How to become proper friends with people?

Reply 20

Calpurnia

13

I wanted to post advice, but the "bumping" is kind of obnoxious :frown:

Reply 21

angelfox

OP

17

Original post by Calpurnia

I wanted to post advice, but the "bumping" is kind of obnoxious :frown:

Sorry, there was some good advice from the person above, and I just wanted another perspective.

Reply 22

Calpurnia

13

Original post by angelfox

Sorry, there was some good advice from the person above, and I just wanted another perspective.

It's okay to quote someone and tell them if they helped you, it'll make them feel nice, I promise!

Reply 23

angelfox

OP

17

Original post by Calpurnia

It's okay to quote someone and tell them if they helped you, it'll make them feel nice, I promise!

Don't worry, I've changed that post slightly! :biggrin:

Reply 24

pshah2

2

Original post by angelfox

The person who it's with, we always talk when we see each other, and we're generally quite friendly with each other.

So what I just ask to do something e.g. cinema or go for a coffee and just take it from there?

I think yeah, but it can be difficult. E.g. there's a girl I know, but I'm too worried about asking her let's go for coffee sometime.

However, sometimes, just forget about it, GO FOR IT. Wish I had so many times, better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all.

Reply 25

DCFCfan4eva

18

Original post by angelfox

Anyone got any tips? Taking it from acquaintance to proper friends? Should I just ask them to do something, add them on fb, ask for their numbers etc?

As others have said, patience is required (which sucks for me as it's not a trait I have lol). People think that people become best friends straight away when true friendship gets cultivated for years. You see it all the time on these forums and i've heart it countless times at uni- people worrying a few weeks in that everyone else has made friends- well that person you saw them talk to? could be the first time they have ever spoken! They could look at you talking to someone and be jealous of you! so relax, be patient

There needs to be initial effort otherwise nothing will ever happen. Yo make friends, you usually have to put yourself in a 'vulnerable position' meaning you should make the first move by asking them to hang out etc. Ask them face to face and then get their contact details.

if the first meet-up goes well, ask them to do it again etc

I'm sorry to say, if you want good friends you need to maintain contact and that does require effort. You can't expect it to happen, you need to make it happen. (Of course, if you do become friends then it requires both people to put in effort- don't be the person who is the one that does all the work!)

If you want deeper friendships (not just someone to hang out with etc) then they are based on trust, communication and being vulnerable etc
The stronger (and ususally longer-lasting friendships) have depth, they're not just based on your face footall team etc (even tho this is good!) at the right time, you need to be willing to be vulnerable, talking about what ur going through etc (Which believe I know how tough this can be for blokes!) but if you do and they respond well, you will probably gain a deeper friendship.
(Obviously be aware of when, if you start poutring out your life story, the first time you meet up, you might scare people away lol)

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 26

angelfox

OP

17

Original post by DCFCfan4eva

To make friends, you usually have to put yourself in a 'vulnerable position' meaning you w should make the first move by asking them to hang out etc. Ask them face to face and then contact details.

As others have said, patience is required (which sucks for me as it's not a trait I have lol) if the first meet-up goes well, ask them to do it again and maintaining contact does require effort. You can't expect it to happen, you need to make it happen. (Of course, if you do become friends then it requires both people to put in effort)

Also the stronger (and ususally longer-lasting friendships) have depth, they're not just based on your face footall team etc (even tho this is good!) at the right time, you need to be willing to be vulnerable, talking about what ur going through etc (Which believe I know how tough this can be for blokes!) but if you do and they respond well, you will probably gain a deeper friendship. (Obviously be aware of when, if you start poutring out your life story, the first time you meet up, you might scare people away lol)

Thanks!

Reply 27

username927016

20

Original post by pshah2

I think yeah, but it can be difficult. E.g. there's a girl I know, but I'm too worried about asking her let's go for coffee sometime.

However, sometimes, just forget about it, GO FOR IT. Wish I had so many times, better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all.

I'm so like this lol, not just with girls but with people in general. I'm not quite sure how they'd react & I don't want to feel really uncomfortable if I initiated something & they didn't have a positive reaction, but yeah you still have to garner the willpower to go for it :tongue:

Reply 28

angelfox

OP

17

Original post by Multitalented me

I'm so like this lol, not just with girls but with people in general. I'm not quite sure how they'd react & I don't want to feel really uncomfortable if I initiated something & they didn't have a positive reaction, but yeah you still have to garner the willpower to go for it :tongue:

I'm in the same position boss

OP

Any other tips?

Do you mean physically or mentally?

Reply 31

inachigeek21

12

Talk to them face-to-face. What else?
If humans managed to become friends in the past without technological devices, then surely humans can still manage this conventional way of making friends without the help of technology. :biggrin:

Use technology if you're amazingly shy or suffer from social anxiety.

Reply 32

angelfox

OP

17

Original post by Dr who11

Do you mean physically or mentally?

both i guess. I just appear to get a mental block.

OP

bump

OP

Anyone else

Original post by angelfox

The person who it's with, we always talk when we see each other, and we're generally quite friendly with each other.

So what I just ask to do something e.g. cinema or go for a coffee and just take it from there?

Yeah, just be like, 'Hey do you fancy catching a coffee or something sometime this week?' or something similar.

Reply 36

username1391301

17

Original post by angelfox

Anyone got any tips? Taking it from acquaintance to proper friends? Should I just ask them to do something, add them on fb, ask for their numbers etc?