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Problem with my flat mates
To cut a long story short... I live in a flat with five other people. I'm not a very sociable person, but I get on reasonably well with them.
But the problem has started two days ago when I used one of my flat mates' olive oil to cook a meal. Apparently she doesn't like people using her cooking stuff, and she got cross and had a few words with me in front of everyone else - it was quite humiliating, and I regret it of course - I told her I was sorry and it wouldn't happen again.
Since then things have been a bit hostile between myself and and my flat mates. Since then nobody has really spoken to me, often it's as if they're ignoring me, because they don't seem to acknowledge me when I come into the lounge. Tonight they went out as usual without asking me if I wanted to come.
I know these things happen from time to time, but in this case it's worrying me a lot. I've shut myself in my room all day today and for most of yesterday because I feel awkward trying to approach them. I often wonder if they'll ever treat me the same again. The reason I feel strongly about this is because as I put before, I'm quite shy, and I'm not very close to them because of that. It makes it difficult for me to reconcile.
I'm desperate to know if anyone has been in this situation before, because already it's really troubling me. How does anyone deal with this - does it pass after a while? I've even thought about shifting accomodation - that's how worried I'm feeling right now.
But the problem has started two days ago when I used one of my flat mates' olive oil to cook a meal. Apparently she doesn't like people using her cooking stuff, and she got cross and had a few words with me in front of everyone else - it was quite humiliating, and I regret it of course - I told her I was sorry and it wouldn't happen again.
Since then things have been a bit hostile between myself and and my flat mates. Since then nobody has really spoken to me, often it's as if they're ignoring me, because they don't seem to acknowledge me when I come into the lounge. Tonight they went out as usual without asking me if I wanted to come.
I know these things happen from time to time, but in this case it's worrying me a lot. I've shut myself in my room all day today and for most of yesterday because I feel awkward trying to approach them. I often wonder if they'll ever treat me the same again. The reason I feel strongly about this is because as I put before, I'm quite shy, and I'm not very close to them because of that. It makes it difficult for me to reconcile.
I'm desperate to know if anyone has been in this situation before, because already it's really troubling me. How does anyone deal with this - does it pass after a while? I've even thought about shifting accomodation - that's how worried I'm feeling right now.
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Will2005
To cut a long story short... I live in a flat with five other people. I'm not a very sociable person, but I get on reasonably well with them.
But the problem has started two days ago when I used one of my flat mates' olive oil to cook a meal. Apparently she doesn't like people using her cooking stuff, and she got cross and had a few words with me in front of everyone else - it was quite humiliating, and I regret it of course - I told her I was sorry and it wouldn't happen again.
Since then things have been a bit hostile between myself and and my flat mates. Since then nobody has really spoken to me, often it's as if they're ignoring me, because they don't seem to acknowledge me when I come into the lounge. Tonight they went out as usual without asking me if I wanted to come.
I know these things happen from time to time, but in this case it's worrying me a lot. I've shut myself in my room all day today and for most of yesterday because I feel awkward trying to approach them. I often wonder if they'll ever treat me the same again. The reason I feel strongly about this is because as I put before, I'm quite shy, and I'm not very close to them because of that. It makes it difficult for me to reconcile.
I'm desperate to know if anyone has been in this situation before, because already it's really troubling me. How does anyone deal with this - does it pass after a while? I've even thought about shifting accomodation - that's how worried I'm feeling right now.
But the problem has started two days ago when I used one of my flat mates' olive oil to cook a meal. Apparently she doesn't like people using her cooking stuff, and she got cross and had a few words with me in front of everyone else - it was quite humiliating, and I regret it of course - I told her I was sorry and it wouldn't happen again.
Since then things have been a bit hostile between myself and and my flat mates. Since then nobody has really spoken to me, often it's as if they're ignoring me, because they don't seem to acknowledge me when I come into the lounge. Tonight they went out as usual without asking me if I wanted to come.
I know these things happen from time to time, but in this case it's worrying me a lot. I've shut myself in my room all day today and for most of yesterday because I feel awkward trying to approach them. I often wonder if they'll ever treat me the same again. The reason I feel strongly about this is because as I put before, I'm quite shy, and I'm not very close to them because of that. It makes it difficult for me to reconcile.
I'm desperate to know if anyone has been in this situation before, because already it's really troubling me. How does anyone deal with this - does it pass after a while? I've even thought about shifting accomodation - that's how worried I'm feeling right now.
Them being like this to you isn't seriously all over a girl getting a strop because you used her olive oil is it??
As your shy i know this option wont be good for you, but the only way around this is to approach them and ask them why they seem to ignore you and why they dont ask you out when they go out.
Otherwise your going to carry on making your own judgments, maybe they know your shy so they dont know how to approach you, or they presume you wont want to go out due to being shy perhaps?
