How do i tell him to stop?
brief synopsis-- I've been friends with this guy for a little over a year. Completely just friends and nothing more right. we had a little fall out and then he apologised but i am starting to think his apology is fake now.
lets just say this guy is very sexual. Last night he says he was masturbating and thinking of me. it made me super uncomfortable but i dont how to tell him to stop. he also sends **** pics of his **** and it makes me so uncomfortable and it makes me feel horrible because i want to be a respectful classy young woman not just a throw away ***** and he is treating me like an object and i hate it.
he kept on trying to make me horny but i didnt respond. i tried to change the topic of conversation, even to the point where i asked whether he knows a guy i have taken a fancy to myself but it didnt stop. i even said multiple times i was going to bed but it continued for 20 mins more.
he also pesters me for pics of myself but i will never never ever send him any pics. he can get lost with that.
i want to tell him to stop but i dont know how. i dont want to make him upset but at the same time i should really start asserting myself and be a bit harsh. i need to tell him to stop.
How do i do this??? Any tips??
lets just say this guy is very sexual. Last night he says he was masturbating and thinking of me. it made me super uncomfortable but i dont how to tell him to stop. he also sends **** pics of his **** and it makes me so uncomfortable and it makes me feel horrible because i want to be a respectful classy young woman not just a throw away ***** and he is treating me like an object and i hate it.
he kept on trying to make me horny but i didnt respond. i tried to change the topic of conversation, even to the point where i asked whether he knows a guy i have taken a fancy to myself but it didnt stop. i even said multiple times i was going to bed but it continued for 20 mins more.
he also pesters me for pics of myself but i will never never ever send him any pics. he can get lost with that.
i want to tell him to stop but i dont know how. i dont want to make him upset but at the same time i should really start asserting myself and be a bit harsh. i need to tell him to stop.
How do i do this??? Any tips??
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How old are both of you ? You should stop being friends with him.
Original post by Anonymous
How old are both of you ? You should stop being friends with him.
We are both 18 and in the midst of our A levels.
Original post by Anonymous
brief synopsis-- I've been friends with this guy for a little over a year. Completely just friends and nothing more right. we had a little fall out and then he apologised but i am starting to think his apology is fake now.
lets just say this guy is very sexual. Last night he says he was masturbating and thinking of me. it made me super uncomfortable but i dont how to tell him to stop. he also sends **** pics of his **** and it makes me so uncomfortable and it makes me feel horrible because i want to be a respectful classy young woman not just a throw away ***** and he is treating me like an object and i hate it.
he kept on trying to make me horny but i didnt respond. i tried to change the topic of conversation, even to the point where i asked whether he knows a guy i have taken a fancy to myself but it didnt stop. i even said multiple times i was going to bed but it continued for 20 mins more.
he also pesters me for pics of myself but i will never never ever send him any pics. he can get lost with that.
i want to tell him to stop but i dont know how. i dont want to make him upset but at the same time i should really start asserting myself and be a bit harsh. i need to tell him to stop.
How do i do this??? Any tips??
lets just say this guy is very sexual. Last night he says he was masturbating and thinking of me. it made me super uncomfortable but i dont how to tell him to stop. he also sends **** pics of his **** and it makes me so uncomfortable and it makes me feel horrible because i want to be a respectful classy young woman not just a throw away ***** and he is treating me like an object and i hate it.
he kept on trying to make me horny but i didnt respond. i tried to change the topic of conversation, even to the point where i asked whether he knows a guy i have taken a fancy to myself but it didnt stop. i even said multiple times i was going to bed but it continued for 20 mins more.
he also pesters me for pics of myself but i will never never ever send him any pics. he can get lost with that.
i want to tell him to stop but i dont know how. i dont want to make him upset but at the same time i should really start asserting myself and be a bit harsh. i need to tell him to stop.
How do i do this??? Any tips??
