Feeling alone
Does anyone else on here just feel really alone at times? I'm a 21 year old lad, and there are times where I just feel like I cant be bothered any more. I'm probably a really deep person, and at times I scare myself with some of the thoughts that come into my head.
I would say I'm fairly decent looking, I go to the gym 5 days a week, play rugby, and I've been with plenty of good looking girls and I've got a few decent mates. But the problem with my mates is that in some ways they're nothing like me, which means I cant be bothered going out with them at times cause I get bored.
I'd love to just know what other people think of me. I can be quite quiet at first when I talk to people, and because I'm quite a deep thinker I tend to not get involved in conversations as much as some of my mates do. But if people got to know me then I'd consider myself to be quite a nice guy.
I've never really been much into social media, but I decided to sign up to twitter a few weeks ago. I started following a few people who I knew, like old school mates, girls I'd spoke to when out, and lads I see out and about now again. But out of around a hundred of them, only 8 are following me back, which has hit me back even more. I spend quite a lot of my money on expensive clothes, protein shakes and good food so I look good.
But I just feel so unpopular and alone, it makes me think what's the point in making so much effort because I never get noticed anyway. I doubt no one would even notice if I went
I would say I'm fairly decent looking, I go to the gym 5 days a week, play rugby, and I've been with plenty of good looking girls and I've got a few decent mates. But the problem with my mates is that in some ways they're nothing like me, which means I cant be bothered going out with them at times cause I get bored.
I'd love to just know what other people think of me. I can be quite quiet at first when I talk to people, and because I'm quite a deep thinker I tend to not get involved in conversations as much as some of my mates do. But if people got to know me then I'd consider myself to be quite a nice guy.
I've never really been much into social media, but I decided to sign up to twitter a few weeks ago. I started following a few people who I knew, like old school mates, girls I'd spoke to when out, and lads I see out and about now again. But out of around a hundred of them, only 8 are following me back, which has hit me back even more. I spend quite a lot of my money on expensive clothes, protein shakes and good food so I look good.
But I just feel so unpopular and alone, it makes me think what's the point in making so much effort because I never get noticed anyway. I doubt no one would even notice if I went
hey!, don't be so hard on yourself.
everyone goes through moments like this. But you obviously don't want to stay feeling like this.
You seem like a great guy and the fact that you think on a deeper level than most guys your age is great! but remember you can't take yourself/life too seriously all the time. You need to have fun and enjoy yourself.
Start doing things because you WANT to do them...not because you think it will solve your feelings of loneliness. You will end up in a self-depricating cycle of feeling like crap-doing something with the expectation of it solving the problem-it doesn't-you end up disappointed-you feel like crap. Don't dress to impress...dress because it makes you feel good. Go to the gym because you like to keep fit..not because you want people to have a specific opinion of you. Join twitter because you're interested in people..not because you want people to be interested in you. and if they are..it's a bonus!.
re-consider your outlook on things. Take full grasp of your values/moral/principles and move forward. choose to be happy...
start smiling!
everyone goes through moments like this. But you obviously don't want to stay feeling like this.
You seem like a great guy and the fact that you think on a deeper level than most guys your age is great! but remember you can't take yourself/life too seriously all the time. You need to have fun and enjoy yourself.
Start doing things because you WANT to do them...not because you think it will solve your feelings of loneliness. You will end up in a self-depricating cycle of feeling like crap-doing something with the expectation of it solving the problem-it doesn't-you end up disappointed-you feel like crap. Don't dress to impress...dress because it makes you feel good. Go to the gym because you like to keep fit..not because you want people to have a specific opinion of you. Join twitter because you're interested in people..not because you want people to be interested in you. and if they are..it's a bonus!.
re-consider your outlook on things. Take full grasp of your values/moral/principles and move forward. choose to be happy...
start smiling!
hey... you are the male version of me!!!! 
you are very hard on yourself...... it is refreshing that a 21yr old guy is a deep thinker. I can be very hard on myself too and in general would not have the best opinion of guys at times.. but you have changed that!
