He&#x27;s back on Tinder

He's probably not lying. Tinder is great for short-term hookups.

Reply 2

OP

Original post by SupremeMemer

He's probably not lying. Tinder is great for short-term hookups.

He lied to me though, said he wanted a relationship and then decided he wasn't ready for that. Claimed he didn't know what he wants or not. Said he wanted to be with me but was having some doubts.

Reply 3

SupremeMemer

Original post by Anonymous

He lied to me though, said he wanted a relationship and then decided he wasn't ready for that. Claimed he didn't know what he wants or not. Said he wanted to be with me but was having some doubts.

Some people are commitment phobes, and I'd assume a few of them think they'll become adjusted to commit when they feel ready but for some it just doesn't happen. There's not a lot you can do: you'll never know his exact viewpoint even if you tried (nothing stops him from twisting it to make it seem better if it's a poor excuse etc), so it's best to move on. At least you've broken up now, so he's not leading you on further on the false pretence of commitment.

Reply 4

Surnia

Original post by Anonymous

He lied to me though, said he wanted a relationship and then decided he wasn't ready for that. Claimed he didn't know what he wants or not. Said he wanted to be with me but was having some doubts.

Did you ever ask or did he tell you what these doubts were?

If you ended a relationship, would that make you a liar after saying you wanted one? Or can you accept that people can change their minds about this at any time? You were barely out of the dating stage, and that's the point of it, to decide if you both want to commit.

Reply 5

JJ good girl

Original post by Anonymous

He lied to me though, said he wanted a relationship and then decided he wasn't ready for that. Claimed he didn't know what he wants or not. Said he wanted to be with me but was having some doubts.

I can tell you he just wants sex

Reply 6

OP

Original post by JJ good girl

I can tell you he just wants sex

I don't believe that was the case with us though as we waited ages to actually have sex. He told me he wanted to wait before we had sex because he didn't want me to think that was all it was.

Reply 7

Original post by Anonymous

I don't believe that was the case with us though as we waited ages to actually have sex. He told me he wanted to wait before we had sex because he didn't want me to think that was all it was.

It probably wasn't the case with you... I don't know how long you were together, but it's often the case that when people leave a serious relationship, they just want to have a bit of NSA fun, and go a bit wild (this applies to both guys and girls).

As pointed out in previous posts, Tinder is more about hook-ups and one night stands... IMHO, you'd have more of a concern if you found him on a more relationship orientated site such as Match, plenty of fish etc.

Reply 8

OP

Original post by Old Skool Freak

It probably wasn't the case with you... I don't know how long you were together, but it's often the case that when people leave a serious relationship, they just want to have a bit of NSA fun, and go a bit wild (this applies to both guys and girls).

As pointed out in previous posts, Tinder is more about hook-ups and one night stands... IMHO, you'd have more of a concern if you found him on a more relationship orientated site such as Match, plenty of fish etc.

Yeah I guess you're right, do you think he's using it as a distraction? We were quite serious pretty quickly so I think it scared him. He says he'll probably really regret it in a couple of weeks or months and I really hope he does because we had something great. I don't want to wait around for him, but I wouldn't say no and I know that sounds stupid. I'm in absolutely no rush to get back on any dating sites anytime soon.

Reply 9

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah I guess you're right, do you think he's using it as a distraction? We were quite serious pretty quickly so I think it scared him. He says he'll probably really regret it in a couple of weeks or months and I really hope he does because we had something great. I don't want to wait around for him, but I wouldn't say no and I know that sounds stupid. I'm in absolutely no rush to get back on any dating sites anytime soon.

It could be a distraction, or possibly an "itch" he needs to scratch (if you get what I mean).

I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship or what you / him are like, so I can't really comment on whether or not you're "stupid".

However one thing here is confusing / concerning... he says he'll probably really regret it soon afterwards, and he's going to go ahead and do it anyway. I speak for myself, but unless there was a potential of a great reward, I wouldn't voluntarily do something that I'll "probably" regret. And you say you hope he does... Is that so he'll come running back to you, or you want him to feel some kind of hurt?

