The Student Room Group

Lonely and have no friends

Hi,

I am a second year uni student. I have 0 friends. I speak to no one. I feel really alone. It drives me insane. I am part of a club and have tried other clubs but none of it helps. I spend my whole time in complete silence. It's so hard for me to talk. I can talk for group work but it feels all forced. There's no one I'm comfortable with. I'm so alone. Im still not sure I even like my course. I'm achieving below my potential because I'm so lonely. I can barely concentrate. I have been applying for part time jobs for a while but have been unable to get one. I keep getting rejected. The whole thing is just really upsetting. I don't really have friends back home either. So essentially I'm alone. I don't know a future career with this degree. I don't know what to do anymore. I hate uni so much. It just feels like a waste.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hi,

I am a second year uni student. I have 0 friends. I speak to no one. I feel really alone. It drives me insane. I am part of a club and have tried other clubs but none of it helps. I spend my whole time in complete silence. It's so hard for me to talk. I can talk for group work but it feels all forced. There's no one I'm comfortable with. I'm so alone. Im still not sure I even like my course. I'm achieving below my potential because I'm so lonely. I can barely concentrate. I have been applying for part time jobs for a while but have been unable to get one. I keep getting rejected. The whole thing is just really upsetting. I don't really have friends back home either. So essentially I'm alone. I don't know a future career with this degree. I don't know what to do anymore. I hate uni so much. It just feels like a waste.
That sounds really tough, maybe you should try and reconnect with some of your classmates from school as you might have some common ground to talk about even if you're not necessarily friends.
With getting a job, have you physically walked into wherever you are applying? It might make you stand out if you do.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hi,

I am a second year uni student. I have 0 friends. I speak to no one. I feel really alone. It drives me insane. I am part of a club and have tried other clubs but none of it helps. I spend my whole time in complete silence. It's so hard for me to talk. I can talk for group work but it feels all forced. There's no one I'm comfortable with. I'm so alone. Im still not sure I even like my course. I'm achieving below my potential because I'm so lonely. I can barely concentrate. I have been applying for part time jobs for a while but have been unable to get one. I keep getting rejected. The whole thing is just really upsetting. I don't really have friends back home either. So essentially I'm alone. I don't know a future career with this degree. I don't know what to do anymore. I hate uni so much. It just feels like a waste.

Anon,

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so alone. Loneliness is real and everyone feels lonely at some point. It's great that you have tried to address your loneliness by trying to attend clubs. It's good that you are getting out and meeting people : ) It's frustrating about the work situation, but maybe you could apply for a job with your university or even see what volunteering opportunities there are in your area. This might help you to meet more people and help you to get out more, so that there is less time to feel down or alone.

It might also be worth talking to your family about how you've been feeling. Maybe you can arrange to talk more with them or a brother/sister/cousin can come and visit you. It's important to keep talking to people even when it's not easy. It's very easy to become very introspective and to begin to believe all kinds of negative things. It is important to have people who can speak truth into your life, so that you are not always thinking that the glass is half-empty, rather than half full.

It might also be worthwhile to talk your tutor about the course, how you've been feeling and why you have struggled to reach your full potential. They might be able to reassure you about career prospects, the modules for next year and ways you can improve this term.

It is great when there are people who you feel comfortable with. People who put you at your ease and make you feel accepted and make you feel like you belong. Unfortunately, you don't always meet those people and sometimes it's about learning to be that person for others. It sometimes means being more extroverted than you may feel, taking the initiative to arrange to meet up with someone from uni, to study, to go for coffee, to watch sport together, emailing during the week or phoning. It can take a lot of effort and when you are feeling low it's not the easiest thing to do. It's easier to look inwards, but that's when you need to try to keep looking outwards and see the different opportunities for friendship around you.

Do talk to your family.

All the best,

Oluwatosin 3rd year student University of Huddersfield
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hi,

I am a second year uni student. I have 0 friends. I speak to no one. I feel really alone. It drives me insane. I am part of a club and have tried other clubs but none of it helps. I spend my whole time in complete silence. It's so hard for me to talk. I can talk for group work but it feels all forced. There's no one I'm comfortable with. I'm so alone. Im still not sure I even like my course. I'm achieving below my potential because I'm so lonely. I can barely concentrate. I have been applying for part time jobs for a while but have been unable to get one. I keep getting rejected. The whole thing is just really upsetting. I don't really have friends back home either. So essentially I'm alone. I don't know a future career with this degree. I don't know what to do anymore. I hate uni so much. It just feels like a waste.
Hey there,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, but please know that you're not alone. Many of us have experienced feelings of loneliness and uncertainty at university. I remember feeling similar when I was in my first year. It's okay to not have everything figured out right now, from friends to your course and future career. Things do get better with time. Try reaching out to student support services at your university, they offer invaluable help. Also, consider speaking to your tutors (or personal tutor if you have one assigned) about how you're feeling academically. They might provide some guidance about your course. Remember, it's perfectly okay to ask for help. You're stronger than you think and this difficult period will pass.

Please, do not hesitate to reach out if you need any support,
Ilya
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hi,

I am a second year uni student. I have 0 friends. I speak to no one. I feel really alone. It drives me insane. I am part of a club and have tried other clubs but none of it helps. I spend my whole time in complete silence. It's so hard for me to talk. I can talk for group work but it feels all forced. There's no one I'm comfortable with. I'm so alone. Im still not sure I even like my course. I'm achieving below my potential because I'm so lonely. I can barely concentrate. I have been applying for part time jobs for a while but have been unable to get one. I keep getting rejected. The whole thing is just really upsetting. I don't really have friends back home either. So essentially I'm alone. I don't know a future career with this degree. I don't know what to do anymore. I hate uni so much. It just feels like a waste.
Hey,

I completely understand this! I severely struggled to make friends at University regardless of societies - I just struggled with talking and also spent time in complete silence. During my first-year, due to this loneliness, I found myself going out and seeing sights around London by myself. I didn't want a lack of friends to stop me experiencing things. While that did help me with how lonely I felt, it does not ease the pressure to find my people.

I also struggled with finding a part-time job - I applied to SO many and would never hear back. What worked for me was applying to my universities Student Ambassador scheme. This scheme aided with both of my concerns. I was now working part-time and eventually made some friends with my colleagues. I have continued on this scheme for a while and am now Senior Student Ambassador but I do promote this scheme to everyone I speak too as it exposes you to so many people, and due to the fact that you are working together, bonds get formed and friendships boom.

Making friends, especially at University, is so incredibly difficult and there's so much pressure. I also think there is too much pressure to make friends within Uni - I have a few friends who I see regularly, who I met outside of university whether that be through mutual friends or attending events at other universities. We are not limited to our own university - through social media I found mutuals based on hobbies.

For career stress - I would advise booking a meeting with your universities career team and asking them any questions you may have regarding confusion on careers. I did this in my second year and it helps set a perspective on what needs to occur.

Warmly,
Iris - a third year Politics student at City, University of London

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