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Really attracted to Muslim girls..should i just convert?
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Original post by Llewellyn_J
You could point out to her that being forced to marry someone over here is legally considered abuse/violation of human rights?
Again you're confusing forced marriages with arranged marriages
Original post by de_monies
Again you're confusing forced marriages with arranged marriages
No I'm not. My point was that she wouldn't have to go through with the marriage despite her parents' arranging it.
Original post by Llewellyn_J
No I'm not. My point was that she wouldn't have to go through with the marriage despite her parents' arranging it.
That's not how arranged marriages work
parents don't say oh we found this guy and we have arranged your marriage to him.....Parents just bring her into a room and simply ask her that it may be time for her to settle down, if she agrees her parents try to find someone who then comes over, they meet a few times, etc and if she wants to, she agrees to it.
Or either someone asks her parents about her as they have someone looking for a girl like her, in Asian terms family background, right village, looks good etc and same process as above, they meet a few times, talk, etc if they like each other and agree then they get married.
Again this is if she agrees to it............if she doesn't want to, then she can say no, but if she does say yes being pressured and cohersed into it then its essentially a forced marriage.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by MancBoy
A lot of Pakistani Muslim parents would rather have a Caucasian person to convert and marry their children rather than a person of any other colour...for some odd reason.
Really? Are they really so desperate to convert someone even if it means their daughters have to live with someone who is no match to them in no other respect whatsoever?
No you shouldn't convert FOR her ! Islam is a truly beautiful religion but you shouldn't do it for her...she'll see right through it. I know the pakistani culture well and I have pakistani girl friends they DON'T marry outside of their race or culture not because of the indviduals but because of familiy pressure. Not all pakistani women are muslim anyways and alot of them don't practise Islam properly anyways (mix it with culture). I think you should look into the religion of Islam anyway but not with the intention to get with her.
To be honest with you even if you did convert for her , it wouldn't last because her familiy will have her married to her own race. They seldom disobey their parents with the risk of being disobeyed. They don't let their girls (especially girls) marry anyone that isn't pakistani , if your black muslim , white muslim , bengali muslim - whatever they don't care they marry their own. I know I sound a lil pessimistic but I am keeping it real not giving you any false hope
To be honest with you even if you did convert for her , it wouldn't last because her familiy will have her married to her own race. They seldom disobey their parents with the risk of being disobeyed. They don't let their girls (especially girls) marry anyone that isn't pakistani , if your black muslim , white muslim , bengali muslim - whatever they don't care they marry their own. I know I sound a lil pessimistic but I am keeping it real not giving you any false hope
Original post by Iqbal007
That's not how arranged marriages work parents don't say oh we found this guy and we have arranged your marriage to him.....
Parents just bring her into a room and simply ask her that it may be time for her to settle down, if she agrees her parents try to find someone who then comes over, they meet a few times, etc and if she wants to, she agrees to it.
Or either someone asks her parents about her as they have someone looking for a girl like her, in Asian terms family background, right village, looks good etc and same process as above, they meet a few times, talk, etc if they like each other and agree then they get married.
Again this is if she agrees to it............if she doesn't want to, then she can say no, but if she does say yes being pressured and cohersed into it then its essentially a forced marriage.
parents don't say oh we found this guy and we have arranged your marriage to him.....Parents just bring her into a room and simply ask her that it may be time for her to settle down, if she agrees her parents try to find someone who then comes over, they meet a few times, etc and if she wants to, she agrees to it.
Or either someone asks her parents about her as they have someone looking for a girl like her, in Asian terms family background, right village, looks good etc and same process as above, they meet a few times, talk, etc if they like each other and agree then they get married.
Again this is if she agrees to it............if she doesn't want to, then she can say no, but if she does say yes being pressured and cohersed into it then its essentially a forced marriage.
I don't understand what your issue is, my point still stands because it was made in light of IF (not because) she was being forced/pressured into it. Or did I not make that clear?
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Llewellyn_J
I don't understand what your issue is, my point still stands because it was made in light of IF (not because) she was being forced/pressured into it. Or did I not make that clear?
"You could point out to her that being forced to marry someone over here is legally considered abuse/violation of human rights?"
Not at all, you made a generalisation nor we do know the entire situation, and anyway the OP is long gone as this is a few months old.....plus the girl can say no and get support talking to other family members who understand thats not what she wants. These days other family members in South Asian households are supportive.