I do take life too seriously at times and it can inhibit me at parties etc as I cannot relax fully. I am very analytical of people and situations and what people may think of me. to be honest you just have to ignore it(what people may/may not think), it is your own opinion and view of yourself that matters and then everything will fall into place.
i'm guessing you have a select number of friends instead of a 'gang' of friends seeing that you mention popularity, but popularity means nothing if you are not happy.
you are who you are and it is important not to change for anyone but only for yourself if that is what you. (though you sound great to me so I wouldnt change anything (only the being so hard on yourself part)
Hope I have helped!
you are very hard on yourself...... it is refreshing that a 21yr old guy is a deep thinker. I can be very hard on myself too and in general would not have the best opinion of guys at times.. but you have changed that!
I do take life too seriously at times and it can inhibit me at parties etc as I cannot relax fully. I am very analytical of people and situations and what people may think of me. to be honest you just have to ignore it(what people may/may not think), it is your own opinion and view of yourself that matters and then everything will fall into place.
i'm guessing you have a select number of friends instead of a 'gang' of friends seeing that you mention popularity, but popularity means nothing if you are not happy.
you are who you are and it is important not to change for anyone but only for yourself if that is what you. (though you sound great to me so I wouldnt change anything (only the being so hard on yourself part)
Hope I have helped!
Original post by drolein90
hey... you are the male version of me!!!!
you are very hard on yourself...... it is refreshing that a 21yr old guy is a deep thinker. I can be very hard on myself too and in general would not have the best opinion of guys at times.. but you have changed that!
I do take life too seriously at times and it can inhibit me at parties etc as I cannot relax fully. I am very analytical of people and situations and what people may think of me. to be honest you just have to ignore it(what people may/may not think), it is your own opinion and view of yourself that matters and then everything will fall into place.
i'm guessing you have a select number of friends instead of a 'gang' of friends seeing that you mention popularity, but popularity means nothing if you are not happy.
you are who you are and it is important not to change for anyone but only for yourself if that is what you. (though you sound great to me so I wouldnt change anything (only the being so hard on yourself part)
Hope I have helped!
you are very hard on yourself...... it is refreshing that a 21yr old guy is a deep thinker. I can be very hard on myself too and in general would not have the best opinion of guys at times.. but you have changed that!
I do take life too seriously at times and it can inhibit me at parties etc as I cannot relax fully. I am very analytical of people and situations and what people may think of me. to be honest you just have to ignore it(what people may/may not think), it is your own opinion and view of yourself that matters and then everything will fall into place.
i'm guessing you have a select number of friends instead of a 'gang' of friends seeing that you mention popularity, but popularity means nothing if you are not happy.
you are who you are and it is important not to change for anyone but only for yourself if that is what you. (though you sound great to me so I wouldnt change anything (only the being so hard on yourself part)
Hope I have helped!
Its nice to hear off someone who also feels similar to me. As you say, when I go out I do really analyse people and somehow try and think about what they think of me, instead of just relaxing and having some fun.
You're spot on about me only having a select number of friends. I've had the same 3 best mates since I started primary school, but in some ways they are so different to me, in terms of what music they listen to and things like that. Then I've got around 7 or 8 other mates who I go out with and see in the gym. I've got absolutely no girl mates at all, and I hardly speak to any other lads when I go out. I've heard now and again that people think I'm 'up myself' 'think I'm better than everyone else' and 'ignorant'.. But that's not the case at all, I just struggle to get out of my little zone. And most of the time I just think that no one wants to talk to me anyway.
I'm going away on a working holiday next year to either Canada or Australia with one of my best mates (who's more into the things I am). So I'm hoping I can really be who I am there, and hopefully come back and things might change
Original post by Anonymous
Its nice to hear off someone who also feels similar to me. As you say, when I go out I do really analyse people and somehow try and think about what they think of me, instead of just relaxing and having some fun.
