I can in the exams. I'm not going to retake the year because I feel like I need a fresh start somewhere else. I don't want to be stuck here for another year.
I'm going to spend this summer doing volunteer work. I'll try getting in touch with my school from friends. I'm sure they'll understand I wasn't ignoring them intentionally. Hopefully I'll be well enough to do well next year
I'd like to thank everyone again for all the advise. It's been very comforting
Unfortunately, taking a year out isn't an option for me because I have pretty much been disowned by my family and I would have nowhere else to live. My parents are Asian and want me to get married into a good family and stop worrying about having a career. But I know what I want and this isn't it.
I contacted many Universities explaining my situation, but every single one of them turned me down due to my grades. On Friday I did manage to get a masters place at UCL for 2013
It's not exactly what I wanted to do, but it's close enough and if I do well in this course I'll be able to apply for a PhD for 2014 entry, as most universities accept 2.2s if you have a masters. I'm going to apply for a careers development loan to fund it.I am quite worried though because my mum has fallen ill again and she's had 3 tests last week to figure out if the tumours have come back. I wish I could be with her, but at the moment I need to try and do as well as I can in the exams. I'm not going to retake the year because I feel like I need a fresh start somewhere else. I don't want to be stuck here for another year.
I'm going to spend this summer doing volunteer work. I'll try getting in touch with my school from friends. I'm sure they'll understand I wasn't ignoring them intentionally. Hopefully I'll be well enough to do well next year
I'd like to thank everyone again for all the advise. It's been very comforting
Congratulations, I'm so happy for you! I wish you all the happiness in the world
Original post by MegM
Sorry to hear about your mum and well done with the UCL offer. You will still go to the doctor on Monday won't you?
Yes, I will. After these exams, I will focus on getting better so I don't mess up again at UCL!
You didn't fail or even get a 3rd, you got a 2.2. That is not a bad degree and you can still achieve what you wanted to achieve. Okay, you might need to take a slightly different approach to what you had mapped out in your mind but that's not such a bad thing. Look at building up your work experience profile and in a few years time, you will have plentiful experience to make up for any deficiencies in your academics. Once you have actual, practical experience your academics become so much less important because you have already learned what you need to do the job and do it well. Don't get caught up in numbers and statistics and exam results - you can achieve your dreams without all that.
First things first though, you need to get yourself sorted. Your health is most important so do whatever it takes (whether that's taking a year out, getting counselling, or whatever) to achieve that.
First things first though, you need to get yourself sorted. Your health is most important so do whatever it takes (whether that's taking a year out, getting counselling, or whatever) to achieve that.
Original post by Anonymous
Yes, I will. After these exams, I will focus on getting better so I don't mess up again at UCL!
Start the ball rolling now though as I think there are usually waiting lists for counselling - and if they can help now, that will help you get through the exams.
If you want to apply to graduate schemes and need to plead extenuating circumstances if you get a 2:2, it would be good to have on file that you suffered a bereavement – so make sure that either your university or your doctor is able to confirm this in writing to any future employer.
yea what did the doc say?
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Join the Royal Navy, I'm leaving school this June and don't want to go to college
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Sorry, just going back to this: 'If you want to apply to graduate schemes and need to plead extenuating circumstances if you get a 2:2, it would be good to have on file that you suffered a bereavement – so make sure that either your university or your doctor is able to confirm this in writing to any future employer' - you need them to confirm the bereavement, ideally without reference to the depression, if they will agree to do that. They may agree to write something now that you can approve before you leave, that they can use when approached by employers.
Original post by MegM
What did the doc say OP?
Original post by lilmissshady
yea what did the doc say?
My GP prescribed my anti-depressants and sleeping tablets. She's also referred me for CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy). I have my first appointment next week. Hopefully I'll start to feel better soon.
This book has helping me in my battle with a lot of things. You can read it too. Cheers. http://grailmessage.com/en/
so how you doing? I hope your better let us know please
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Just remember Anonymous that some of those people on here- strangers - now expressing such 'concern' would have probably avoided your gaze and walked over the other side of the street when you didn't appear to meet their requirements of an upbeat and easygoing acquaintance.
There's probably a term for it but basically it boils down to - people choose to feel sympathy when it suits them or subconsciously relieves them of some latent guilt - or when they are compelled by contract in the case of 'professionals'.
The only people who you should rely on are those who who have been there for you - proactively of their own volition - in the very worst times.
It can be far worse when depression affects those at prestigiously regarded institutions. It seems like an unfathomable disconnect of reality that the image of academic cosiness does not lastingly permeate the reality of thousands of numbers (names) on a professor's computer.
There's probably a term for it but basically it boils down to - people choose to feel sympathy when it suits them or subconsciously relieves them of some latent guilt - or when they are compelled by contract in the case of 'professionals'.
The only people who you should rely on are those who who have been there for you - proactively of their own volition - in the very worst times.
It can be far worse when depression affects those at prestigiously regarded institutions. It seems like an unfathomable disconnect of reality that the image of academic cosiness does not lastingly permeate the reality of thousands of numbers (names) on a professor's computer.
(edited 11 years ago)
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