Did my match really expect me to wait for him after all this time?

Last month I matched with a bloke on Pof and we got on really well over messages and I asked him out and he said yes. The date didn’t end up happening for circumstances I couldn’t control he told me it’s ok we will just reschedule. Everything was ok at first but He told me he’s meh now cos I don’t reply as fast anymore. So his replies became slow too. We talked that misunderstanding out but suddenly after a few days he started saying he had a cold, then it was a migraine. He hadn’t replied to my messages for weeks when suddenly he popped up again earlier on. Wanting to pick up where we left off and acting like he didn’t ghost me for weeks for no reason

In this time I’ve started dating a man who has everything in common with me, we have phone calls that last for like 3 hours. Basically I’ve moved on. It feels like this other bloke expected me to wait around for him, I mean how arrogant can you be, do people actually do that? What should I say to him?

Reply 1

Hey!!

9

Just tell him he has missed his chance with you cos while he cba to reply to you in the time he was off the grid, you were talking to other men who you found you had a better connection with. If you had a 3 hour phone call with one of your matches, it’s time to write this guy off and just be indifferent to him. You know now that if he starts back and forth texting with you again he will probably leave again, he’s already done it once. He probably feels like he is entitled to you just cos you arranged a date with him. It doesn’t work like that, you can change your mind at any time even when you’re in a relationship with someone. You don’t owe him anything.

Having a cold and a migraine isn’t a valid excuse. It sounds like a bluff.

What it seems as though has happened is that he was talking to another girl but then he has realised that he wants you back now. In all honesty, I don’t think you should message him; you should just ghost him like he’s ghosted you.

Reply 3

gjd800

20

Oh loads of people do this, yes! he will have had another option on the go, it has ended, so he's trying his luck with you again.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

I don’t believe he even had a cold and migraine he said he “doesn’t look at screens when he has migraines and they last for days” yet on Monday I was still on delivered but I could see he had been online

Reply 5

anosmianAcrimony

20

I think what he's done is basically reasonable. If he wants to be talking to more than one girl at once, and if he doesn't want to go on a date with you, both of those are his prerogative. He's not your boyfriend, he hasn't made any commitments to you (that I can tell) - he's a random person from the internet that you've been talking to, so he owes you nothing. He gave you reasons why he wasn't able to go on a date with you, but he didn't have to do that either - it's completely okay to decline to go on a date with someone for any reason or no reason at all.

If he had outright told you that he expected you to wait for him, or came back and got mad that you hadn't waited, I agree that that would be unreasonable. But if he's just come back and asked if you're still interested in dating him, what's the problem? Don't get mad, just say "no thanks".

I can understand how all of this could be frustrating. However, this is just one of the many emotional risks that one undertakes when dating, and especially when dating using the internet.

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 6

Elize W

13

Original post by anosmianAcrimony

I think what he's done is basically reasonable. If he wants to be talking to more than one girl at once, and if he doesn't want to go on a date with you, both of those are his prerogative. He's not your boyfriend, he hasn't made any commitments to you (that I can tell) - he's a random person from the internet that you've been talking to, so he owes you nothing. He gave you reasons why he wasn't able to go on a date with you, but he didn't have to do that either - it's completely okay to decline to go on a date with someone for any reason or no reason at all.

If he had outright told you that he expected you to wait for him, or came back and got mad that you hadn't waited, I agree that that would be unreasonable. But if he's just come back and asked if you're still interested in dating him, what's the problem? Don't get mad, just say "no thanks".

I can understand how all of this could be frustrating. However, this is just one of the many emotional risks that one undertakes when dating, and especially when dating using the internet.

Prsom

Reply 7

anosmianAcrimony

20

Original post by Elize W

Prsom

Lol, I tried to +1 a bunch of your posts on the "should I ask her to go out with me" thread today and kept getting PRSOMed. Seems like we're in sync :smile:

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 8

Elize W

13

Original post by anosmianAcrimony

Lol, I tried to +1 a bunch of your posts on the "should I ask her to go out with me" thread today and kept getting PRSOMed. Seems like we're in sync :smile:

Haha thanks :smile:

Did my match really expect me to wait for him after all this time?

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