The Student Room Group

my mum

hi guys before i start i want to clarify that I am grateful for everything but i am posting this post as i need advice.

I'm 15 turning 16 in 3 months. I come from a background where moving out at 16 is not allowed. Me and my mum have a weird relationship, I am her first born she had me in her early 20s. I know that she wants the best for me but she's not directing it in a proper way. She always yells at me and compares me to other people like my friends and this effecting my relationship with them . Everytime I hang with those friends she compares me with I feel shattered and very angry. The people she compares me with are my close friends or people i dislike. she even sometimes says "that's why they are no longer friends with you" etc...
When she complains about me to my dad she ofc over exaggerates and lies a bit . She even once told me , and by the way i will never forget those words , "why did i give birth to her "" every family has a problem in our family its her " and so many other things.
To fully clarify I am a clean well behaved child who's doing well in school . I feel like all the things she says about me make me feel very not confident and lacking motivation .
Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
hi guys before i start i want to clarify that I am grateful for everything but i am posting this post as i need advice.

I'm 15 turning 16 in 3 months. I come from a background where moving out at 16 is not allowed. Me and my mum have a weird relationship, I am her first born she had me in her early 20s. I know that she wants the best for me but she's not directing it in a proper way. She always yells at me and compares me to other people like my friends and this effecting my relationship with them . Everytime I hang with those friends she compares me with I feel shattered and very angry. The people she compares me with are my close friends or people i dislike. she even sometimes says "that's why they are no longer friends with you" etc...
When she complains about me to my dad she ofc over exaggerates and lies a bit . She even once told me , and by the way i will never forget those words , "why did i give birth to her "" every family has a problem in our family its her " and so many other things.
To fully clarify I am a clean well behaved child who's doing well in school . I feel like all the things she says about me make me feel very not confident and lacking motivation .


I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds as though your mum is projecting her own insecurities onto you and it's not fair or appropriate for her to be doing that - people do say ' comparison is the thief of happiness' and that explains why you are feeling this way. It would be good to try and talk to her about your feelings and if that doesn't work, try speaking to your dad, siblings or close family member/ friend about this. Another thing is to try and ignore her negative comments and focus on your own goals and aspirations, find things to distract yourself with when she is like that; clubs, study groups, hobbies, sports and perhaps a part time job - which would be beneficial for you in the long run.

In regards to moving out, for now I don't think that's the best idea because you're still quite young and it wouldn't be good in the long run, as it may make your relationship worse with your mother and whatever finances you have would run out very quickly - due to this; I'd say to save up, get a job when you can, learn life skills, focus on your education and then leave on your own terms for uni or whatever else. Leaving at 16, would also affect your relationships with other family members and you could still try to mend your relationship with your mother in the meantime before you reach a more suitable age to move out, by which I mean 18.

Her comments are horrible and it's unfortunate that you're hearing these things, but I doubt she'd mean most of these in a state of anger, though I am not trying to excuse her actions and it doesn't make things any less hurtful, so for this I would say to stop telling her stuff about your friends and perhaps keep some things to yourself so that it doesn't become something else she can use for when your mother starts saying hurtful things again.

Situations like these can take a toll on a person which is why I'd further recommend those distractions I'd mention earlier, don't let the words of your mother prevent you for striving for success, these things are for yourself not her and you have nothing to prove. It's best to walk away from her in situations like these and her words do not determine your worth.

I hope this helps and that things improve for you.
Reply 2
Original post by Bean_cat
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds as though your mum is projecting her own insecurities onto you and it's not fair or appropriate for her to be doing that - people do say ' comparison is the thief of happiness' and that explains why you are feeling this way. It would be good to try and talk to her about your feelings and if that doesn't work, try speaking to your dad, siblings or close family member/ friend about this. Another thing is to try and ignore her negative comments and focus on your own goals and aspirations, find things to distract yourself with when she is like that; clubs, study groups, hobbies, sports and perhaps a part time job - which would be beneficial for you in the long run.

In regards to moving out, for now I don't think that's the best idea because you're still quite young and it wouldn't be good in the long run, as it may make your relationship worse with your mother and whatever finances you have would run out very quickly - due to this; I'd say to save up, get a job when you can, learn life skills, focus on your education and then leave on your own terms for uni or whatever else. Leaving at 16, would also affect your relationships with other family members and you could still try to mend your relationship with your mother in the meantime before you reach a more suitable age to move out, by which I mean 18.

Her comments are horrible and it's unfortunate that you're hearing these things, but I doubt she'd mean most of these in a state of anger, though I am not trying to excuse her actions and it doesn't make things any less hurtful, so for this I would say to stop telling her stuff about your friends and perhaps keep some things to yourself so that it doesn't become something else she can use for when your mother starts saying hurtful things again.

Situations like these can take a toll on a person which is why I'd further recommend those distractions I'd mention earlier, don't let the words of your mother prevent you for striving for success, these things are for yourself not her and you have nothing to prove. It's best to walk away from her in situations like these and her words do not determine your worth.

I hope this helps and that things improve for you.


I agree with you , she is saying those things out of anger and she does want me to become a good human who has a good job .
she's toxic from my experience ignore her

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