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My best friend was raped and I don't know what to do.

About 3 months ago my best friend was raped at a party. At the time we were both 16 and I think he was 17. I was at the party with her and before the party we had both never met the guy. He pretended he recognised her and they were chatting and he seemed nice so he asked to her go for a walk outside. They went outside and thats when it happened. I can't really remember where I was at the time but I was either dancing with a guy or with other friends.

She never told me what happened until the next day on the phone. And even then she didn't tell me how bad it was and what completely happened until maybe a week or two later. At first she blamed herself and made it out like it was her fault and I didn't realise what had happened.

I blame myself and I really am not coping. After she told me I talked to her about telling the police and telling her parents and going to somewhere which deals with this stuff but she was adamant that she was not going and no matter how much i tried to convince her she didn't tell anyone.

I am the only person that knows. I am completely out of my depth here and she made me promise never to tell anyone ever and I can't break her trust. But I don't know if what I am doing is right or if I'm saying the right stuff. I got very sad about 3 weeks after it happened and I was living in this bubble of guilt and regret and fear and I was completely over whelmed. I couldn't sleep or eat or concentrate at school and I had lost complete faith in everything.

I didn't want to tell anyone and the only person that could understand would be my best friend but I felt like I couldn't tell her because she was already dealing with so much and I couldn't put my problems on her too. Plus how could I tell her that the reason I had lost myself was because I was mentally drowning with carrying what had happened to her with me and having to help her. Please don't judge me because I know how selfish that soumds of me and I don't mean it like that. Of course i wouldn't have it any other way and I would give up everything for her and to help her through this. I would do literally anything for her. And thats why admitting to myself and you that the reason for being depressed was because I had to carry the burden and try and find the right words to comfort my friend is so hard. I feel guilty that I'm bring selfish and I feel like I have no right to be sad because my friend is the one who went through it but I still feel like the world is on my shoulders. I also blame myself for it happening.

I asked my friend to go the party even though she didn't want to and once we were there I left her alone with that boy and after it happened I can't imagine what she must have been going through and I was so selfish and she kept on asking to go home and I was just being silly and I wasn't there for her that night when she needed me the most. I let her down and I have to live with that forever and it is killing me.

And now after time she seems to be better but I don't know if I'm doing enough. I don't want to push her to talk about it but I feel like she needs to talk about it. I don't want to bring it up incase it upsets her or incase she is trying to forget but at the same time I want her to be able to talk about it and it kills me to think that she is lying awake thinking about it and wanting more help. What do you think? I don't know what to do.

And now the girl that had the party where it happened is having another and he is going to be there. Me and my best friend are not going but my other friends are. I'm sacred because I know how bad he is and I don't think that it was the first time it happened. Ive been showing my friends pictures of him and have been telling them to stay away from him but they don't understand completely and I can't betray my best friends trust and tell them after what she has been through. Also I know that hearing about the party and about him must be hard for her and I don't know if I should talk to her. I really don't know what to do and I feel like I could lose my best friend because I am constantly scared and questioning everything I do and I really, really love her and I don't want to lose her. I can't let her down but I don't know how to help her. Please help me.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Go to the police, your friend might not like it, but if the guy does it again, which he probably will because he got away with it, you and your friend will feel even worse.

Reply 2

ODES_PDES

Original post by Anonymous

Go to the police, your friend might not like it, but if the guy does it again, which he probably will because he got away with it, you and your friend will feel even worse.

I kind of agree

Reply 3

Synonym

damn.. god bless you and your friend, i dont really have the greatest advice :frown:

but I hope you both do well and that everything goes north...flippin sucks that something like that happened, literally boiling in my seat really want to stick my feet in that guys backside fuc*in piece of shi* he is......

Reply 4

vimtosplash

watch GG Allin on jerry springer he has some interesting thoughts and advice on the topic

Reply 5

Anonymous #3

First of all, I'm so sorry for both of you to be in such a horrible situation.
Do not blame yourself. The only person at fault for this is the scumbag who raped her.

If I were you (of course I'm not saying this is necessarily the right thing to do)
I would try again to convince her to tell the police. Perhaps if you explain to her that turning him in could protect other girls from going though the same trauma, this might sway her. I would also try to convince her to see a therapist or something along those lines. It's very common for rape victims to feel guilt, disgust, and a range of other emotions as a result of what's happened to them. It's likely she will need help to recover from this.

If she won't go to the police, and you can't tell anyone but are still worried about the party. I personally would go myself and watch the guy like a hawk. If he makes a move on a girl, follow him. Be there to stop something happening if there is no one else to do so. Again, this probably isn't the best plan of action because it'd put you in danger- but it's what I would do.

Also, I realise this is a sensitive question and would be the last thing she wants to hear- but I assume the guy didn't exactly use protection. Has she tested for STIs or pregnancy? Just because the risk is there and the sooner any potential issue is spotted, the quicker she can get treatment for it. Tell her that he shouldn't be allowed to damage her body any more than he already has.

Ultimately, I think you both need to sit down and really talk to each other. It's clearly eating you up inside, and I imagine she feels even worse. It may take a while. But I think you both seem to need to come to terms with what happened, and help each other to heal. You for the guilt you feel, and her for whatever emotional demons she's burdened with and other side effects of this.