Say you get sexually abused as a kid. What tends to be the effect? Watch

Anonymous #6
#21
Report 9 years ago
#21
A friend of mine at secondary school had this experience thanks to a male relative who was couple of years older. She was very wary of getting close to anyone male, was paranoid of the people that were close to her not actually liking her (though it was more a case of her thinking people liked a specific other person more so it may be unrelated to the abuse), she was diagnosed depressed, was on a few different types of tablets and had self harmed at some stage.
She was, however, entirely happy so far as anyone could see and had good, normal relationships. She admitted she sometimes had to work to hide her mental condition from people and would occasionally crack when she felt overwhelmed. Sometimes she'd vanish while we were out without telling anyone she was going and then reappear later and she used to get stressed out fairly easily.
She generally has it all reined in, used to help people with similar problems at the school and has now completed her degree in mental health nursing.

Anyway, my point is it can certainly affect you in significant ways which carry on into your later life but it doesn't have to stop you from having fulfilling relationships.
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elsa_89
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#22
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#22
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks.

Nope, they don't. I think they know something happened but not exactly what. It shouldn't be an excuse for selfishness really. We shouldn't allow ourselves to excuse bad things, we should try and improve them. Bad things happen to everyone, and I guess we've all got to try and live with it, and be nice to others. I'm just concerned that I seem to be so self destructive and end up severing any potential connection every time I almost get close to someone. And this hurts other people too. So it needs to stop to end my unhappiness and to stop me inflicting pain on others.


Do you think telling them might help? Are you close enough to open up to them about all this? Because I don't think it's healthy to keep all this inside (cliche, I know, but true nonetheless). This could be the case with other people you get close to... perhaps by confiding in them about what happened and putting your trust in someone else you will have a better chance of connecting and bonding with them. Good luck
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Anonymous #1
#23
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#23
(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't think it had a very big effect on me.
I mean, it felt awkward and uncomfortable at the time, but it didn't exactly kill me.
Hmm. This is what I thought for a long time. I completely denied that it had any effect. Now I'm not so sure. It could just be that I'm a screw up. :shrug:
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gee:bee
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#24
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#24
wow wow wow. look here, things may have happened to you when you were younger and you I respect you for being brave enough to speak about them.

However, NEVER EVER even set your sights on being a prosititute, no matter what has happened to you before you can better yourself!

Remember, I am guessing your around 15-17 so you have your whole life ahead of yourself, you gotta be stronger and never give in.

In no way are you a screw up, the fact you are here to talk to people openly and understand your own feelings highlights that you are special, not everyone can do what you have done.

I firmly recommend you speak to your parents, after all these are the people that love you most, you may not see it but it will honestly improve matters vastly, just hold your head high and put it down to experience.

