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    In year 9 (13/14 years old) there was this boy who used to get badly bullied, physically and mentally, by a group of about 6 boys, for the simple reason that he was Asian. He killed himself towards the end of the year and 5 years on I'm still haunted by it because nobody including myself did anything to stop it, probably because the bullies were so rough and violent we were all scared. No-one in my classes ever discussed the suicide, and i'm not sure how they're coping now. I had nightmares and occasionally still get them, I am wracked with guilt and regret because I know I should have been braver and done something to stop it. I'm worried this is going to affect me for the rest of my life. Any advice appreciated.
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    I would try your best to carry on with life, especially as its in the past. The only I would say you can actually do now is to stop any potential bullying situation you see from now on as you know what the knock-on effects can be. Best I can think of right now .
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    That's also racism, its disgraceful that no-one did anything about it. It basically means you accept it.
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    i've been bullied and its horrible when you see everyone around you being careless, and acting like its none of there bussiness, well this is somthing you are going to have to live with.

    if i see someone getting bullied nbow i will kicked the **** of of the people who do it, i'm stronger and more confident than ever.

    maybe helping other people who don't fight back may be your answer
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    (Original post by HeadShock)
    i've been bullied and its horrible when you see everyone around you being careless, and acting like its none of there bussiness, well this is somthing you are going to have to live with.

    if i see someone getting bullied nbow i will kicked the **** of of the people who do it, i'm stronger and more confident than ever.

    maybe helping other people who don't fight back may be your answer
    :ditto:

    Hate bullying...
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    It was awful that no-one did anything to help and you're probably not the only person experiencing this guilt. Depending on how badly this is affecting you're life - work, relationships etc, counselling could help.
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    You must learn from this experience and make sure you never let this stuff fly again. Make sure at least some good comes of the experience.

    And to be honest all of you should feel rather guilty and ashamed of yourselves. Letting racism and probably some horrendous bullying go, the cowardice of not doing anything when you could have told your parents, or the school in confidence. A life has ended before it began. That's not to say that the blood is on your hands or anything. Just remember what cowardice let happen and make sure it doesn't affect you again.
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    Talk to someone professional about it i.e a counsellor...
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    You shouldn't feel guilty about it. What happened was a tragedy but you were scared and that fear prevented you from acting. It's not your fault. And it is most ceratinly not racism Evil_Tuna. He would probably have been just as scared had it been a white boy being bullied.
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    (Original post by [email protected])
    You shouldn't feel guilty about it. What happened was a tragedy but you were scared and that fear prevented you from acting. It's not your fault. And it is most ceratinly not racism Evil_Tuna. He would probably have been just as scared had it been a white boy being bullied.
    I think Evil Tuna meant that the bullying was racist, which of course it was. To the OP, I can see why you would feel guilty but the unfortunate truth is that you can't do anything about this now. Regret won't change a thing, so like others have said if you really can't get over it, consider counselling. It might help to write down everything you think you should have said and done and then realise that you can't save this boy but you might be able to help others in future should you ever find yourself in a similar situation again.
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    (Original post by Juwel)
    You must learn from this experience and make sure you never let this stuff fly again. Make sure at least some good comes of the experience.
    100% agree. Otherwise you will always feel guilty about this.
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    Not to try and suggest that it's OK to let people get bullied, but come on, you were just a kid. How many young kids think they're superheroes and take on groups of 5 older bullies? It would be truly heroic, but ultimately pointless, since you would just become their new target.

    No matter what crap anyone here tries to feed you about how they would've ridden to his rescue like a knight in shining armour, the fact is that 99% of kids would've done exactly the same as you and kept their head down for fear of experiencing exactly what he did.

