Mum wants to stay in halls first night of freshers?!!

Just tell her that you understand she wants to stay to make sure you are settled down and that it's a long journey home. Just say "The university suggests our parents don't stay with us, as we need to bond with our flatmates". Maybe you could then offer to meet the morning after for breakfast, tell her all about the night before, and then see her off? Don't feel like a terrible daughter. It seems she is trying to guilt trip you here. If my parents said they wanted to stay when they drop me off in September, I'd just laugh and say no.

Reply 21

username1333513

21

OP could you make your way to the university by yourself so you can avoid this situation?

Reply 22

PlayerBB

17

Maybe she just want to make sure that everything goes fine, let her stay thay night, it's only one night after all, it's not going to harm your social life and there's going to be some with their mom or dad so you're not the only one

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 23

JamesN88

20

You need to bury this idea once and for all no matter how offended she may feel.

Reply 24

s4ffy

OP

1

I completely understand that driving 8 hours in one day is too much and I'm perfectly happy to have her in a hotel nearby. I just wouldn't feel comfortable with her staying in my uni room. She thinks I'm overreacting about this, and she doesn't see why I have a problem with this. I don't know how to explain to her why I don't want her to stay?

Reply 25

John55

14

Original post by fefssdf

ermmm I'm pretty sure you can't make her stay like if you don't give her permission then the hall security could surely throw her out ?

I agree OP's mother shouldn't stay in his/her room for the first night but getting your own mother thrown out by security? That's low dude, I mean if anything was worse than your mum staying over for your first night at uni...

Reply 26

fefssdf

20

Original post by John55

I agree OP's mother shouldn't stay in his/her room for the first night but getting your own mother thrown out by security? That's low dude...

well if they really don't want them there then this is the only option

Reply 27

username2694491

12

Original post by fefssdf

I'm sorry but everyone would think youre a bit of a weirdo if your mother stays with you for the night and first impressions count ...

Not really to be honest. If someone's mum stayed over because of the reasons OP posted, I couldn't give less of a crap. Even if there was no reason I still wouldn't care nor would any of the people I chill with. Come to think of it they'll probably just laugh about it the day after

Reply 28

Carnationlilyrose

18

Original post by s4ffy

I completely understand that driving 8 hours in one day is too much and I'm perfectly happy to have her in a hotel nearby. I just wouldn't feel comfortable with her staying in my uni room. She thinks I'm overreacting about this, and she doesn't see why I have a problem with this. I don't know how to explain to her why I don't want her to stay?

You need to explain to her that it's a rite of passage. You need to be able to meet your future flatmates on terms of equality, as adults, not as someone's daughter, and she needs to come to terms with the fact that your relationship has shifted for good. It isn't a change for the worse - speaking personally it was a big improvement - but it means that you and she are adults and have different needs and responsibilities than when you lived at home. Keep calm about all this, because yelling and screaming only undermines your claim to be an adult, but employ the 'cracked record' technique of repeating calmly that you need to stand on your own two feet now, and that you need to start from day one.

Reply 29

username1294428

14

Original post by Themini

Lol yes it is. First impressions are everything. OP will be known as the kid whose mummy had to stay with him on his first night (if you're a girl, you'll be fine but if you're a bloke good luck lol).. OP tell her to get a hotel or something because you need to grow up and need independence as harsh as it sounds, its best for her too..Shes having "letting go" issues; this should make it easier on her.

University students are not 5 year old children to be judging someone based on that. If they would judge over that then they are clearly not worth being friends with.

If you would put strangers you've never met before and most likely won't even have them be life long friends, above the person who gave birth to you and cared for you for 18+ years all over ONE night, then you need to rethink your mind set.

Also I'm pretty sure the OP mentioned she's a girl, not a guy.Either way, it's more than likely her mum wouldn't even be allowed to stay in the halls anyway.

Reply 30

Themini

15

Original post by katherine9609

University students are not 5 year old children to be judging someone based on that. If they would judge over that then they are clearly not worth being friends with.

