Mum doesn’t want me to have sex
I’m 16 years old and so is my boyfriend who I’ve been with for four months now. My mum spoke to me yesterday and said that even though 16 is the legal age, she doesn’t want me to have sex. She said that if she found out I was having sex then I wouldn’t be allowed round my boyfriends house. I have done sexual things with my boyfriend before but not proper sex but I think that I am ready for sex and that it’s my decision and not my mums. I’m not sure what to do as I don’t want her finding out and not allowing me round his house anymore or him round mine. Thanks for the help
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Original post by Anonymous
I’m 16 years old and so is my boyfriend who I’ve been with for four months now. My mum spoke to me yesterday and said that even though 16 is the legal age, she doesn’t want me to have sex. She said that if she found out I was having sex then I wouldn’t be allowed round my boyfriends house. I have done sexual things with my boyfriend before but not proper sex but I think that I am ready for sex and that it’s my decision and not my mums. I’m not sure what to do as I don’t want her finding out and not allowing me round his house anymore or him round mine. Thanks for the help
Damn I didn’t know your vagina was her property😑 you can do whatever you want and if she’s going to be controlling you can tell her it’s your body and your life and even the law says you can sooo
Not sure why you’re posting this on here. It’s your choice but if you disobey your mum then there’ll be consequences. Same with any actions you do in life really. And RNL is charting rubbish. By their logic it’s okay to self-harm because it’s your body
It’s your choice to have sex with him or not & it’s your mum’s choice to get angry or not. Ultimately though if you still worry about how your mum feels about something like this then it’s a sign you’re probably not yet old or mature enough to be doing it, if you were truly independent enough then you’d have had sex with him already without her permission
It’s your choice to have sex with him or not & it’s your mum’s choice to get angry or not. Ultimately though if you still worry about how your mum feels about something like this then it’s a sign you’re probably not yet old or mature enough to be doing it, if you were truly independent enough then you’d have had sex with him already without her permission
Original post by Anonymous
I’m 16 years old and so is my boyfriend who I’ve been with for four months now. My mum spoke to me yesterday and said that even though 16 is the legal age, she doesn’t want me to have sex. She said that if she found out I was having sex then I wouldn’t be allowed round my boyfriends house. I have done sexual things with my boyfriend before but not proper sex but I think that I am ready for sex and that it’s my decision and not my mums. I’m not sure what to do as I don’t want her finding out and not allowing me round his house anymore or him round mine. Thanks for the help
OK - so you need to try and put yourself in your mum's shoes and ask yourself why she is saying this to you? Is it because she just wants to cause you upset and ruin your life? I don't think so. I think it's because she loves you, wants only but the best for you, and as an adult, recognises that at age 16 you are just not ready for this sort of relationship.
16 is very young. Too young to deal with the emotional, psychological and physical effects of a sexual relationship. Legally, yes, you can do this, but that does not mean you have to, nor does it mean it is in your best interests to do so.
At age 16, I remember thinking I knew everything, my parents were just spoiling my fun, and I kept a lot of things from them. It was only when I grew older that I realised that they genuinely had my best interests at heart, and were trying to protect me from making a mistake I would be hurt by, and which, potentially, could impact on the rest of my life.
Ultimately, the decision is yours, of course. But I'd say that your mum knows you better than anyone else. How could she not? She knew you and cared for you even before you were born. If she feels you are just not ready for this, you should really take that into account. It is well-documented that the human brain does not fully develop until the person is into their early 20s. So, no matter how mature you feel, psychologically, you are just not prepared to take on something this intense. Life is long, you have plenty of time to have sex. But do so when you are ready for how it will make you feel. It does change the dynamic in a relationship, and can, for many young people, be a shift which, emotionally, they struggle with.
Whatever you choose to do, always, always, always make sure your boyfriend wears protection. Sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise, and you do not want to find yourself carrying the can for someone else's mistakes. There are free family planning clinics, and if you feel you are ready to have sex, then you should approach this in a mature and responsible way and first visit a family planning clinic. Get all the information and advice you need before going any further. Do not be pressurised into anything. Your body, your choice, and your future.
good luck.
Being an Asian, my stance on this won't really come as a surprise to anyone lmao. Your mother doesn't hate you, she doesn't want to limit you. I think she's trying to look out for you. My best advice to you is to heed her advice and just not have sex at your current age. I'm 16 as well and I'm sure you know just as well as I do that this is so not the time for problems to arise, what with GCSEs and all. Though I understand what you're saying, and if you still wish to do such things with your boyfriend, I advise that you educate yourself on the risks and how to prevent anything from going wrong (Contraception, etc etc) and then sit down with your mum and have a chat with her, try to convince her that you know what you're doing and you'll be safe, you are at the legal age of consent so as long as you assure her that you'll be safe, I think she'll understand. I would strongly advise that you don't attempt to hide it, it really won't turn out well, parents have this scary magic power of always finding out sooner or later. Hope I helped, stay safe and good luck on your exams!