Good luck and please talk to us/someone whenever you feel bad.
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Anonymous #7
#25
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#25
hello, its weird you actually mention this, because i was just talking about this with my sister today. She too was sexually abused at around the same age around you. Over the year she told me about some symptoms which i thought were rather irregular. For example she would have dreams (that would really disgust her and make her extremley emotional the following morning) relating to what happen. She would also suffer from migranes as soon as she wakes up and explained how her head felt like a ton of bricks. Additionally she would experience bouts of depression. i thought i would read about sexual abuse in children as a result and took a few books out from the library, as i wondered there were any relationship between the two.. The books revealed that alot of these symptoms were typical of individuals who have suffered from sexual abuse but also said it can have an affect on personal relationships as an adults. It mentioned various things in the above posts about how to deal with it such as accepting its happened and trying to move on (even though understandably it can be very traumitising) and trying to move foward in your life and staying positive and trusting people and also that your life can be fulfilled and happy as the next person. I think also talking about it (if you are feeling it affects you) also is tremendously useful, as i remember just listening to my sister and supporting her really helped. And also not letting it get in the way of getting a fulfilled relationship. I'm sure aren't a screw-up and will have wonderful relationships in the future. However i do think if your personal relationships are suffering due to factors you feel are not associated with the other person then maybe its a good idea to talk to someone.
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Anonymous #8
#26
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#26
It's wierd how similar your story seems to be to mine.
Just take it easy, think things through, and if you have a friend that you can speak to about it, whether they be male or female, it's always better to let it out a bit.
I understand that it might, well it WILL, be difficult at first, but once you do it, it's like a breath of fresh air to know someone understands and cares.
Just reading this thread makes me feel a little bit better about my experiences
I was abused by a family friend for a few years.
I kept it bottled for years. I only spoke about it recently and it helped.
Learn to trust a friend with it.
Then learn to trust other people.
And find a boy that's really worth it and trust him with it.
Allow yourself to trust again.
You owe it to yourself.
Good Luck.
I'm sure you'll be fine
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Anonymous #9
#27
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#27
This may sound silly, but is it possible to have been abused as a child and not remember?
I ask because I have trouble opening up to people and generally feel disconnected - I'm cold, apparently. And paranoid as well in all likelihood, the chances of not remembering something as severe as child abuse are probably pretty slim. The thought of having suffered abuse haunts me (even though I have no recollection of anything of that nature), which in itself is probably psycho.
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Anonymous #10
#28
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#28
i don't know if i class this as sexual abuse but when i was about 8, this boy who was my parents friends son use to come round my house all the time, he was about 9 or 10, i don't know. my parents thought it was nice that i had someone to play with and they use to just let us play in my room for ages, but he use to touch me all over under my clothes and take off his own and rub against me. i've never ever told anyone this. i'm pretty sure he did it to another girl in my class, i don't know why but i've always had that feeling. i don't know how long this went on, maybe a couple of months. i've been in a steady relationship for 4 years, it hasn't affected that, i can be a bit clingy sometimes. when i was younger though, i lost my virginity at 16 and between then and when i met my now boyfriend at 17 i slept with 5 men. I just went a bit crazy and i think it was down to that, i wanted to me in control and feel like i was using them. it was weird. i regret it now. my boyfriend doesn't know about any of this..i'm embarrassed to tell him and i don't want his pity. in a way i would like to tell him, i dunno. i suppose everyone deals like stuff like this in a different way xx
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Anonymous #11
#29
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#29
relationship issues
trus issues
paranoia
disgust
hate
anger
over-protective of people close to u

you just gotta learn to get past these things
see a counsellor hun
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Grape190190
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#30
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#30
Okay, I said it a few times. Nothing happened.

I'm so funny.
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Anonymous #1
#31
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#31
(Original post by Anonymous)
i don't know if i class this as sexual abuse but when i was about 8, this boy who was my parents friends son use to come round my house all the time, he was about 9 or 10, i don't know. my parents thought it was nice that i had someone to play with and they use to just let us play in my room for ages, but he use to touch me all over under my clothes and take off his own and rub against me. i've never ever told anyone this. i'm pretty sure he did it to another girl in my class, i don't know why but i've always had that feeling. i don't know how long this went on, maybe a couple of months. i've been in a steady relationship for 4 years, it hasn't affected that, i can be a bit clingy sometimes. when i was younger though, i lost my virginity at 16 and between then and when i met my now boyfriend at 17 i slept with 5 men. I just went a bit crazy and i think it was down to that, i wanted to me in control and feel like i was using them. it was weird. i regret it now. my boyfriend doesn't know about any of this..i'm embarrassed to tell him and i don't want his pity. in a way i would like to tell him, i dunno. i suppose everyone deals like stuff like this in a different way xx
I have no idea if it falls under the umbrella of sexual abuse, but if it affected you badly then it was wrong of him. I completely empathize with the bold. That's precisely how I feel, and I perhaps a little why I sometimes do it. I would advocate telling your boyfriend, I'm sure he'll be supportive and telling him might lighten the burden. I've told a few people, but I'm reluctant to discuss it, that's a bit hard.
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Anonymous #1
#32
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#32
(Original post by Anonymous)
It's wierd how similar your story seems to be to mine.
Just take it easy, think things through, and if you have a friend that you can speak to about it, whether they be male or female, it's always better to let it out a bit.
I understand that it might, well it WILL, be difficult at first, but once you do it, it's like a breath of fresh air to know someone understands and cares.
Just reading this thread makes me feel a little bit better about my experiences
I was abused by a family friend for a few years.
I kept it bottled for years. I only spoke about it recently and it helped.
Learn to trust a friend with it.
Then learn to trust other people.
And find a boy that's really worth it and trust him with it.
Allow yourself to trust again.
You owe it to yourself.
Good Luck.
I'm sure you'll be fine
I'm chuffed to think it made other people feel better. I think it's a good idea to talk about this sort of stuff rather than leaving it in the bottom of the closet. Thank for the advice, I'll try.
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Anonymous #1
#33
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#33
(Original post by gee:bee)
wow wow wow. look here, things may have happened to you when you were younger and you I respect you for being brave enough to speak about them.

