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I need advice!

I am almost 18 and living with my parents but plan on moving out pretty soon after I turn 18. I rescued a rabbit and haven't told my mother. My father knows and is ok with it but she will not be. I didn't ask her permission because she just deflects whenever I ask about a pet. I have a good job, enough money saved up for medical visits and have personally bought all the supplies and plan to continue fully paying for it myself. I do all the cleaning in the house so she wouldn't be cleaning up after it. She has been gone for a few months and I have fully litterbox-trained the rabbit and acclimated her to my room and I am not willing to give her up. How do I tell her when she gets home? I don't want to cause a big argument.
(edited 2 months ago)
Original post by Vf07
I am almost 18 and living with my parents but plan on moving out pretty soon after I turn 18. I rescued a rabbit and haven't told my mother. My father knows and is ok with it but she will not be. I didn't ask her permission because she just deflects whenever I ask about a pet. I have a good job, enough money saved up for medical visits and have personally bought all the supplies and plan to continue fully paying for it myself. I do all the cleaning in the house so she wouldn't be cleaning up after it. She has been gone for a few months and I have fully litterbox-trained the rabbit and acclimated her to my room and I am not willing to give her up. How do I tell her when she gets home?
If your dad is okay with it couldn't he try and convince her or back you up? if you emphasise you're fully capable (and have been) looking after it I don't see why she would be against it?
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous #1
If your dad is okay with it couldn't he try and convince her or back you up? if you emphasise you're fully capable (and have been) looking after it I don't see why she would be against it?
I'm trying to figure out the best way to introduce the idea to her and tell her. I know she will be upset but I want to avoid making it into a big fight. he also doesn't like to disagree with her so he wont back me up.
(edited 2 months ago)
Tbh you might need to accept you're not the one who will make the final choice. If she says it has to go what can you do about it? the fact you've been hiding it from her prob won't help.
Reply 4
Original post by StriderHort
Tbh you might need to accept you're not the one who will make the final choice. If she says it has to go what can you do about it? the fact you've been hiding it from her prob won't help.
I haven't talked to her in a few months, since before getting the rabbit, so it wasn't really an intentional hiding but i don't know if that will have any effect.
Original post by Vf07
I haven't talked to her in a few months, since before getting the rabbit, so it wasn't really an intentional hiding but i don't know if that will have any effect.

That just makes it sound like your relationship with your mum is really bad and she is almost certain to react badly here.
Reply 6
Original post by StriderHort
That just makes it sound like your relationship with your mum is really bad and she is almost certain to react badly here.
So how do I help it go smoother?
Original post by Vf07
So how do I help it go smoother?

That's a HUGE different question, if your relationship with your mum is bad or complicated it affects things like this massively and a few cliched sentences from me won't help much. If you haven't been speaking for months then was there issues before the Rabbit?

The problem is you've already done the thing and your position is essentially a weak ultimatum, 'I've got this rabbit and I wont give it up' when as said, you aren't the one in charge. What happens if your mum comes home and basically says "I didn't give you permission for a pet, why was this kept from me? I don't want it here and it's getting taken to the nearest park today!' ?
Reply 8
Original post by StriderHort
That's a HUGE different question, if your relationship with your mum is bad or complicated it affects things like this massively and a few cliched sentences from me won't help much. If you haven't been speaking for months then was there issues before the Rabbit?
The problem is you've already done the thing and your position is essentially a weak ultimatum, 'I've got this rabbit and I wont give it up' when as said, you aren't the one in charge. What happens if your mum comes home and basically says "I didn't give you permission for a pet, why was this kept from me? I don't want it here and it's getting taken to the nearest park today!' ?
We don't have a bad relationship, we more just dont have any relationship. I want to know how to present it to her and what i can do to help see her point of view and make the conversation go smoothly.
Hi Vf07,

I'm deeply sorry to hear about your struggle and that you anticipate a big fight with your mother for being charitable to a helpless animal. I want to express my deep appreciation to kind souls like you for rescuing that lovely creature 🤗. Did you take them from a shelter, or found them? What name did you give to your little companion? 🥰

It is difficult to say really what would be the best course of action to ameliorate the volume of the fight you expect with your mum anyway.
As mentioned in the comments above, this situation reflects a more intricate and bigger pool of problems in your relationship for what there is probably no quick fix, and both parties should be willing to resolve the issues and take ownership of their shortcomings. Unfortunately, many parents are emotionally immature, therefore not capable of this and it is down to the often more mature child to decide how long is it worth it to keep in contact with them.

However, I'll share my thoughts for this particular situation, in hopes they will be of any help.