Don't try and be nice about these things... you've already tried it and it didn't work... so you need to be blunt (IMHO, he's lost all rights to politeness, courtesy etc. by being persistent). You may also want to remind him that what he's doing is technically sexual harassment, so you can report him to the police or any other senior authority if you wanted to, using his text messages and d**k pics as evidence. Do other people know about his behaviour? You could threaten to go public with what he's saying... also, guys like this tend to back off if they know another guy (ideally bigger / stronger than he is) knows what he's up to... and pulls him aside for a "friendly chat"
Original post by gtty123
"Hey. The things you do are disgusting. Stop being a weirdo."
Should go well.
Should go well.
Nothing wrong with telling him this at all. Just remember the tone of your voice is more important than the words coming out of your mouth... if you're saying it while giggling or smiling, it won't work... but if you adopt a firm serious tone, he's more likely to take notice.
(edited 11 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous
brief synopsis-- I've been friends with this guy for a little over a year. Completely just friends and nothing more right. we had a little fall out and then he apologised but i am starting to think his apology is fake now.
lets just say this guy is very sexual. Last night he says he was masturbating and thinking of me. it made me super uncomfortable but i dont how to tell him to stop. he also sends **** pics of his **** and it makes me so uncomfortable and it makes me feel horrible because i want to be a respectful classy young woman not just a throw away ***** and he is treating me like an object and i hate it.
he kept on trying to make me horny but i didnt respond. i tried to change the topic of conversation, even to the point where i asked whether he knows a guy i have taken a fancy to myself but it didnt stop. i even said multiple times i was going to bed but it continued for 20 mins more.
he also pesters me for pics of myself but i will never never ever send him any pics. he can get lost with that.
i want to tell him to stop but i dont know how. i dont want to make him upset but at the same time i should really start asserting myself and be a bit harsh. i need to tell him to stop.
How do i do this??? Any tips??
lets just say this guy is very sexual. Last night he says he was masturbating and thinking of me. it made me super uncomfortable but i dont how to tell him to stop. he also sends **** pics of his **** and it makes me so uncomfortable and it makes me feel horrible because i want to be a respectful classy young woman not just a throw away ***** and he is treating me like an object and i hate it.
he kept on trying to make me horny but i didnt respond. i tried to change the topic of conversation, even to the point where i asked whether he knows a guy i have taken a fancy to myself but it didnt stop. i even said multiple times i was going to bed but it continued for 20 mins more.
he also pesters me for pics of myself but i will never never ever send him any pics. he can get lost with that.
i want to tell him to stop but i dont know how. i dont want to make him upset but at the same time i should really start asserting myself and be a bit harsh. i need to tell him to stop.
How do i do this??? Any tips??
You have to be direct with him. Most men are direct communicators.
Tell him: “Hey, I think you are a nice guy, but you have been acting a bit creepy towards me and it is making me uncomfortable. I don't see you in that way and I will never ever give you box”
Good luck
Original post by Wired_1800
You have to be direct with him. Most men are direct communicators.
Tell him: “Hey, I think you are a nice guy, but you have been acting a bit creepy towards me and it is making me uncomfortable. I don't see you in that way and I will never ever give you box”
Good luck
Tell him: “Hey, I think you are a nice guy, but you have been acting a bit creepy towards me and it is making me uncomfortable. I don't see you in that way and I will never ever give you box”
Good luck
I'd say she needs to be more forcefull / assertive than that... she's already tried to be nice about it, but he's not getting the message.
Original post by Old Skool Freak
I'd say she needs to be more forcefull / assertive than that... she's already tried to be nice about it, but he's not getting the message.
I don't agree. It could escalate and not end well for her. Best to be tactful.
Original post by Wired_1800
I don't agree. It could escalate and not end well for her. Best to be tactful.
Actually, she hasn't explicitly told him to stop it yet (according to her post).
Still remember, I said assertive, not aggressive (there is a difference).
Original post by Old Skool Freak
Actually, she hasn't explicitly told him to stop it yet (according to her post).
Still remember, I said assertive, not aggressive (there is a difference).
Still remember, I said assertive, not aggressive (there is a difference).
