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    Hey,

    So I keep getting an A- in all my essays that I do for college. I was wondering if someone wouldn't mind looking at one for me and telling me where they think I'm going wrong, what I need to make it an A/A* etc. I asked my teacher and she said "I'm not entirely sure what" basically.

    This is my most recent one, its just over 300 words. Got an A- and feedback was that she liked how concise it was and that she did not like "The nature of love is echoed" bit (can see it was a bit weird, didn't read it through properly, I meant to say something like the simplistic, raw, nature of love as structure is simple etc). Any feedback would be great. No idea where I'm going wrong

    +rep for feedback!



    Presentation of love in Sonnet 18

    William Shakespeare’s eighteenth sonnet immortalises the subject of his poem and therefore their love. The sonnet’s structure, language and rhyme scheme work to emphasise Shakespeare’s hyperbolic description of their love

    The nature of love is echoed in the basic fourteen line structure and alternative rhyme scheme of the sonnet, whilst the iambic pentameter represents the rhythm of a heart beat.

    The personification of “Summer” and use of nature imagery is introduced in Shakespeare’s opening rhetorical question. Writing in first person and the direct address of the subject – “thee” and “thou” – creates a more intimate tone.

    Throughout the octave, conventional imagery is employed, “Summer” and “heaven”, with the poet identifying the flaws of these comparisons – “Summer’s leave hath all too short a date”, and sometimes the “eye of heaven” shines “too hot”, emphasised by alliteration. The repetition of the pre-modifier “more” highlights the hyperbole the poet uses to describe how these powerful romantic associations do not fully represent the strength of his feelings of the subject of the poem, whom interestingly is identified as neither female or male. The transience of nature is suggested throughout the octave, initially “darling buds of May” suggest youthfulness, moving towards “decline”. This is emphasised through the use of alliteration – “fair from fair”.

    The central message of the poem compares the transience of nature to the “eternal” love depicted in the sestest, highlighted by the use of alliteration – “thy eternal Summer shall not fade” and sibilance in “possession”. Death is personified as the poet describes how Death shall not “brag thou wanderest in his shade” – the subject of the poem will not die, and therefore their love will live forever as a poem illustrating the strength of their love has been written. The concluding rhyming couplet emphasise this message, with the syntactic parallelism of “So long” stressing the length of time that the subject of the poem, and therefore their love, will live for.
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    Was it meant to be that short?
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    I'm not too sure what to suggest as you write quite well. It just seems that by mixing up the wording and order of some of your sentences, it might flow better.

    For example,

    Throughout the octave, conventional imagery is employed, “Summer” and “heaven”, with the poet identifying the flaws of these comparisons
    Could be:

    Throughout the octave, Shakespeare enhances the positive feel of the sonnet by employing conventional comparisons with imagery evoking positive emotions, such as "Summer" and "heaven", while at the same time identifying how these comparisons are flawed. This brings a human aspect to the piece... etc
    Havent studied Sonnet 18 myself so I may be speaking rubbish! Sorry if this is useless feedback. All the best x
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    (Original post by nnnomi)
    Was it meant to be that short?
    Yup we were given an incredibly small amount of time
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    (Original post by punkyrocker)
    I'm not too sure what to suggest as you write quite well. It just seems that by mixing up the wording and order of some of your sentences, it might flow better.

    For example,



    Could be:



    Havent studied Sonnet 18 myself so I may be speaking rubbish! Sorry if this is useless feedback. All the best x
    Thank you that's good feedback

    it's actually how I used to write, but my teacher told me to stop rambling and cut to the point :confused:

    but yeah that would be how I naturally write. maybe I should ignore the teacher :p:
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    You may say this is poor feedback...but, an A- is still amazing.
    Just be happy with it!
    It is perhaps less to do with you, and more with your teacher. Considering the 98% or whatever you got in English.
    Don't fret about it.
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    (Original post by JammyDodger4)
    You may say this is poor feedback...but, an A- is still amazing.
    Just be happy with it!
    It is perhaps less to do with you, and more with your teacher. Considering the 98% or whatever you got in English.
    Don't fret about it.
    Ah thank you
    last year all my essays were getting A+ though which makes me think she is an accurate marker
    I know that at least I can afford to drop marks this year because of a higher mark last year, but I've been predicted an A* and keep getting reminded of it and feeling the pressure
    must remind self I only need an A.
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    I am in the same position in geography - predicted A*, only need A.
    I don't know about you, but i am not an oxbridge candidate, and so the A* is irrelevant. Lovely as it would be to get one, it means very little!
    All i can say is congrats on doing so well! The majority of the people i know doing English would love to be as good as you..
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    (Original post by CapitalismRocks)
    It's hardly a real subject, requires no real thinking, I'm fairly confident that I could achieve 90+.
    You are a grade A prick :yep:
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    (Original post by JammyDodger4)
    I am in the same position in geography - predicted A*, only need A.
    I don't know about you, but i am not an oxbridge candidate, and so the A* is irrelevant. Lovely as it would be to get one, it means very little!
    All i can say is congrats on doing so well! The majority of the people i know doing English would love to be as good as you..
    Thank you I did have to work my arse off for it

