my mum looked through my stuff :(

okay so... my mum is cool i can talk to her about pretty much anything. i'm lucky perhaps...
however she is seriously controlling to the point where i feel guilty to go out with my firends. i am 20 going to uni and living at home so i can help out. when i'm at home she tells me constantly what to do, to the point where she is trying to convinve me to emmigrate to australia with her.

she has even banned me from facebook. i have it but dont tell her.
we share a computer as its the only one accesible to the internet.

tonight i got home from work logged into my account to find i was magically friends with one of her friends?

checked my internet history and found she'd looked all through my facebook....stupidly i use the same p/word for everything.

i know im wrong for lying, but i;m so angry and upset she feels its okay to trudge through everything, i feel like i have nothing of myself, and that the only way to keep her happy is to agree or lie.

can anyone help? :frown:

i know i'm wrong for lying but i feel suffocated and backed into a corner and quite frankly pretty alone.

Reply 1

Diaz

12

I think you should sit down and talk to your mother. **** TSR.

Reply 2

Subcutaneous

19

Be brutally honest, sit her down with a cup of tea and a biscuit and give her the full picture

1. you're an adult and entitled to privacy
2. You can make your own decisions about which websites you visit, and also where you live
3. You're a big boy/girl now- time to start cutting to umbilical cord

It can be hard for loads of mums to do this, but have you considered actually moving out? Do you need to be at home to help out? er unless your mum needs a carer or extra help due to a disability, not really

Reply 3

RatnSha

if you can talk to your mum,why is she still goin through your facebook?

Reply 4

Spanishdream

10

Too controlling. Far too controlling. You're an adult with rights to have privacy.

Talk to her, or emigrate without her!

Reply 5

Gil Gunderson

6

Barack Obama is right! :smile:

Reply 6

reisen

9

i would be so furious, why do you feel bad about lying when she put you in the position where you have to. I think her behaviour is far worse than yours so don't feel at all guilty. I think it's unlikely a chat is going to change her whole mindset and the best option is to move out or you will end up going mad and resenting your mother.

Reply 7

tinkielozi

OP

i have to live at home otherwise i'd leave her in a financial situation where we wouldnt have a house to live in...

ironically she is training to be a counsellor. she cant apply the same rules to me.

i dont know why she felt it necessary to look through it. i would never look through anything of hers, i think she has no respect for me as an individual.

Reply 8

Davezk

12

She'll read this post, hi your mum!

Reply 9

scribble_girl

14

Gosh, how odd... hopefully she might do it agian & see this thread & see how strange everyone finds it.

DEAR TINKILOZI'S MUM:

Time for some space!

Reply 10

scribble_girl

14

Davezk

She'll read this post, hi your mum!

Damn, seconds too fast for me! :p:

Reply 11

Subcutaneous

19

tinkielozi

i have to live at home otherwise i'd leave her in a financial situation where we wouldnt have a house to live in...

ironically she is training to be a counsellor. she cant apply the same rules to me.

i dont know why she felt it necessary to look through it. i would never look through anything of hers, i think she has no respect for me as an individual.

er so your mum cannot fianancially support herself? Then she needs to start acting a responsible adult

Reply 12

username358506

20

Keep the pimp hand wrong dear.

Reply 13

gingergooner

10

tinkielozi

okay so... my mum is cool i can talk to her about pretty much anything. i'm lucky perhaps...
however she is seriously controlling to the point where i feel guilty to go out with my firends. i am 20 going to uni and living at home so i can help out. when i'm at home she tells me constantly what to do, to the point where she is trying to convinve me to emmigrate to australia with her.

she has even banned me from facebook. i have it but dont tell her.
we share a computer as its the only one accesible to the internet.

tonight i got home from work logged into my account to find i was magically friends with one of her friends?

checked my internet history and found she'd looked all through my facebook....stupidly i use the same p/word for everything.

i know im wrong for lying, but i;m so angry and upset she feels its okay to trudge through everything, i feel like i have nothing of myself, and that the only way to keep her happy is to agree or lie.

can anyone help? :frown:

i know i'm wrong for lying but i feel suffocated and backed into a corner and quite frankly pretty alone.

At 20 years old thats pretty insane. At the end of the day you will have to stand up to her, because that is ridiculous. At 18 my parents are giving me complete freedom, but its a trust thing, they know me well enough to know I will make the right judgement call if I get into a bad situation.

Reply 14

tinkielozi

OP

i already do resent her i think, this time she has crossed the line. i need freedom and now i can't even go on facebook? i dont even know how i'm going to speak to her tomorrow. the worst thing is she hasnt even said anything to me about it, she i'm guessing she hopes to keep spying on me without my knowledge...

Reply 15

reisen

9

gingergooner

At 20 years old thats pretty insane. At the end of the day you will have to stand up to her, because that is ridiculous. At 18 my parents are giving me complete freedom, but its a trust thing, they know me well enough to know I will make the right judgement call if I get into a bad situation.

Yeah it doesn't sound like you stand up to her at all, why? I think it's very unfair that you're having to stay with her as she is unable to support herself but she doesn't afford you any recognition or respect for this

Reply 16

Davezk

12

scribble_girl

Damn, seconds too fast for me! :p:

I'll try not to make a habit of it :tongue:

Reply 17

Craig_D

17

Twenty? Twenty?

You need to take a stand. It's her house and her rules and all that (so, if say, you wanted to keep fireworks under your bed, or you wanted to use her garage to keep you car in, or you wanted to hold a massive party in her house, she gets a say on these things as they have an effect on her), but when it comes to personal things like choosing what websites you go on, guarding your privacy and deciding what friends you have you should be able to do whatever the hell you want. What's it to her?

Reply 18

tinkielozi

OP

if i dont do what she says she'll lock me out of the house and tell me to **** off. last christmas she was angry at me because i asked to have my bf over (he had nowhere to go his parents were in US) and she said no and left my presents on the doorstep.

i gladly will help her out, but i dont get any recognition, in fact i also work more hours than her and study full time.

i have no support from my dad as i have a bad relationship with my step mum..

Reply 19

shon3n jump

On top of what everyone else has said might I suggest changing your password and using a different one for different sites.

my mum looked through my stuff :(

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