True but one’s person’s view of assertiveness could be another person’s aggression. To me, it’s best to be tactful and let him down gently.
Original post by Anonymous
Last night he says he was masturbating and thinking of me. it made me super uncomfortable but i dont how to tell him to stop. he also sends **** pics of his ****
i even said multiple times i was going to bed but it continued for 20 mins more.
i want to tell him to stop but i dont know how. i dont want to make him upset
i even said multiple times i was going to bed but it continued for 20 mins more.
i want to tell him to stop but i dont know how. i dont want to make him upset
How can a phone conversation continue for 20 minutes more than you want? Doesn't your phone have a an off button? A block number facility?
He's upsetting you, so why do you want to stay friends and not upset him? Are you that desperate for a friend?
As per post #5: tell him you want him to stop contacting you, he's harassing you and you can report it. If you're both at the same school, keep friends around so there's support if he tries to approach you.
Original post by Anonymous
brief synopsis-- I've been friends with this guy for a little over a year. Completely just friends and nothing more right. we had a little fall out and then he apologised but i am starting to think his apology is fake now.
lets just say this guy is very sexual. Last night he says he was masturbating and thinking of me. it made me super uncomfortable but i dont how to tell him to stop. he also sends **** pics of his **** and it makes me so uncomfortable and it makes me feel horrible because i want to be a respectful classy young woman not just a throw away ***** and he is treating me like an object and i hate it.
he kept on trying to make me horny but i didnt respond. i tried to change the topic of conversation, even to the point where i asked whether he knows a guy i have taken a fancy to myself but it didnt stop. i even said multiple times i was going to bed but it continued for 20 mins more.
he also pesters me for pics of myself but i will never never ever send him any pics. he can get lost with that.
i want to tell him to stop but i dont know how. i dont want to make him upset but at the same time i should really start asserting myself and be a bit harsh. i need to tell him to stop.
How do i do this??? Any tips??
lets just say this guy is very sexual. Last night he says he was masturbating and thinking of me. it made me super uncomfortable but i dont how to tell him to stop. he also sends **** pics of his **** and it makes me so uncomfortable and it makes me feel horrible because i want to be a respectful classy young woman not just a throw away ***** and he is treating me like an object and i hate it.
he kept on trying to make me horny but i didnt respond. i tried to change the topic of conversation, even to the point where i asked whether he knows a guy i have taken a fancy to myself but it didnt stop. i even said multiple times i was going to bed but it continued for 20 mins more.
he also pesters me for pics of myself but i will never never ever send him any pics. he can get lost with that.
i want to tell him to stop but i dont know how. i dont want to make him upset but at the same time i should really start asserting myself and be a bit harsh. i need to tell him to stop.
How do i do this??? Any tips??
This man is not your friend. He is harassing you, both sexually and otherwise, in order to coerce you into sending nudes to fuel his fantasies of you. It is abhorrent behaviour and you don’t have to accept it.
I would send a formal message like the following:
“Dear (person),
I have felt uncomfortable and violated at the messages you have been sending me, particularly pictures of your penis and your messages describing how I was the forefront of your sexual fantasies. I am not interested in sending you private photos of myself and never will be. In addition, I refuse to tolerate my clear boundaries being broken any longer.
If you have any respect for me, I ask that you refrain from contacting me again. The conversation above has been recorded (which you will do, hopefully) and is ready to be sent to the relevant officials (school, police, perhaps the social media platform) at any point if I so wish.
Thank you for cooperating.”
Original post by SagaciousSag
This man is not your friend. He is harassing you, both sexually and otherwise, in order to coerce you into sending nudes to fuel his fantasies of you. It is abhorrent behaviour and you don’t have to accept it.
I would send a formal message like the following:
“Dear (person),
I have felt uncomfortable and violated at the messages you have been sending me, particularly pictures of your penis and your messages describing how I was the forefront of your sexual fantasies. I am not interested in sending you private photos of myself and never will be. In addition, I refuse to tolerate my clear boundaries being broken any longer.
