Loneliness at University

I guess I'll start off explaining the situation. My parents pay for my tuition fees so I'm not allowed to move out for university (and spent my first year commuting, so I drive for an hour and a half everyday to get to uni), this mean that I was at a disadvantage with making friends because a lot of people got to know flat mates and course mates before I started university, as the start dates for those commuting was slightly different to those who lived there. This didn't really bother me at the time, over the summer I tried to get to know people through Freshers posts and the course group chats before starting uni. However because my parents are strict I had to go drive home straight after lectures or workshops and I struggled very much to make friends. I originally thought I had a group of friends so it didn't bother me, and then I got into a relationship with one of them (I'm still in this relationship and it makes me incredibly happy, it's probably the only reason I didn't choose to drop out of uni) but then it dawned on me, this group of people weren't my friends, they are friendly and kind but they were more like aqquaintences, nobody would really speak to me outside of lectures and I definitely felt like my boyfriend's tag along as opposed to one of the friends. I thought maybe if I joined societies I could meet new people but again I can't really do this as they meet up in the evenings and i have to be home in this time. I feel depressed and anxious as well as lonely about starting my second year as I just don't have any friends or people to talk to at university. It's odd because I've never in my life struggled to make a good set of friends until I went to university. I honestly dislike university because of this and contemplate dropping out, the only reason I haven't is because there's very little in terms of job choices in the city I live if I did leave, I don't know what to do.

Shouldn't the loan cover your tuition fees your then wouldn't have to fund your degree I'd speak to your SU and tutor or student services they will have seen it all before and should be able to help particularly as in second year your likely to have a group project which will mean that you will have to stay later if you tackle your parents stating academic reasons (proximity to libraries and group work) you might make a bit of head work.

Do your parents know how unhappy you are? It seems to me that they, rather than the university/fellow students are the problem. They are basically using the fact that they pay your fees to control you, and stop you developing as an independent adult.

You need to have a calm discussion with them, perhaps explaining the type of activities you are missing out on - not the drinking culture, but all of the cultural, volunteering and fun activities that should be part of university life. If you simply turn up to lectures etc you are missing a lot of what university should offer.

Hope things work out for you

If I went for a student loan although it would cover tuition fees it wouldn't cover things like accommodation or living costs due to what my parents income is. The reason I didn't go through student finance is because my parents don't agree with debt and I live with them and my grandmother, if I chose to go through student finance it'd be highly likely that I wouldn't be able to live here or visit home again and that's not something I want to give up, my parents are okay with me staying for group projects but that is the only thing I can stay a little later for. At all other points I am to be home.

Thats harsh but it sounds like your parents seem to think it's like a real loan when in reality you don't pay it back until your earning £21k a year and even then if you don't pay it back within 30 years it written off entirely.

If you were to get a loan you could apply as an independent student e.g without your parents support and ten you might actually get enough to pay rent if not you'd need a job but there will be loads of them near your uni or actually in the union.

This isn't going to sound nice, and it's not the advice you probably want to hear.

But you have only one choice here. Keep being controlled by your parents which is preventing you making friends, or defy them which may cause problems with your familial relationship. I really don't see any other way around this, as they are clearly incredibly controlling if they make you come straight home after lectures. They are giving you no opportunities/leeway whatsoever to make friends.

The reason they don't believe or like loans is due to religious reasons, obviouslt when paying that back there's an interest rate attached to it, so it's seen as you're paying back more than you borrowed and it's deemed as "unfair", I know student loans don't work the same way as a normal loan and they're easier to pay back, but in this situation, it's not that easy, my parents still care for me and are nice to me, and my grandmother has done one hell of a lot for me growing up, if I moved out and wasn't allowed back, well it's not something I'd want to lose at all. But I also don't want to feel the way I'm currently feeling. I do appreciate and understand the advice and knowledge you have given though

Theyre very nice to me and caring but they just don't seem to have much leeway with being back home late, I know it would cause problems in terms of family relationships but that's not something I want to do as I genuinely do care for them and they care for me, it's just unfortunate that they are acting this way towards making friends at uni

Holy **** gurl. u stupid.
Everything involving money is unfair( nearly) When profit is a motive anybody can seek to gain something.

I don't doubt that they are good parents to you in every other way but this. But the fact still remains, if they won't cooperate or give you more leeway then that is unfortunately your only choice. Be controlled or cause friction by defying them.


That's the card you have been dealt, it's up to you to decide where to go from here.

You could try and test out the boundaries and little by little try to gain more freedom. But if they won't listen or allow you to do anything...you've run out of options.

I do completely appreciate where you're coming from, maybe I could try and test the waters and join a society and even if it's I stay out later once a week or something maybe they'll be okay with that? Thank you for the advice and reality of it, I do appreciate it

No problem, Good look testing the waters.
And I do sympathise with you, you must feel like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Where either way you can't win.

The reason they don't believe or like loans is due to religious reasons, obviouslt when paying that back there's an interest rate attached to it, so it's seen as you're paying back more than you borrowed and it's deemed as "unfair", I know student loans don't work the same way as a normal loan and they're easier to pay back, but in this situation, it's not that easy, my parents still care for me and are nice to me, and my grandmother has done one hell of a lot for me growing up, if I moved out and wasn't allowed back, well it's not something I'd want to lose at all. But I also don't want to feel the way I'm currently feeling. I do appreciate and understand the advice and knowledge you have given though

Have you been to any Halal loan providers? There are some in London that offer student loans. My friend is exploring that for uni at the moment. Your family might feel more comfortable if the loan is Halal?

I have heard about the halal loans but my family are absolutely happy (and are able to do so comfortably) to pay for my tuition fees, it's just they expect me home by a certain time which is why I very much struggled to make friends in my first year and dread going back in a few weeks time for second year, whereas if I didn't want to follow these rules I'd have to take out a student loan (and whether it's a halal loan or not) I'd end up losing the family relationship, and thats where one of the problems stands.