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Generally what’s the reason if a guy keeps getting rejected between dates 1 and 4

Reasons given vary but the most common are “No real connection”, “we’re too different”, “very different lifestyles”, “want someone more romantic and with more relationship experience” “had a lovely time but not sure about another date just now” etc.

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Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
Reasons given vary but the most common are “No real connection”, “we’re too different”, “very different lifestyles”, “want someone more romantic and with more relationship experience” “had a lovely time but not sure about another date just now” etc.


Most likely they are desperate
Reply 2
Lack of mutual sexual attraction, incompatible ambitions, does not meet her relationship expectations or other dealbreakers.
Original post by Anonymous
Reasons given vary but the most common are “No real connection”, “we’re too different”, “very different lifestyles”, “want someone more romantic and with more relationship experience” “had a lovely time but not sure about another date just now” etc.


Alright, let's get one thing straight... If he's getting dates etc. then the issue is definitely NOT his looks! If that were the case, then they wouldn't date him in the first place.

Spoiler


It's more likely, as they say, you're not connecting with them. Do you know how to talk to girls? When on dates, do you listen to whatever cr*p she's rabbiting on about and build on it... or are you thinking about what she looks like naked? Do you compliment her when you see her? Maybe she caught you looking down her cleavage too many times (a couple of discrete glances is OK, but if you're doing it all the time, she'll dismiss you along with every other creepy purvey guy she's had to put up with). On the other hand, if you play it too safe (e.g. no flirting, complements, limited body contact etc.) then she'll think you're not attracted to her.

What's contact like in between dates? Do you respond to her texts? Do you take too long to respond or do you bombard her with love notes? What are your social media posts like? Maybe they're being honest about their reasons?

Truth is, it could be many reasons, and I'm not saying it's any of the above... but I'm giving you a few things to think about

Original post by DD big
Most likely they are desperate


They are desperate?

Don't you mean he is coming across as desperate /needy? If they were desperate, then they would put up with bad dates just so they could have a man in their life, no?
Reply 4
Original post by Old Skool Freak
Alright, let's get one thing straight... If he's getting dates etc. then the issue is definitely NOT his looks! If that were the case, then they wouldn't date him in the first place.

Spoiler


It's more likely, as they say, you're not connecting with them. Do you know how to talk to girls? When on dates, do you listen to whatever cr*p she's rabbiting on about and build on it... or are you thinking about what she looks like naked? Do you compliment her when you see her? Maybe she caught you looking down her cleavage too many times (a couple of discrete glances is OK, but if you're doing it all the time, she'll dismiss you along with every other creepy purvey guy she's had to put up with). On the other hand, if you play it too safe (e.g. no flirting, complements, limited body contact etc.) then she'll think you're not attracted to her.

What's contact like in between dates? Do you respond to her texts? Do you take too long to respond or do you bombard her with love notes? What are your social media posts like? Maybe they're being honest about their reasons?

Truth is, it could be many reasons, and I'm not saying it's any of the above... but I'm giving you a few things to think about



They are desperate?

Don't you mean he is coming across as desperate /needy? If they were desperate, then they would put up with bad dates just so they could have a man in their life, no?


That's what I meant that he's coming across as needy
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
Reasons given vary but the most common are “No real connection”, “we’re too different”, “very different lifestyles”, “want someone more romantic and with more relationship experience” “had a lovely time but not sure about another date just now” etc.

They've told you their reasons, what more do you want?
Original post by Anonymous
They probably realized that you're not a 'player' type. What do I mean by that? Well, girls tend to be attracted to guys that have had some experience with girls and they also like guys that are popular players who have f**ked many women in their lifetime. That's what they define as 'attractive'. If you're not a p***k or a bad man then you don't give them enough adrenaline and these femoids will find you boring.

This femoid finds you boring. Please change the record :rolleyes:
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
They probably realized that you're not a 'player' type. What do I mean by that? Well, girls tend to be attracted to guys that have had some experience with girls and they also like guys that are popular players who have f**ked many women in their lifetime. That's what they define as 'attractive'. If you're not a p***k or a bad man then you don't give them enough adrenaline and these femoids will find you boring.


Exactly girls like the bad guy type especially ones that have felonies
Anyone getting dates but getting no further is either deficit in their personality or in the bedroom.
Reply 9
I’ve had a couple of instances where a girl has been enthusiastic about a first date and then gone cold. I’m not sure what the causes are. I think coming across as too needy is a risk. Other than that dating is just prone to changes of mind and setbacks in the early days
Reply 10
Or “don’t see anything romantic” is another one. I’m trying to figure out what’s going wrong.
Sounds like maybe the guy is turning them off by not being smooth and charming. 🙃
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
Sounds like maybe the guy is turning them off by not being smooth and charming. 🙃

How does a guy be smooth and charming?
Original post by Anonymous
How does a guy be smooth and charming?