First of all, as you mentioned, you take full responsibility of all the needs of the bunny, both financially and physically, and you have already litter trained it, you can use this as your argument as to why it's appropriate for you to keep them. As you implied, your mum would probably not find this explanation satisfactory, but you can also refer to the fact that you plan to move out soon - I'm not sure how far through you are with this though. You could emphasize to your mum how much her understanding would mean to you and express your gratitude, through words and/or a small token of your appreciation, buying her something she likes (this of course depends on your financial capacity). This could be helpful, even if you don't genuinely feel like doing it, which of course is understandable; I'm just trying to share some tips that might prove helpful.

You may also come to a compromise of temporarily placing the bunny to friends/family, if you have anyone willing to look after them until you find somewhere to move with them.

If none of the above works, and you can find a way to afford it, you could find a sitter, either professional or through aquintance that are available to look after your animal companion until you find an accommodation for yourself.

Of course, these tips I've just given might not prevent a negative reaction and fighting on the part of your mum, they are rather some ways to move forward after her initial finding out you have taken a bunny in. Do you plan to disclose your rescue before she gets home at all, so at least she has some advance notice, or would that just make the situation worse?

Again, I hope I've managed to say something helpful, and please keep us updated on how you get on, how the situation unfolds! ^^

Viki
Student Ambassador
3rd year Psychology and Sociology Student
Original post by University of Suffolk student
Hi Vf07,
I'm deeply sorry to hear about your struggle and that you anticipate a big fight with your mother for being charitable to a helpless animal. I want to express my deep appreciation to kind souls like you for rescuing that lovely creature 🤗. Did you take them from a shelter, or found them? What name did you give to your little companion? 🥰
It is difficult to say really what would be the best course of action to ameliorate the volume of the fight you expect with your mum anyway.
As mentioned in the comments above, this situation reflects a more intricate and bigger pool of problems in your relationship for what there is probably no quick fix, and both parties should be willing to resolve the issues and take ownership of their shortcomings. Unfortunately, many parents are emotionally immature, therefore not capable of this and it is down to the often more mature child to decide how long is it worth it to keep in contact with them.
However, I'll share my thoughts for this particular situation, in hopes they will be of any help.
First of all, as you mentioned, you take full responsibility of all the needs of the bunny, both financially and physically, and you have already litter trained it, you can use this as your argument as to why it's appropriate for you to keep them. As you implied, your mum would probably not find this explanation satisfactory, but you can also refer to the fact that you plan to move out soon - I'm not sure how far through you are with this though. You could emphasize to your mum how much her understanding would mean to you and express your gratitude, through words and/or a small token of your appreciation, buying her something she likes (this of course depends on your financial capacity). This could be helpful, even if you don't genuinely feel like doing it, which of course is understandable; I'm just trying to share some tips that might prove helpful.
You may also come to a compromise of temporarily placing the bunny to friends/family, if you have anyone willing to look after them until you find somewhere to move with them.
If none of the above works, and you can find a way to afford it, you could find a sitter, either professional or through aquintance that are available to look after your animal companion until you find an accommodation for yourself.
Of course, these tips I've just given might not prevent a negative reaction and fighting on the part of your mum, they are rather some ways to move forward after her initial finding out you have taken a bunny in. Do you plan to disclose your rescue before she gets home at all, so at least she has some advance notice, or would that just make the situation worse?
Again, I hope I've managed to say something helpful, and please keep us updated on how you get on, how the situation unfolds! ^^
Viki
Student Ambassador
3rd year Psychology and Sociology Student


I dunno how laudable or responsible it is for someone to take an animal home they are in no position to give a lasting home to, what with not owning a home or having permission.

When people do this sort of impulsive stuff with kittens, puppies etc it's generally considered a negative thing to do, not a positive one worth high praise.

Don't get me wrong, I hope it works out, but I don't think it's behaviour that should be encouraged.
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Vf07
I am almost 18 and living with my parents but plan on moving out pretty soon after I turn 18. I rescued a rabbit and haven't told my mother. My father knows and is ok with it but she will not be. I didn't ask her permission because she just deflects whenever I ask about a pet. I have a good job, enough money saved up for medical visits and have personally bought all the supplies and plan to continue fully paying for it myself. I do all the cleaning in the house so she wouldn't be cleaning up after it. She has been gone for a few months and I have fully litterbox-trained the rabbit and acclimated her to my room and I am not willing to give her up. How do I tell her when she gets home? I don't want to cause a big argument.

What do you mean by she deflects when you tell her you want a pet?

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