Girls -would you want to know if they were asexual?

If you had started dating someone, would you want to know if they were asexual from the word go?
How would you feel about it?
Would it be different if you were a virgin, than if you were sexually experienced, as to how you'd feel about it?

Reply 1

username1700393

5

It hard to say, as it depend on how comfortable there are about it. some people don't care to publicise their sexuality and other do.

So if i already knew i wouldn't make any difference to me if i genuinely still wanted to date the person.

I guess i would want to be told pretty early on, not because i wouldn't want to date them but because, although it doesn't define them, its part of who they are.

I don't know is being a virgin or not would make much of a difference, i think it depends more on how important sex is to the partner and how much they enjoy it/would miss it.
i hope that makes at least a bit of sense.

i dont actually know a huge amount about asexuality so forgive me if i have my understanding wrong.
and educate me if you know better :smile:

Reply 2

FasterThanFTL

1

I wish I knew. It's the kind of thing that you really need to know from the start.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

good answers so far.

I think the thing for me would be that my new boyfriend wouldn't find me sexually attractive. And, if they were asexual Id feel no more than a glorified friend, no matter how much I adored him. Sex, for me, is a great way of bonding and showing trust and love, without it I'd feel to platonic, and sort of lost.

What do you guys think?

Reply 4

iama

7

You can have very sexual charged moments without sex, that should be useful in feeling a deeper connection. I would also want to know early in the relationship, it's only fair to know what you would get yourself into, what expectations to have. I think that being a virgin or not does influence the opinion, but not always.

Reply 5

Eva.Gregoria

21

Original post by eelnais

I would want to be told very, very soon as sex is hugely important to me in a relationship. No issue with asexuality but just couldn't have a relationship :smile:

Asexuals do have sex though so that makes no sense.

Reply 6

xxm

14

I'm a guy so i am perfect candidate to give a girls perspective. As a girl i would definitely want to be told if you were asexual. hope that really helped

Reply 7

Olderandwiser23

16

I think it's easy to spot asexual people during the early dating phase. If I felt that I was on a date with one, I wouldn't agree to a second date. Sex is way too important to me

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Eva.Gregoria

Asexuals do have sex though so that makes no sense.

actually thats not true. Some do, some don't- there are different type. Grey asexuals will have sex with someone when they feel a certain bond. Aromantic asexuals usually do not want romantic relationships at all and so most do not have sex, and some romantic asexuals will to compromise with a sexual partner, but the majority dont want to have sex at all, its a hard topic for them,

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by iama

You can have very sexual charged moments without sex, that should be useful in feeling a deeper connection. I would also want to know early in the relationship, it's only fair to know what you would get yourself into, what expectations to have. I think that being a virgin or not does influence the opinion, but not always.

Ah, BUT for YOU they may be sexually charged but for the asexual partner they wont be. sure you can have emotive moments but they are asexual, so they will never feel "sexually charged moments". you'll never have that moment and feeling together.

Reply 10

Bames

2

Original post by eelnais

I would want to be told very, very soon as sex is hugely important to me in a relationship. No issue with asexuality but just couldn't have a relationship :smile:

Young folks!! lets hope you never have a car accident or damage your 'privates'

Reply 11

iama

7

Original post by Anonymous

Ah, BUT for YOU they may be sexually charged but for the asexual partner they wont be. sure you can have emotive moments but they are asexual, so they will never feel "sexually charged moments". you'll never have that moment and feeling together.

....I think that asexual people, having lived their whole life like that, can deal with their own sexless relationship. Wasn't this from the perspective of the other person? I really can't comment from their pov :eek:

They can be perfectly well in a relationship so they have moments to feel connected, obs.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by iama

....I think that asexual people, having lived their whole life like that, can deal with their own sexless relationship. Wasn't this from the perspective of the other person? I really can't comment from their pov :eek:

They can be perfectly well in a relationship so they have moments to feel connected, obs.

of course. they can feel connected to another person, but just not int he way the majority of us do. For most people if you're attracted to someone and want to be with them, you are attracted sexually as well as emotionally the physically. for them they are attracted emotionally, and physically, want to be near the person and spend time with them.... just never in a sexual way.

Reply 13

Mankytoes

10

Original post by Eva.Gregoria

Asexuals do have sex though so that makes no sense.

Nothing like having sex with someone who doesn't enjoy it, feels amazing.

Original post by Bames

Young folks!! lets hope you never have a car accident or damage your 'privates'

Yeah, I think most people would find that very depressing, and wouldn't want to choose that sort of lifestyle if not forced...

Reply 14

Ahava

10

I wouldn't demand someone tell me their sexuality from the word go, as I understand that sexuality can be a sensitive issue to some, especially asexuality as many still aren't that knowledgeable about what it is and so can judge quite harshly.
I'm not entirely sure how I would feel about it. I think it depends how I clicked with that person in particular. But overall, I am a sexual person and I personally feel that sex is very important in my relationships, so I would be completely incompatible with an asexual person. I would still feel the same if I was a virgin, as when I was a virgin, I still knew I was a sexual person. Just because I hadn't had sex doesn't mean I would be willing to compromise on giving it up entirely to be with an asexual.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Ahava

I wouldn't demand someone tell me their sexuality from the word go, as I understand that sexuality can be a sensitive issue to some, especially asexuality as many still aren't that knowledgeable about what it is and so can judge quite harshly.
I'm not entirely sure how I would feel about it. I think it depends how I clicked with that person in particular. But overall, I am a sexual person and I personally feel that sex is very important in my relationships, so I would be completely incompatible with an asexual person. I would still feel the same if I was a virgin, as when I was a virgin, I still knew I was a sexual person. Just because I hadn't had sex doesn't mean I would be willing to compromise on giving it up entirely to be with an asexual.

a very sensible post! I agree completely. Even as a virgin I knew that I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who wouldn't eventually want to have sex with me; I feel like that's just the natural progression of things, and its a life experience; it would be so difficult seeing couples around all close and kissing, being sexual or talking to friends about their relationships and sex and knowing mine will never have that particular element or depth with regards to giving ourselves entirely to one another. I think there would be a feeling of missing out, and a sadness that I'm not appreciated sexually by my partner.

Reply 16

Eva.Gregoria

21

Original post by Mankytoes

Nothing like having sex with someone who doesn't enjoy it, feels amazing.

Lel many women have sex to please their partners, surprise surprise (It goes the other way around too before I'm accused of sexism)

Original post by Anonymous

actually thats not true. Some do, some don't- there are different type. Grey asexuals will have sex with someone when they feel a certain bond. Aromantic asexuals usually do not want romantic relationships at all and so most do not have sex, and some romantic asexuals will to compromise with a sexual partner, but the majority dont want to have sex at all, its a hard topic for them,

Yeah but that poster made it seem like the fact that they're asexuals meant that they wouldn't have sex at all, period. When from your post, there are different types of asexuals and most of them do indeed have sex if needed.

Reply 17

Schrödingers Cat

16

Original post by Eva.Gregoria

Lel many women have sex to please their partners, surprise surprise (It goes the other way around too before I'm accused of sexism)

Yeah but that poster made it seem like the fact that they're asexuals meant that they wouldn't have sex at all, period. When from your post, there are different types of asexuals and most of them do indeed have sex if needed.

Only in a marriage normally

Reply 18

Rum Ham

20

I would want to know from the start as I think I would prefer to be with someone who is asexual as I am not too fond of sex myself and it would be beneficial for both of us to know we are on a similar wavelength.