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Pathetic but still obsessing about Oxbridge

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Reply 80

ssk2

It's this kind of thing that makes me glad my brother is at Leeds.

What kind of thing would that be? Ambition? Even if it is a little self-indulgent...

Reply 81

talktofrank

I also think a lot of you guys are being too harsh on the OP. How can you expect her to see to see so many of her friends go off to Oxbridge and "just get on with it" when she had such a strong application herself?

It's not pathetic at all - not ideal and probably not the best way forward, but it's not pathetic. Lots of my best friends, including my sister, have gone to Oxbridge and in some ways I envy them - there's a whole "fairytale" sort of feel to the Oxbridge thing, and it can make you feel like you're an outsider looking into a perfect world. But it certainly is NOT the case.

I apologise in advance to any Oxbridge students here - I know lots of you are lovely, down-to-earth people so please don't take any offence from what I'm about to say.

Recently I went to visit one of my best friends who's doing BiNatSci at Cambridge, we visited a bar called Vodka Revs. I've had a reasonably privileged upbringing and to be honest am quite posh, but I felt extremely uncomfortable in that environment - there were LOTS of young, pretty, rich "I-want-a-pony" daddy's girls who came up to talk to me and ask me what college I was at, what I was studying, etc. but sneered and turned their noses up when I told them that I had resat a year of 6th form and was going to KCL next year, which I am usually proud to admit. There were also loads of public school boys wearing their demi-sec suits and college ties, complete with messy hair and "be careful or my dad will fire your dad, buy your area and burn it down" attitude. Even coming from someone reasonably well-off, who tends to be the posh one in their group of friends, it really wasn't my cup of tea.

Maybe I would've enjoyed it more if I were a student at 'the Bridge', but spending a night there really didn't do my chances of reapplying any favours (although I applied to Oxford before). I'm disappointed at not getting an offer, because it would've proved that I could do just as well as my sister and some of my friends, but actually going there could potentially have been a different story.

OP, I don't think your situation should get you down, it should spur you on. You're already at a top university doing one of the hardest degrees available, but getting into university isn't the REAL test. The real test is life, and what you do with what you've been given. Yes Oxbridge students might have an advantage to start with, but there's nothing to say that you can't be just as, if not more successful than any of your friends who've gone to Oxbridge if you have the drive to prove people wrong. It's a shame that you feel like you're missing out on an experience that your friends are sharing and that you may deserve, but things like this are always going to happen, and you'll never be able to enjoy your life if you're always thinking about what might have been.

Chin up, you're still young and have your whole life ahead of you - don't get caught up in the "wish I'd gone to Oxbridge" mindset or you'll always be looking back. Hope everything works out :smile:

Reply 82

cerise

MSB

Disappointment is the price you pay for hope.

I thought that was for expectations. One could simply hope for the best and expect the worse, non?

Reply 83

Coco.

OP I think somewhere a little more down to earth would do you some good. It sounds as if your environment as tainted you. Your 'failure' (but it isn't really is it?) will benefit you-to me it seems as if you have been living somewhere completly unrealistic and your situation is a blessing in disguise. Life is not a fairytale-and the moment you realise that your parent's aren't always right will be a big step towards maturity. I do not want to sound horrible, because you sound like a sensitive, intelligent and conscientious person. However I think you have some growing up to do, and not being in this Oxbridge bubble you seem to have created will open your eyes.

Reply 84

WokSz

If it haunts you so much, reapply?

Reply 85

fat_hobbit

clockworkapples

And how does going to one of the best schools in the country make you "so smart"?

No, it just means that she is rich.

OP, get over yourself...It is not as if your going to Thames valley, now is it?

Reply 86

talespirit

Get out of your comfort zone, away from your old friends, being in Warwick will benefit you in away that you'll be in contact with those ourside your Oxbridge bubble, you'll meet other people, and those will resemble more of the people you'll be working with or leading in the future.

Reply 87

josepharthur

One word: 2 girls 1 cup.

Reply 88

talespirit

webecomesilhouetes

One word: 2 girls 1 cup.

That's 2 words and 2 numbers :p:

(Please don't get mad, just couldn't resist :smile:

)

Reply 89

e-lover

Sex, drugs and alcohol. Heals all wounds.

Reply 90

ashy

OP, I do sympathise. Some of the comments thrown at you so far have been completely outrageous, and I'd imagine from quite a few who have been rejected themselves.

