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my boyfriend compared me with his drunk father

So this is everytime, i get drunk or emotional he starts putting reflection of his drunk dad past onto me in a way which is not healthy for me as i have gone through some serious trauma with my dad as well.

Whenever my boyfriend is drunk he wants people to take care of him and i am always there to take care of him for the same. But when i get drunk it’s all about him comparing me with his drunk dad. It’s really getting traumatic for me as i have had my harsh childhood as well and he knows it too but still chooses to trigger on something that it starts giving me panic attacks at times. I start crying in front of him that why does he compare me with his drunk dad whereas i just don’t create a scene as such, i just get emotional while getting drunk.

When he said to me first time, i had a major breakdown on my way back home from work. Second time he said the same was on my birthday where i just wanted him to stick right by my side instead of leaving me with his friend.

I have had a rough past as well but I don’t reflect it in him or tell him that you are behaving like my drunk dad or you’re scary but why does he easily say things to me in a way as if my feelings don’t matter.

There has been times he has told me that ‘you can never be a good mother.’ It’s really heavy for me to move past these things and whenever I try discussing or tell him what has hurt me he quickly changes his statements and blame it on the place he belongs and says “the place I belong from people usually treat like this only hence I said it.” But in reality I know what he meant by calling me drunkard and acting like his drunk dad or I can’t be a mother. He tells me I am delusional and I make sentences in my own whereas i remember every bit of words and I have every chat in which he has said that to me but he always disagrees and tells me ‘you’re too sensitive.”
Original post by Anonymous #1
So this is everytime, i get drunk or emotional he starts putting reflection of his drunk dad past onto me in a way which is not healthy for me as i have gone through some serious trauma with my dad as well.

Whenever my boyfriend is drunk he wants people to take care of him and i am always there to take care of him for the same. But when i get drunk it’s all about him comparing me with his drunk dad. It’s really getting traumatic for me as i have had my harsh childhood as well and he knows it too but still chooses to trigger on something that it starts giving me panic attacks at times. I start crying in front of him that why does he compare me with his drunk dad whereas i just don’t create a scene as such, i just get emotional while getting drunk.

When he said to me first time, i had a major breakdown on my way back home from work. Second time he said the same was on my birthday where i just wanted him to stick right by my side instead of leaving me with his friend.

I have had a rough past as well but I don’t reflect it in him or tell him that you are behaving like my drunk dad or you’re scary but why does he easily say things to me in a way as if my feelings don’t matter.

There has been times he has told me that ‘you can never be a good mother.’ It’s really heavy for me to move past these things and whenever I try discussing or tell him what has hurt me he quickly changes his statements and blame it on the place he belongs and says “the place I belong from people usually treat like this only hence I said it.” But in reality I know what he meant by calling me drunkard and acting like his drunk dad or I can’t be a mother. He tells me I am delusional and I make sentences in my own whereas i remember every bit of words and I have every chat in which he has said that to me but he always disagrees and tells me ‘you’re too sensitive.”

That sucks. He sucks.
I get the fact that he may have some underlying family trauma and everything, but to let that all out on you is just cruel. I, personally wouldn't take such behaviour. Your feelings are 100% completley valid, and you should definitely voice this to him (whenever you feel ready). arghhh, i hate that smm the 'youre too sensitive'. No. You're not. You're just human.
sending lots of love <3
Original post by Anonymous #1
So this is everytime, i get drunk or emotional he starts putting reflection of his drunk dad past onto me in a way which is not healthy for me as i have gone through some serious trauma with my dad as well.

Whenever my boyfriend is drunk he wants people to take care of him and i am always there to take care of him for the same. But when i get drunk it’s all about him comparing me with his drunk dad. It’s really getting traumatic for me as i have had my harsh childhood as well and he knows it too but still chooses to trigger on something that it starts giving me panic attacks at times. I start crying in front of him that why does he compare me with his drunk dad whereas i just don’t create a scene as such, i just get emotional while getting drunk.

When he said to me first time, i had a major breakdown on my way back home from work. Second time he said the same was on my birthday where i just wanted him to stick right by my side instead of leaving me with his friend.

I have had a rough past as well but I don’t reflect it in him or tell him that you are behaving like my drunk dad or you’re scary but why does he easily say things to me in a way as if my feelings don’t matter.

There has been times he has told me that ‘you can never be a good mother.’ It’s really heavy for me to move past these things and whenever I try discussing or tell him what has hurt me he quickly changes his statements and blame it on the place he belongs and says “the place I belong from people usually treat like this only hence I said it.” But in reality I know what he meant by calling me drunkard and acting like his drunk dad or I can’t be a mother. He tells me I am delusional and I make sentences in my own whereas i remember every bit of words and I have every chat in which he has said that to me but he always disagrees and tells me ‘you’re too sensitive.”

