How do girls in Muslim families feel about being arranged into marriage? Watch

smitten_kitten
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Just curious how girls in Muslim families feel. Of course there'll be those who are absolutely okay with it, but I'm wondering more about those who don't believe in their family's religion as much. In which case, freedom of life would feel stripped away I imagine. Do you feel like you're unlucky to be born into a Muslim family?
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ICFats
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(Original post by smitten_kitten)
Just curious how girls in Muslim families feel. Of course there'll be those who are absolutely okay with it, but I'm wondering more about those who don't believe in their family's religion as much. In which case, freedom of life would feel stripped away I imagine. Do you feel like you're unlucky to be born into a Muslim family?
I'm a Muslim girl and I certainly do not feel this way. Arranged marriage is not a problem in Western society although it may be rife in other countries, but females DO have a choice. If they don't then their family is doing something wrong. Believe it or not, Muslim girls date and get to know their man before they get married. It's not like they're marrying a complete stranger.
I'm against arranged marriage and my parents are fully aware of that and are are too. So if any girl is forced into my marriage, I'm sorry but as we get older then chances are that this "tradition" will be non-existent.
However
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smitten_kitten
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(Original post by ICFats)
I'm a Muslim girl and I certainly do not feel this way. Arranged marriage is not a problem in Western society although it may be rife in other countries, but females DO have a choice. If they don't then their family is doing something wrong. Believe it or not, Muslim girls date and get to know their man before they get married. It's not like they're marrying a complete stranger.
I'm against arranged marriage and my parents are fully aware of that and are are too. So if any girl is forced into my marriage, I'm sorry but as we get older then chances are that this "tradition" will be non-existent.
However
Awh I'm really glad to hear your family is very supportive of you like that! More often than not I hear about girls being emotionally blackmailed into marriage if they don't want to, so it doesn't seem like the norm to me. I wish all Muslim girls had as much freedom as you!
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HAnwar
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Imo arranged marriage is the only proper way of getting married Islamically.

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childofthesun
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I'm not getting an arranged marriage. It's not really common in my community


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ha.anon90
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(Original post by smitten_kitten)
Just curious how girls in Muslim families feel. Of course there'll be those who are absolutely okay with it, but I'm wondering more about those who don't believe in their family's religion as much. In which case, freedom of life would feel stripped away I imagine. Do you feel like you're unlucky to be born into a Muslim family?
My sister has experienced this. She hates her parents for it. She hates them. She hasn't met her parents in about 6 years. Even when she recently gave birth as she was raped by her husband on several occasions. She chooses not to do anything as she believes she has nowhere to go. I feel as if Muslim girls are unlucky to be born into houses like those. They are better off being born in non Muslim families and reverting to Islam. As a Muslim born and raised as a Muslim I would have been a better Muslim if I was a revert to Islam than actually being born with it.


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childofthesun
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(Original post by Habina786xx)
My sister has experienced this. She hates her parents for it. She hates them. She hasn't met her parents in about 6 years. Even when she recently gave birth as she was raped by her husband on several occasions. She chooses not to do anything as she believes she has nowhere to go. I feel as if Muslim girls are unlucky to be born into houses like those. They are better off being born in non Muslim families and reverting to Islam. As a Muslim born and raised as a Muslim I would have been a better Muslim if I was a revert to Islam than actually being born with it.


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I'm sorry for what your sister went through, but also remember that there's a difference between arranged marriage and forced marriage.


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IdeasForLife
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(Original post by HAnwar)
Imo arranged marriage is the only proper way of getting married Islamically.

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I think it could be halal in another way too. If someone is interested in someone, they could ask for that person's wali contact details. It won't be arranged by the families since they probably don't know each other but it would still be done halal.
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ha.anon90
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(Original post by childofthesun)
I'm sorry for what your sister went through, but also remember that there's a difference between arranged marriage and forced marriage.


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That's the thing. They were both happy with it but the boy refused on the final day and he sent her the divorce papers so officially they're divorced but they still live together. It's effed up. That's why I would preferably marry outside of my race. It's sickening.


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h333
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Arranged marriages are great and not a problem for me. Remember it's arranged not forced.
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angelike1
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(Original post by IdeasForLife)
I think it could be halal in another way too. If someone is interested in someone, they could ask for that person's wali contact details. It won't be arranged by the families since they probably don't know each other but it would still be done halal.
translate?
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IdeasForLife
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(Original post by angelike1)
translate?
It means guardian. So could be e.g. the girl's dad.
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ha.anon90
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(Original post by h333)
Arranged marriages are great and not a problem for me. Remember it's arranged not forced.
Absolutely. But tbh preferably I'd choose one myself and I would know he's the one if he takes me to his parents in the first few weeks. I would then get engaged and know him for quite a while until I think about marriage.

I choose to do this because my mums was kinda arranged/forced as she lived a life in hell until when all the kids grew up she filed a divorce recently. She's marrying by her own choice in June time. I think it's so much better .


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h333
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(Original post by IdeasForLife)
I think it could be halal in another way too. If someone is interested in someone, they could ask for that person's wali contact details. It won't be arranged by the families since they probably don't know each other but it would still be done halal.
Yh I agree with this too.
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bex.anne
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Since when were arranged marriages a muslim thing?

It's cultural, your parents finding your spouse isn't anywhere in the quran or hadith. The prophet didnt have parents who were alive to do this, and he didnt have an arranged marriage.

Don't mix eastern/middle eastern culture with religion.

In islam you can not force marriage. (I'm not saying that arranged marriages are forced, but some are and thats what most assume they are)

Anyways, theres nothing wrong with arranged marriages, from what i've heard, your parent finds someone, you meet them, if you like them then it progresses, if not, then it doesnt. Kinda like tinder but instead your parents find the people rather than you. Parents will probably have a better character judgement than you anyways. Only really happens in asian/middle eastern families anyway.
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ha.anon90
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(Original post by h333)
Yh I agree with this too.
What If you don't have a wali?

What if you hide from your parents and get a nikkah done because the parents may not approve it? Is that still possible?


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childofthesun
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(Original post by Habina786xx)
That's the thing. They were both happy with it but the boy refused on the final day and he sent her the divorce papers so officially they're divorced but they still live together. It's effed up. That's why I would preferably marry outside of my race. It's sickening.


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Ah I see, that's quite messed up. I hope your sister is doing better now


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HAnwar
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(Original post by IdeasForLife)
I think it could be halal in another way too. If someone is interested in someone, they could ask for that person's wali contact details. It won't be arranged by the families since they probably don't know each other but it would still be done halal.
Yeah I get you, I was referring more to love marriages as I can't see that being halal at all.

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h333
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(Original post by Habina786xx)
Absolutely. But tbh preferably I'd choose one myself and I would know he's the one if he takes me to his parents in the first few weeks. I would then get engaged and know him for quite a while until I think about marriage.

I choose to do this because my mums was kinda arranged/forced as she lived a life in hell until when all the kids grew up she filed a divorce recently. She's marrying by her own choice in June time. I think it's so much better .


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I understand as long as the family is involved and done the halal way then there should not be a problem. I feel it's more the culture that makes it harder, not Islam itself.

Sorry to know that, hope things get better for her insha'Allah (God willing) . Yeah it's wrong to force someone into marriage like that in Islam anyway.
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IdeasForLife
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(Original post by HAnwar)
Yeah I get you, I was referring more to love marriages as I can't see that being halal at all.

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I see.
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