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Dating a guy in his 40s - found out he's pretending to be a 20 y/o online??!!

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From the OP:

but i later found out that he was actually a 38 y/o busker (ex teacher) diveorced, broke and living with his parents

he was regularly dating under 21s and lying to them about his age pretending to be a super cool musician in his 20s to get girls into bed

i later found a few online dating profiles and social networking and his youtube profile all in which he pretended to be 28.

he can get away with it as he is hot, but it seemed weird to me.

this seems really weird to me, he must be looking to date girls under 20 ie teenagers and doesnt seem normal behaviour for a man in his early 40s.

i want to get back with him and hopefully marry him (im 25) but this stuff makes me think he is a paedo or else mentally unstable. could there be any other explaination? is it a normal mid life crisis? it seems weird to me.

Shinytoy, you've asked for our explanations for this man's behavior, whom you say you would like to marry, and yet look at your description of him.

•

Attractive

•

financially unstable

•

Irresponsible/ still dependent on parents

•

Deceitful

•

Abnormal behavior

Besides his appearance, what other positive attribute does this man have?
You yourself state that his behavior "seems weird" and you know him better than any of us. It would be impossible for any of us to properly diagnosis this man based on second-hand limited information, but in regards to this situation any diagnoses we give would be unnecessary, you, the person who knows him personally, already know that there is something wrong with this person.

So the more pressing issue you should perhaps concern yourself with is: why do you care?

Why did you made your OP. What were you hoping the responses would be?

Why do you want to enter in to a relationship with him again?

What about him makes him more worth your time than other men?

Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with a man you think may be a paedophile or have another mental disorder?

It's perfectly natural to wonder time to time about ex-partners, especially first loves. However I have trouble imagining how you could possibly have a healthy relationship with a person you view as potentially mentally unhealthy, untrustworthy and unstable.

Instead of looking for explanations regarding his behavior, it would be more in your interest to look for explanations for your own. What is going on right now in your life that would cause you to reconsider a relationship with such a person. Don't you think that you deserve better?

Reply 41

ollienbert

Original post by shinytoy

well its only online, he said he always lies about his age because if he says he is 40 people always respond 'omg!!! you sooo dont look 40, how do you look so young', etc and apparantly dont stop going on about it.

.

That is the polite thing to say to anyone once they are over 25 years old. Believe me, I fall into that category. The first 3 times you believe it, :redface:

then you realise.

Hot or not, the man is a creep. Run, don't walk in the opposite direction. Give him 10 more years and I am thinking Wagner.

Reply 42

Picnic1

I'm mainly wondering whether this guy can actually play any music (let alone make an album) as the OP doesn't mention whether they ever heard them play a note.

'he can get away with it as he is hot' you say. So if you're happy to be with him for that that's up to you and you may get pleasure from it which some emminent people have said is what life is about. (There are loads of people who would like a hot person in their lives). But you will be sensible enough, knowing that it was your choice, not to be distraught or cursing men in general if he leaves you at the drop of a hat for an 18 year old I assume.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 43

shadow99

He sounds like a right scumbag. Walk away and don't look back.

Reply 44

username47781

Original post by Panda Bear

He spent 8 years working on an album? In his 40s? It's Axl Rose, isn't it?

And it's hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain :biggrin:

Reply 45

Converse

Original post by shinytoy

i think it is paedo or else delusional, but where would i report it? i dont want a naive 15 y/o being taken in the way i was with some cool musician with hot shirtless pics airbrushing out the wrinklies

he has a six pack and is very tanned and toned. Brad Pitt is in his 40s.

You want to marry someone who you suspect is a paedophile?

Reply 46

Rooster523

LOL at all the people calling him a paedo for scoring with 18 year old+ girls

Reply 47

Joinedup

You've mentioned the same guy before iirc... he sounds like a walking disaster area and imo you'd save yourself a lot of heartache if you stay well clear of him in future tbh.

dunno how to put it any clearer than that.

Reply 48

Attlee_party

Hahaha I love this!

What else has he kept a secret from you?

I bet he has a wife and kids you don't know about, and he likes to dress up in your lingerie. Ohh and he attends underage discos..........

Jeremy Kyle anyone?

Reply 49

Angela_Beth

Sorry, sounds like a complete creep.

Reply 50

StarOfGerrad

This is one of those weird things, I mean age difference is acceptable to a point then it gets creepy and then you reach another point where you get a pass.

Example -

20 year old female dating a 25 year old male - who cares?

20 year old female dating a 30 year old male - meh, he should probably know better.