Babe all my love goes out to you. Him spinning of his own childhood to create this narrative of what your life is going to be like is not on. Its not healthy and its not good for yours, or quite frankly his, mindset. He either needs it straight to his face that what he is saying is hurting you and if he doesnt fix up his behavouir then leave him. I know that sounds easy for me to say but someone who is constatnly putting you down for the little things in life is not someone you want to have around your kids as their father. No one has the right to tell you what type of mother you would be just because of a few drinks that you took at that time, because if you know that you would love your children with all your forse then hold onto that thought feircly and throw everything else that he is saying aside. You are perfect and I hope you see that too.

All my love,
Tatakae L <3
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous #2
Original post by Anonymous #1
So this is everytime, i get drunk or emotional he starts putting reflection of his drunk dad past onto me in a way which is not healthy for me as i have gone through some serious trauma with my dad as well.

Whenever my boyfriend is drunk he wants people to take care of him and i am always there to take care of him for the same. But when i get drunk it’s all about him comparing me with his drunk dad. It’s really getting traumatic for me as i have had my harsh childhood as well and he knows it too but still chooses to trigger on something that it starts giving me panic attacks at times. I start crying in front of him that why does he compare me with his drunk dad whereas i just don’t create a scene as such, i just get emotional while getting drunk.

When he said to me first time, i had a major breakdown on my way back home from work. Second time he said the same was on my birthday where i just wanted him to stick right by my side instead of leaving me with his friend.

I have had a rough past as well but I don’t reflect it in him or tell him that you are behaving like my drunk dad or you’re scary but why does he easily say things to me in a way as if my feelings don’t matter.

There has been times he has told me that ‘you can never be a good mother.’ It’s really heavy for me to move past these things and whenever I try discussing or tell him what has hurt me he quickly changes his statements and blame it on the place he belongs and says “the place I belong from people usually treat like this only hence I said it.” But in reality I know what he meant by calling me drunkard and acting like his drunk dad or I can’t be a mother. He tells me I am delusional and I make sentences in my own whereas i remember every bit of words and I have every chat in which he has said that to me but he always disagrees and tells me ‘you’re too sensitive.”

That sucks. He sucks.
I get the fact that he may have some underlying family trauma and everything, but to let that all out on you is just cruel. I, personally wouldn't take such behaviour. Your feelings are 100% completley valid, and you should definitely voice this to him (whenever you feel ready). arghhh, i hate that smm the 'youre too sensitive'. No. You're not. You're just human.
sending lots of love <3


even I thought he’s probably traumatised by his family. But I also don’t mean any harm to his dad. I have gone through the same things as him but I am not reflecting out on him but he does onto me. It is a very traumatising statement for me as well which he knows too but idk why it just really hurts. Thank you for getting it though, it really means a lot to me.
Original post by Tatakae L
Original post by Anonymous #1
So this is everytime, i get drunk or emotional he starts putting reflection of his drunk dad past onto me in a way which is not healthy for me as i have gone through some serious trauma with my dad as well.

Whenever my boyfriend is drunk he wants people to take care of him and i am always there to take care of him for the same. But when i get drunk it’s all about him comparing me with his drunk dad. It’s really getting traumatic for me as i have had my harsh childhood as well and he knows it too but still chooses to trigger on something that it starts giving me panic attacks at times. I start crying in front of him that why does he compare me with his drunk dad whereas i just don’t create a scene as such, i just get emotional while getting drunk.

When he said to me first time, i had a major breakdown on my way back home from work. Second time he said the same was on my birthday where i just wanted him to stick right by my side instead of leaving me with his friend.

I have had a rough past as well but I don’t reflect it in him or tell him that you are behaving like my drunk dad or you’re scary but why does he easily say things to me in a way as if my feelings don’t matter.

There has been times he has told me that ‘you can never be a good mother.’ It’s really heavy for me to move past these things and whenever I try discussing or tell him what has hurt me he quickly changes his statements and blame it on the place he belongs and says “the place I belong from people usually treat like this only hence I said it.” But in reality I know what he meant by calling me drunkard and acting like his drunk dad or I can’t be a mother. He tells me I am delusional and I make sentences in my own whereas i remember every bit of words and I have every chat in which he has said that to me but he always disagrees and tells me ‘you’re too sensitive.”

Babe all my love goes out to you. Him spinning of his own childhood to create this narrative of what your life is going to be like is not on. Its not healthy and its not good for yours, or quite frankly his, mindset. He either needs it straight to his face that what he is saying is hurting you and if he doesnt fix up his behavouir then leave him. I know that sounds easy for me to say but someone who is constatnly putting you down for the little things in life is not someone you want to have around your kids as their father. No one has the right to tell you what type of mother you would be just because of a few drinks that you took at that time, because if you know that you would love your children with all your forse then hold onto that thought feircly and throw everything else that he is saying aside. You are perfect and I hope you see that too.

