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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, maybe he said it just to make me feel better! Then he kept apolgising and saying 'i'm sorry,I don't want you to be sad, please don't think i'm an *******' etc. and I was like no of course I don't think that..

    I'm really reassured after reading this thread. My other friends have agreed, it's just this one friend who's telling me I came on too strongly which is making me blame myself! But I feel I've learned from it yeah, thanks
    Boys cna be very clumsy in what they say, friends can be very clumsy in how they interpret. 100% from what you said you did nothing wrong. Work on being objective about your behaviouir and staying true to your own values. That means if you are honest told the truth treated someone fairly, then you know you did nothing wrong. I repeat lots of men would love the idea of a girl asking them out and its only the ridiculous insecure ones who feel threatened or are so narrow minded it scares them off. You said how you felt plus were open and honest about it, part of him couldnt handle that, but its his weakness and you ave nothing to reproach yourself about. Young men speak a lot of rubbish as do older ones, but iits a different sort.

    Stick to your values and youll be fine.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, you're right.. she told me that he'd told all their housemates that he liked me :s If we'd just met once i'd understand but we'd seen each other at their house about 4 times ,and we spent 2 weeks talking on facebook almost daily, about films, music, studies etc.

    I didn't exactly want a marriage proposal, I didn't say I was in love or anything, I just let him know that I did like him, and that I would have loved to date him... I just told him that as I thought he'd feel good, and that maybe he'd wanted to hear that.

    But yeah, he told her later that he 'wanted to at the beginning' but then he just lost interest, he doesn't know why and all the stuff with his housemate clouded his judgement etc. I've no idea..
    To be honest it sounds like from the beginning there were a lot of people in your relationship, with his housemates interfering.
    Maybe you can just learn from this and in the future when you like a guy and wanna start a relationship with them, ask other people to butt out nicely if they're trying to get involved because it all becomes he said she said and the guy can get overwhelmed by it. But as I said before, definitely not your fault!
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Niys cna be very clumsy in what they say, friends can be very clumsy in how they interpret. 100% from what you said you did nothing wrong. Work on being objective about your behaviouir and staying true to your own values. That means if you are honest told the truth treated someone fairly, then you know you did nothing wrong. I repeat lots of men would lovbe the idea of a girl asking them out and its only the ridiculous insecure ones who feel threatened or are so narrow minded it cares them off. You said how you felt plys were open and honest about it, part of him couldnt handle that, but its his weakness and you ave nothing to repraoch yourself about over it. Young men speak a lot of rubbish as do older ones, but iits a different sort.

    Stick to your values and youll be fine.
    Thank you, that makes me feel so much better, thank you so much
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    (Original post by Pinkberry_y)
    To be honest it sounds like from the beginning there were a lot of people in your relationship, with his housemates interfering.
    Maybe you can just learn from this and in the future when you like a guy and wanna start a relationship with them, ask other people to butt out nicely if they're trying to get involved because it all becomes he said she said and the guy can get overwhelmed by it. But as I said before, definitely not your fault!
    yeah it's true, his friend was determined to get us together! I could tell he was interested; being shy and nervous. My friend sai dhe was the most sociable guy going and that she'd never seen him that shy in her life!

    Maybe he talked to me on facebook to be polite, but he was flirting with me, telling me stuff like he'd be 'less shy at the party' with a .

    Thank you though, you've really helped and I feel much better
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    Just want to say that this thread has helped me immensely! I'd literally been torturing myself; thinking that I'd scared off an amazing guy. But I think that I can see now that there wasn't going to be a relationship for whatever reason, but that just because I didn't play hard to get/I made my interest very clear, doesn't mean that there's something wrong with me! Thanks again
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I met a friend of a friend, who apparently said I was really nice and attractive (my friend didn't tell me this at the time), and then I saw him again a few months later and he said the same thing to my friend (and I also said I'd found him nice too). So she tried to set us up. He was apparently really happy when he found out, and he said he was looking forward to speaking to me.
    I didn't have him on fb or anything, so the only way to see him was to arrange stuff through our mutual friend. She invited me to a dinner party at theirs ,and he was very nervous and shy but we got on well. He then said to my friend he'd really regretted being shy, but found me really nice and like me.
    I went round to theirs again the week after, and he was a little less shy, and a bit more flirty.
    After that, the next time i'd be seeing him would be at a house party in 3 weeks. My friend suggested I add him on fb in the meantime. I did, and we ended up getting on great and talking on a daily basis. the conversation was flirty at times too. I planned to ask him on a date at this upcoming party, as things seemed to be going well.

    I got to the party and we were flirty. I asked if we could talk in private and I told him I liked him and found him really nice. Before I could go any further, he sat me down and explained that it was mutual, he liked me too. But he was leaving the country in 4 months' time, and so didn't want a relationship, he was really sorry. He said he would have liked to otherwise, and that it made him sad.
    We kissed anyway, and then got on with the rest of the party. We ended up having sex that night, and I stayed the night in his room, and we spent all night talking.

    I suggested that we go for a drink that Wednesday, and he agreed. I got home, and that evening realised i'd left my jacket in his room, so he said he'd bring it. I told him that I really liked him and how I'd enjoyed the evening, and thought he was lovely.

    He didn't say anything in response..

    And then some massive drama happened with his housemate and he ended up leaving the house, and it all got a bit crazy. We talked about it and I asked him if he was ok, could I do anytihng to help etc.

    Then when things had settled, I'd admitted I was disappointed about his decision, but I totally understood. I said that if he'd been staying here, we could maybe have gone out together.

    He then said he 'didn't want a girlfriend at the moment', and started saying he wasn't looking for a relationship, he was focused on work, travelling etc. and saying that he'd done long distance before and that it hadn't worked out etc. and he didn't want it to happen again.

    I said that I totally understood, I respected the decision, we could be friends etc.

    And then we carried on speaking online as friends.. a couple of weeks later, I found out he'd said to our friend that he 'hadn't had the feeling with me', and while he thought I was awesome he 'only saw me as a friend'.

    My friend said that I came on too strongly in the beginning and that playing hard to get works with this guy. Does it sound like I was too much/I put him off? Maybe because we slept together right away, or that I looked too desperate?

    I admit I just really liked him right away, I can be like that sometimes, but now I blame myself and feel like I scared him off..
    Before you kissed/had sex with him he told you face to face he was not in it for a relationship.
    From this point on you should have known that it's not about being 'desperate' or doing things in a certain order. He told you what the deal was and i'm afraid nothing changed with what followed. It's not your fault but he is not in the wrong either
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    (Original post by Ignorant)
    Before you kissed/had sex with him he told you face to face he was not in it for a relationship.
    From this point on you should have known that it's not about being 'desperate' or doing things in a certain order. He told you what the deal was and i'm afraid nothing changed with what followed. It's not your fault but he is not in the wrong either
    Yes I totally agree with you He's not in the wrong.. it's just that he said to my friend that he 'wanted to go out with me/saw it working' so it just made me feel like at some point he was considering a relationship with me, but then maybe said what he said as he'd realised he wasn't that into me.
    And I think what my friend has said has just made me paranoid also... thanks for your reply
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    and I think it was the fact that despite not wanting a relationship, he had told me he did like me and in another case would have liked to go out with me, but because he then said shortly after to my friend that he 'didnt feel anything', that just made me feel like I had made him do something to lose interest; maybe he didn't like my conversation or whatever. But yeah, as others have said, it's done, and it's better now i've stopped torturing myself
 
 
 
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