Just tell her the truth
Take it slow at first - does the girl in question know how you feel about her? You say you're worried about confessing as it'll affect your friendship but you sound like you're pretty serious about her, so let her know about your feelings first, take it slow from there & see how things work out. One step at a time
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Original post by YasirMehdi
Maybe you should convert if you really like her ...
dont u think she can convert for you >?
dont u think she can convert for you >?
Convert to what? I thought he said he's agnostic .....
Original post by christojlk
Im quite non-religious but i guess i can swing either way from non-religious to being agnostic. I've always been really into Muslim girls. Not just the ones in hijab etc. I think it's the forbidden, mysterious allure they give off especially asian and middle eastern girls. I have heaps of Muslim female friends who i have a respectful relationship with. I also have dated Muslim girls in the past but never worked out due to religious differences.
Now there is a Muslim girl i really like at uni. I do not know how religious she is all i know is that i really like her. She is Pakistani and her parents are strict but she isn't. Now we've been studying together for some time and i do accidentally brush into her and i notice she does the same to me. When I do it feels like electricity is shooting through me. We don't talk religion so i don't know how much of a role that plays in her life. Since we've been studying together we've also been doing better in class. Her parents have been really happy with her and totally trust her. Before it used to be group study now we just have extra study sessions where it's just her and me in the library. I know how important education is in Pakistani families and really it's the main reason her parents let her stay out late. Sometimes i can't focus on studying when i'm with her like I find her quite mesmerising and I feel like i could look into her eyes forever. Or that i could go on listening to her speak forever. At times i've felt the urge to get closer to her and kiss her but i've stopped myself of thoughts thinking nothing can happen. I don't want it to get in the way of our friendship and of uni. Many weekends we've spent at uni and in the library studying but just chatting about life. My family don't really care much about who i date so i know it won't be an issue for them.
She cares for me a lot and when i injured my leg and i was in hospital she came to visit me when she could. When her parents went to Pakistan due to a family issue and she had to stay behind due to exams i made sure i visited her regularly and as I am a good cook of asian food i made sure she was eating well, as she was quite stressed, and always made sure i had extra lunch with me in case she forgot to pack hers. It's like we have an unspoken relationship between friendship and bf/gf. I can't imagine my life without her in it. We've only known each other for a short time but i feel like my life has changed since i met her..she's made me think about things deeply and be less impulsive and she tells me i'm like the close friend she's always looked for.
I'd also like to take this forward and maybe ask her out to dinner. We did go for a picnic once just both of us and it was kind of surreal just me and her. At one time we were lying on the ground side by side looking up at the sky and for that one moment it felt like it was just the both of us and no one else. At that moment i really wished i had been born in a Pakistani family or it was possible somehow for us to get married without her risking her relationship with her family because of it.
Recently, she told me her parents are arranging her marriage to some guy from Pakistan who is coming to study. They were putting a lot of pressure on her. She wasn't happy about it and she was distressed about it so much so she was in tears and i wiped her tears and just held her. Seeing her in pain i felt hurt as well. I felt kind of helpless that there was nothing i could do to fix the situation without ruining her relationship with her parents. If i was a Pakistani or Muslim guy i could make her parents see we are better matched. But is it my fault that I am non-Pakistani and non-Muslim and that i'm in love with a Pakistani girl? She was also worried someone in her family had seen our emails to each other (totally innocent). I really wished i could take her away from this pressure and that I could be there for her.
Should i tell her about these feelings? Once we went on a picnic together and we haven't kissed or done anything like that but i feel there is this underlying sexual tension between us.I know if she began a relationship with me she'd have to lie to family and she'd have to go through many sacrifices to see me etc.
My background is not caucasian but is not Pakistani either. We both are in demanding courses but once we graduate we will be financially stable and i am working a few part time jobs so i know i can be there to support her if she gets disowned or her parents throw her out. At the same time she is part of a close-knit family and I don't want to ruin that.
What would be the best way to approach her and show my interest before it's too late? How do i find out if she would want a long term relationship with a non-Muslim? Muslim/Pakistani girls, would any of you be open to dating/marrying non-Muslims? I know it's not technically allowed. But how many of you would date/marry someone who is non-muslim or someone who converts for you even if they don't fully follow things but they love you a lot or if you were in the position of my friend? How do you get a Pakistani family to like you?I don't even know if conversion would be enough as her parents probably expect a Pakistani boy. Do others know of Muslim friends who have done this? Anyone dated a Muslim girl with advice?
Really appreciate some help with this.