20 year old female dating a 40 year old male - very weird.

20 year old female dating a 50 year old male - gotta wonder what daddy issues shes got at this point and shudder at how creepy this dude is.

20 year old female dating a 60 year old male - really? how?

20 year old female dating a 70 year old male - clearly a millionaire.

20 year old female dating a 80 year old male - clearly a billionaire.

At 70 ish the creepy factor shifts from the male to the female, if you're 70 and can bang a 20 year old you pretty much have to if for nothing else just to see if you still can.

Reply 51

Waqar Y

Original post by WelshBluebird

To who? Lying about your age is not illegal. And he wasn't trying to chat up underage girls, so he has done nothing illegal. Its morally wrong yes, but the OP is also partly at fault for being so naive.

(Y)

Reply 52

Sendaii

You're 25. You are not a child. This does not make him a paedophile you tool :facepalm2:

Reply 53

ManAbout

You are a troll. And not even a good one. You post variations of this same crap every year.

In 2008,
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13262285

In 2009,
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=18304749

And now this. Same story, with some variations. Either you are seriously disturbed or a poor troll. I don't know which.

Reply 54

amiejade-x

did you not see what happened to india off hollyoaks with a guy pretending to be in his 20s on the internet? :eyebrow:

Reply 55

shinytoy

Maxxie

He seems to have a thing for younger girls.

And he'll give you no financial security, because lets face it his album will go nowhere.

i know, im not after money though cos i have a good job plus he is a qualified primary school teacher even though he doesnt do it anymore. i think alot of his 'targets' are the bimbos who are in awe of a wannabe musician.

Silver fern

When I was 25 I hooked up with a 40 year old. He was a personal trainer, didn't look 40 at all

nice one!

alibobs

you know he has lots of online dating profiles scouting for said younger girls......no matter what he looks like, he's hardly a catch is he. Also the fact he says he likes younger girls because they are in awe of him and his lifestyle makes me think that really, he is fairly pathetic and knows this, and recognises the only way he can command any respect in a relationship is to go for girls who are yougner so more likely to be naive and to lie about himself. Seriously, tell us again what you see in him cos I don't think anyone here can work out a single thing attractive about him.

thanks so much! this post hit the nail on the head. when i first found out his age, i said 'its one thing being 28 broke and living with your mom and becoming a musician, but another if your still doing it at 40 and your life has gone nowhere' and he looked really embarrassed as if he thought his ife was pathetic too, but then got agry and said i shouldnt tell him how he should live his life.

ManAbout

you post the same crap every year in 2008 ...in 2009 ...

yeah it is the same guy, i still love him innit. and cheers for stalking my post history btw :mad:

thanks guys

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 56

shinytoy

thanks so much for the helpful post

VeniViciVidi

You think about him alot because he was your first love, first time for everything and you're scared you won't find someone who can match him. Listen to your mind for a bit than listen to your heart.

i know, thanks, but its taken 2 years and i still only love him even though ive dated a few other dudes. you are so so right but i just cant get over him so im wanting to get back with him. :frown:

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 57

Yawn11

Didn't you you're really hot?

If that's the case then why did you need to get a BF from online, and why was he your first at 21? O.o

Dedicated troll.

Reply 58

Tabris

Original post by ManAbout

Awwwww.

It was amusing when I thought it was somewhat true.

Reply 59

shinytoy

Original post by Yawn11

Didn't you you're really hot?

If that's the case then why did you need to get a BF from online, and why was he your first at 21? O.o

Dedicated troll.

oh no, sorry guys - we didnt meet online! he uses online dating profiles which i found using google after we started dating.

and yeah although i'd dated a few dudes before, he is the only dude i have fallen deeply and definately in love with, like before that i hadnt ever really kissed a dude and meant it.

and yeah although i am hot i dont have lots of boyfs and am ususally single.i dont belive in sex before marriage and only believe in dating for finding a husband!

i belive in the word of the Lord!!!

do not fornicate or have premarital relations!! 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7
do not cohabitate, avoid the appearance of sin!!: 1 Thessalonians 5:22
respect the sanctity of the union of husband and wife!! Mark 10:9
do not divorce or remarry!! Matthew 5:31-32

but when i meet dudes and i tell them to turn to the Lord and tell thm the above, they laugh at me and either string me along cheating on me, or dump me.

what would you do if a real smokin hot, brown skinned, big racked, large a$$d honey told you the above? would you still date her?

if a foxy mama approached you forcefully in a modest yet highly sensual way and told you to turn away from sin and abstain yourself, what would you do?