If you have any respect for me, I ask that you refrain from contacting me again. The conversation above has been recorded (which you will do, hopefully) and is ready to be sent to the relevant officials (school, police, perhaps the social media platform) at any point if I so wish.
Thank you for cooperating.”
I would send a formal message like the following:
“Dear (person),
I have felt uncomfortable and violated at the messages you have been sending me, particularly pictures of your penis and your messages describing how I was the forefront of your sexual fantasies. I am not interested in sending you private photos of myself and never will be. In addition, I refuse to tolerate my clear boundaries being broken any longer.
If you have any respect for me, I ask that you refrain from contacting me again. The conversation above has been recorded (which you will do, hopefully) and is ready to be sent to the relevant officials (school, police, perhaps the social media platform) at any point if I so wish.
Thank you for cooperating.”
This is a bit extreme.
Original post by Wired_1800
This is a bit extreme.
No it isn't, but harassment is. How would you feel if your girlfriend was on the receiving end of something like this?
Original post by Surnia
No it isn't, but harassment is. How would you feel if your girlfriend was on the receiving end of something like this?
I would feel horrible and address the situation. I understand how the OP is feeling but she needs to extract herself in a strategic manner.
Original post by SagaciousSag
This man is not your friend. He is harassing you, both sexually and otherwise, in order to coerce you into sending nudes to fuel his fantasies of you. It is abhorrent behaviour and you don’t have to accept it.
I would send a formal message like the following:
“Dear (person),
I have felt uncomfortable and violated at the messages you have been sending me, particularly pictures of your penis and your messages describing how I was the forefront of your sexual fantasies. I am not interested in sending you private photos of myself and never will be. In addition, I refuse to tolerate my clear boundaries being broken any longer.
If you have any respect for me, I ask that you refrain from contacting me again. The conversation above has been recorded (which you will do, hopefully) and is ready to be sent to the relevant officials (school, police, perhaps the social media platform) at any point if I so wish.
Thank you for cooperating.”
I would send a formal message like the following:
“Dear (person),
I have felt uncomfortable and violated at the messages you have been sending me, particularly pictures of your penis and your messages describing how I was the forefront of your sexual fantasies. I am not interested in sending you private photos of myself and never will be. In addition, I refuse to tolerate my clear boundaries being broken any longer.
If you have any respect for me, I ask that you refrain from contacting me again. The conversation above has been recorded (which you will do, hopefully) and is ready to be sent to the relevant officials (school, police, perhaps the social media platform) at any point if I so wish.
Thank you for cooperating.”
I think the tone of this is absolutely spot on.
In these types of situations, you need to be polite but firm. Firm enough to know that it's not a joke / playing game, and you mean business... but polite enough to avoid direct name calling or escalation / confrontation. I think this letter captures both elements perfectly, concise and to the point.
Whether or not it will make him stop is another question, but IMHO, this is probably the best starting point.
(edited 11 months ago)
Original post by Wired_1800
I would feel horrible and address the situation. I understand how the OP is feeling but she needs to extract herself in a strategic manner.
Strategic: relating to the identification of long-term aims and the means of achieving them.
Exactly what is being suggested.
Prince Andrew behaviour 🤢
Original post by Surnia
Strategic: relating to the identification of long-term aims and the means of achieving them.
Exactly what is being suggested.
Exactly what is being suggested.
Suggestion is to tactful
Original post by Wired_1800
Suggestion is to tactful
Personally, I think that letter is tactful.
The letter makes the effect his behaviour is having on her very clear, and is clearly stating her requests moving forward.
There's no accusations, abuse, insults or name calling in the letter... if there were any "blurred lines" previously, this letter now makes things perfectly clear.
If she really wanted to be extra tactful, an additional line could be added along the lines of:- "I'm sorry if I've ever given you the impression that I wanted your sexual attention, as it was never my intention to suggest or hint that I was ever interested in you or to lead you on".
(edited 11 months ago)
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