Girl said that I am "too nice". What to do?

OP

Success with women = striking the balance between tenderness and aggression.

Too tender (or "nice" as you put it) and you won't assert yourself enough and show that your have your own principles and integrity. You wouldn't want a parter that agrees with you 100% of the time because it gets boring, fast.
Too aggressive on the other hand and you come off as, well... Invasive.

Here's what Askmen says about it:

"If you're nice, that's great, but what you really want to be is a great guy. You want to be a man who treats people well and also stands up to his own principles. You want to be a man who stands on his own two feet and isn't afraid to stand up to a woman just because he’s attracted to her. You want to be a man who leads, a man who decides if he wants to pursue the relationship or not, not a nice guy who tries to conform to her wants every which way and puts himself in the beggar's role. Nice guys are beggars. Great guys are catches."

I got it. Just got to get the balance right. Thanks for this.

Abort mission.

Do nothing. You are who you are.

Reply 103

Laomedeia

21

Same here. Women often say Im too nice for my own good. Bunch of bitches the lot of em!

Reply 104

CocoBandicoot

1

Original post by believeteam22

My female friend said to me that I am "too nice".
I guess she is right. I have a tendency to be nice to girls I like. I guess this is a weakness, but it just happens. I really dislike not being nice to people I like.

And I realise that being "too nice" is not really a good thing and that I need to change.

But how do I do that? I never say "no" to her for anything.

I really need to change but I don't know how to go about it and without looking like an ***

I feel really close to said girl and I am afraid if I start acting differently, start saying "no" etc, she might start to treat me differently and I might not be as important to her anymore. That's how I feel inside :/

I know I sound beta as **** and I only recently really thought about it like that.

How can I change? Any advice please?

Telling you your "too nice" doesn't mean "start acting like a dick" it means they want someone with a spine. If i (or friends) say a guy is too nice we usually mean they let themselves be treated as a door mat, and are too eager to please. Constantly complimenting a girl can be annoying as hell (sounds stupid but I actually broke up with a guy because he wouldn't stop complimenting and agreeing me. I ended up wanting him to shut the f**k up and formulate his own opinions, and have his own ideas instead of following me around like a lost puppy). Often too nice can translate as not "manly" enough too.

Alternately she could be trying to pull the friend zone card as a polite, non-hurtful way of saying shes not attracted to you. (sorry)

Reply 105

SophieSmall

21

When I hear too nice I translate it as pushover.

Reply 106

yo radical one

6

Original post by ilem

I see you're allowing her to lead you on indefinitely.

What she means is she doesn't find you attractive but doesn't have the balls to say so directly.

Not really, if she has told him this, she has given him her advice

Reply 107

CocoBandicoot

1

Original post by Syntek

Success with women = striking the balance between tenderness and aggression.

Too tender (or "nice" as you put it) and you won't assert yourself enough and show that your have your own principles and integrity. You wouldn't want a parter that agrees with you 100% of the time because it gets boring, fast.
Too aggressive on the other hand and you come off as, well... Invasive.

Here's what Askmen says about it:

"If you're nice, that's great, but what you really want to be is a great guy. You want to be a man who treats people well and also stands up to his own principles. You want to be a man who stands on his own two feet and isn't afraid to stand up to a woman just because he’s attracted to her. You want to be a man who leads, a man who decides if he wants to pursue the relationship or not, not a nice guy who tries to conform to her wants every which way and puts himself in the beggar's role. Nice guys are beggars. Great guys are catches."

This is perfect. Pretty much what i was trying to say.

Reply 108

natninja

21

Original post by Viceroy

I’m talking about men who lead with emotional intelligence, openness, sensitivity and understanding. Men whose masculinity and sexuality aren’t threatened by equality with women. Men who make great fathers. Men who pick up the spatula from time to time. Men who know where the vacuum cleaner is. Men who are not repelled by talk about feelings. Men who do not need to pound their chests about every damn thing. Men who have even read a feminist text or contemplated their privilege. Men who aren’t defined by traditional expectations of their gender.

Isn't that basically the definition of alpha? Someone who is utterly comfortable with their masculinity and sexuality and the other traits come with that.

Those who strive to be 'alpha' tend to me the more insecure specimens who feel the need to categorise themselves as that to make them feel better about their lives... - and you could hardly describe that as alpha.

It takes much more as a person to be truly comfortable with your identity than to try to hide behind the whole 'alpha' 'beta' bull****.

Reply 109

Izzyyyyy

3

Original post by believeteam22

My female friend said to me that I am "too nice".
I guess she is right. I have a tendency to be nice to girls I like. I guess this is a weakness, but it just happens. I really dislike not being nice to people I like.

And I realise that being "too nice" is not really a good thing and that I need to change.

But how do I do that? I never say "no" to her for anything.

I really need to change but I don't know how to go about it and without looking like an ***

I feel really close to said girl and I am afraid if I start acting differently, start saying "no" etc, she might start to treat me differently and I might not be as important to her anymore. That's how I feel inside :/

I know I sound beta as **** and I only recently really thought about it like that.

How can I change? Any advice please?

Awh well being nice is not a bad thing! Don't covert to being a douche because it's "cool"!

Reply 110

Mr_ZoomZoom

Original post by SophieSmall

When I hear too nice I translate it as pushover.

Same.

Reply 111

forsterico

Original post by believeteam22

My female friend said to me that I am "too nice".
I guess she is right. I have a tendency to be nice to girls I like. I guess this is a weakness, but it just happens. I really dislike not being nice to people I like.

And I realise that being "too nice" is not really a good thing and that I need to change.

But how do I do that? I never say "no" to her for anything.

I really need to change but I don't know how to go about it and without looking like an ***

I feel really close to said girl and I am afraid if I start acting differently, start saying "no" etc, she might start to treat me differently and I might not be as important to her anymore. That's how I feel inside :/

I know I sound beta as **** and I only recently really thought about it like that.

How can I change? Any advice please?

but y do u wnt to change

Reply 112

summerlaauren

Original post by believeteam22

My female friend said to me that I am "too nice".
I guess she is right. I have a tendency to be nice to girls I like. I guess this is a weakness, but it just happens. I really dislike not being nice to people I like.

And I realise that being "too nice" is not really a good thing and that I need to change.

But how do I do that? I never say "no" to her for anything.

I really need to change but I don't know how to go about it and without looking like an ***

I feel really close to said girl and I am afraid if I start acting differently, start saying "no" etc, she might start to treat me differently and I might not be as important to her anymore. That's how I feel inside :/

I know I sound beta as **** and I only recently really thought about it like that.

How can I change? Any advice please?

There is no such thing as being 'too nice' ngl when girls tell boys they are 'too nice' its an excuse for majority of girls. You do not need to change from being nice to get a girl to like you.

Reply 113

Anonymous #2

Start being a dick to her

Reply 114

CocoBandicoot

1

Original post by Laomedeia

Same here. Women often say Im too nice for my own good. Bunch of bitches the lot of em!

FYI They're politely telling you you're a pushover.

Reply 115

catsRgr8

3

I don't think it's actually the 'niceness' that's an off-put, personally i love a sweet guy, but when guys agree with everything you say/do just to 'please' you they couldn't be more wrong. Don't be afraid to show your own personality and share your own opinions, it's all part of getting to know somebody. Also myself if you take the things I say to people at face-value I'm definitely more abusive to the people I actually like the most and am most comfortable with pahaha, but obviously in like a jokey way. Guys who only say nice things and agree with you and nothing else... it's just like there's nothing there. So basically yeah be you own person and have your own thoughts