TBH, I think it's a bit like being a bad-boy; obviously not the actual traits themselves... but in the sense it's either something you are or you aren't. It's something your life has shaped you to be; I don't think it's something you can "learn" quickly or acquire in a couple of weeks.

I think it would probably benefit you more not so much to try and become "smooth and charming", but maybe not coming across as desperate or too keen (I strongly suspect this is the case; at least two other people here agree). Either that, or perhaps you're trying too hard to impress (it sounds strange, but when people pick up on this, it's off-putting and can make you seem fake). Instead, maybe try and adopt a IDGAF type attitude. I don't mean becoming an obnoxious jerk, but maybe on dates just having a "This is me, take it or leave it" type vibe. Obviously be on your best behaviour and make a good impression lol.

I'm not sure if you can remember a TV dating show called Take Me Out? The show itself got mixed reviews... but I think it's handy as it gives guys an insight into women's minds and the various stages that guys can inadvertently kill the attraction. To give you an idea of the format, a guy is presented to 30 single girls over three rounds. First round is about the looks, second and third reveal various things about their personality, lifestyles and interests... and over those three rounds, girls will "buzz-out" (red-card) whenever they see something that puts them off him. A selection are asked for their reasons for this, and they give full and frank reasons. If there's anyone left after the three rounds, he (the guy) can pick who he wants to date.

It's useful, as girls are seldom honest about their reasons for losing interest. If you watch a few episodes of that show, it may give you an idea as to where you're going wrong.
Reply 14
do you think there’s a point asking for feedback?
Reply 15
Original post by Anonymous
do you think there’s a point asking for feedback?

They've given you a reason, however they dress it up: they aren't interested. It's a date, not an interview, so don't ask. You should be self-aware enough to understand why it's not working. How have you met these girls? If you are having multiple dates in parallel, then maybe there was no firm foundation for a date in the first place.
Reply 16
Going on dates where theres no opportunity for attraction to develop in the build up. Asking for feedback isn’t great. It puts someone on the spot, it can be intangible and where it’s tangible it’s quite likely to be hurtful without possibly of improvement. And it adds to the humiliation of rejection by someone you barely know. Better to just pick up what you can
Original post by Anonymous
do you think there’s a point asking for feedback?


Absolutely not.

As you have already found out, they're just going to give you generic responses... so as not to hurt your feelings or come across as "female-dogs". You haven't described how you come across / behave on dates... in fact, you've not attempted to answer the questions I put to you in my original post a fortnight ago.

It's really up to you to take some initiative in order to ascertain what you're doing wrong... I'm almost certain that you're either coming across as desperate / too keen; you're trying too hard, or just coming across as "creepy". However, I'm just speculating based on what you said, and my experience on dealing with others in your situation.

In absence of anything else to go on, I strongly suggest you watch a few episodes of that show Take Me Out, pay attention to the points where women are put off a guy and listen to their reasons, and see if any of them apply to you. If you do a simple Google search, there are plenty of full episodes you can watch for free.

The women you're approaching aren't there to be your relationship tutor.
(edited 11 months ago)
Reply 18
Original post by Old Skool Freak
Absolutely not.

As you have already found out, they're just going to give you generic responses... so as not to hurt your feelings or come across as "female-dogs". You haven't described how you come across / behave on dates... in fact, you've not attempted to answer the questions I put to you in my original post a fortnight ago.

It's really up to you to take some initiative in order to ascertain what you're doing wrong... I'm almost certain that you're either coming across as desperate / too keen; you're trying too hard, or just coming across as "creepy". However, I'm just speculating based on what you said, and my experience on dealing with others in your situation.

In absence of anything else to go on, I strongly suggest you watch a few episodes of that show Take Me Out, pay attention to the points where women are put off a guy and listen to their reasons, and see if any of them apply to you. If you do a simple Google search, there are plenty of full episodes you can watch for free.

The women you're approaching aren't there to be your relationship tutor.


Thank you for your comments. I was asking for constructive advice. 🙂
Reply 19
Original post by Zarek
Going on dates where theres no opportunity for attraction to develop in the build up. Asking for feedback isn’t great. It puts someone on the spot, it can be intangible and where it’s tangible it’s quite likely to be hurtful without possibly of improvement. And it adds to the humiliation of rejection by someone you barely know. Better to just pick up what you can


They don’t have to answer. Can I ask in what way would it be hurtful? A number of answers could be helpful as it could identify patterns.

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