Grooming

I’m so ****ing stupid… I met this guy online who tried to ask me out and was being very sexual despite knowing I was a minor. He told me he was 19, but there’s still a few years between us so it wasn’t appropriate at all.

I recognised what was happening and told him I had a boyfriend so he backed off mostly, but from time to time still said things like “I want you” and “I love you”. He told me several times to send photos (not explicit, just my face) and I did and I know how stupid that was. He sent me a photo of him as well so I thought it was okay at the time and now I see it wasn’t.

I chose to stay friends with him because he seemed like a decent guy, and I thought he fell for me before he knew how old he was, so I kinda understood that he couldn’t control his attraction. However, I spoke to his ex today and it turns out she’s the same age as me. So he clearly has a habit of doing this…

I’m going to stop speaking to him now because he’s most likely done this to multiple underage girls and it’s just sickening… but I feel like I’ve lost my best friend. I really did trust him and he was a good friend to me, despite pushing it too far.

I’ve just told my boyfriend everything (he knew this guy asked me out, and I mentioned his age and that I’d declined, but I didn’t say that I’d carried on talking to him afterwards so I’ve now admitted that) and I’m a bit scared of how he’ll react. I know I ****ed up badly, not being honest with my bf about who my best friend was, and allowing this “friend” to lead me to trust him, presumably so he could manipulate and groom me.

I feel terrible and I know this was all my fault but… can anyone offer support or advice? I don’t know how to progress from here or how to move on.

What makes you think it's all your fault? I don't see anything you've done wrong here. Adult men can indeed control their attraction, or at least their actions. No-one forced him to contact you, he made that choice.

You've done the right thing by cutting him off, and I know it feels like you're losing your best friend, but he was likely only friends with you for what he could've possibly got from you (nudes, sex, relationship). I doubt it was a genuine friendship on his end. If your boyfriend reacts badly to this, then I'm not sure why he would because you've done nothing wrong.

Don't worry, you'll forget all about this with time. You'll be fine.

You were manipulated. You are not to blame and you are not at fault. I would suggest going to CEOP about this person, considering they've groomed (or tried to groom) more than one person of a similar age. The best thing about this situation is that you have sent no explicit photos, so if you discontinue contact with him, you can move on and forget all about it.

You've been completely honest with your boyfriend, and now you're able to deal with this together. He should understand, and if he doesn't, you always have your family and friends to confide in about what's happened. Wishing you all the best.

Block him, and don't contact him again. It's not your fault and don't blame yourself. At least you never sent revealing photos to him.

You'll be fine in the future - don't blame yourself okay

Okay.. thank you

It’s okay

Just read the whole post again. I guess there isn’t anything inappropriate with you guys sending pictures of your face / him asking to see your face (although a little weird), but what is extremely inappropriate is him saying that he loves you and wants you, as you said he is 19 but probably older and you are under 16 (15 or younger)

Your boyfriend shouldn’t blame you okay. More advice to add on how to move on is not to give contact details to people you don’t know, even if they say they are your age.

Never send explicit photos, even when you hit 18.

Also if you sense inappropriate behaviour from anyone, regardless of their age, block them and don’t carry on talking to them as you don’t know what they could do.