Coping with Impending Bereavement. Help please.
- My father is on his deathbed, Days/Weeks left..
- I am due to start a new amazing (high pressure) graduate scheme job with one of the worlds leading banks and they are sending us abroad at the end of next week, for a 2 week induction
- Currently seeing a girl, who's driving me crazy
Struggling to cope with this culmination of stress and sadness. I've opened up to a few friends. I've been trying to keep busy..but its hard taking your mind off things. I don't sleep very well, and as a result my productivity during the day is extremely low.
I've more or less accepted that death is imminent, but what can I do to ensure that it doesn't affect my performance in the new job? What will I do if he passes away whilst im abroad? I dont want to lose my job
I dont like pills but can the GP give me anything to boost my mood? How can I keep my mind off it?
Don't really know what I'm asking here..never been in such a position.
- I am due to start a new amazing (high pressure) graduate scheme job with one of the worlds leading banks and they are sending us abroad at the end of next week, for a 2 week induction
- Currently seeing a girl, who's driving me crazy
Struggling to cope with this culmination of stress and sadness. I've opened up to a few friends. I've been trying to keep busy..but its hard taking your mind off things. I don't sleep very well, and as a result my productivity during the day is extremely low.
I've more or less accepted that death is imminent, but what can I do to ensure that it doesn't affect my performance in the new job? What will I do if he passes away whilst im abroad? I dont want to lose my job
I dont like pills but can the GP give me anything to boost my mood? How can I keep my mind off it?
Don't really know what I'm asking here..never been in such a position.
First off, tell the girl that you need some space. Your dad is dying and you're starting a new job and it's getting to you, she should understand (and if she doesn't, well, screw her). That's 1 problem solved!
Secondly, sorry to hear about your dad. Unfortunately, there's really nothing you can do about the stress and sadness. Have any of your friends/family had a parent die? It's a touchy subject, of course, but you could ask them how they dealt with it. Seeing someone who has gone through this and come out the other side should give you hope.
Lastly, try to remember that your dad wouldn't want you to be stressed out and not doing your job to your fullest because of him. If he's anything like most dads, he'd rather you were acing your induction and then coming back to see him!
Good luck.
Secondly, sorry to hear about your dad. Unfortunately, there's really nothing you can do about the stress and sadness. Have any of your friends/family had a parent die? It's a touchy subject, of course, but you could ask them how they dealt with it. Seeing someone who has gone through this and come out the other side should give you hope.
Lastly, try to remember that your dad wouldn't want you to be stressed out and not doing your job to your fullest because of him. If he's anything like most dads, he'd rather you were acing your induction and then coming back to see him!
Good luck.
Original post by tomtjl
First off, tell the girl that you need some space. Your dad is dying and you're starting a new job and it's getting to you, she should understand (and if she doesn't, well, screw her). That's 1 problem solved!
Secondly, sorry to hear about your dad. Unfortunately, there's really nothing you can do about the stress and sadness. Have any of your friends/family had a parent die? It's a touchy subject, of course, but you could ask them how they dealt with it. Seeing someone who has gone through this and come out the other side should give you hope.
Lastly, try to remember that your dad wouldn't want you to be stressed out and not doing your job to your fullest because of him. If he's anything like most dads, he'd rather you were acing your induction and then coming back to see him!
Good luck.
Secondly, sorry to hear about your dad. Unfortunately, there's really nothing you can do about the stress and sadness. Have any of your friends/family had a parent die? It's a touchy subject, of course, but you could ask them how they dealt with it. Seeing someone who has gone through this and come out the other side should give you hope.
Lastly, try to remember that your dad wouldn't want you to be stressed out and not doing your job to your fullest because of him. If he's anything like most dads, he'd rather you were acing your induction and then coming back to see him!
Good luck.
Thanks for the input. The issue is, he is likely to pass away before I fly abroad or during my induction. I'm scared if I tell my boss, then they'll let me go or something..I tried looking it up in the employee handbook etc. but couldn't find anything.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for the input. The issue is, he is likely to pass away before I fly abroad or during my induction. I'm scared if I tell my boss, then they'll let me go or something..I tried looking it up in the employee handbook etc. but couldn't find anything.
They can't let you go because of this. It'll come under compassionate leave which most companies offer. And regardless, your boss will hardly think you're being dramatic/trying to avoid work for being concerned about the death of your father.
Try Googling "[name of company] compassionate leave"
You should seriously look into it before going onto antidepressants.
Some of them only kick in after about 4 weeks, and in the first 4 weeks, they can cause suicidal thoughts, I think. There are loads of other side effects too.
I could be wrong about this, but I have some experience with them.
Some of them only kick in after about 4 weeks, and in the first 4 weeks, they can cause suicidal thoughts, I think. There are loads of other side effects too.
I could be wrong about this, but I have some experience with them.
Hi,
I'm in a very similar situation to you however it's my grandfather who's been given not very long at all to live. My older sister has recently got into a new job and wanted to come home while my family and I coped with the situation, her boss gave her 'compassionate leave' and I'm pretty sure every company would do so under the circumstances. I'm almost certain you won't lose your job over this, it's clearly not your fault and you'd obviously not be in this position if you could have it any other way!
Take the leave you need to properly come to terms with what you're dealing with. I'm so sorry about your father, I can't imagine what that must be like for you. Stay strong and put your girlfriend to the side if she is making things more difficult for you, just for the meantime.
Good luck with your job and best wishes for your father x
I'm in a very similar situation to you however it's my grandfather who's been given not very long at all to live. My older sister has recently got into a new job and wanted to come home while my family and I coped with the situation, her boss gave her 'compassionate leave' and I'm pretty sure every company would do so under the circumstances. I'm almost certain you won't lose your job over this, it's clearly not your fault and you'd obviously not be in this position if you could have it any other way!
Take the leave you need to properly come to terms with what you're dealing with. I'm so sorry about your father, I can't imagine what that must be like for you. Stay strong and put your girlfriend to the side if she is making things more difficult for you, just for the meantime.
Good luck with your job and best wishes for your father x
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