Would you date an asexual person? Watch

EllieCeeJay
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As an asexual woman in a relationship with someone who identifies as heterosexual (who is also a man), I'm in a pretty good position compared to a lot of the other people in the asexual community.

I'm interested in whether any of you would date asexual people, and if not, why not? Would you be interested in a relationship with one further down the line? Is sex an important part of a relationship for you? Would you be comfortable never having sex in a romantic relationship, or waiting a long time to do so, especially as a teenager? What about if you were married?

If you are also asexual, would you ever date a sexual person? Again, why/why not? Do you think you could find someone who would be willing to accommodate you and what you need and don't want from a relationship?

Please take the time to read up on what asexuality is if you're not sure - just to eliminate any preconceptions you might have: http://www.asexuality.org/?q=overview.html

I really would appreciate it if you aren't dismissive of asexuality and other asexual spectrum identities - it is a real thing. There may not be many of us, but we do exist. Also, I'm not here to answer personal questions about my relationship, and if I do have sex or not. That isn't important, and frankly, it's my own business, not yours.
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Anonymous #1
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I'm a little unsure on this. I'm heterosexual but since I started on the pill a couple of years ago, I noticed a drop in my sex drive. I still feel ~the feelings~ but only like once every 2-3 weeks, if that. When I met my boyfriend and we were physically together, the presence of him made my sex drive return to normal, but because we are long-distance, I'm just not that interested in being sexual more than once or twice a month. This is why I'm unsure, because I'm not a very sexual person. I'm happy to go without being sexual for a month, yet I still have that desire for it so I'm not sure if I could be with someone asexual, because I would still want some occasionally.
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Anonymous #2
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As a hetero man, I would. But only if she was cool with me m*sterbaiting and if she let me play with her feet
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Anonymous #3
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It feels like asexual people view others as super horny individuals who want sex all the time and always act on attraction. I think millions of people are actually asexual, they just haven't thought about putting a label on it or thought they were different.

Anyway, I would probably be open to dating an asexual guy, but that's because I'm not some super horny person or feels like they're going to die if they don't have sex/masturbate for a while. :lol: If anything, it would be nice and fun to have a relationship with less sex and more just enjoying each other's company. But I don't feel the need to label myself as anything - I am who I am.

(Original post by EllieCeeJay)
As an asexual woman in a relationship with someone who identifies as heterosexual (who is also a man), I'm in a pretty good position compared to a lot of the other people in the asexual community.

I'm interested in whether any of you would date asexual people, and if not, why not? Would you be interested in a relationship with one further down the line? Is sex an important part of a relationship for you? Would you be comfortable never having sex in a romantic relationship, or waiting a long time to do so, especially as a teenager? What about if you were married?

If you are also asexual, would you ever date a sexual person? Again, why/why not? Do you think you could find someone who would be willing to accommodate you and what you need and don't want from a relationship?

Please take the time to read up on what asexuality is if you're not sure - just to eliminate any preconceptions you might have: http://www.asexuality.org/?q=overview.html

I really would appreciate it if you aren't dismissive of asexuality and other asexual spectrum identities - it is a real thing. There may not be many of us, but we do exist. Also, I'm not here to answer personal questions about my relationship, and if I do have sex or not. That isn't important, and frankly, it's my own business, not yours.
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Nerry
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what would be the point?
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EllieCeeJay
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm a little unsure on this. I'm heterosexual but since I started on the pill a couple of years ago, I noticed a drop in my sex drive. I still feel ~the feelings~ but only like once every 2-3 weeks, if that. When I met my boyfriend and we were physically together, the presence of him made my sex drive return to normal, but because we are long-distance, I'm just not that interested in being sexual more than once or twice a month. This is why I'm unsure, because I'm not a very sexual person. I'm happy to go without being sexual for a month, yet I still have that desire for it so I'm not sure if I could be with someone asexual, because I would still want some occasionally.
The pill is associated with low sex drive - so if you did want to regain that then it would be as simple as switching contraceptives (maybe to a non-hormonal one?) or even just the brand of pill you take. They can all affect you in different ways. I understand what you mean, though - I think for people that do want or need to be sexual it's quite a challenge. Although, some asexual people are chill with having sex, although maybe just occasionally, and you can still have a sex drive and be asexual too.