All my love,
Tatakae L <3


I have started to feel that maybe I can’t be a good mother and it was not because he said it as I was drunk he said that statement to me when I was on bed rest and I wasn’t doing well health wise. I told him that it’s a big thing that you compare me with your mother as mothers are always one personality for us, you can’t see a mother in your girlfriend. I was just explaining him. I just said that and he told me ‘don’t worry, you can’t be like my mother in fact you can’t ever be a good mother.’ I was really sick and fell off the bed and continuously begged, shouted on call at him not to argue with me on it because I am seriously not doing well and he just told me ‘look at you after my statements, you’re not sick anymore.’ It really hurts, he says he is sorry for it but then later on tells me he doesn’t remember it. Or “I was sorry, what more do you need?”
Original post by Anonymous #1
So this is everytime, i get drunk or emotional he starts putting reflection of his drunk dad past onto me in a way which is not healthy for me as i have gone through some serious trauma with my dad as well.

Whenever my boyfriend is drunk he wants people to take care of him and i am always there to take care of him for the same. But when i get drunk it’s all about him comparing me with his drunk dad. It’s really getting traumatic for me as i have had my harsh childhood as well and he knows it too but still chooses to trigger on something that it starts giving me panic attacks at times. I start crying in front of him that why does he compare me with his drunk dad whereas i just don’t create a scene as such, i just get emotional while getting drunk.

When he said to me first time, i had a major breakdown on my way back home from work. Second time he said the same was on my birthday where i just wanted him to stick right by my side instead of leaving me with his friend.

I have had a rough past as well but I don’t reflect it in him or tell him that you are behaving like my drunk dad or you’re scary but why does he easily say things to me in a way as if my feelings don’t matter.

There has been times he has told me that ‘you can never be a good mother.’ It’s really heavy for me to move past these things and whenever I try discussing or tell him what has hurt me he quickly changes his statements and blame it on the place he belongs and says “the place I belong from people usually treat like this only hence I said it.” But in reality I know what he meant by calling me drunkard and acting like his drunk dad or I can’t be a mother. He tells me I am delusional and I make sentences in my own whereas i remember every bit of words and I have every chat in which he has said that to me but he always disagrees and tells me ‘you’re too sensitive.”

Aww you're so much better than this. I echo what others have said, yeah sure he's probably had a traumatic childhood but that does NOT give him an excuse to project it onto you. I would personally dump him now and get rid.

But if you're wanting to hang around some more then tell him to seek therapy. He clearly has underlying trauma that he hasn't attempted to address and it's spilling out on to you.

If it helps put things into perspective if I saw my gf cry in front of me (for whatever reason) I'd cease whatever I was doing and comfort you. Not simmer in my own pity party woe is me. We all have our issues and demons and he has NO right to make you suffer for it. Stay strong!
Original post by Crescential
Babe all my love goes out to you. Him spinning of his own childhood to create this narrative of what your life is going to be like is not on. Its not healthy and its not good for yours, or quite frankly his, mindset. He either needs it straight to his face that what he is saying is hurting you and if he doesnt fix up his behavouir then leave him. I know that sounds easy for me to say but someone who is constatnly putting you down for the little things in life is not someone you want to have around your kids as their father. No one has the right to tell you what type of mother you would be just because of a few drinks that you took at that time, because if you know that you would love your children with all your forse then hold onto that thought feircly and throw everything else that he is saying aside. You are perfect and I hope you see that too.

All my love,
Tatakae L <3


I have started to feel that maybe I can’t be a good mother and it was not because he said it as I was drunk he said that statement to me when I was on bed rest and I wasn’t doing well health wise. I told him that it’s a big thing that you compare me with your mother as mothers are always one personality for us, you can’t see a mother in your girlfriend. I was just explaining him. I just said that and he told me ‘don’t worry, you can’t be like my mother in fact you can’t ever be a good mother.’ I was really sick and fell off the bed and continuously begged, shouted on call at him not to argue with me on it because I am seriously not doing well and he just told me ‘look at you after my statements, you’re not sick anymore.’ It really hurts, he says he is sorry for it but then later on tells me he doesn’t remember it. Or “I was sorry, what more do you need?”
Babes, please this isnt healthy for you. Your health deterioring mean nothing when it comes to what type of mum you would be. If you love your kids and give them everyting in the world then that is more than enough and your health is something that is out of your control, but the way you act towards your own children isnt. If he cant see that then I wish him the best truely, but I wouldnt want him as the father of my kids and love, I dont think you should either. Your amazing and you deserve the world.
Reply 7
He’s saying some not very nice things. Also it feels that alcohol is not doing your relationship a lot of good. It might be better not to get drunk when you are together

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