Original post by Anonymous
I’m 16 years old and so is my boyfriend who I’ve been with for four months now. My mum spoke to me yesterday and said that even though 16 is the legal age, she doesn’t want me to have sex. She said that if she found out I was having sex then I wouldn’t be allowed round my boyfriends house. I have done sexual things with my boyfriend before but not proper sex but I think that I am ready for sex and that it’s my decision and not my mums. I’m not sure what to do as I don’t want her finding out and not allowing me round his house anymore or him round mine. Thanks for the help
The way I see it is you are at the legal age to have sex, one thing though make sure you both use the precautions, nothing worse than getting pregnant or catching an STD
I totally agree with what LiyoS said, he/she put it in a really nice and coherent way and there is not much I can add. I personally think people who have sex that early are idiots, sex is something that makes things complicated, and at that age you're not ready to deal with the consequences.
Original post by agrew
I totally agree with what LiyoS said, he/she put it in a really nice and coherent way and there is not much I can add. I personally think people who have sex that early are idiots, sex is something that makes things complicated, and at that age you're not ready to deal with the consequences.
Thanks for your vote of confidence Agrew! I think so much pressure is being put on young people today to have sex before they are able to deal with the consequences. It is such a big step, but if parents are just saying"no" that can be a push into doing it. I'm so glad fora like this exists where young people can get support - hopefully we can all rally round and be a voice of reason! Thanks again for your support to me and others - much appreciated!
just have it at his house and tell your mum you’re going to see a friend when you go to his? it’s really not that difficult to hide it from your parents, maybe not recommended but whatever ya know
Original post by DemocracyUK
Sleep with your mother to persuade her?
You're quite the little troll, aren't you?
on a real, hows she gonna find out
okay, the relationship is still quite new, wait until you know more about him and spend more time with each other. listen to her for now. i lost my virginity at 18, there's no rush. in my opinion, i think it's better you don't have sex until you are in a serious long term relationship. i learnt this after having sex with my boyfriend.
I also totally agree with LiyoS's sound advice.
What I would add is that your mom has, to the best of her ability, handled this the best way she can. She sees her daughter growing close to her bf and she is concerned about the potential consequences. Her mom could have sat back and kept her fingers crossed and if a 'mistake' happened go crazy at that point and kick you out etc. Instead, she sat you down and explained her concern and has asked that you respect yourself and not give in to sexual temptation at such an early age.
She treated you respectfully because, I promise you, that was a conversation she didn't want to have anymore than you did. She has set her boundaries and expectation and let you know the repercussion if you chose otherwise.
Of course, it feels like the next logical step but it doesn't have to be. If your bf cares about you as a human being he'll be fine just being your bf without sex. Yes, he would probably want to go further but will respect a 'no' decision. IF, however, he's found a girl that he thinks will be easy to get sex from he may move on if you don't have sex with him....... in which case YAY! - he wouldn't have ever been a long term prospect anyway. You know your boyfriend does he want a relationship that can build over time or is he pressuring you.
Another potential risk of having sex too early is, besides STI and, of course, pregnancy, is it is much easier to say yes the next time. IF you and your bf have sex but don't stay together then the next guy to come along you'll say 'yes' to a lot quicker. That can lead to ONS or just dating a string of guys who are happy to 'get what they can' and move on. No, not all guys are like that, I agree, but there are enough that will choose to be like that. Eventually this will challenge your self-esteem.
No one is saying 'no sex until you're married and no marriage before age 30' but, again I agree with the above poster that you should wait. Respect your mom and most importantly respect yourself! You are blessed to have a mom who loves you enough to confront the situation. .
What I would add is that your mom has, to the best of her ability, handled this the best way she can. She sees her daughter growing close to her bf and she is concerned about the potential consequences. Her mom could have sat back and kept her fingers crossed and if a 'mistake' happened go crazy at that point and kick you out etc. Instead, she sat you down and explained her concern and has asked that you respect yourself and not give in to sexual temptation at such an early age.
She treated you respectfully because, I promise you, that was a conversation she didn't want to have anymore than you did. She has set her boundaries and expectation and let you know the repercussion if you chose otherwise.
Of course, it feels like the next logical step but it doesn't have to be. If your bf cares about you as a human being he'll be fine just being your bf without sex. Yes, he would probably want to go further but will respect a 'no' decision. IF, however, he's found a girl that he thinks will be easy to get sex from he may move on if you don't have sex with him....... in which case YAY! - he wouldn't have ever been a long term prospect anyway. You know your boyfriend does he want a relationship that can build over time or is he pressuring you.
Another potential risk of having sex too early is, besides STI and, of course, pregnancy, is it is much easier to say yes the next time. IF you and your bf have sex but don't stay together then the next guy to come along you'll say 'yes' to a lot quicker. That can lead to ONS or just dating a string of guys who are happy to 'get what they can' and move on. No, not all guys are like that, I agree, but there are enough that will choose to be like that. Eventually this will challenge your self-esteem.