Now there is a Muslim girl i really like at uni. I do not know how religious she is all i know is that i really like her. She is Pakistani and her parents are strict but she isn't. Now we've been studying together for some time and i do accidentally brush into her and i notice she does the same to me. When I do it feels like electricity is shooting through me. We don't talk religion so i don't know how much of a role that plays in her life. Since we've been studying together we've also been doing better in class. Her parents have been really happy with her and totally trust her. Before it used to be group study now we just have extra study sessions where it's just her and me in the library. I know how important education is in Pakistani families and really it's the main reason her parents let her stay out late. Sometimes i can't focus on studying when i'm with her like I find her quite mesmerising and I feel like i could look into her eyes forever. Or that i could go on listening to her speak forever. At times i've felt the urge to get closer to her and kiss her but i've stopped myself of thoughts thinking nothing can happen. I don't want it to get in the way of our friendship and of uni. Many weekends we've spent at uni and in the library studying but just chatting about life. My family don't really care much about who i date so i know it won't be an issue for them.
She cares for me a lot and when i injured my leg and i was in hospital she came to visit me when she could. When her parents went to Pakistan due to a family issue and she had to stay behind due to exams i made sure i visited her regularly and as I am a good cook of asian food i made sure she was eating well, as she was quite stressed, and always made sure i had extra lunch with me in case she forgot to pack hers. It's like we have an unspoken relationship between friendship and bf/gf. I can't imagine my life without her in it. We've only known each other for a short time but i feel like my life has changed since i met her..she's made me think about things deeply and be less impulsive and she tells me i'm like the close friend she's always looked for.
I'd also like to take this forward and maybe ask her out to dinner. We did go for a picnic once just both of us and it was kind of surreal just me and her. At one time we were lying on the ground side by side looking up at the sky and for that one moment it felt like it was just the both of us and no one else. At that moment i really wished i had been born in a Pakistani family or it was possible somehow for us to get married without her risking her relationship with her family because of it.
Recently, she told me her parents are arranging her marriage to some guy from Pakistan who is coming to study. They were putting a lot of pressure on her. She wasn't happy about it and she was distressed about it so much so she was in tears and i wiped her tears and just held her. Seeing her in pain i felt hurt as well. I felt kind of helpless that there was nothing i could do to fix the situation without ruining her relationship with her parents. If i was a Pakistani or Muslim guy i could make her parents see we are better matched. But is it my fault that I am non-Pakistani and non-Muslim and that i'm in love with a Pakistani girl? She was also worried someone in her family had seen our emails to each other (totally innocent). I really wished i could take her away from this pressure and that I could be there for her.
Should i tell her about these feelings? Once we went on a picnic together and we haven't kissed or done anything like that but i feel there is this underlying sexual tension between us.I know if she began a relationship with me she'd have to lie to family and she'd have to go through many sacrifices to see me etc.
My background is not caucasian but is not Pakistani either. We both are in demanding courses but once we graduate we will be financially stable and i am working a few part time jobs so i know i can be there to support her if she gets disowned or her parents throw her out. At the same time she is part of a close-knit family and I don't want to ruin that.
What would be the best way to approach her and show my interest before it's too late? How do i find out if she would want a long term relationship with a non-Muslim? Muslim/Pakistani girls, would any of you be open to dating/marrying non-Muslims? I know it's not technically allowed. But how many of you would date/marry someone who is non-muslim or someone who converts for you even if they don't fully follow things but they love you a lot or if you were in the position of my friend? How do you get a Pakistani family to like you?I don't even know if conversion would be enough as her parents probably expect a Pakistani boy. Do others know of Muslim friends who have done this? Anyone dated a Muslim girl with advice?
Really appreciate some help with this.
Hiya, i don't know whether you've resolved this issue already.. but i thought i'd give you a few bits of advice and my opinion on the issue?
Firstly, as a muslim girl isn't allowed in her religion to marry someone of a non-muslim background unless he reverts before the marriage, but even if you were to revert to a muslim.. it should be according to your own intentions. Your intentions should be based on the fact that you want to learn more about the religion and you want to convert for your ownself, not so you can be with someone or marry them, because then that defeats the object of reverting.
But other then that, I'd say express your feelings.. but don't rush into anything, because she may feel pressurised if she has the same feelings, and doesn't want to hurt her family yet can't hide her feelings either.
If you want but you wont get sex before marriage mate
Original post by Iqbal007
That's not how arranged marriages work parents don't say oh we found this guy and we have arranged your marriage to him.....
Parents just bring her into a room and simply ask her that it may be time for her to settle down, if she agrees her parents try to find someone who then comes over, they meet a few times, etc and if she wants to, she agrees to it.
