Original post by Collette94PUA books are definitely not the best way to develop social skills. I agree that they contain some useful info (e.g. how to become more confident), but the problem is that the other stuff they suggest (at least what I've read) will still mess up your social skills.
As said before, there are some great books on socialising and improving your confidence. PUA books are not one of them. It is noteworthy that they never sell themselves as "how to improve your social skills with people," but rather "how to pull 10000 hotties." That's obviously a marketing ploy more than anything. Guys will be more lured to a book if it is advertised to teach them how to attract women, Plus, it's not really for girls because what attracts men and what attracts women are usually quire different, hence why they're both attracted to each other (generally speaking that is)
Examples of BS advice I have seen in those books:
-it retards your attitude towards the opposite sex by encouraging guys to basically show no respect towards women and banging on about evo psych, how women are "wired to" think etc. (For why evo psych is completely flawed as science, Google it). Not only will this affect the girls you're trying to hit on, but also your female friends generally. I've known guy acquaintances who tried PUA stuff, and I no longer hang out with them 'cause they're obnoxious little creeps with the weirdest attitude towards women.
-These books have generalisations for a reason and that's because they're generally true. Women subconsciously have various attributes that attract them to men, and of these attributes, women value some more than others. It's hardly saying all girls are the same. It's saying that girls have certain things that attract them to a guy, and each girl is slightly different in what attracts them
-it retards your attitude towards the same sex by encouraging you to think of yourself (and other guys) as a failure if you get turned down by women, and peddling some weird myth of "high value males" who get all the women and apparently you should try to pretend you are. I can guarantee you that, if you're not generally considered successful or attractive, a PUA book won't help matters
-again you seem to have limited yourself to reading the game, which is just one man's journey. It doesn't encourage you to think of yourself as a failure. These guys who go to these books see it as some sort of last resort. By having this ideal of a "high-value male", these guys have an end-goal or something to work towards. It's a flexible model, not a rigid example. There's no ideal man but the encouragement is to be your best self and part of this is through learning how to talk to girls. If you've read enough of these "seduction" books, you'd know that there is an encouragement to not only talk to more girls, but to start working out, sort out your career etc so that it all falls into place because if you only improve your "game" you can only get so far on that alone.
-The two above alone will turn you into a social misfit if you listen to them
-"with the right effort/being pushy enough, you can have almost any girl you want" - no, you can't, even if you were really "attractive" by almost any measure. A lot of these books seem to suggest that even an unattractive with bad social skills (which reading a PUA book won't bolster much due to above reasons) and no social life can get dates with really attractive girls regularly if he tries, which quite frankly is deluding yourself.
-No these books don't say you can get any girl you want. That would be most definitely a lie. The books can help you improve your success rate drastically if used properly. It's not about getting any girl you want, it's more of being able to attract girls that in the past may have been unattainable to that person due to them exhibiting several unattractive traits. The books (if you've read enough) accept the fact that getting better with women takes quite a while and can be a painful process. And yes, you do need to try unless that's the only way it's going to happen. Reading the book alone won't help. Going out month after month, making mistakes and fine-tuning what you've learnt will help you get to where you want to be. Very few legitimate books guarantee instant success as you're suggesting .
-Confidence in social situations is good, but the kind of stuff these guys peddle (stuff like trying to destroy a girl's self-esteem/touching her when it's not wanted/getting off with her friends in front of her) is obvious to anyone with half a brain, and will make you appear like a creep and weirdo
Again, if you've read recent books, there is nothing there that implies that you should destroy a girl's self esteem if read properly. What is being said is that sometimes when you meet women in certain venues like a nightclub, they may have over-inflated egos like celebrities. To get past this ego and to to actually get her to open up to you, there are certain things that help her let her guard down. This "negging" thing is out-dated and most that is encouraged today is teasing (in a light-hearted funny way) and just general banter. These books do not encourage unnecessary touching either (only when a guy is afraid to touch girls so he can de-sensitise the anxiety at first). They only encourage you to be smooth with it (go from lightly touching her arm in conversation , to hugging, touching her hair to kissing etc obviously with her compliance and reading the signals correctly). Lastly, there is nothing about getting with her friends. What is said is that you should talk to her friends more to get her a little jealous if you may be giving her too much attention rather than the group as a whole
-"If you have no self-esteem or confidence and you tremble like a leaf even when a girl is sitting next to you" - then you need to fix the actual root of the problem, maybe you don't know where you're going in life or more likely you have zero social skills. Nowhere did I say exercise was the only solution. Treating women like crap and adopting a weird attitude towards them won't solve this problem. Truth is quite a few guys are quite confident out-going people who have their life in good stead except for a good relation with women. The only thing that will help them is to get talking to girls. These books do not encourage you to treat women like crap and while you may say it warp their opinion on women, these guys already have a warped view of women. The books help to bridge the gap so they can genuinely enjoy the company of women through picking up a few social skills. Yes, they may use one or two scripted lines, but the end goal is that through their life experiences and how they present themselves they can genuinely connect with women in a socially intuitive manner
I understand your disdain towards the community, but it seems as though you haven't read enough in depth about this. Some things you mentioned are considered weird by modern "seduction experts". Things like peacocking (wearing some weird-ass stuff), negging have been removed from most current books because they've been used wrongly. If you delved more into this material (which may not appeal to you understandably), you might understand that these books aim to give guys a stepping stone to get good with women through keeping yourself occupied, while also being a genuinely likeable and respected person among both men and women. There isn't a quick fix and normally these guys who are committed to improving their love life often find that other parts of their life are fitting together. This process takes up a few years and is certainly not an easy solution. If anything, it's probably one of the hardest things considering there will be periods of frustration and stunted progress. I hope my post has helped you see things from the other side rather than a disgruntled female who has been approached by a creepy-weird PUA which many of them can be (misuse of information)