No one is saying 'no sex until you're married and no marriage before age 30' but, again I agree with the above poster that you should wait. Respect your mom and most importantly respect yourself! You are blessed to have a mom who loves you enough to confront the situation. .
Use this as an opportunity to learn how to give the best hand jobs you can.
When you're 18 move onto intercourse if you find a suitable person.
In this way you have 2 years in which to practise and master a skill that most women never master.
You'll be giving your boyfriend sexual relief and showing that you love him enough to do this for him.
You'll be able to be honest with your mum and she should approve of your mature approach to this, including your ability to compromise and adapt.
You'll have lower risk of contracting an STI - although I'd hope this is minimal anyway, due to boyfriend not being sexually active yet?
And zero risk of pregnancy.
When you're 18 move onto intercourse if you find a suitable person.
In this way you have 2 years in which to practise and master a skill that most women never master.
You'll be giving your boyfriend sexual relief and showing that you love him enough to do this for him.
You'll be able to be honest with your mum and she should approve of your mature approach to this, including your ability to compromise and adapt.
You'll have lower risk of contracting an STI - although I'd hope this is minimal anyway, due to boyfriend not being sexually active yet?
And zero risk of pregnancy.
Original post by LiyoS
OK - so you need to try and put yourself in your mum's shoes and ask yourself why she is saying this to you? Is it because she just wants to cause you upset and ruin your life? I don't think so. I think it's because she loves you, wants only but the best for you, and as an adult, recognises that at age 16 you are just not ready for this sort of relationship.
16 is very young. Too young to deal with the emotional, psychological and physical effects of a sexual relationship. Legally, yes, you can do this, but that does not mean you have to, nor does it mean it is in your best interests to do so.
At age 16, I remember thinking I knew everything, my parents were just spoiling my fun, and I kept a lot of things from them. It was only when I grew older that I realised that they genuinely had my best interests at heart, and were trying to protect me from making a mistake I would be hurt by, and which, potentially, could impact on the rest of my life.
Ultimately, the decision is yours, of course. But I'd say that your mum knows you better than anyone else. How could she not? She knew you and cared for you even before you were born. If she feels you are just not ready for this, you should really take that into account. It is well-documented that the human brain does not fully develop until the person is into their early 20s. So, no matter how mature you feel, psychologically, you are just not prepared to take on something this intense. Life is long, you have plenty of time to have sex. But do so when you are ready for how it will make you feel. It does change the dynamic in a relationship, and can, for many young people, be a shift which, emotionally, they struggle with.
Whatever you choose to do, always, always, always make sure your boyfriend wears protection. Sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise, and you do not want to find yourself carrying the can for someone else's mistakes. There are free family planning clinics, and if you feel you are ready to have sex, then you should approach this in a mature and responsible way and first visit a family planning clinic. Get all the information and advice you need before going any further. Do not be pressurised into anything. Your body, your choice, and your future.
good luck.
16 is very young. Too young to deal with the emotional, psychological and physical effects of a sexual relationship. Legally, yes, you can do this, but that does not mean you have to, nor does it mean it is in your best interests to do so.
At age 16, I remember thinking I knew everything, my parents were just spoiling my fun, and I kept a lot of things from them. It was only when I grew older that I realised that they genuinely had my best interests at heart, and were trying to protect me from making a mistake I would be hurt by, and which, potentially, could impact on the rest of my life.
Ultimately, the decision is yours, of course. But I'd say that your mum knows you better than anyone else. How could she not? She knew you and cared for you even before you were born. If she feels you are just not ready for this, you should really take that into account. It is well-documented that the human brain does not fully develop until the person is into their early 20s. So, no matter how mature you feel, psychologically, you are just not prepared to take on something this intense. Life is long, you have plenty of time to have sex. But do so when you are ready for how it will make you feel. It does change the dynamic in a relationship, and can, for many young people, be a shift which, emotionally, they struggle with.
Whatever you choose to do, always, always, always make sure your boyfriend wears protection. Sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise, and you do not want to find yourself carrying the can for someone else's mistakes. There are free family planning clinics, and if you feel you are ready to have sex, then you should approach this in a mature and responsible way and first visit a family planning clinic. Get all the information and advice you need before going any further. Do not be pressurised into anything. Your body, your choice, and your future.
good luck.
Ha! I was going to say something along the same lines but seeing as you put it so nicely...
OP - the ultimate decision is of course yours but I think you should try to consider your mum’s point of view. She’s looked out for you all your life and I don’t think she wants to stop now simply because your 16. Maybe try talking to her about it and see what she says (show her that you have understood her point of view, thought about the pros and cons yourself and express how you feel).
Original post by bubblegumcat
just have it at his house and tell your mum you’re going to see a friend when you go to his? it’s really not that difficult to hide it from your parents, maybe not recommended but whatever ya know
She said his parents are strict too
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