The Student Room Group

Colleague has gone cold on me, any advice?

I've been working with a guy for around 3 months. Didn't really know him initially, had our first proper conversation around 2 months ago, I was in a relationship until late November, but he seemed nice. My relationship ended and he found out one day, he was very supportive about it.
Anyway found that he's a really cool guy who I get on well with. He didn't seem to come across like he fancied me and he didn't flirt or anything, I just noticed he was a little nervous sometimes, but so am I as I'm quite shy.
Anyway we have a work IM chat, I posted him a joke on there one day and from there we started talking a lot, both starting convos.
I had developed a crush on him but I assumed it was friendship for him and I was happy with that, he was just really good to talk to and I'm happy having platonic male friends.
Anyway I've actually recently moved to this area and only really have 1 friend round here ATM. I said to him it'd be great to hang out sometime after work as I didn't see him much in the office (hybrid remote). When in the office, he never physically approached me at my desk, I always had to go to him.
He said that would be great and gave me his number to arrange it.
Anyway then he started texting me a lot but still assumed friendship as the texts weren't flirty at all.
We met up about a week ago, I never labelled it as a date and I assumed it wasn't. I was a little nervous and he seemed to be too for some reason. Anyway we had a good chat and laugh for a couple of hours, he almost seemed like he wanted to hug me but I just kinda blanked for some reason. We talked a lot about films we wanted to see.
As soon as we left the coffee place he told me that we should definitely hang out again, and I agreed.
Texted him when I got home saying thanks for the drinks (we wouldn't let me buy any!) And that it had been cool to see him out of work, and he replied.
Because he'd said he'd wanted to hang out again, I tried to match his energy.
Anyway about 24h after the coffee I sent him a casual text saying it'd be lovely to go see a film or do something cool the following week (weekend I was busy).
He replied saying he would get back to me with a day as he was doing a lot of overtime, but that it would be fun.
I know the overtime thing is true as I've seen the rota.
I just sent a casual yeah sure no worries :smile: kinda reply, and changed the convo. However I wasn't 100% sure if what he'd said was a polite brush off so I didn't seek to continue the convo.
I haven't heard from him in several days which isn't a good sign, so I just sent him a casual text asking how work was, and that was all. I'm waiting on a reply for it but I'm scared he's ghosted me.
If he doesn't want to meet up again that's absolutely fine, but he said twice he did and I like to take people at their word.
I don't think I've been pushy, I suggested the film once and then when he said he'd get back to me about it I left it at that.
Maybe cinema isn't the 'vibe'?. I'm not fussed what we do, another coffee would be fine, I just thought a film would be cool as we like a lot of the same ones.
Anyway he's never seemed to flirt or make a move, we have a lot of banter and the good thing is that he remembers everything I say.
It's weird because sometimes I don't find him very physically attractive, but something draws me to him and I sometimes think I have a crush on him.
That said, I've never mentioned this to him and didn't intend to, I'm more than happy to just be friends.
Not sure what to do? I'm really worried I've made him uncomfortable or offended him.
I haven't double texted, he may still reply but I'm worried he won't.. the thing is next week I might even see him at work and I don't want it to be awkward.
I'm a bit disappointed as I thought we really clicked and I'd met someone cool to hang with. Any thoughts?
Reply 1
The only thing I know is that he's quite nervous with women, I've never seen him approach women in the office, he doesn't seem to have ever lived with a woman or anything before and he's never mentioned previous women (he's 31)
Reply 2
During our date/non-date I wasn't flirty, he looked a little nervous but I had no expectations, I sat close to him but we just had a good chat. I did wonder if he were interested when he asked for my number,he also went to the effort of choosing a really nice coffee place but I'm just hurt he's gone cold ☹️ I'm really worried I said something rude or did something to make him feel awkward?

Quick Reply