You're spot on about me only having a select number of friends. I've had the same 3 best mates since I started primary school, but in some ways they are so different to me, in terms of what music they listen to and things like that. Then I've got around 7 or 8 other mates who I go out with and see in the gym. I've got absolutely no girl mates at all, and I hardly speak to any other lads when I go out. I've heard now and again that people think I'm 'up myself' 'think I'm better than everyone else' and 'ignorant'.. But that's not the case at all, I just struggle to get out of my little zone. And most of the time I just think that no one wants to talk to me anyway.
I'm going away on a working holiday next year to either Canada or Australia with one of my best mates (who's more into the things I am). So I'm hoping I can really be who I am there, and hopefully come back and things might change
You're spot on about me only having a select number of friends. I've had the same 3 best mates since I started primary school, but in some ways they are so different to me, in terms of what music they listen to and things like that. Then I've got around 7 or 8 other mates who I go out with and see in the gym. I've got absolutely no girl mates at all, and I hardly speak to any other lads when I go out. I've heard now and again that people think I'm 'up myself' 'think I'm better than everyone else' and 'ignorant'.. But that's not the case at all, I just struggle to get out of my little zone. And most of the time I just think that no one wants to talk to me anyway.
I'm going away on a working holiday next year to either Canada or Australia with one of my best mates (who's more into the things I am). So I'm hoping I can really be who I am there, and hopefully come back and things might change
once again the same.. i have certain friends who i am close with but if i brought them together I fear that they may not get on and then would think my friends would wonder how am i friends with 'x' etc..
i like having individual friends who are all different as you open yourself to different ideas. one 'gang' can all have one trail of thought, especially with girls it can be ratty and snide at times.
in general i'm quiet first and when people get to know me and when I feel comfortable with them i'm grand. a lot of people don't get that and think i'm 'odd' or 'wierd' but I don't care too much. you have your friends from primary school and that says a lot!
i also went on a working visa on my own and found it great, though I did leave a few affect my enjoyment at times, I would not regret it.
hope I have helped in some way!
Yes the same as me. I'm 23 male. Days when you just want to speak to someone? Etc
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Hello
Yes, I know exactly where you are coming from. Im also 21 and have similar thoughts, at uni I am surrounded by people who I'm "friends with" but im entirely different. I think very carefully and deeply about everything and am more of a watcher/ listener than someone to lead the conversation ( generally im just quiet and shy when I first meet people)
there are only a very select few people Im good friends with and share a really close bond with, which is usually more than enough.
I feel like I slip under everyone's radar a little because I'm not loud or as outgoing as everyone else, but at the same time feel that if people listened and made the effort to get to know me they might be pleasantly surprised.Do you ever get that feeling too?
If you want to chat about things feel free to PM Im a good listener!
ps. i find that the "popular" people seem a lot less happy than people like you and I. We might feel a little out of it at times but are generally happy with the way we are. A lot of the "popular" or hangers on in the popular crowd seem to force themselves to behave in a certain way.. try and mimic the others they wish to be like and generally seem a little obsessed with how they appear to other people /score points to justify their behaviour.
x
Yes, I know exactly where you are coming from. Im also 21 and have similar thoughts, at uni I am surrounded by people who I'm "friends with" but im entirely different. I think very carefully and deeply about everything and am more of a watcher/ listener than someone to lead the conversation ( generally im just quiet and shy when I first meet people)
there are only a very select few people Im good friends with and share a really close bond with, which is usually more than enough.
I feel like I slip under everyone's radar a little because I'm not loud or as outgoing as everyone else, but at the same time feel that if people listened and made the effort to get to know me they might be pleasantly surprised.Do you ever get that feeling too?
