Arguing more with GF - what to do?
Hey TSRians,
Been with my second GF for over six months now - been some of the best months of my life. Since I have high-functioning autism (HFA) / Aspergers, I used to be very awkward in social situations and struggle generally, never mind talking to girls. I have come a long way since then and met my second GF.
She has been cheated on before by her first serious boyfriend many times, was used by him for sex and so on; she finally dumped him, at which point we were just friends (I respected the fact she was in a relationship, still found her attractive but nothing wrong there). We got talking, she opened up to me a lot and we got closer. One night she let her heart out and confessed she loved me and so on, and we have been going out since.
She means so much to me; she's taken my virginity, been there during hard times, knows my fears and ambitions and has made me happy in so many ways. I do not intend to sound like a 'softie' or a 'wuss' here but I have to be honest. Aside from the first point, I have done the same for her.
Recently, we have had problems. I have been staying away doing a uni-esque course away from home, which is kind of a way of simulating the university experience with lectures etc. Been very busy on these days, and have not text her much during them. That bothers her, and we argued about that. I went out last night into town (did not drink) to some clubs, and she got all upset about that (her ex cheated on her with a girl from one), even though I have not cheated nor intend to.
On occasion, I have not replied to her texts (forgot to reply, phone turned off/on silent, notifications off) and she thinks I am ignoring her. Other times she has texted me and I've not checked my texts but went on WhatsApp for a few moments before turning my phone off. She checks WhatsApp and then asks me why I did not respond to her texts. I don't want to rush replies, and I almost never get WhatsApp messages anyway. On extension to this, she said she thinks I am messaging other girls when I do this - when I have done nothing of the sort and been with her over six months. Other days, I will be tired and will send a short reply to her text - prompting her to say that I don't want to talk to her/care/can be bothered etc.
It's wearing us both down, and neither of us is happy nor enjoy the arguing. She has stated on more than one occasion how she is scared/terrified/hates the idea of losing me, so she clearly loves me. Not sure how to solve this problem guys, help me out.
Apologies for the amount of text.
Been with my second GF for over six months now - been some of the best months of my life. Since I have high-functioning autism (HFA) / Aspergers, I used to be very awkward in social situations and struggle generally, never mind talking to girls. I have come a long way since then and met my second GF.
She has been cheated on before by her first serious boyfriend many times, was used by him for sex and so on; she finally dumped him, at which point we were just friends (I respected the fact she was in a relationship, still found her attractive but nothing wrong there). We got talking, she opened up to me a lot and we got closer. One night she let her heart out and confessed she loved me and so on, and we have been going out since.
She means so much to me; she's taken my virginity, been there during hard times, knows my fears and ambitions and has made me happy in so many ways. I do not intend to sound like a 'softie' or a 'wuss' here but I have to be honest. Aside from the first point, I have done the same for her.
Recently, we have had problems. I have been staying away doing a uni-esque course away from home, which is kind of a way of simulating the university experience with lectures etc. Been very busy on these days, and have not text her much during them. That bothers her, and we argued about that. I went out last night into town (did not drink) to some clubs, and she got all upset about that (her ex cheated on her with a girl from one), even though I have not cheated nor intend to.
On occasion, I have not replied to her texts (forgot to reply, phone turned off/on silent, notifications off) and she thinks I am ignoring her. Other times she has texted me and I've not checked my texts but went on WhatsApp for a few moments before turning my phone off. She checks WhatsApp and then asks me why I did not respond to her texts. I don't want to rush replies, and I almost never get WhatsApp messages anyway. On extension to this, she said she thinks I am messaging other girls when I do this - when I have done nothing of the sort and been with her over six months. Other days, I will be tired and will send a short reply to her text - prompting her to say that I don't want to talk to her/care/can be bothered etc.
It's wearing us both down, and neither of us is happy nor enjoy the arguing. She has stated on more than one occasion how she is scared/terrified/hates the idea of losing me, so she clearly loves me. Not sure how to solve this problem guys, help me out.
Apologies for the amount of text.
You're scared of commitment. How do I know?
You can write a wall of text on here, but you "can't find time" to text her back. If you have time for forums, you have time to be like "hey gurl, hella busy" or whatever the kids do these days.
She's asking you to reply to a text. She's not being cryptic. Text her back, problem solved.
You can write a wall of text on here, but you "can't find time" to text her back. If you have time for forums, you have time to be like "hey gurl, hella busy" or whatever the kids do these days.
She's asking you to reply to a text. She's not being cryptic. Text her back, problem solved.
If only you spent the time replying to her texts as you did writing this post…
Seriously though, she deserves your attention. Of course she’s gonna feel down if you don’t give her attention then go clubbing, it’s probably a bit of an unpleasant déjà vu for her.
Instead of arguing why not just apologise for not replying to her messages? Explain you’re busy, but realise if you want this to go on you need to commit more.
Seriously though, she deserves your attention. Of course she’s gonna feel down if you don’t give her attention then go clubbing, it’s probably a bit of an unpleasant déjà vu for her.
Instead of arguing why not just apologise for not replying to her messages? Explain you’re busy, but realise if you want this to go on you need to commit more.
Pay her more attention?
Thanks for all the replies everyone. Much of this whole thing is my fault and responsibility - sometimes she does the same, but all I can handle is my 50%. Cheers.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for all the replies everyone. Much of this whole thing is my fault and responsibility - sometimes she does the same, but all I can handle is my 50%. Cheers.