If you would put strangers you've never met before and most likely won't even have them be life long friends, above the person who gave birth to you and cared for you for 18+ years all over ONE night, then you need to rethink your mind set.

Also I'm pretty sure the OP mentioned she's a girl, not a guy.Either way, it's more than likely her mum wouldn't even be allowed to stay in the halls anyway.

She didn't say she was a girl in her OP. She said that after my post. Also, that's not the mind set I share, I couldn't give a **** but that's the general perception. If you find mature university students, hats off to you! But I did make it clear that if you're a bloke its a much bigger deal lol..people take the piss out of you over and over again- that's just how guys are.

Reply 31

sachinisgod

21

Really? You cant even spare 1 night for your own mother that pushed you out after keeping you inside her for 9 months over the fear that a few acne ridden teenagers who you may not even be mates with after 1st yeat might find funny?

If you dont plan to have a one night stand or get drunk to that extent to start throwing up everywhere then whats problem? After a long day she might be tired anyway and she will probably be sleeping most of time youll be out. But i guess peer pressure is more important to you than the health of your mother.*

nope....nope...

have you seen the halls most halls I've seen are even smaller than the average prison cell my brothers was actually the size of a swimming pool changing room (no exaggeration) you should be ok if not tell her it's not allowed by the accommodation rules (it's not really) exaggerate and say you could get evicted if she gets found out that might work.

Reply 34

Doones

21

Deja Vu

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2846377

Reply 35

Tabstercat

14

Original post by sachinisgod

Really? You cant even spare 1 night for your own mother that pushed you out after keeping you inside her for 9 months over the fear that a few acne ridden teenagers who you may not even be mates with after 1st yeat might find funny?

If you dont plan to have a one night stand or get drunk to that extent to start throwing up everywhere then whats problem? After a long day she might be tired anyway and she will probably be sleeping most of time youll be out. But i guess peer pressure is more important to you than the health of your mother.*

mate it would be bare awkward if your mum is there on what is meant to be a rite of passage and the start of a new life of independence from family...
not to mention the mum will probably get hardly any sleep with drunk students partying and playing music until very early in the morning (this will almost definitely happen on the first night of freshers)
if you can't understand that then clearly you're an idiot

Reply 36

sachinisgod

21

Original post by Tabstercat

mate it would be bare awkward if your mum is there on what is meant to be a rite of passage and the start of a new life of independence from family...
not to mention the mum will probably get hardly any sleep with drunk students partying and playing music until very early in the morning (this will almost definitely happen on the first night of freshers)
if you can't understand that then clearly you're an idiot

Well she doesnt know what her flatmates are going to be like. she can say to her mum that there are risks ( which u mentioned) and if she is still ok with that then her luck i guess.*

Also her mum may not want to fork out loads of money for a hotel. The OP hasnt specified which city and it could be an expensive one. So the mum may be using *the opportunity to save money and maybe spend it on her daughter. If you dont use common sense then you're the idiot here

Reply 37

rachrl03

9

You might be going out that night, but she can just sleep in your room while you go out and will probably be gone by the time you wake up. Freshers lasts all week and you won't even meet like 90% of the people you'll be hanging out with at uni in freshers so she wouldn't be holding you back too much!

Tbf she is making an 8 hour round trip for you so I wouldn't come across as if you don't want her there because it's 'uncool', because most people really won't care that she's staying at all, because... it's really not that deep.

I would offer to either pay or go halves on a hotel because its going to be uncomfortable for her assuming she's going to sleep on the floor and halls will be really loud all night so she probably won't get much sleep. Just meet up with her for breakfast or something before you go.

I would definitely make sure you don't act as if you don't want her there because you're embarrassed, because she is doing you a massive favour by driving you that far! If she does end up staying then just don't act embarrassed about it to your flatmates, honestly people that are ungrateful towards there parents come across a lot worse than those that aren't!! :smile: