EVERYTHING sucks.

I just need something to rant to, since I have nothing else, here I am.

I'm a mess. I'm 18. I fell out with one of the few friends I've ever had to the point where we're not talking anymore (it's a long story, I feel incredibly guilty about it and I look like the bad guy out of it even if I really didn't intend to do anything wrong. I rarely got to see her anyway, but it still feels like ****).

I very very incredibly rarely go out. I have absolutely nothing to do. I'm all-but-terrified of the place I live, renowned for stabbings and for just being somewhere unpleasant (I'm pretencious and middle class, which doesn't help things). I'm incredibly, horribly shy and not a particularly pleasant person. I struggle with conversations, particularly with girls. It's pathetic. I just spend time inside losing Counterstrike or reading internet forums. I've bearly had a friend in my life, thinking about it, and have been treated like crap by most people who make fun of me for being a loser or whatever.

I feel absolutely useless and completely empty. I have nothing, I have nobody (not even a family or friends anymore). I hate everything, and I'm increasingly removing reasons for me to live. I'm not a fun person to be around. I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I have no way of facing it - I've been on and off the drugs, which I felt didn't help me and therapy isn't an option.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I really, really cannot cope. I'm just sob myself to sleep and I struggle to see that when I finally leave here to go to University that life will be any better, and struggle to see how I will be able to cope for the next 8 weeks with nobody and nothing and no money and nothing to do.

And I know there's nothing you can say that will make me feel better or will help me. It's just I sometimes need an outlet and this is it, 'cause I have no-one I can talk to anymore. Reading this, you probably all think this is a joke or a characature or something, but it really is me.

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Reply 1

minicoopa

Call the doctor ASAP... sounds stupid but it helps to chat to your GP. And if you are really serious about sorting it out, they could transfer you to a counsellor/psychiatrist/anti-depressants....whatever could help.

Happend to me last year.

You can't do it on your own and however much you talk about it won't sort it out.

X

Reply 2

G4ry

minicoopa

You can't do it on your own and however much you talk about it won't sort it out.

Exactly, however much you talk about it, things won't improve. You can do the counselling thing every week and speak about your problems and while this may seem to help at the time, unless you make the changes to your life that you need to you'll end up speaking of the same things every week.

So my advice is to separate your problems and then look for solutions to them or we can help here.

Reply 3

minicoopa

counsellors are TRAINED to help SOLVE things.... by talking. But talking about it endlessly doesnt always help.

I'm giving a possible solution here.
And by the by some people can't do the problem >> solution thing alone.

Reply 4

minicoopa

AND counsellors help you change your life.

Not always. But what is the harm?

Reply 5

minicoopa

In fact you are a step towards the solution by going to the doctor....it's an action. Voila... one step closer to happiness.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

I'm a bit like this when I come home from uni. A lot of the time this summer I've just spent at home on the computer or working out. I used to play regularly for a tennis club but haven't been for 3 years (loads of things got in the way over the past couple of years) and I'm being a baby to go back because I'm nowhere near as good as I was (and I wasnt all that back then either) and I know some of the other lads didn't particularly like me. I see all the results and what's going on etc in the local paper and I feel weird that I want to go back but don't want to make a fool of myself. I've got some great friends at uni (made my closest mates there) but all my friends from there live far away so i don't see them over summer but I've grown apart from the friends I had at school even though we all went on holiday last year, though I wasn't REALLY close with anyone.

What I'll say is 2 things

a) Things were a lot better for me at uni, it was a chance to revamp myself and make new friends who had no preconceptions about me. You should try and do the same

b) For the next 8 weeks, try and be proactive. Look for a job - send in your CV (doesnt matter if you've had no experience) to shops/stores/resautants etc and try and get some temporary work for the summer. If after a few weeks you can't get a job try volunteering at a charity shop, hospice or something like that. Even if it's just to meet new people. Also if you're into any sports or recreational activites see if there are clubs in your area. I'm going to stop being a pussy and phone up my coach and see if I can get back in this summer and if I can do it, you can aswell.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

I've been to the doctor months back at where I used to live (I'm not registered locally, and I'm pretty sure they don't allow new patients since they're oversubscribed). When I went to the doctors I was told there was a four month waiting list for NHS psychologists due to a shortage. I'm leaving in 8 weeks, possibly less. I can't afford to go private. I don't want to go back on drugs.

I should get a job and I've written a CV, but the fact is even going in somewhere and giving it in is difficult for me, and I have no experience it's very... what's the use?

I've started doing exercise (well, some exercise, not that I can afford gym membership or would dare to go) as this is supposed to help, but I don't really feel it working.

I do feel a little bit better now, but I get realy low sometimes and I just don't know what to do... I just need to rant.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Oh, and thanks for the responses. They really /are/ appreciated.

Reply 9

G4ry

Would your university not have a counselling service if you wanted to go when you get back after holidays?

Getting a job over the summer is going to be tough - especially around this time as it's a bit late.

But what sort of things do you enjoy? I'd recommend finding something you could focus your energies on so when you get low you can divert your attention away from it for a bit. This could be music, playing an instrument, some form of sport, drawing, writing - anything really.

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

Can you take one of your parents or someone along with you to hand in CVs? Not in the store with you but drive you there and you pluck up the courage to give it a go? Maybe write out a few covering letters first instead of dropping your CV off.

It can be hard at the start yup but believe me, you'll get used to it. I used to be very shy a few years ago. Even talking to my uncles, aunties, cousins etc who I saw once every couple of years felt weird. I never knew what to say, but now I'm not so bad. The first steps are the hardest but also the most rewarding.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

I only have one parent, I don't really get along with him particularly well to be honest and don't have any other relatives. He's unemployed at the moment himself and is struggling with that himself (it's hard for him to help me when he can't get a job, and he needs to keep a roof over my head too).

G4ry

But what sort of things do you enjoy? I'd recommend finding something you could focus your energies on so when you get low you can divert your attention away from it for a bit. This could be music, playing an instrument, some form of sport, drawing, writing - anything really.

I have a few things (maths, computer pottering, listening to music, computer gaming) but this is all I do. It gets repetitive after a month of just doing that.

Reply 12

warranty-ideal

Get over yourself.

Seriously, not being too harsh, but if you dont like something about your life, make a serious effort to change it. Take steps that mean something to YOU, make yourself feel needed and worthwhile.

Counsellors wont tell you how to change your life, they will only help you come to terms with it as is. You, and only you are the only person you can rely on. You want something? Make it happen.

Most will probably judge me harshly for these words, but, you never know how strong you are until you are truly tested.

I wish you the best of luck with your journey.

Reply 13

G4ry

Anonymous

I have a few things (maths, computer pottering, listening to music, computer gaming) but this is all I do. It gets repetitive after a month of just doing that.

Perhaps try something new to work on.

The activities you enjoy could just be a way of being social and meeting some new people, go to a few local gigs perhaps or perhaps there's some place where people meet to do pottery (i'm not so knowledgeable about pottery :p:

) as for the computer it can be quite anti-social, but you can also make it social if you go to LAN parties and meet people through that.

But if you feel low perhaps you should find ways to help express yourself and let things out. Exercise, play drums, maybe yoga, writing, art - as i said whatever works for you works.

Reply 14

gbduo

Lifes a b it ch.

Make the best of it.

Graham

Reply 15

Anonymous #3

Your life sounds identical to mine.

I rarely get out, have almost no friends and spend most of my time on counterstrike and forums. The social thing was mostly due to schoolwork, as I had to work really hard all last year I was trying for Oxbridge and my offer was very hard, which crippled my social life, as I never had time or the energy really. I'm awful at talking to people and making conversation.
The only girl I ever got close to I destroyed things with by getting drunk at a party when she was there. It was a disaster.
I'm also into maths and computers like you.

I've been depressed, and drank quite heavily every day on a regular basis at times. Drugs no. Smoking no.
Fortunately for me I was never depressed for too long a period of time, maybe a month or two at most, though I've slipped in and out a few times, but now I'm feeling ok.

Try getting out to do sports maybe; something where you won't get stabbed, maybe tennis or something. I just started up a sport this summer which I never got round to doing all year, and it makes me feel a whole lot better than just sitting in my room all day.

In university, make a new start of it. Uninstall counterstrike, start new hobbies and try to mix with people. It's a fresh start, just don't let whatever you think your current image is be projected onto all the new people at your university. Moving to a new location will be one of the best opportunities to get out of your depression and your ways, but you'll need to make the effort.

I guess you've got to hang in there, as things will go your way sooner or later, and just don't let them ruin your life while things aren't going your way.

You're not alone there.

Reply 16

Anonymous #4

Learn guitar, it's east. I did. It helps tremendously with coping with your emotions. It's easy to do if you use the internet to teach you.

When you are sad, you can play 'sad' music, it really helps to console yourself, and lifts you out of the mood. When angry, play something heavier/faster, again it helps.

I can't put into words how much this helped me.

I hope it can do the same for you.

Cheer up buddy :smile:

Reply 17

tanusha-tomsk

You are going to uni this year, is that right?

Make this a new start for yourself. No one needs to know that you were "unpleasant" or whatever. There are so many different people at university and you are bound to find someone who will light up your life! Good luck xx