It is hard to be sociable sometimes but maybe you need to force yourself to be more involved if you can - this may help, particularly as you have to interact with them a lot of the time. You don't know a person until you have lived with them. The olive oil thing is a little petty, perhaps the problem is more deep rooted than that. Hopefully the will come round =0) so try not to worry too much.
I think you need to let them know how sorry you are about that olive thing first, and you wouldn't do it again. Next time when you come down to the lounge, just sit down and talk to them all, and you will realise things are not that worse as you thought. Keeping things to yourself is no way out. Cheer up.
Kenrockyou
I think you need to let them know how sorry you are about that olive thing first, and you wouldn't do it again. Next time when you come down to the lounge, just sit down and talk to them all, and you will realise things are not that worse as you thought. Keeping things to yourself is no way out. Cheer up.
Clearly, they're looking for an excuse to ostracise him; however tenuous. Certainly, they can't have held him in particularly high esteem from the off: no-one would otherwise over-react so pointlessly. If they've formed a tight-knit group in his absence, they're liable to react in a more hostile manner by default; after all, he has contributed comparatively little. The problem is, obviously, much more deep-seated: a round-table reconciliation, I think, would be the way forward.
If your flatmate is gonna get like that over using olive oil tell him to get lost, put him in his place. Otherwise the whole of the rest of the group will feel they can get one over on you and basically feel themselves above you. If he reacted that way over something so small, to me it means hes taking the piss and you need to set him straight
as someone who has just started uni im beginning t0o understand that mundane things like olive oil gain gold status ...my god..the problems caused when cheese goes missing here...!!
anyway..i say buy her a new olive oil..maybe leave a note on it saying your sorry..that way you've made up for what the actual problem is (olive oil isnt the cheapest thing)and have apologised, albiet not face to face
id prob do the same..but give it to her...not make a big thing out of it..just knock on her door say look im really sorry, i bought you a new one to make up for it...shes have to be a real bitch not to say...aww. thats ok
the price of a new bottle is surely worth the worry and upset?
anyway..i say buy her a new olive oil..maybe leave a note on it saying your sorry..that way you've made up for what the actual problem is (olive oil isnt the cheapest thing)and have apologised, albiet not face to face
id prob do the same..but give it to her...not make a big thing out of it..just knock on her door say look im really sorry, i bought you a new one to make up for it...shes have to be a real bitch not to say...aww. thats ok
the price of a new bottle is surely worth the worry and upset?
Buy her some more olive oil.
The olive oil thing is super petty. Maybe she is frustrated because more of her stuff goes missing (not saying you did it).
One of my flatmates (7 of us) has had her stuff go missing, and it is frustrating- one nice guy fessed up to taking her food once, but her thought it was trash. He *always* normally asks, and is very generous with his stuff, so I know it is not him.
So maybe she thinks you do this all the time, the real person does not want to say anything, and you are now in trouble.
Yes, it is wrong to steal some one else's stuff. Next time, just say "Can I borrow ______, and get you a new one/pay you back?". Cool people will be okay with it; the others you know to avoid.
Good Luck.
One of my flatmates (7 of us) has had her stuff go missing, and it is frustrating- one nice guy fessed up to taking her food once, but her thought it was trash. He *always* normally asks, and is very generous with his stuff, so I know it is not him.
So maybe she thinks you do this all the time, the real person does not want to say anything, and you are now in trouble.
Yes, it is wrong to steal some one else's stuff. Next time, just say "Can I borrow ______, and get you a new one/pay you back?". Cool people will be okay with it; the others you know to avoid.
Good Luck.
I'm not sure you need to buy her a whole new bottle of olive oil to make up for using a splash of hers - it's not like you drank all her milk or stole her bread, is it?
These problems do need addressing though, so talk to her, offer to buy some more oil if it'll make you feel better (though I don't care if people use a bit of my cooking oil as long as they don't use ALL of it) and try and sort things out with the rest of your flat. It's not going to get better any other way.
These problems do need addressing though, so talk to her, offer to buy some more oil if it'll make you feel better (though I don't care if people use a bit of my cooking oil as long as they don't use ALL of it) and try and sort things out with the rest of your flat. It's not going to get better any other way.
Well i dont think you should shut yourself in your room over it. Im not sure thats is the right thing to do and it prob wont help, even if u feel like it.
Just carry on as normal, they will change eventualy because you cant ignore flat mates.
If they never talk to you you can always change accomodation. Dont feel bad about it, i dont think you have done alot wrong.
Just carry on as normal, they will change eventualy because you cant ignore flat mates.
If they never talk to you you can always change accomodation. Dont feel bad about it, i dont think you have done alot wrong.
Helenia
I'm not sure you need to buy her a whole new bottle of olive oil to make up for using a splash of hers - it's not like you drank all her milk or stole her bread, is it?
Yeah, but it gives the OP the moral high ground, hehe.