Reply 10

OP

Original post by Old Skool Freak

It could be a distraction, or possibly an "itch" he needs to scratch (if you get what I mean).

I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship or what you / him are like, so I can't really comment on whether or not you're "stupid".

However one thing here is confusing / concerning... he says he'll probably really regret it soon afterwards, and he's going to go ahead and do it anyway. I speak for myself, but unless there was a potential of a great reward, I wouldn't voluntarily do something that I'll "probably" regret. And you say you hope he does... Is that so he'll come running back to you, or you want him to feel some kind of hurt?

Yeah I completely understand that.

I know, it's almost like he's self sabotaging himself but what can I do about that. Just have to accept his decision and try move on. A bit of both, I want him to be upset but I wouldn't mind if he tried to come running back, probably sounds silly. But we did have a great thing, we both said we've never clicked with someone as much as we did with each other and I really don't think I'll find that again tbh.

Reply 11

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah I completely understand that.

I know, it's almost like he's self sabotaging himself but what can I do about that. Just have to accept his decision and try move on. A bit of both, I want him to be upset but I wouldn't mind if he tried to come running back, probably sounds silly. But we did have a great thing, we both said we've never clicked with someone as much as we did with each other and I really don't think I'll find that again tbh.

I know it seems like that right now, but you never know what's around the corner... I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming you're young, so there will be plenty of other opportunities for you to explore (dating or otherwise).

You only broke up a week ago, so you're still in the grieving phase... let it run it course and do whatever it is you do to lick your wounds (e.g. listen to sad love songs; stuff your face with Chocolate; go pound a punch bag at the gym; go on a "I hate men" rant etc.), and then I suspect either one of three things will happen:-

1) Through the natural course of things, you'll meet other people and will eventually "click" with someone else and explore a new horizon with them in ways you can't possibly imagine right now
2) You'll see the advantages of being single, and want to explore them (e.g. maybe take up a new hobby; go travelling and explore the world... or even just bond with your girlie mates etc. etc. ).
3) If it's meant to be, maybe you're right and he'll realise what an idiot he's been and beg you to take him back (unlikely, but you never know).

The only thing you can do right now is live your life and let him live his... "Que sera sera" and all that cr*p :wink:

(edited 11 months ago)

Reply 12

JJ good girl

Original post by Anonymous

I don't believe that was the case with us though as we waited ages to actually have sex. He told me he wanted to wait before we had sex because he didn't want me to think that was all it was.

Some men will wait until they use the girl to them it is the trophy of having sex with them

Reply 13

OP

Original post by Old Skool Freak

I know it seems like that right now, but you never know what's around the corner... I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming you're young, so there will be plenty of other opportunities for you to explore (dating or otherwise).

You only broke up a week ago, so you're still in the grieving phase... let it run it course and do whatever it is you do to lick your wounds (e.g. listen to sad love songs; stuff your face with Chocolate; go pound a punch bag at the gym; go on a "I hate men" rant etc.), and then I suspect either one of three things will happen:-

1) Through the natural course of things, you'll meet other people and will eventually "click" with someone else and explore a new horizon with them in ways you can't possibly imagine right now
2) You'll see the advantages of being single, and want to explore them (e.g. maybe take up a new hobby; go travelling and explore the world... or even just bond with your girlie mates etc. etc. ).
3) If it's meant to be, maybe you're right and he'll realise what an idiot he's been and beg you to take him back (unlikely, but you never know).

The only thing you can do right now is live your life and let him live his... "Que sera sera" and all that cr*p :wink:

I'm 25, so yes still young. But this has happened to me way too many times I think I'm done for now. Need a good break from it all. I'm exhausted and it's making me feel so down.

I don't know about that one, we had such a good connection. I genuinely think this is one that's going to stick with me. He's the only person that I've found attractive, made me laugh, got along with all their friends & family, treated me so well yet it still didn't work out. So I'm completely heartbroken. More upset over this than the break up of my 5 year relationship.

I don't want to be a mug and run right back to him. Hopefully in a couple of weeks/months I can happily say I won't do that, but right now I quite easily would.

Reply 14