My housemate is driving me insane!

This is mostly about keeping communal spaces clean. So there are 4 of us sharing a house. Me and two of the other flat mates are mostly very clean. But the other one she is so so messy so much so she creates mess for the other 3 of us, she never washes up my knives (which I don’t mind her using) after I explicitly told her if she uses any of my stuff please wash it as soon as you’re done so when I come to use it, its there (please say I’m not being unreasonable here!) She only cleans the kitchen when it gets to the point where her washing up is EVERYWHERE and there are inches of leftover noodles in the sink, crumbs on the floor and on the counters, thick oil stains on the hob. Before Christmas break I gave the kitchen a deep clean and said to my house mates if they can please keep it clean, cause then it’ll be easier for everyone to use, and a couple days later it comes back to me that the kitchen is in a state again and it is mostly all of her stuff everywhere again. I know the rest of my housemates are also annoyed by this, so much so that one of our flatmates literally prepares food in his bedroom cause the kitchen feels so unclean constantly. She also keeps food on the side which goes off, and food uncovered in the fridge which makes the whole fridge smell like garlic and then takes up the two freezers and we have with food she forgets about and doesn’t eat. We have talked about all of these issues with her many times. She brushes it off and says, I quote ‘it’s not that deep’ and ‘I’ll get to it eventually.’

The upstairs bathroom which me and the house mate in question share is also in a state. I won’t take up more of your time explaining so I shall list: red hair dye stains in the bath, tile and grout which she doesn’t clean, hair trimmings in sink, overflowing bin (which I sometimes take out), overall dirty sink, earrings and salt baths everywhere (I can barely fit my toothbrush on the sink and she often moves it on its side so it’s touching the dirty sink) the only thing which she cleans regularly is the toilet, but if it’s blocked I have to unblock it cause otherwise it ‘gives her the ick.’ I give the bathroom a thorough clean, and it’s dirty 2 days later.

She says it’s because of her mental health and depression which is something I totally sympathise with, and understand. But I think it’s also fair to want communal areas to remain quite clean and tidy so people can use it easily, and to each clean up after ourselves and all take part when the areas do need a deep clean.

It does seem like I hate her, which I definitely don’t and we would both consider us quite good friends, but it’s at that point in the friendship where you can’t really be firm without causing a wired tension, and I know she gets very annoyed about asking to clean up. So what do I do here? We have asked so many times to try and keep the kitchen and bathroom clean (it’s mostly about the kitchen cause everyone shares that space) ans she brushes us all off, and I fear if this year if she doesn’t start cleaning up I might just say **** it and get properly annoyed with her, which I don’t want to do cause it’ll affect our friendship and more importantly her mental health.

Reply 1

FeiFeiLi

Remove communal kitchen items she hasn't paid for and keep them in your rooms. If he can't be trusted with them, take them off her.

Don't fall for her mental health excuse. Yes mental health issues are a real problem, but they are not an excuse to cause issues for everyone else.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Are you able to arrange with the landlord to ask her to leave?

Her behaviour is entrenched and will not change.

Mental health issues can cause issues with energy and motivation so she may have a point.

However, you have a valid point - her lack of cleanliness is affecting flat relations and the quality of your life.