If you want to chat about things feel free to PM
Im a good listener!ps. i find that the "popular" people seem a lot less happy than people like you and I. We might feel a little out of it at times but are generally happy with the way we are. A lot of the "popular" or hangers on in the popular crowd seem to force themselves to behave in a certain way.. try and mimic the others they wish to be like and generally seem a little obsessed with how they appear to other people /score points to justify their behaviour.
x
(edited 11 years ago)
Sometimes I feel like this! I feel like a really boring 19 year old- partying and getting wasted is something I rarely do! I prefer looking after my grandparents and going shopping etc! Just keep your chin up, there are other people like you! But I'm not the best advice giver because confidence is not my strong point, at all!
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Future African game vet
Hello
Yes, I know exactly where you are coming from. I have similar thoughts, at uni I am surrounded by people who I'm "friends with" but im entirely different. I think very carefully and deeply about everything and am more of a watcher/ listener than someone to lead the conversation ( generally im just quiet and shy when I first meet people)
there are only a very select few people Im good friends with and share a really close bond with, which is usually more than enough.
I feel like I slip under everyone's radar a little because I'm not loud or as outgoing as everyone else, but at the same time feel that if people listened and made the effort to get to know me they might be pleasantly surprised.Do you ever get that feeling too?
If you want to chat about things feel free to PM Im a good listener!
ps. i find that the "popular" people seem a lot less happy than people like you and I. We might feel a little out of it at times but are generally happy with the way we are. A lot of the "popular" or hangers on in the popular crowd seem to force themselves to behave in a certain way.. try and mimic the others they wish to be like and generally seem a little obsessed with how they appear to other people /score points to justify their behaviour.
x
Yes, I know exactly where you are coming from. I have similar thoughts, at uni I am surrounded by people who I'm "friends with" but im entirely different. I think very carefully and deeply about everything and am more of a watcher/ listener than someone to lead the conversation ( generally im just quiet and shy when I first meet people)
there are only a very select few people Im good friends with and share a really close bond with, which is usually more than enough.
I feel like I slip under everyone's radar a little because I'm not loud or as outgoing as everyone else, but at the same time feel that if people listened and made the effort to get to know me they might be pleasantly surprised.Do you ever get that feeling too?
If you want to chat about things feel free to PM
Im a good listener!ps. i find that the "popular" people seem a lot less happy than people like you and I. We might feel a little out of it at times but are generally happy with the way we are. A lot of the "popular" or hangers on in the popular crowd seem to force themselves to behave in a certain way.. try and mimic the others they wish to be like and generally seem a little obsessed with how they appear to other people /score points to justify their behaviour.
x
couldn't agree more!
Original post by drolein90
couldn't agree more!
x
Dude, you're exactly like me, only I'm 17. I think I worked out the issue to our 'problem' .
A little pretext - throughout secondary school I was SO different to everyone else. Honestly not a person I could get on with. I couldn't even call anyone else a friend. Sure, I had a social circle, but they wanted nothing to do with me outside of school. After I left, I realised people did actually like me. I was being ignorant to the whole thing. I had the MINDSET that no one liked me and I stuck by that throughout.
You need to break that. Since starting college, I went in open-minded and automatically thought I was a likeable person. Within the first week I made the effort to introduce myself to 60+ people. Now I have loads of friends. Although I dont actually have a social circle as I spend my free time revising or using the college gym.
So dude, just change the way you think. Might be hard but it'll hopefully make a difference, or I might be talking rubbish due to thinking too deeply about the situation
Posted from TSR Mobile
A little pretext - throughout secondary school I was SO different to everyone else. Honestly not a person I could get on with. I couldn't even call anyone else a friend. Sure, I had a social circle, but they wanted nothing to do with me outside of school. After I left, I realised people did actually like me. I was being ignorant to the whole thing. I had the MINDSET that no one liked me and I stuck by that throughout.
You need to break that. Since starting college, I went in open-minded and automatically thought I was a likeable person. Within the first week I made the effort to introduce myself to 60+ people. Now I have loads of friends. Although I dont actually have a social circle as I spend my free time revising or using the college gym.
So dude, just change the way you think. Might be hard but it'll hopefully make a difference, or I might be talking rubbish due to thinking too deeply about the situation
Posted from TSR Mobile
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