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dumped for having heart surgery? Watch

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    Either he is scared of losing you or isn't good enough to support you. It'll be hard but you'll be able to move on without him.

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    I just feel like I'm letting him down. If I was healthy I could show him I care by not letting him walk out of my life so easily.
    Saying this my Nana always used to say if someone want to walk out of your life so darn much, hold the door wide open for them.
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    I know someone whose husband left her after she was diagnosed with cancer. The kicker was that her father (and this is absolutely true) was a former SAS officer, currently running a band of international mercenaries. So whatever caused the break-up, the consequences could always have been worse.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just feel like I'm letting him down. If I was healthy I could show him I care by not letting him walk out of my life so easily.
    Saying this my Nana always used to say if someone want to walk out of your life so darn much, hold the door wide open for them.
    I think you should listen to your Nana

    There is nothing better than being the person somebody else wants to be with most in the world. Don't believe that your illness will stop somebody from feeling this way about you. You shouldn't settle for less!
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    (Original post by Pigling)
    I think you should listen to your Nana

    There is nothing better than being the person somebody else wants to be with most in the world. Don't believe that your illness will stop somebody from feeling this way about you. You shouldn't settle for less!
    I guess I'm just scared. I've had eight operations in the past, none on the heart though. And I know it sounds ridiculous but I've never been scared. I always had him there and that was enough to put my mind at ease. I don't have my Nana anymore and my family has no contact, so I dread the hospital. I have visions of me lying in the ward pining after him like a child needing their blanky.
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    (Original post by Knighted)

    1) Four years is a long time, if anything the prior instances should have brought this couple closer together. Obviously it didn't for him, perhaps there was some other benefit for him.

    2) You DO NOT end a four year relationship via text. Regardless of the rest of the drama this makes you a weak and pathetic individual. I have traveled miles and paid my fair share to perform the "breakup" because it is respectful.

    3) The guy told a chronically ill girl that he could "do a lot better" then her and ended it over text. This guy is a douchebag of the highest degree.
    1. Often yes but not always the case

    2 & 3 agree completely that he ended it badly and that it was a douchy thing to say.



    (Original post by Knighted)
    I have not been in a relationship with someone who is chronically ill. I however have been in a relationship with a girl who was brutally raped 2 weeks after we first started going out. This happened between the distance of 2 phone calls. 2 hours apart.

    Did I run for the hills? no, that night I went round her house. Her face had been severely beaten. I then spent the next month calling in sick for work, cooking for her, cuddling her, making sure she still knew she was pretty. Forcing her to go outside even when she had semi-mental breakdowns whenever she was reminded of the situation.

    Even had an incident in HMV where she accidentally saw "I Spit in your grave" dvd cover and just started crying/crawling into a ball. Men that cannot deal with a woman becoming fragile aren't proper men. It is OBVIOUS from even a physical viewpoint that Men are in "someway" meant to support their partner. If you can't do it then don't even try from the beginning.
    But you dont know if you can or not until it happens. You were able for it but that doesnt mean that everyone is - I wouldnt dream of taking away the support you gave your girlfriend and fair play to you.



    (Original post by Knighted)
    This is simply selfish thinking. No matter what "pain" you are feeling from not being able to do these things with your partner, your partner is going through a LOT worse. They want to do these things but are the ones holding you back. So not only can they not do these things but they can feel/sense that they are the ones holding you back.
    A relationship is both give and take - and being there can only give you so much. Over time it gets to you and makes you feel bad about it. And being a carer means that you do a lot of the giving and very little taking - you sacrifice an awful lot to NOT being able to do things. Thats not apportioning blame to the sufferer per se merely a fact of the situation at hand and no one is obligated to do that for a partner. A spouse or relation different story.

    (Original post by ANARCHY__)
    He left him/her over a text? Why are you defending this lol

    EDIT: Probably best to ignore silverbolt lol. The thread's about paying attention to anon and his/her issues. Not silverbolt or w.e.
    Sighs* go back and re-read my post. I am not nor did not defend the way he did it. I actively condemned it.

    And why ignore what i said? Because i didnt give the pitying answer that so many others did? Or grab my internet pitchfork? Well tough, I gave advice (funnily enough thats the general idea on this forum) I gave the OP my advice - i just didnt give the "hes a douche" knee jerk reaction that so many others have done. He did a crappy thing breaking up with her way he did. His actions were horrible - but - unless the OP has stated differently - he has been there for four years, through her troubles. THis one was too much for him. He ended it wrongly ive never said he didnt but people react differently and not everyone has the emotional strength or stability to do this.

    The OP is going through a tough time and shes just been dealt another blow with her bf leaving her and a double whammy over the way he did. Its horrible and she deserves and needs support. If her bf cant do then maybe there are others who can.



    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just feel like I'm letting him down. If I was healthy I could show him I care by not letting him walk out of my life so easily.
    Saying this my Nana always used to say if someone want to walk out of your life so darn much, hold the door wide open for them.
    Just out of curiosity - how was he during the four years you were together? Was he supportive, did he do his best, or was he just generally an ass?

    Never mind him right now - you need to concentrate on yourself. Never mind the what ifs and if onlys - if wishes were money no one would be poor.