However, NEVER EVER even set your sights on being a prosititute, no matter what has happened to you before you can better yourself!

Remember, I am guessing your around 15-17 so you have your whole life ahead of yourself, you gotta be stronger and never give in.

In no way are you a screw up, the fact you are here to talk to people openly and understand your own feelings highlights that you are special, not everyone can do what you have done.

I firmly recommend you speak to your parents, after all these are the people that love you most, you may not see it but it will honestly improve matters vastly, just hold your head high and put it down to experience.

Good luck and please talk to us/someone whenever you feel bad.
Hahahaha. I don't set my sights on being a prostitute. I'm just saying I wouldn't find it particularly horrific, or even bad, like I probably should. As said earlier, I'd feel almost like I'm using them somehow. It's like proving to the world: "look I can have sex with anyone and it doesn't matter to me or hurt me at all. Sex doesn't matter to me! It's my weapon!" And of course, if someone feels the need to prove that, it's complete ********.
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Anonymous #12
#34
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#34
OP, where is this famo friend now that abused you?
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Anonymous #1
#35
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#35
(Original post by Anonymous)
OP, where is this famo friend now that abused you?
Er, he had a gap year a few years ago and now he's at university. He'll be getting a job soon, I guess. He takes loadsa drugs and gets all the wiminz. Why?
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JMonkey
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#36
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I was sexually abused when I was about eight. I have a whole lorra issues, especially when it comes to relationships. I don't get relationships, and I don't get how the physical stuff can make people feel close. It's completely impersonal for me.

For a long long time I denied that what happened to me had any effect, but I've come to realize I was probably deluded. To what extent do you think it caused my problems? Or am I now using it as a scapegoat for my issues? If I kinda knew that it was that which did it (or at least that it was a big factor), I just think I might find my problems easier to deal with. I dunno if this makes any sense. Thanks for your time.
How would anyone know unless they had been through it? Not really a good question for the interweb, no offence (and to be honest the title sounds like trolling or trollbait) That said, group therapy or a counsellor is your best bet by the sounds of it. Nothing beats trained sympathetic ears or empathetic ones.

According to that book by Nabokov, nothing much and can go on to lead a normal life but the anti-hero ends up banged up for murder, but that was a work of fiction.
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Anonymous #1
#37
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#37
(Original post by JMonkey)
How would anyone know unless they had been through it? Not really a good question for the interweb (and to be honest the title sounds like trolling or trollbait) That said, group therapy or a counsellor is your best bet by the sounds of it. Nothing beats sympathetic ears or empathetic ones.

According to that book by Nabokov, nothing much and can go on to lead a normal life but the anti-hero ends up banged up for murder, but that was a work of fiction.
I haven't read Lolita. And I expected many people had been through it, as this thread has demonstrated.
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JMonkey
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#38
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hahahaha. I don't set my sights on being a prostitute. I'm just saying I wouldn't find it particularly horrific, or even bad, like I probably should. As said earlier, I'd feel almost like I'm using them somehow. It's like proving to the world: "look I can have sex with anyone and it doesn't matter to me or hurt me at all. Sex doesn't matter to me! It's my weapon!" And of course, if someone feels the need to prove that, it's complete ********.
Sex like all weapons shouldn't be wielded by children. It also should be licensed and used by responsible people like any weapon, but such is life.
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Rokit
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#39
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OP I am not sure if I would call this sexual abuse but when I was about 8/9 a trusted staff member who worked for my grandfolks tried to forcefully kiss me and pin me down. He only stopped because someone else was going past and stopped him. He got fired eventually (and I think beaten up). I have trouble with physical intimacy like hugging people (even my own mother whom I love). Even my friends and family have noticed and say I am a bit cold

Sometimes it manifests itself in many ways and other times you have no idea what effect it has had on you. Speak to someone
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JMonkey
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#40
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I haven't read Lolita. And I expected many people had been through it, as this thread has demonstrated.
It's not that, visceral human contact is a million times better than impersonal contact through an anonymous medium, anyone who has had counselling knows this. It's like saying see your Dr on a physical medical issue thread.

I didn't mean to imply it wasn't worth something, just that you should be looking for help elsewhere if it's a big issue.

It counts rockit, at least in the eyes of the law and his employers, and frankly to anyone probably.
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