I'll tell you a little story. A friend of mine applied to Oxford. He was rejected. He took a year out and applied again. He was rejected. And now, for some unfathomable reason, he is applying again. He can't seem to grasp that he didn't deserve to be there (when he got his A-levels with me, in 2006, he got ABC, then retook them the next year to get AAA). I believe all this might be because he's richer than the Queen, but that's beside the point.

It's always hard to deal with rejection, especially when you've had a lifetime of building up to it, and more so when you truly believe you deserve it (which if your details are true, you do). You have to go through all those stages of loss, you have to grieve for your loss. It takes time but you will get over it, once you start seeing advantages that you have over those at Oxford. I know because I applied to Cambridge for NatSci because I could - I didn't actually like the way the course was taught there (too much Chemistry :p:

) but I applied because it's Cambridge. Needless to say I was rejected, and now I'm at Imperial, which is a far better University than I'd previously thought, and while it was below Cambridge in the league tables when I joined, it has a good chance of overtaking Cambridge by the time I leave. You're in a similar position at Warwick - you're on an amazing degree course; the kind that lots of people would kill to be at, and when you graduate with your 1st, you'll be in an almost identical situation to those who graduated from Oxford.

I truly believe that you were absolutely right in going to Warwick, the maths course there is excellent. Had you reapplied to Oxford you might have been rejected again, which would have hurt even more, and you'd have wasted a year. It's important that you get over it so you can appreciate what you have. Tell your parents you're happy where you are, that they should be proud of you, and that you're going to get that 1st because you deserve it.

Good luck :smile:

Reply 91

Eternal Student

I sympathise with your situation, but I certainly wouldn't think it sensible to drop out for Warwick and reapply to Oxford as an undergrad. As many people have said, Warwick is outstanding for Maths and a generally excellent university. You've spent time there getting to know people, and leaving that behind to realise the Oxford dream as an undergradutate would probably be a backward step, as well as looking very strange on a CV.

My family has an Oxbridge tradition and I can see why your parents have reacted the way they did, even though I can't condone it. To some extent parents live vicariously through their children, and they probably also enjoy impressing people with their childrens' success. That's not OK, but it it human. I really think that you need to tell them how you feel - they might not be aware of what they're doing or of your perception that you've disappointed them.

For what it's worth, I thoroughly disliked quite a lot of my time at Oxford. Sure, some of it fitted in with the stereotypical stuff (May morning, bumps, punting and so on) but on balance I wouldn't choose to repeat the experience. I did my Masters at Warwick and turned down an offer of a PhD place at Oxford in favour of Southampton. The older you get (and I am really, really old!) the less missing out on Oxford will seem to matter. Adults who dwell on 'my days at the alma mater' and insist on wearing college scarves in middle age are just sad. It's what you do with the rest of your life that's important.

Reply 92

spacecowgirl89

Jillie Boe

I'd HATE to go to Oxbridge. Eurgh! Even if I got the chance to go I wouldn't. I personally think Warwick would be better to go to but then again I'm not smart enough so what do i know? I have a friend who's got rejected by Oxbridge but got over it, like you do. Jeez, it's only a Uni.

And your parents are out of order, thank god mine aren't like that. They need to suport you in whatever you do and you need to tell them how you feel. You're not a disappointment at all so stop thinking that :smile:

Hear, hear. I completely agree.

Firstly OP, I know exactly how you feel [to a degree...if you excuse the pun]. I've never wanted to go to Oxbridge and even if I had the chance to I'd refuse, it's just never appealed to me. I had my heart set on one university and only one and spent the past 5 years doing as much work exp etc ensuring I'd get a place...I got rejected. So I completely understand why you feel so gutted 'cos it is a huge kick in the face when you really think you could've done nothing more and you still don't get in to the place you've set your heart on. As it happens, I wrote them a letter as was suggested to me by someone we spoke to when I rang up and got offered a place... :confused:

I have no idea how that figures but there we go.

Anyway, the thing is, I think the reason you feel so gutted and even more upset is because all of your teachers and parents and friends have put Oxford on a pedestal and made out it is the ONLY decent university in the country, which isn't true, as everyone has pointed out. My parents were absolutely gutted for me when I got rejected but they have never put any pressure on me to do well in exams and have always been happy with whatever results I got. I think your parents are acting completely out of order by making out you're an embarrassment. Shame on them.