    I'm not an oxbridge applicant either, and if I get offers for medicine this year it will be AAA tops. The only time an A* would be helpful is if I don't get an offer for medicine this year and have to reapply. At that point it would give me an advantage but perhaps should put effort into getting A* in bio & chem which would be more advantageous.
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    (Original post by lekky)
    Thank you I did have to work my arse off for it

    I'm not an oxbridge applicant either, and if I get offers for medicine this year it will be AAA tops. The only time an A* would be helpful is if I don't get an offer for medicine this year and have to reapply. At that point it would give me an advantage but perhaps should put effort into getting A* in bio & chem which would be more advantageous.
    Somehow i doubt you will have an issue with offers if you can get those sort of grades.
    But, would you not think it would be easier for an A* in chem/bio. Purely because the answers are more definite, whereas with essay writing you can never be quite sure how it has gone.
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    (Original post by JammyDodger4)
    Somehow i doubt you will have an issue with offers if you can get those sort of grades.
    But, would you not think it would be easier for an A* in chem/bio. Purely because the answers are more definite, whereas with essay writing you can never be quite sure how it has gone.
    Yeah I think it would be and also with English so much depends on the question you get in the exam. Also I got like 100% in biology last year so that is my best shot

    I doubt you'll have a problem either with being predicted A*

    I was actually so annoyed.. specifically asked not to be predicted A* in anythig apart from Biology
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    Keep getting A-, try putting your head up the teacher's arse.
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    (Original post by lekky)
    Yeah I think it would be and also with English so much depends on the question you get in the exam. Also I got like 100% in biology last year so that is my best shot

    I doubt you'll have a problem either with being predicted A*

    I was actually so annoyed.. specifically asked not to be predicted A* in anythig apart from Biology
    Indeed, all essay subjects are like that. I find it feels like they are testing how fast you can write sometimes as well, don't know about english though.

    Sadly, chem and bio didnt go quite so well! Hey ho. But, how the hell did manage 100% in bio? I am struggling to get a B..the shame :cool:
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    (Original post by JammyDodger4)
    Indeed, all essay subjects are like that. I find it feels like they are testing how fast you can write sometimes as well, don't know about english though.

    Sadly, chem and bio didnt go quite so well! Hey ho. But, how the hell did manage 100% in bio? I am struggling to get a B..the shame :cool:
    ha I worked far too hard in all honesty. January didn't go so well though, trying to decide whether I'd resit if I got a low A. There is no shame in struggling to get a B :p: never compare yourself to TSR people... this is something I learnt a long time ago... they are not human!
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    (Original post by lekky)
    ha I worked far too hard in all honesty. January didn't go so well though, trying to decide whether I'd resit if I got a low A. There is no shame in struggling to get a B :p: never compare yourself to TSR people... this is something I learnt a long time ago... they are not human!
    Were you on that strange OCR exam board?
    Ah, but i should be getting an A...i only have myself to blame! I just find geography more interesting, so always prepeared to work hard for it. Biology...not quite as much sadly. Ahwell.

    Yeh...that Capitalism chump seems slightly sub-human.
    I actually hope it is someone joking about, otherwise it seems like a vile little rich boy...slighlty pathetic.
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    (Original post by JammyDodger4)
    Were you on that strange OCR exam board?
    Ah, but i should be getting an A...i only have myself to blame! I just find geography more interesting, so always prepeared to work hard for it. Biology...not quite as much sadly. Ahwell.

    Yeh...that Capitalism chump seems slightly sub-human.
    I actually hope it is someone joking about, otherwise it seems like a vile little rich boy...slighlty pathetic.
    yeah I'm with OCR.
    I have a sign up above my desk that says "WHY AM I BOTHERING? Because I need AAA to do medicine! Even if I don't get in I need this to apply!" sometimes I need reminding. Perhaps you should do the same :p:

    Ah sadly I don't think he is joking. I'm ignoring him now, but his ignorance has given me a laugh, I think you're bang on with the little rich boy comment.
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    (Original post by CapitalismRocks)
    Several of my cousins/friends have applied and have offers, all have similar grades and amazing extracurriculars like mine. If she was good enough, she'd have offers by now.
    Jesus, an arrogant prick like you has friends? I am astounded.

    I also knew people applying with grades similar to yours (some of them better actually). Two people simply didn't get into medicine, and one girl only got one offer. It's not always easy.
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    (Original post by Special_K)
    Jesus, an arrogant prick like you has friends? I am astounded.

    I also knew people applying with grades similar to yours (some of them better actually). Two people simply didn't get into medicine, and one girl only got one offer. It's not always easy.
    one offer is all you need!
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    (Original post by lekky)
    one offer is all you need!
    Very true!

    I wish you lots and lots of luck, I'm sure you'll do fine!
 
 
 
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