Divorce is good for kids because 'it's important to teach them to struggle'

So says Kate Winslet, anyway.

"Winslet, 39, who has three children, told this week’s edition of Harper’s Bazaar UK magazine that she tried to turn negative experiences into positive ones and would not want to change anything in her personal life, such as her two divorces.

“I think it’s very important to teach your children to struggle on some level,” she said." From The Independent

It's a difficult one. It's important to learn to be able to cope with difficult situations, but I have no idea what causes that to happen. Does experiencing hardship make you strong? Or does it wear you down?

I know someone who's experienced hardships, and believes herself to be strong, but really I have to say she's weak. Likewise I know people who have experienced hardships and have indeed become strong - admirably so.

It seems to me that some people conquer their struggles, and others don't. I don't think struggle's the only ingredient involved.

I know someone who's experienced hardships, and believes herself to be strong, but really I have to say she's weak. Likewise I know people who have experienced hardships and have indeed become strong - admirably so.



It seems to me that some people conquer their struggles, and others don't. I don't think struggle's the only ingredient involved.

It comes down to personality be that caused by something genetic or nurtured. My sister for example is incredibly weak, stressed and cannot cope with most things (just gives up) while i have a much more 'never say die' attitude and largely avoid stress altogether by being emotionally disciplined and detached (there are psychological reasons for that, I've realized - sadly i was rather hoping that i was the human equivalent of Spock) which gives me the ability to handle most situations. But the point being that this is despite only a 1 year age difference (so I've wondered if there's something genetic in your personality since our experiences have been similar).

Could it be that you were taught different coping mechanisms because you're a boy?

Well everyone deals with adversity, my parents' divorce was a relief to me, as I disliked my dad, but the issue there was that due to the pressure of having to conform to the unnecessary two parent idyll I was constantly having to move back and forth which was more of an issue than the divorce itself. I found moving to a new place exciting.

I think it can be positive but it depends on how the parents choose to explain it to the child.

It comes down to personality be that caused by something genetic or nurtured. My sister for example is incredibly weak, stressed and cannot cope with most things (just gives up) while i have a much more 'never say die' attitude and largely avoid stress altogether by being emotionally disciplined and detached (there are psychological reasons for that, I've realized - sadly i was rather hoping that i was the human equivalent of Spock) which gives me the ability to handle most situations. But the point being that this is despite only a 1 year age difference (so I've wondered if there's something genetic in your personality since our experiences have been similar).

This person who thinks she's strong but is actually weak, maybe she's strong considering the things she's endured? I don't think there's one measure of how strong someone is without like you say looking at the 'ingredients' to the end result. As in, on the surface she might look a bit 'pathetic', but what is it that she's holding on her shoulders or on her head?

No, i don't think so (though i don't remember being 'taught' any at all). It's more like at some point she carried on being the whiny child while i became much less emotionally driven. There are reasons for that i think (one parent has frequent bipolar and has tried to go before) so in hindsight i think that at some point i associated being emotional with that and so controlled myself via emotional discipline, indeed in some respects i still view emotional people as weak. That being said i'm not a robot, i still laugh and exist in a state of perpetual semi calm and happiness it's just that the stronger emotions are never allowed to surface for more than a few minutes (though i think I've actually got quite a dark streak in there too which is slightly concerning).

Kate Winslet probably has more money than she knows what to do with, her kids, divorce or not, probably have a very warped sense of what the word suffer actually means.

I mean you might not think it necessarily because it's to suppose that you don't have as much free will as you like to think. But for example it's possible that you have both been affected by the volatility of your parents condition in gender specific ways. She having a world of emotions open to her as a woman/girl in our society, so she can express these emotions and this leads to a more 'pathetic' appearing exterior in your eyes. Whereas you, as a man/boy do not have the same accessibility to this. It is not so socially acceptable for you to appear emotional and 'weak'. Instead you are hardened, and maybe too hard as you point out.

I also accept there are biological differences, women have to deal with a hella difficult hormone fluctuations.

What do you mean by dark streak out of interest? Not being watching the trailer for that bloody bull**** fifty shades have you... Tehe. Bler, but seriously, that **** is wrong.