    Concentrate on getting yourself right - do whatever it takes to get YOU back on track. Your nana speaks wisely. Let him go - whether he cant deal or wont deal is moot at this point as the end result is the same. Get through your op get your own head heart and body right as best as you can. May the gods watch over you OP. I really hope you get better.
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    (Original post by silverbolt)
    1. Often yes but not always the case

    2 & 3 agree completely that he ended it badly and that it was a douchy thing to say.





    But you dont know if you can or not until it happens. You were able for it but that doesnt mean that everyone is - I wouldnt dream of taking away the support you gave your girlfriend and fair play to you.





    A relationship is both give and take - and being there can only give you so much. Over time it gets to you and makes you feel bad about it. And being a carer means that you do a lot of the giving and very little taking - you sacrifice an awful lot to NOT being able to do things. Thats not apportioning blame to the sufferer per se merely a fact of the situation at hand and no one is obligated to do that for a partner. A spouse or relation different story.



    Sighs* go back and re-read my post. I am not nor did not defend the way he did it. I actively condemned it.

    And why ignore what i said? Because i didnt give the pitying answer that so many others did? Or grab my internet pitchfork? Well tough, I gave advice (funnily enough thats the general idea on this forum) I gave the OP my advice - i just didnt give the "hes a douche" knee jerk reaction that so many others have done. He did a crappy thing breaking up with her way he did. His actions were horrible - but - unless the OP has stated differently - he has been there for four years, through her troubles. THis one was too much for him. He ended it wrongly ive never said he didnt but people react differently and not everyone has the emotional strength or stability to do this.

    The OP is going through a tough time and shes just been dealt another blow with her bf leaving her and a double whammy over the way he did. Its horrible and she deserves and needs support. If her bf cant do then maybe there are others who can.





    Just out of curiosity - how was he during the four years you were together? Was he supportive, did he do his best, or was he just generally an ass?

    Never mind him right now - you need to concentrate on yourself. Never mind the what ifs and if onlys - if wishes were money no one would be poor.

    Concentrate on getting yourself right - do whatever it takes to get YOU back on track. Your nana speaks wisely. Let him go - whether he cant deal or wont deal is moot at this point as the end result is the same. Get through your op get your own head heart and body right as best as you can. May the gods watch over you OP. I really hope you get better.
    Fair enough. Didn't read the comment you made fully. You are of course entitled to provide advice, even if it is to the contrary of the majority viewpoint.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon please.
    I've been with my partner for four years.unfortunately I am not of the best health and have required several operations, nothing too major. I have been diagnosed with a heart complaint recently and require a rather long operation, scheduled for next week. I told my oh and he basically wants nothing to do with me. He just said cut all contact. No reason.
    Then again I remember once he said he could do alot better and find someone 'normal,.I don't blame him as I feel like a burden. But I cant grasp how he ended it. One text.

    Feeling kinda crappy. Advice please.
    I am one of those not normal people too! And my boyfriend broke up with me just before a possible keyhole surgery - apparently because I was upset all the time and acting like it was the end of the world and he couldn't cheer me up... Which is a bit of a weird excuse but I'm guessing it is the same sort of thing? Maybe he's scared of losing you during the operation?

    I would say try talking to him and finding out but tbh the way he acting you could do so much better


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    Your boyfriend is an absolutely disgrace, how can anyone be so heartless like he has been. I would never talk to him again.
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    what a ****...
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    It sounds like what you are really scared of is being alone, not losing this guy. It's fair enough to admit you can't cope with your partner being seriously ill, it's a big challenge and he's clearly not up to it. But to do it in that way, especially to such a vulnerable girl, that's unforgivable.

    You say you ditched your friends for him. I think you need to apologise and ask them for some support. You've acted badly, but you've been through a lot, so I'm sure someone will be willing to give you another chance.
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    I feel useless I need him and I got in contact. He just said I'm not what he needs.
    I guess I'm screwed as I'm not going to lie I'm not strong enough to get through this on my own. I don't know what to do.
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    That's so cruel some people are really heartless.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Update
    I feel useless I need him and I got in contact. He just said I'm not what he needs.
    I guess I'm screwed as I'm not going to lie I'm not strong enough to get through this on my own. I don't know what to do.
    Is there no way you can get in touch with old friends? If one of my old friends got in touch with me, no matter how long they hadn't spoken to me for or if they had ditched me for their bf, and said they were having surgery and had no-one there for them I would be there in a flash.

    Don't be afraid to get back in touch with people, everyone makes mistakes and at least one person you used to know will understand that.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Update
    I feel useless I need him and I got in contact. He just said I'm not what he needs.
    I guess I'm screwed as I'm not going to lie I'm not strong enough to get through this on my own. I don't know what to do.
    OP, if you don't mind me asking, where do you live/where will you be operated?

    I know we don't know each other, but I am happy to talk to you/offer some support to you if I can.

    as for your boyfriend, I think the rest of posters have done a good job in tearing him apart:
    - it's unfair, you aren't in the wrong, you did nothing wrong (and had no intention to either), and he seems somewhat immature, incapable of dealing with hardships of life, and lacks the tact to deal with them. His timing was awful, and he is probably not really the person you need to be with you right now.

    Even though you have not been with anyone else for a long, long time, have faith that other great people do exist out there, and it will be a matter of time until you meet a much better person who will completely erase the memory of this previous guy. I know it is hard, but have faith.

    If you turn down my invitation in the first paragraph, I wish you the best. Many hugs to you! x
 
 
 
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