Thank you!
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yudothis
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No, how is that possible for someone who wants sexual contact and someone who doesn't?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by EllieCeeJay)
The pill is associated with low sex drive - so if you did want to regain that then it would be as simple as switching contraceptives (maybe to a non-hormonal one?) or even just the brand of pill you take. They can all affect you in different ways. I understand what you mean, though - I think for people that do want or need to be sexual it's quite a challenge. Although, some asexual people are chill with having sex, although maybe just occasionally, and you can still have a sex drive and be asexual too.

Thank you!
I am considering changing pills when my supply runs out, mainly because they're starting to stop doing their primary job (stopping my cramps). Hopefully then it'll lift back up.
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awkwardshortguy
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This same thread topic again?
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EllieCeeJay
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It feels like asexual people view others as super horny individuals who want sex all the time and always act on attraction. I think millions of people are actually asexual, they just haven't thought about putting a label on it or thought they were different.

Anyway, I would probably be open to dating an asexual guy, but that's because I'm not some super horny person or feels like they're going to die if they don't have sex/masturbate for a while. :lol: If anything, it would be nice and fun to have a relationship with less sex and more just enjoying each other's company. But I don't feel the need to label myself as anything - I am who I am.
I've never thought of that before (although maybe that's just because I don't usually ask people what level of sex drive they have). I will say that I've never seen other people as super horny, though, I just recognise that some people view sex as a need, and they need it in a relationship. Especially if you go into a relationship without the other person knowing you're asexual, it can end badly...

It's a great thing, honestly. People seem to put a lot of emphasis on sex, so having a relationship based on trust and romantic attraction can be a lot better than most expect. Also, labels are a pig, I tend to only use one because I feel that the asexual community needs more press, and I think that being 'openly ace' helps that, at least a little.
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EllieCeeJay
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(Original post by yudothis)
No, how is that possible for someone who wants sexual contact and someone who doesn't?
Speaking from experience, you just need to find someone who's understanding enough to look past that and deprioritise sex in favour of a purely romantic relationship. Masturbation is a thing, you know. You don't have to have sexual contact to be in a relationship. All you really need for a relationship as a sexual person with an asexual person is boundaries, love, respect, and communication.
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yudothis
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(Original post by EllieCeeJay)
Speaking from experience, you just need to find someone who's understanding enough to look past that and deprioritise sex in favour of a purely romantic relationship. Masturbation is a thing, you know. You don't have to have sexual contact to be in a relationship. All you really need for a relationship as a sexual person with an asexual person is boundaries, love, respect, and communication.
That's friendship.
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EllieCeeJay
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(Original post by yudothis)
That's friendship.
I'm just going to go tell my boyfriend that we're only friends... Wait, do friends kiss each other?

I feel romantic love for him, just not sexual attraction. Having gone from friends to boyfriend/girlfriend, I can tell you now - it's not friendship. Just imagine being in love with someone, but not wanting to shag them?
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Danny Large
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I tend to value Romance and (Non-Sexual) Love above Sexuality and Lust, so for me, if I genuinely felt deeply in love with this person, it wouldn't matter to me if they were asexual. I'd be willing to make the necessaries 'sacrifices' that would accompany being in that relation ship. (Although in my opinion, if it meant I was with my soul mate for the rest of my life, I wouldn't consider never having intercourse to be a sacrifice.)
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navarre
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No, of course not. Life's too short to spend it not having regular sex with a woman I love.
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yudothis
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(Original post by EllieCeeJay)
Just imagine being in love with someone, but not wanting to shag them?
Just imagine being in love with someone, but wanting to shag them?
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Tempest II
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Not a chance.

To me, sexual intimacy is a vital part of a relationship & leads to greater feelings of romance.
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EllieCeeJay
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(Original post by yudothis)
Just imagine being in love with someone, but wanting to shag them?
Yeah, I have, on many occasions. I just posed that question to you to try and help you understand what it's like for me to be in a romantic but not sexual relationship with someone that I love.
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yudothis
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(Original post by EllieCeeJay)
Yeah, I have, on many occasions. I just posed that question to you to try and help you understand what it's like for me to be in a romantic but not sexual relationship with someone that I love.
And my point was you probably can't imagine because you have no idea what that's like. Like neither have I the other way round.
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EllieCeeJay
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(Original post by yudothis)
And my point was you probably can't imagine because you have no idea what that's like. Like neither have I the other way round.
Fairs. I did have a go though.
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