No, is not your fault. It is quite unfair that she is putting you and the ex in the same bubble. Sadly, things like this happen when someone is hurt by a previous relationship. What she needs is reassurance from you. Is going to take time for her to fully trust you're not like ex. Keep showing her love. Be yourself and don't change. Is going to be stressful, but if you both really love each other, everything is going to be fine.
Original post by zayn008
If only you spent the time replying to her texts as you did writing this post…
Seriously though, she deserves your attention. Of course she’s gonna feel down if you don’t give her attention then go clubbing, it’s probably a bit of an unpleasant déjà vu for her.
Instead of arguing why not just apologise for not replying to her messages? Explain you’re busy, but realise if you want this to go on you need to commit more.
Seriously though, she deserves your attention. Of course she’s gonna feel down if you don’t give her attention then go clubbing, it’s probably a bit of an unpleasant déjà vu for her.
Instead of arguing why not just apologise for not replying to her messages? Explain you’re busy, but realise if you want this to go on you need to commit more.
I think her insecurity is at fault here, not him. He's entitled to go clubbing. If she's going to scream at him over every little thing, then the relationship isn't going to last long.
OP just tell her what you've told us. Be calm and reassure her that you still love her
Posted from TSR Mobile
You remind me of my ex, who I did end up losing, and it hurt a lot so I'm going to tell you what not to do:
a) Do not keep arguing/not looking for a solution that doesn't suit both of you, whether that's meeting up more in person or something else
b) Do not start blaming each other for this bad period in your relationship, because you both clearly love each other
c) Depending on how you both see the future, if you both believe it's worth continuing, then do so - but nothing will change if neither of you compromise
Meet up in person and talk about it. It's impossible to talk in depth about this kind of stuff over text or even Skype. Relationships are mostly about solid communication, and I think you both are feeling insecure about the relationship and need to ascertain to each other that it's still real.
Don't end up like me, I lost the love of my life because neither of us handled it maturely.
a) Do not keep arguing/not looking for a solution that doesn't suit both of you, whether that's meeting up more in person or something else
b) Do not start blaming each other for this bad period in your relationship, because you both clearly love each other
c) Depending on how you both see the future, if you both believe it's worth continuing, then do so - but nothing will change if neither of you compromise
Meet up in person and talk about it. It's impossible to talk in depth about this kind of stuff over text or even Skype. Relationships are mostly about solid communication, and I think you both are feeling insecure about the relationship and need to ascertain to each other that it's still real.
Don't end up like me, I lost the love of my life because neither of us handled it maturely.
That whole whatsapp situation, and not wanting to rush replies sounds stupid to me too. So no reply is better then nothing in your head? Stop it. Or u can give her a quick call.
You have a girlfriend, check your messages.
Right?
You have a girlfriend, check your messages.
Original post by zayn008
If only you spent the time replying to her texts as you did writing this post…
Seriously though, she deserves your attention. Of course she’s gonna feel down if you don’t give her attention then go clubbing, it’s probably a bit of an unpleasant déjà vu for her.
Instead of arguing why not just apologise for not replying to her messages? Explain you’re busy, but realise if you want this to go on you need to commit more.
Seriously though, she deserves your attention. Of course she’s gonna feel down if you don’t give her attention then go clubbing, it’s probably a bit of an unpleasant déjà vu for her.
Instead of arguing why not just apologise for not replying to her messages? Explain you’re busy, but realise if you want this to go on you need to commit more.
Right?
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for all the replies everyone. Much of this whole thing is my fault and responsibility - sometimes she does the same, but all I can handle is my 50%. Cheers.
You're very illogical and I personally think u know exactly what your doing when you in my opinion are purposely turning off ur phone and " forgetting to message her".
Talk to her and get some sort of middle ground.
For example, she must understand that you're busy and can't always answer straight away and shouldn't expect you to. While you can agree that you'll drop her a quick text saying you're busy and will talk later if her message requires a good response. Sending a quick message when you're out isn't that difficult either. It doesn't have to be long, just a simple update when you get to the place and one when you're thinking of leaving.
Unfortunately her experience with her ex means that it will likely take a while still before she learns to trust fully again. What might help slightly is just sending a quick message saying you miss her when you go out or haven't seen in a bit longer time than usually. It might reassure her slightly that even if you're out, you're still thinking of her.
For example, she must understand that you're busy and can't always answer straight away and shouldn't expect you to. While you can agree that you'll drop her a quick text saying you're busy and will talk later if her message requires a good response. Sending a quick message when you're out isn't that difficult either. It doesn't have to be long, just a simple update when you get to the place and one when you're thinking of leaving.
Unfortunately her experience with her ex means that it will likely take a while still before she learns to trust fully again. What might help slightly is just sending a quick message saying you miss her when you go out or haven't seen in a bit longer time than usually. It might reassure her slightly that even if you're out, you're still thinking of her.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Urgent: Feeling unwanted by gf
- I don't wish to have an arrange marriage
- Housemate issues
- Am i a bad person?
- What do you make of this ?
- I don't feel like masturbating
- What is wrong with me
- how to get a gf????????
- I found out my gf has a onlyfans
- my boyfriend compared me with his drunk father
- Feel like I’m caught in the middle between my mum and girlfriend
- What do you think about going on holiday with a bf/gf you've been seeing for a year?
- Feels impossible to get a girlfriend
- Guy flirting with my gf
- Why does everyone assume I have a GF?
- If u have time, what does this guy mean?
- 22 year old male virgin, can tinder be used to hook up on nights out?
- Friends decided to take a break with me
- Stuck in a toxic situationship
- What should I do about my dad who I keep falling out with?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
