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Developed feelings for a prostitute

After my breakup, I had a period of time when I was just going out and getting very drunk, with rebound sex and generally just trying to fill the void in my life with alcohol.

I decided one day that I wanted to try out having casual sex with a escort/prostitute. To my surprise, it was not what I expected. The girl I met was a recent university graduate too. I have seen her for 5 months now and I started having feelings for her. I know it is sort of her job to make me go back to her and it is not a substitute for a real relationship. However, I can't stop thinking about her. I just really regret thinking it would just be a case of easy and unattached sex.

I took time off work to go travelling with some friends from abroad, I had many opportunities abroad to have one night stands. But, I just couldn't snap out of the way i was feeling. My gut tells me that the girl I am paying for sex does not really see me as anything more than money. I know all of the affection is fake because that is her job. And that the girls who are genuinely interested in me I have pushed away. However, my mind is just torturing me and not allowing me to let go.

She is stopping escorting soon but has agreed to see me when she can in the same arrangement we have been having. She is in a long distance relationship with a boyfriend she is cheating on... I know its bad but I can't turn off how i feel despite logic telling me it is a terrible idea. And I know. I am paying her. But I don't really want anyone else and that is the problem.

I just don't know this however: how the hell did this happen to me? I know she must be good at seducing men but it's crazy because in real everyday life even with previous girlfriends I never really felt the out of control feeling I have been having these past few months. This time, it is like I have been hit by a train.
I tried to even picture her sleeping with old men as she does, but even then, I can't stop liking her. For all I know she could think I am a ****, but my logical mind is not letting me come to terms with that.

Reply 1

ellie0497

20

Title made me laugh so hard

Reply 2

theconfusedman

2

Sounds like a great dirty movie plot

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by ellie0497

Title made me laugh so hard

Yeah, its pretty ****. I need to detach myself from the situation somehow but I can't mentally remove myself from it. Thing is, I am not even thinking with my dick because there are many girls out there that are objectively as attractive. Just doesn't make sense this time.

Reply 4

Limpopo

17

So you are in a sexual relationship with her now and you are not paying? No? Well she is just mugging you off and lying to you. Get out of there.

Reply 5

ellie0497

20

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah, its pretty ****. I need to detach myself from the situation somehow but I can't mentally remove myself from it. Thing is, I am not even thinking with my dick because there are many girls out there that are objectively as attractive. Just doesn't make sense this time.

Don't fall in love with a prostitute. She's cheating on her boyfriend so I don't see why you'd want to be attached to someone like that when she could do the same to you. Carry on with your life as you did before you've met her and find someone decent.

Nice.

OP

Original post by Limpopo

So you are in a sexual relationship with her now and you are not paying? No? Well she is just mugging you off and lying to you. Get out of there.

Of course I am paying, the precedent has been set because that was the basis of the entire relationship. It is very difficult to get out of that cycle since us knowing each other started that way. I know that it is all she sees me as. And I know, she is the female version of a 'player' because that is the entire business model. . .

What i don't understand is my inability to just move on and have a normal and functional relationship with someone else.

Reply 8

og.east

12

maybe this will help

talking starts at 50 seconds

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by ellie0497

Don't fall in love with a prostitute. She's cheating on her boyfriend so I don't see why you'd want to be attached to someone like that when she could do the same to you. Carry on with your life as you did before you've met her and find someone decent.

I know, it is messed up. I know it sounds weird but she looks very much like you which proves that there are probably millions of girls that are better people overall but I am in an irrational frame of mind for some unknown reason.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by og.east

maybe this will help

talking starts at 50 seconds

Yeah, it is embarrassing all round. Number one, me getting attached despite there being millions of girls out there who I can have a normal relationship with. Two, her boyfriend being none the wiser to it and settling down with her. It is ****ed up.

I think about it this way... in the unlikely scenario I ended up with her, I would always be paranoid that random guys would spot her in public (who had seen her before) and would point it out to me or make it obvious.

Reply 11

TeeEm

19

Similar thread was posted a few weeks back ...
(half term I think)

Reply 12

whorace

2

Original post by ellie0497

Title made me laugh so hard

I thought he was just bitter about his ex

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by whorace

I thought he was just bitter about his ex

Yeah, that all ended in a pretty negative way. I have just dealt with the fallout from it very badly.

I am going to stop seeing the escort, and take it slowly. But, yeah, spiritually I feel pretty messed up.

Reply 14

MountKimbie

18

Original post by TeeEm

Similar thread was posted a few weeks back ...
(half term I think)

Yep, when the kids have more time to make threads like these.

Reply 15

Zechs

14

I think listening to this famous song from the 90's will help you understand the magnitude of the situation you are in.

I hope you break out of this situation because it's not healthy. Skip to 3.30 if you wish to see the choreographed dance moves but the chorus pretty much sums this situation up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiwDHHcHPh0

I don't think this is a patronising response in anyway by the way, I think this is a therapeutic way of enlightening the OP to the situation he finds himself in even in bad situations we can have a laugh.