Or either someone asks her parents about her as they have someone looking for a girl like her, in Asian terms family background, right village, looks good etc and same process as above, they meet a few times, talk, etc if they like each other and agree then they get married.
Again this is if she agrees to it............if she doesn't want to, then she can say no, but if she does say yes being pressured and cohersed into it then its essentially a forced marriage.
parents don't say oh we found this guy and we have arranged your marriage to him.....Parents just bring her into a room and simply ask her that it may be time for her to settle down, if she agrees her parents try to find someone who then comes over, they meet a few times, etc and if she wants to, she agrees to it.
Or either someone asks her parents about her as they have someone looking for a girl like her, in Asian terms family background, right village, looks good etc and same process as above, they meet a few times, talk, etc if they like each other and agree then they get married.
Again this is if she agrees to it............if she doesn't want to, then she can say no, but if she does say yes being pressured and cohersed into it then its essentially a forced marriage.
Startling how often people don't get this, But that's tsr for you
EDIT: Negged as well with no explanation refer to my statement of "But that's tsr for you
"(edited 11 years ago)
Hey...Im a Pakistani Muslim girl.
I can understand what u are going through right now but the truth is that even if everything goes well between YOU TWO the parents most probably wont accept it...if the parents werent strict and if you converted for her...if wouldve been easier...but Pakistani parents will always want a Pakistani guy for their daughter. If the girl likes you aswell...great, you're saying thather parents trust her so much that they let her out late AWESOME! cos a strict pakistani parent letting their young girl out late shows their trust in her. The best way to be with her...is to express your feelings, when she hopefully says yes tell all of this which u just told us here to her, then ask her to talk to her parents if you will convert (that will be easier) cos atleast they will know that you are Muslim. Then when her parents understand (hopefully) you can talk to them directly.
Another thing is... that Muslim girls are not allowed to marry non-Muslims...even though you are saying you will convert FOR HER...to become a Muslim you have to say the specific verse of the Quran and say it like you really mean it and you want to convert with all your heart and that you will live as a true Muslim man.
If her parents are religious and they understand you...they will observe you and your acts, which means they will want to see you as a "Muslim".
Feel free to ask more questions. I hope I can help you more
I can understand what u are going through right now but the truth is that even if everything goes well between YOU TWO the parents most probably wont accept it...if the parents werent strict and if you converted for her...if wouldve been easier...but Pakistani parents will always want a Pakistani guy for their daughter. If the girl likes you aswell...great, you're saying thather parents trust her so much that they let her out late AWESOME! cos a strict pakistani parent letting their young girl out late shows their trust in her. The best way to be with her...is to express your feelings, when she hopefully says yes tell all of this which u just told us here to her, then ask her to talk to her parents if you will convert (that will be easier) cos atleast they will know that you are Muslim. Then when her parents understand (hopefully) you can talk to them directly.
Another thing is... that Muslim girls are not allowed to marry non-Muslims...even though you are saying you will convert FOR HER...to become a Muslim you have to say the specific verse of the Quran and say it like you really mean it and you want to convert with all your heart and that you will live as a true Muslim man.
If her parents are religious and they understand you...they will observe you and your acts, which means they will want to see you as a "Muslim".
Feel free to ask more questions. I hope I can help you more
Original post by MancBoy
A lot of Pakistani Muslim parents would rather have a Caucasian person to convert and marry their children rather than a person of any other colour...for some odd reason.
That..is not true
Original post by importunate
Have you got any photos? If your drop dead gorgeous I might need to talk to you about converting.
Loool wow, this the student room people actually talk and post here for reasons. Not some pick up website lol.
Original post by christojlk
I think I would get more acceptance from her family if I was Caucasian. I am a guy of Sri lankan and Indian Christian background. I speak a number of languages including Urdu her native language. I have darker tanned skin compared to her family and my friends say this might be an issue.
Tl dr: non Muslim guy likes Pakistani Muslim girl but does he have a chance if he doesn't convert or converts?
Tl dr: non Muslim guy likes Pakistani Muslim girl but does he have a chance if he doesn't convert or converts?
Heartbreak luv story. While I wipe the tears of my eyes
...I'd just like to say you have a very good chance with her. If you want to get married you'll need to confront the parents first probably best done if you take your parents to her house and introduce each other. That way her parents will think of you as a "family man" rather than someone who has no idea of family values. Personally that my thought. It's a good way to build rapport between the two parents. Hope all goes well!Related discussions
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