    Don't feel bad about it. The fact that you do shows that you're a good person. You were only a kid; not Batman.
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    That fact that you are still having nightmares about this shows that you are not coping. Get professional help. It doesn't matter how long ago this happened, it needs to be dealt with. If you are still in contact with some of the same friends ask them if they ever think about it. If there is a conspiracy of silence to avoid hurting people's feelings, it actually has the opposite effect if you all bottle things up.
    Are you aware of any bullying in your present school? Be proactive. Talk to the teachers about it, get them to organise anti-bullying campaigns. No-one can bring this guy back but you can learn from it and not let his death be in vain if it starts a revolt against bullying of all kinds.
    If you want to talk anonymously you could try childline or samaritans. Maybe this is the first time you've actually spoken about it? You've made a start so keep it up. Then you'll feel less helpless and more able to take a more positive stance against bullying in the future
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    (Original post by Squelchy)
    Don't feel bad about it. The fact that you do shows that you're a good person.
    Totally agree. And to the other people who have left harsh comments, this is not the time or the place to discuss the rights and wrongs of the OP and whatever he or she did or didn't do when they were in Year 9. Don't judge the OP; help him/her.
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    Hey,

    I think suicide and dealing with it is one of the hardest things ever. It's not just death- there are so many other issues and emotions associated with it. I really, really reccommend counselling. Just talking about the guilt you feel and nightmares and trying to work through that could be incredibly valuable. Although you feel guilt (so normal when it comes to suicide) you really shouldn't, it wasn't your fault. Please, please PM me if you ever need someone to talk to- i have first hand experience of suicide in my family so i know what you're going through.

    Stay strong.

    Lou
    xxx
    • #2
    #2

    Hey - in Year 9 you were a kid! You behaved as most children would. Now you are older you are looking back and thinking that the child you were then should have been able to behave as you would now (am I making any sense!) - and that is not fair on yourself.

    It sounds as tho these thoughts are getting stuck in a loop in your head - go and see a counsellor (are you at college/uni? There may be someone there you can talk to - or ring) or someone else you trust & respect.

    You could also ring Childline (0800 1111) even if you don't consider yourself a child any more - it's for Young People too!
    • #3
    #3

    If i was in a position where people were putting a person to the brink of suicide and they were doing this cruelly and unjustifiably i would (and have) stand up to the bullies. I would do this notwithstanding that i myself may get killed because quite frankly i would rather die than live in a world where i have to see and put up with the abuse to a person every day.

    watch dead man's shoes - it may give u some good ideas if things get desperate.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If i was in a position where people were putting a person to the brink of suicide and they were doing this cruelly and unjustifiably i would (and have) stand up to the bullies. I would do this notwithstanding that i myself may get killed because quite frankly i would rather die than live in a world where i have to see and put up with the abuse to a person every day.
    At 13 years old?!? I really, really doubt that. If you stood up to 5 older boys who were picking on a kid when you were 13 years old then kudos to you, that would've taken some balls at that age. I am utterly convinced that the overwhelming majority of kids wouldn't have that sort of bravery at 13 years old. I know for sure I never did.

    I'm nearly 23 now, and I've stood up to people bullying others since reaching manhood, but at 13 years old I simply wouldn't have had the courage to face down 5 older kids over something which wasn't directly affecting me.
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    (Original post by Squelchy)
    At 13 years old?!? I really, really doubt that. If you stood up to 5 older boys who were picking on a kid when you were 13 years old then kudos to you, that would've taken some balls at that age. I am utterly convinced that the overwhelming majority of kids wouldn't have that sort of bravery at 13 years old. I know for sure I never did.

    I'm nearly 23 now, and I've stood up to people bullying others since reaching manhood, but at 13 years old I simply wouldn't have had the courage to face down 5 older kids over something which wasn't directly affecting me.

    I agree. if the boys were older, but nothing in the post said that.

    they could have been his classmates, or they may even have been younger.
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    Ah, well, I kind of forget the original post somewhat, but standing up to 6 boys still takes a lot of balls at 13 years old. 6 boys could give you the hiding of your life, and at 13 years old, I just don't see many kids having the guts to risk it for the sake of someone they're not even friends with.

    I had to take a beating last Xmas (including being bottled) from like 10 guys who were trying to mug my mate who had also threatened to stab us, and I tell you, I was absolutely cacking it, and I was 21. I don't imagine many 13 year olds having the bottle to face similar situations.
 
 
 
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