By all means, have some time to feel bitter about it, but just get over it, it's stopping you throwing yourself into having a fun uni life at Warwick, as you said. Go home less often so you're not surrounded by people who think Oxford is the only good university. Spend more time with your friends at Warwick. Spend less time with your friends at Oxbridge. Friends should be supportive, not trying to make you feel worse because you didn't get in to the uni they're at or that you're some kind of failure 'cos of it.

I know several people who went to Oxbridge and just ended up dropping out because they had nervous breakdowns. Just focus on being happy and doing the best you can do where you are.

Reply 93

lolilady---O

webecomesilhouetes

You people are horrible.

I think it's the OPs snobby attitude is what's "horrible".

Reply 94

ashy

lolilady---O

I think it's the OPs snobby attitude is what's "horrible".

Define "snobby".

Reply 95

Ad-Alta

ashy

. A friend of mine applied to Oxford. He was rejected. He took a year out and applied again. He was rejected. And now, for some unfathomable reason, he is applying again. He can't seem to grasp that he didn't deserve to be there (when he got his A-levels with me, in 2006, he got ABC, then retook them the next year to get AAA).

Oh my lord...!
That's crazy; he has (is) spent (spending) THREE years re-applying?!
I dunno - part of me hopes he gets in just to prove something, part of me thinks he's very stupid. :rolleyes:

By the time he gets anywhere, he could've nearly done a whole undergraduate degree already.

Reply 96

lolilady---O

Well basically saying you're too good for anything but Oxbridge. Plus how her friends already at Oxbridge are less able than her (well they can't be that crap otherwise they wouldn't have got in!). I'd say that's a pretty "snobby" attitude.

Reply 97

Anonymous #4

I go to a top ten red-brick university. A friend of mine is top of the year in her subject, and some of her essays are so good that they have to be sent away to externals just to check that the supervisor isn't going mad. She's got a place to do a taught masters at Cambridge next year, but in the mean time she's had a fantastic time here, on an excellent course, with lots of time to have a great social life and get involved with lots of extra-curricular things.

I suggest you take a step back and look at some of the things you could potentially do at Warwick which you might not have time for at Oxford. Go and do conservation work in Africa for three months in the summer, or run a marathon, or audition for a show, or set up your own society, or whatever takes your fancy. Really throw yourself into university life, whilst at the same time working really hard for your degree. Warwick may be in the middle of nowhere, but you can get involved in lots of extra-curricular things which will take you away from Warwick, to other parts of the country or even abroad, on a regular basis. I can see how it might be a little easier to get bored on a campus like Warwick, but I'm sure you can find really amazing things to do and have a fantastic time if you really want to.

If you're as good as you say you are, get involved in lots of really exciting opportunities, AND get a first. Then apply for a masters at Oxford or Cambridge if you still want to.

Reply 98

F1 fanatic

lolilady---O

I think it's the OPs snobby attitude is what's "horrible".

I don't think its about snobbyness per se, if you are told often enough that you have a right or talent for something then you're eventually going to believe it. Perhaps, in this case many would see this as too high an aspiration, but in some ways it is little different to being told that you deserve basic human rights or something.

The problem here seems to be the weight of expectation on the OPs shoulders, and I sympathise with her for that. If one comes from a background where one is "expected" to attain a certain level and anything less than oxbridge is some sort of failure then it can be very hard to let go of those beliefs and have confidence in yourself. It seems that your problem is that Oxbridge has been hyped up by those around you so much that you see it as some sort of idealist place and yearn to bask in some of its reputation, having achieved what is "expected" of you.

However, Oxbridge is really just a place with a reputation, it lives a lot on its reputation and that is the reason that this has received a lot of negative responses. It is seen to be a place that attracts snobs and so generally sets people into 2 camps - those like the OP who yearn to be a part of it and others who have a chip on their shoulder because of the reputation it has for being better than elsewhere. I suspect that had you been expected to get into Warwick and got into say Coventry Uni itself we would not be having this level of debate.

Anyway, with regards your problem, I think you need to accept your own achievements for what they are. A-levels and extra-curriculars are nice things to have in their own right. They show that you are capable and talented, and you are at a very good university studying a good and well respected subject. Is it acceptance from yourself or from others you crave I wonder? You said yourself that you were happy at Warwick. Try not to put Oxbridge on some sort of pedastal. It has a lot of nice things, but it has a lot of poor traits too. No place can live up to the kind of expectations you seem to have.