I'd buy another bottle, apologise and say that I'll be more careful in future. But it's fairly obvious that the olive oil was just an excuse to be arsey, so hopefully that effort would make them feel a bit rubbish.
I don't know how bad your flatmates are but locking yourself in your room isn't going to help. It'll just exacerbate the problem. 
You seem to be a bit upset that you've not got much of a social life at the moment - 'Tonight they went out as usual without asking me if I wanted to come'. Just because they said this doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you or have got a thing against you. You'll have to try and make a bit of an effort if you want to go out with them I'm afraid! But why would you want to go out with these people anyway if they are so pathetic as to fall out over a bottle of olive oil? You're best staying away from them if you ask me...
I hope everything turns out
You seem to be a bit upset that you've not got much of a social life at the moment - 'Tonight they went out as usual without asking me if I wanted to come'. Just because they said this doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you or have got a thing against you. You'll have to try and make a bit of an effort if you want to go out with them I'm afraid! But why would you want to go out with these people anyway if they are so pathetic as to fall out over a bottle of olive oil? You're best staying away from them if you ask me...
I hope everything turns out
well are they always together?
surely they cant be
why dont u try approaching one of them when they are alone, say in the kitchen or in the lounge with small talk.hey how u doing? what u been up to?
if they are still being wierd then try someoen else!
they cant all be that bad.
in the meantime that girl is such a whats the word? stingy cow!
i mean i had this one guy using my cuttlery and plates last year, i told him i didnt mind him using it but if he would wash it up once he was finished nd not leave it in the sink for days i would appreciate it!
she went around things the wrong way, she had no right, if u still feel bad, buy her some cooking oil and apologise. she should be ok after that
surely they cant be
why dont u try approaching one of them when they are alone, say in the kitchen or in the lounge with small talk.hey how u doing? what u been up to?
if they are still being wierd then try someoen else!
they cant all be that bad.
in the meantime that girl is such a whats the word? stingy cow!
i mean i had this one guy using my cuttlery and plates last year, i told him i didnt mind him using it but if he would wash it up once he was finished nd not leave it in the sink for days i would appreciate it!
she went around things the wrong way, she had no right, if u still feel bad, buy her some cooking oil and apologise. she should be ok after that
I think you need to talk to them. Maybe have a chat with one of them whom you feel closest to? (there must be one!) Tell them you feel a little left out, and that youre incredibly shy. Also, instead of locking yourself in your room all day, keep the door open - they probably think you dont like them!
As for the oil incident, maybe you just caught her on a bad day? Some just arent used to sharing. Laugh it off, and next time make a point of asking beforehand. In time im sure youl come to get on with them all, and it may even come to the point where youre able to use each others stuff!
As for the oil incident, maybe you just caught her on a bad day? Some just arent used to sharing. Laugh it off, and next time make a point of asking beforehand. In time im sure youl come to get on with them all, and it may even come to the point where youre able to use each others stuff!
My flatmates always use my stuff without asking but I'm cool with it. I'm lucky enough to share the kichen etc with three great people. If it wasn't for my kichen utencils then nobody would cook.. Ok a bit off topic and random sorry...didn't write that very well either...Anyway. I'd suggest buying her another bottle and also try to interact with your roomies as much as possible. Don't whatever you do jump out of your room and talk to whoever walks in when you hear a door open because that can be considered, well I guess the best word to use is stalker-ish. I'm also a pretty shy guy but you just need to talk. Someone suggested that you just say 'hi, hows it going?' and that kind of thing which is good for you and your roomies' friendships, and will also gradually build your confidence. You may even try asking them all if they want to go to the pub one evening.
(Sorry about the dis-jointed writing style I've used above, hopefully you can make sense of some of it.)
(Sorry about the dis-jointed writing style I've used above, hopefully you can make sense of some of it.)
Thanks for your suggestions. It sounds like buying her more oil would solve things, but the girl in question has gone home for the weekend, and this incident happened on Thursday morning - I'm sure she'd have brought some more oil herself by now.
I don't really want to attempt to confront them in any way about this... coming forward and talking about a problem isn't something I'm really confident in doing, but I'll see what happens first.
Sometimes I feel that I'm better off living this way with them. I've always been a bit distant from them from day to day, and I've often worried if this is putting a strain on them having to live with me, but maybe now in the long run I won't have to worry about what they think of me now that this has happened. Does anyone think that changing accomodation still might be a good idea?
I don't really want to attempt to confront them in any way about this... coming forward and talking about a problem isn't something I'm really confident in doing, but I'll see what happens first.
Sometimes I feel that I'm better off living this way with them. I've always been a bit distant from them from day to day, and I've often worried if this is putting a strain on them having to live with me, but maybe now in the long run I won't have to worry about what they think of me now that this has happened. Does anyone think that changing accomodation still might be a good idea?
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